Grr. Argh.

"Could this be... Chris's blood?" - Barry, Resident Evil

*

Draco led the way, which Hermione was more than happy to let him do. Walking around blind corners where zombies may lurk was not one of her favorite activities. If he wanted to be manly and go first, he could. And if they met a zombie, it would attack him, and she'd have time to run away.

They'd both taken their robes off and left them on the stairs. Black swishy material may have been appropriate for Hogwarts, but something told Hermione that they didn't need all the extra cloth getting in the way when doing battle with undead reanimated flesh.

She walked several paces behind Draco, wand poised and ready. It wouldn't do much, of course - standard spells did nothing to zombies since they weren't technically alive - but it made her feel better to be holding it.

"Do you see anything yet?" she asked Draco's back.

"Yes," he said. "I see an empty hallway."

Hermione had the urge to cast Petricifus Totallus, but decided against it. He may have been a prat, be she wasn't going to leave him as a sacrifice to the zombie gods. Yet. Instead, she fixed a penetrating glare on the back of his blond head.

"Thanks ever so. It's reassuring to know that you're looking out for us."

"It's dark, I can't see much."

"And that's such a problem because you're not a wizard who is holding his wand." Hermione was very sorry she couldn't see the look on Draco's face, because judging from the way he held himself, it was bound it be entertaining.

"Lumos," he said. Then, "I think I see a door."

Hermione waited a beat, then said, "Well, is it a door or not? Open it!"

"I'm listening. I don't want to walk into some zombie orgy."

"We would have heard if there was a zombie in there. They're not very subtle, as you may have noticed early. They tend to favor lurching steps and "aaaagh" noises." She used her best know-it-all voice while telling him this.

"A Gryffindor would think that way. Rushing into things half-cocked is what you do best. A little caution isn't going to hurt us." He pushed the door open with the tip of his wand.

Hermione couldn't see into the crack Draco had made between the door and the wall. His head was in the way. She pushed him aside a little, and stood on her tiptoes, using his shoulder for balance. Her nose was practically in his ear.

"Get off me!" he said suddenly, and pushed her aside.

Hermione hadn't been expecting the attack, and was once again caught off balance. She crashed into the door, opening it in the process. She glared at Draco. "What was that for?"

He shrugged, noncommittally. "You were hurting my shoulder."

"Right. Because I'm so much heavier than you are. You can't..." she was cut off by a sudden, intense barking.

Draco's eyes widened. "Hermione! Behind you!"

She turned around in time to see a large, black dog flying at her. It was no kindly Padfoot, but rather something that looked very much like it wanted to eat her alive, bones and all. She reached for the door and slammed it shut just before the dog crashed into it, shaking the thin wood and the knob.

When she caught Draco's eye, he looked smug. "Quite silly of me to listen at the door, wasn't it?" he said.

"Shut up."

"Ooh, Granger, you wound me with your words."

"No, really, shut up. We have to think of a way to distract that dog so we can get in there." She started pacing the hallway.

From inside the room, the dog made another leap for the door, and it shook violently. Hermione thought she heard the wood starting to crack.

"I have a better idea," said Draco. "We run."

"That won't do! It'll just follow us. Besides, who's to say there aren't more dogs? At least we know there aren't any zombies in that room. There might even be something we can use in there." She nervously pushed her hair out of her eyes. Honestly, would that mess never learn to behave?

"All right, have it your way. I'll sing God Save the Queen to charm the pup while you go into the office."

Another quick glare shut him up, and Hermione continued pacing, while the dog again rammed the door.

"I've got it!"

"What?"

"Back up against that wall. The one opposite the door. We need to listen to the dog. Right after it makes its next attempt at the door, I'm going to open it. When I do, I want you to hit the dog with Petrificus Totallus." She beamed at him, happy to have solved the problem.

"What if we can't hear the dog? What if you're not fast enough? He might jump you."

"I'll handle it. Just do what I told you."

Draco raised his hands in front of him, and shook his head, clearly thinking Hermione out of her mind. "Don't blame me when you're mauled and bleeding. And don't expect me to heal you. I'm no good at it."

"Quiet! We need to listen for the dog!"

He brought his fingers to his lips and made a zipping motion.

This time, when the dog hit the door, Hermione was sure that she heard the wood splitting, and she swore that splinters were breaking off the door. As the dog fell to the ground with a thump, she turned to Draco, and held up three fingers.

They made eye contact. Hermione lowered each finger in succession, then nodded. She opened the door, and jumped out of the path of Draco's wand.

"Petrificus Totallus!" he cried.

Hermione couldn't see the dog from her vantage point, but the soft "thwap" told her that Draco had been successful, and the dog was felled. She turned to him and smiled.

"It worked." He sounded surprised.

"I told you it would." With that, she flounced into the room, which appeared to be some sort of an office.

Draco must have moved as soon as she did, because when Hermione turned around, he was right behind her. "Don't touch my shoulder," she cautioned. "I might shove you into something."

"I wouldn't dream of it." He walked to a desk on the far side of the office, carefully stepping around the felled dog.

Hermione scanned the rest of the room, and found it to contain two more desks, and what looked to be a safe. There were computers on the desks, and a switchboard at one. None seemed to be working, though a crackling noise was coming from the switchboard. It wouldn't have mattered much if it had been in working order - Hermione had no clue how to use one. Besides, who would they call? Hogwarts had no telephones.

As she was walking to the nearest desk, eyes glued to the sparking switchboard, Hermione's feet hit something soft. She looked down into the dead eyes of a policeman and screamed.

Draco rushed to her side. "Wha-?" then he looked down, and screamed, too.

In spite of the fact that she was standing on a dead body, Hermione laughed. Draco Malfoy certainly didn't seem like the type to scream like a girl at the sight of a little - make that a lot - of blood.

"Stuff it, Granger. Is he...?"

"Looks like it. I haven't checked his pulse, though." She toed the man cautiously, flipping his arm into view. It appeared to have been chewed on. "I certainly hope he's not alive, because it looks like he's been used as a doggie treat."

"Let's get the hell out of here."

"Not until we've looked around! There has to be a gun somewhere in this place. I'm going to get one, even if I have to take it off of this guy."

"Be my guest. I'm searching drawers." He walked back to the first desk. "Granger?" he called, after a minute, "Do you know how to shoot a gun?"

She answered honestly. "No, I don't. But when I was younger, I had cousins who loved to play video games. You know, the testosterone packed kind with the fake guns, where you shoot everything that moves?"

He looked at her blankly.

"Really, you should have taken Muggle Studies, Draco. Anyway, I've shot one of those. It can't be that much different, can it?"

Draco didn't look impressed, and Hermione didn't blame him, as she hadn't even convinced herself. She was just going to have to learn to shoot a gun, because she needed to, and Draco was going to learn, too.

"Hey! I found something! Come here, Hermione."

"Just a minute! I'm still looking for a gun." She looked on the desk, and in its drawers, ignoring Draco's repeated calls for her. Finally, she noticed something on the far corner of the desk. It was not, however, a gun.

Under a small note reading, "Convenient Plot Device" lay a small box of bullets. Next to it was a book, stained with something that looked a lot like blood. Hermione picked them both up, and went over to Draco.

He was waving a gun in the air, looking like a child who'd just discovered his Christmas stocking. "I've got a gun!"

"I've found some bullets. I don't think there's anything else in here. We'll have to look other places, if we want another gun. She thought a moment. ...Or, I could just replicate it!" With a swish of Hermione's wand, the one gun became two.

She picked one up, liking the feel of the cold metal against her hand. Draco took the other. They opened the bullets, and fumbled for a few minutes before they eventually figured out how to load the guns.

Hermione tucked the book under her arm, wanting to keep it near. She had a feeling it held information that would be of value to them at some point.

"We should try these out before we go anywhere else," she told Draco.

He nodded.

The practiced for what seemed like half an hour. When they were done, Hermione was quite positive they were the only living creatures in the building. They would have attracted the attention of anything with ears, if they weren't.

They'd riddled the wall with holes, and Hermione's arm ached, but she thought they'd gotten at least marginally better at aiming their weapons. She felt confident that she'd be able to hit a zombie, even if it took six tries.

"Are you ready?" Draco asked.

"As I'll ever be," she answered. "Let's get out of here."