Tricycle

They were at it again, Harry thought with resignation. And while Harry was glad that his godfather and his former professor were happy together--very happy, judging by where Sirius's hand seemed to be wandering--why could they go be happy together in private, or at least stop of their own accord before Harry was forced to humiliate himself further than what he already had to do?

Ah well, there seemed to be nothing for it. Harry delicately cleared his throat, and watched with the slightest tinge of amusement as Sirius and Remus sprang apart and turned to face him, but then apprehension and anticipatory embarrassment returned.

"Ah, Harry," Sirius said, running a hand through his hair, unconsciously straightening it where Remus's hands had mussed it. "We thought you were visiting Ron and Hermione today, otherwise we--"

"That's all right," Harry said before Sirius could say anything further, and Remus hid a smile. "I've got to talk to you about that anyway."

"What, Ron and Hermione?" Suddenly Sirius's face broke into a wide grin. "Don't tell me they've finally decided to get married! I was wondering what they were waiting for, they--"

"That's not it," Harry interrupted again, flushing. This was going to be harder than he'd thought, if Sirius was thinking things like that.

"Do let Harry speak, Sirius," Remus said dryly, and nodded to Harry. "Go on, Harry. What was it about Ron and Hermione that you were going to tell us?"

Easy part first, Harry decided. "I'm going to move in with them," he said quickly, and anxiously watched his godfather's face. Sirius blinked. "They've invited me and everything..."

"But...they're a couple, aren't they?" Harry winced imperceptibly, and Sirius, who was conveniently ignoring that Harry was living with he and Remus even though they were a couple, didn't notice. "And living with a couple can be a bit...difficult. Don't want to end up feeling like a third wheel or anything. And what about privacy? It's why I moved in with Remus after your parents got married..."

"That's the only reason?" Remus asked, arching an eyebrow and grinning. It looked like he'd temporarily forgotten Harry's presence, the way he was grinning at Sirius, and Harry felt like melting into the floor. Couldn't they be a euphoric couple when Harry wasn't around? He didn't blame them, not after how long they'd been apart, but....This whole discussion was a mistake.

Sirius was grinning back at him, too. "And because you give great head," he amended, and leaned closer to Remus. When the imminent snogging seemed inevitable, Harry closed his eyes and must have made some sound, because the two older men froze a few inches away from each other, looked back at Harry, and flushed.

"Privacy!" Harry squeaked. "Ron and Hermione invited me, and you two are still--" acting like honeymooners and horny dogs "--getting used to being together and free again, and I don't want to be a bother to you..." With luck, he wouldn't have to go into the other thing at all.

"Oh, Harry..." Harry cracked his eyes open again to see Sirius step away from Remus. "We'll get better about it, we promise," Sirius continued, looking repentantly at Harry. "We want you to live with us, you know." Remus nodded encouragingly, and smiled.

Not making it any easier, Sirius, Harry thought briefly. "It's not that I don't want to live with you," he began, and stopped. It's not that I don't want to live with you, he said in his mind, but, I'd rather get laid than constantly trip over my godfather and former professor getting laid. But he didn't want to say that out loud.

"There's a 'but' somewhere in there, isn't there?" Remus asked him dryly.

"We give you lots of room," Sirius said, almost sulkily. "Everything you didn't get at--when you lived with those other people." Sirius didn't like to call the Dursleys by name when he could help it. "So what's wrong?"

Harry had the strong urge for a drink right about then. Sirius would probably want a drink once he heard what Harry had to say, too. "Tell you what," Harry said. "Let's get out a couple of beers, and I'll tell you why I want to go live with Ron and Hermione."

Sirius semi-glared at him suspiciously. "What do we need beers for?" he grumbled, but he followed Harry into the kitchen, and Remus followed him. The two of them sat down at the kitchen table while Harry got three bottles of beer out of the Muggle refrigerator.

"Right," Harry said, once he'd taken a long swig of beer. "I like living with you, I really do. You're like my surrogate parents. And I'm glad you're happy together, but you know, no one wants to walk around the house and see their parents snogging and about to start shagging."

"We can cut back on that!" Sirius protested, though he'd smiled when Harry said he was like a parent. "We didn't realize it was bothering you..."

Harry shook his head. "It's your house, and you shouldn't have to 'cut back'," Harry replied. "And it's not like I won't visit you once I'm living with Ron and Hermione."

"But wouldn't the same thing be happening with Ron and Hermione as it does with us?" Remus asked, cocking his head to the side a bit. "I mean, they're a couple too, and you'd be walking in on them as much as us. More, perhaps, considering we live in a big house and they in a small flat. We don't mean to make you feel like a third wheel, Harry, truly."

Harry closed his eyes and rested the cool beer bottle against his forehead. "I know you don't," Harry said. Might as well get it over with, and hope they don't explode... "But the only way I'll be a third wheel with Ron and Hermione is...like a tricycle, or something."

Sirius and Remus blinked. "A tricycle?" Sirius repeated. "What's a tricycle got to do with anything?"

"You know what they are, right?" Harry asked, just to be sure. Wizarding children didn't seem to ride bikes, so they might not know what a tricycle was. But Remus and Sirius both nodded. Harry shrugged. "They have three wheels."

"I know they have three wheels, Harry," Sirius said, sounding a bit irritated. "But what's that got to do with you and Ron and Hermione?"

Harry closed his eyes. Yep, every bit as embarrassing as I thought. "Tricycles are meant to have three wheels. If there wasn't a third wheel, it wouldn't be what it is," Harry explained, his face turning bright red. Ooooh, Ron and Hermione owed him, for having to explain it to Sirius and Remus by himself. "That's like me and Ron and Hermione. I'm Ron and Hermione's third wheel, and Ron's Hermione's and my third wheel, and Hermione is Ron's and my third wheel. If one of us was gone, we'd be missing an essential part of what makes us what we are. A tricycle with only two wheels can't function properly."

Sirius blinked uncomprehendingly at him, making Harry want to hit his head against the table rather than explain it again, but Remus was looking at him consideringly. "Harry," Remus said slowly, "are you trying to tell us that you and Ron and Hermione are in a threesome?"

Sirius jumped and stared at him in shock, and Harry sank low in his chair. "Yeah," he mumbled, and took another swig of his beer. Alcohol. Wonderful thing. Too bad it couldn't entirely stop the embarrassment of telling one's almost-parents about one's sex life. Not that Harry thought they would disapprove--a gay couple consisting of a recently-back-from-the-dead ex-convict and a werewolf hardly had much of a base for disapproval, especially when they liked Ron and Hermione themselves--but...they were like his parents!

Sirius blinked. Remus blinked. Harry sighed. "So, yeah," Harry said. "That's why I want to move in with them. It's far easier to sleep together when we're living in the same place, you know."

"We know," Sirius said dazedly, as if still trying to understand what Harry was saying. Then his eyes focused, and Harry squirmed at the clear grey gaze pinning him to his chair. "You and Ron and Hermione," he said, and Harry nodded. Sirius rubbed his forehead. "As in, all three of you? At the same time?"

"Generally," Harry said, his blush subsiding not at all. "Sometimes one of us watches the other two, but it's never long before they join in."

Remus choked on his beer. "Too much information!" he gasped out as Sirius pounded him on the back. Once he was done coughing, he turned to Harry. "Well," he said, and stopped, as if unable to think of anything to say. Harry squirmed again.

Suddenly Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "See why you wanted the beers!" he said, taking a large gulp of his as Remus and Harry looked at him. "That was certainly unexpected!"

"You don't mind, though, do you?" Harry asked in a small voice. He didn't think they would, but if they did.... he didn't want to think about it.

"Mind?" Sirius blinked again--I should have known this conversation would involve a lot of surprised blinking, Harry thought tangentially--and quickly shook his head. "Merlin, no! We don't mind, do we, Remus?" Remus also shook his head, smiling encouragingly. "No," Sirius continued, "we don't mind. We're happy you decided to tell us. It'll just...take a bit of getting used to."

"And now that we know," Remus said, and grinned, "we understand completely why you want to move in with them."

"Yeah," Sirius said, and coughed slightly. "And I suppose we can hardly hold you back, if it's like that...but you will come and visit us often, won't you?" Grey eyes looked imploringly at him, and Harry smiled, the redness in his cheeks fading. This, at least, was easy to say.

"Of course," he replied. "You're still family, and I wouldn't dream of not visiting you often. But they're my...my somethings." Briefly, he wondered what exactly the three of them were, then decided it didn't matter. "And I want to live with them."

Sirius sighed, then smiled. "If that's the way you feel, we've got no right to try and convince you otherwise," he said. "All right then, Harry. Move in with Ron and Hermione, and with our blessing."

Harry grinned, standing up and giving the two of them quick hugs before stepping back, his cheeks a bit red again. "Thanks," he said, and cleared his throat. "If that's everything, I'll just go tell them the news, I'll be back later to get my things..." And to Sirius and Remus's grins and chuckles, he Disapparated out of the house and into Ron and Hermione's flat as quickly as he could without getting splinched.

Ron and Hermione were in their flat's living room when Harry Apparated in, sitting close together on the sofa, Hermione reading a book as Ron read the Quidditch section of the newspaper.

"How did it go?" Hermione asked, looking up and smiling as Harry plopped down on the sofa next to her. Harry closed his eyes and sighed.

"When you two break it to your parents, you're doing it without me," he said. "God! They were snogging when I came in and gave me too much information about why Sirius went to live with Remus after my parents got married and got distracted and almost started snogging again..." Hermione patted his hand sympathetically, an amused glint in her eyes.

"But you told them about us, right?" Ron asked, putting down his newspaper.

Harry nodded. "I told them I wanted to move in with you, and they only stopped protesting once I told them precisely why." He rubbed his forehead. "But they took it...remarkably well. Still bloody embarrassing, though."

"At least it's over with," Hermione said. "Though I don't know what we're going to tell my parents, or Ron's. Sirius and Remus are, at least, very...open, in regards to relationships like ours."

Ron snickered. "They'd have to be," he pointed out, echoing Harry's earlier thought, and Harry smiled inwardly. "A gay couple, one of whom's a werewolf...not much they can protest about, hey?"

Hermione sniffed, but Harry saw how she hid a smile behind her book. "Though you will be there when I tell my parents, won't you, Harry? And you, Ron?" She looked at them coaxingly, and Harry sighed. There wasn't much he could deny either of these two people.

"All right, Hermione, I'll come," Harry said, and Hermione beamed at him. "Just...don't expect me to say much, all right? It was hard enough thinking of what to say to Sirius and Remus. And I don't know what I'll say to Ron's mum...I think she was hoping I'd fall in love with Ginny, you know."

"Yeah," Ron said, sounding a bit disgusted. "She wanted you to marry Ginny and me to marry Hermione, for Bill to not be gay and marry maybe Fleur, and all that...one big happy Weasley family, is what she went on about, I think." He snorted. "We're happy enough the way we are."

Harry grinned, resting his head on Hermione's shoulder as she slipped an arm around Ron's waist. "Yeah," Harry said. "We are."