Christmas Presents

Remus sighed, closed his eyes, and laid his head back against the wall. Sirius had probably just been caught up in the moment; he probably didn't realize exactly whom he had been kissing, and even if he did, he wouldn't have understood the implications. Remus ignored the little voice inside him that was telling him that he was underestimating Sirius; he couldn't face what might happen if Sirius really meant it when he kissed Remus back. /You think too much, Moony./ 'Well,' Remus thought wryly, 'he's right enough about that. It was thinking that got me into this mess.' Remus was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't notice the telltale sounds of someone sneaking up on him.

Just then, two hands descended and grasped him by the shoulders. Remus's eyes snapped open in surprise, only to narrow when he saw nothing in front of him.

"Sirius?" Remus asked, suspicious. The air in front of him rippled as Sirius removed the Invisibility Cloak, grinning sheepishly. Sirius sat down next to Remus, who stiffened at his closeness. Aside from a barely noticeable twitch, Sirius didn't act as if he noticed Remus's reaction at all.

"Why'd you run away, Moony?" Sirius asked casually, almost flippantly; only the fact that Sirius was sitting straight up instead of his customary slouch betrayed how nervous he was about Remus's answer. 'Please don't let him regret the kiss...if there's anyone up there at all, please don't let him regret kissing me...'

"How did you find me?" Remus whispered, glancing at Sirius and then immediately looking away again.

Sirius gave a soft bark of laughter, reminiscent of Padfoot, and pulled out a ratty old blank piece of parchment. "The Map, of course! I got it and the Cloak out--remember how James left the Cloak so we could prank the Slytherins? --right after you ran out. Why did you run out, anyway?"

"...I was afraid..." Remus admitted, looking down at his hands, which were clasped so tightly in his lap that the knuckles shone white. But Sirius reached out and pushed up Remus's chin, so Remus was now looking straight into Sirius's eyes. Remus gulped and lowered his eyes, but Sirius just lifted his chin up further. He leaned in a pressed his lips against Remus's in a soft, sweet kiss. Remus closed his eyes and melted into the kiss, willing it to go on forever, wishing he could just stay there like that with Sirius the rest of his life. He just wanted to sit there, kissing Sirius, and never have to answer the questions that would invariably be posed. But Sirius dashed his hopes by pulling back all too soon; Remus whimpered as Sirius's lips left his, and opened his eyes only to meet Sirius's again. 'I can't face those eyes, I just can't...they'll find out everything I want to keep hidden...' Remus snapped his eyes shut again, and heard Sirius sigh.

"Remus. Look at me," Sirius commanded, firmly but softly, in a voice that practically promised good things if Remus did what he wanted. Against his own judgment, Remus opened his eyes, and this time kept them open. He wasn't about to go against what Sirius wanted, not when he was looking at him in that way that spread that delicious warm feeling throughout Remus's stomach and groin.

"You liked that, didn't you, Moony?" Sirius asked huskily, and Remus nodded slowly, eyes still locked with Sirius's. "Would you like me to do it again?" Under that direct blue gaze, Remus couldn't be anything but honest, so he nodded again.

This time when their lips met, Sirius opened his mouth, and Remus followed suit. Their tongues reached out, met and tangled together, stroking against each other, both boys moaning and pressing against each other desperately. They could taste each other, chocolate and oranges and more mixing together until both boys grew heady with their combined scent. After a while, Sirius pulled back, eyes bright and breathing hard. He leaned his forehead against Remus's and smiled, and Remus could feel himself hesitantly smiling back.

"What are you so afraid of, Remus?" Sirius breathed. Remus sighed and closed his eyes, trying to think of how to put it. Sirius let him have his time to think and just sat there at his side, a warm, comforting presence that somehow clarified Remus's thoughts, rather than confusing them further.

"I'm afraid of me," Remus answered finally. "What if I hurt you? And I'm afraid of you. What if you leave me?"

"I'll just address both of those fears separately, okay?" Sirius asked, and Remus nodded. "First of all, you won't hurt me. If you're afraid of Moony hurting me, turning me, well, that's what Padfoot's for. And Padfoot's perfectly happy to play with Moony. As for Remus...the only way you could ever hurt me would be to leave me."

"But...but what if I'm too--too rough, or something?" Sirius blinked, and Remus flushed. 'Stupid, Remus! As if he was thinking about--that! Not everyone has the dirty mind that you do, after all!' Another blink, and then Sirius was flushing too. He coughed a bit, and then he smiled, a bit hesitantly, but it was still a smile.

"Ah...I don't think you need to worry about that. I don't think I'd mind. In fact, I'd probably like it," Sirius mumbled, face turning a charming shade of crimson.

"You--you would?" Remus asked, and flushed deeper when Sirius's eyes locked onto his again.

"I would," Sirius stated, then cleared his throat, his blush beginning to go away. "Ah, now for your other fear..." Sirius tucked a whisp of straying brown hair back behind Remus's ear before continuing. "I'd never leave you. Never. I'd rather die than leave you."

"You say you'd rather die than leave me, but Sirius, we're young. You can always change your mind, but me...if we...then I can't go back on it, the wolf won't let me. You could change your mind and leave me, and I'll just have to deal with it." Remus didn't even notice the silent tears running down his cheeks. Sirius raised his hand and gently brushed the tears away, then let his hand rest on Remus's cheek. Remus leaned into Sirius's hand, his eyes never leaving Sirius's.

"I know what I feel, Remus. I'll never leave you, because I'll never want to. I love you, Remus. I'll stay with you as long as you want me to," Sirius said, trying desperately to get Remus to believe him. 'Please believe me, Remus. Please. I love you.'

"The wolf--" Remus began, but Sirius interrupted him.

"How does the wolf feel about me?" Sirius demanded?

"The wolf loves you," Remus replied softly.

"And what about the human? What does the human feel?" Sirius asked, eyes intent on Remus.

"...the human loves you too," Remus whispered.

"Then let me love you, Remus. Please," Sirius pleaded. Remus opened his mouth to object, then realized that he had no real objections to make; none, at least, that Sirius would accept. Or that he particularly wanted to make. What was he so afraid of, really?

Remus pulled away and stood up abruptly, then offered his hand to Sirius, who took it and scrambled up, looking at him quizzically. He opened his mouth to speak, but Remus placed a finger on his lips, smiling broadly. "Let's go back to the dorm," Remus said, tugging on the hand that Sirius still held tightly in his own. Sirius looked momentarily confused, but then his eyes brightened with joy, and he eagerly set off with Remus. The two boys made their way back to their dorm room, hands clasped together as if meaning to never let go.

"Merry Christmas, Moony," Sirius said as they walked.

"Merry Christmas, Padfoot," Remus replied. I was thinking about Christmas presents after all, Remus thought contentedly. And this is the best one I ever got.