Christmas Presents

Remus ran down the hallway, skidded around a corner, slammed open a door of the room he thought would be empty, and nearly collapsed in relief when he saw that it was, indeed, empty. He leaned back against the nearest wall and sank slowly to the floor, burying his face in his arms and taking great, shuddering breaths as he tried to bring coherency back to his thoughts. /You think too much, Moony./ Warm blue eyes, shiny black hair that looked so soft, that he could so easily run his hand through...with an audible cry he wrenched his thoughts from that oft-tread path through his mind. Thinking of him was, after all, the whole reason he was hiding in an empty classroom in the middle of the night during Christmas Break.

"Remus?"

At that softly whispered question of his name, Remus Lupin put down the book he was reading in bed, taking of his reading glasses and setting them aside before turning his attention to the dark head that was peeking through his bed curtains.

James and Peter had returned home for the break, but both Sirius and Remus stayed at Hogwarts, Remus because his family was visiting relatives in France, Sirius because he wanted to avoid his family as much as possible. 'How someone so courageous, loyal, intelligent, kind, not to mention gorgeous, came out of a family of the most stiff-necked, religiously pureblood, "holier-than-thou" bunch of--' Remus's thoughts were interrupted as Sirius delicately cleared his throat. Remus grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry Padfoot, I was just lost in thought. Get in here," Remus said, patting the space beside him on the bed. Sirius grinned happily and scrambled up to take the space next to his friend.

"What were you thinking about?" Sirius asked, stretching out beside Remus and propping his head up on one hand. Remus felt his breath quickening every so slightly as he and Sirius looked at each other, soft golden brown eyes meeting warm ocean blue. Remus looked down, unable to meet that piercing gaze another moment longer, and only then realized how close together their bodies were lying. Only a few inches separated his body from Sirius's...just then he remembered that Sirius had asked a question.

"Er...lots of things, really. Mostly about...Christmas presents. Tomorrow is Christmas, after all," Remus replied, rather proud of himself for that quick lie. Remus certainly wasn't about to tell Sirius what he was really thinking about. Sirius didn't like talking about his family, and Remus didn't want to embarrass himself by telling Sirius how Remus felt about the other boy. Sirius most certainly didn't return his feelings, and he might be disgusted if Remus told him about some of his fantasies...those were rather embarrassing, if rather pleasant...

"Christmas presents! Our Moony, thinking about something as mundane as Christmas presents? Who are you, and what have you done with my Remus?" Sirius teased gently, the corners of his lips quirking upwards, eyebrow raised in mock consternation. Then he laughed, and Remus automatically laughed with him, though he started trembling in the face of Sirius's words...'/my Remus./ He called me /his/ Remus. Merlin...wait. Breathe. He was teasing, he was /just teasing./ Sirius doesn't know what he was saying, because he was /just teasing./--' Remus's thoughts were again cut off abruptly as Sirius leaned closer, now near enough that Remus could feel the other boy's warm breath on his face. Remus breathed in deeply; 'Mmmm...strawberry and chocolate and Sirius musk...ohhhh...'

"What were you really thinking about, Moony? You're far more likely to be thinking about some obscure Defense text you want to find than something you'll find out tomorrow," Sirius said, pulling back a bit. Remus bristled.

"I do think about more than classes, you know. There are more important things than schoolwork," Remus retorted.

"Then what were you thinking about?" Sirius persisted, right up in front of Remus's face again. Remus's breathing hitched, and he could feel himself growing harder. His face flamed, and he really hoped that Sirius didn't see either in the flickering candlelight. In an attempt to keep Sirius from noticing his body's reaction, Remus went on the defensive.

"What does it matter what I was thinking about? Why did you come over here, anyway?" Remus regretted his biting tone as hurt flashed in Sirius's blue, blue eyes, but--'Thank Merlin!'--Sirius moved away, so Remus could try to get himself under control.

"I wanted to ask you something," Sirius said humbly, hanging his head, his eyes looking up at Remus through his fringe. 'Oh Merlin, not the puppy eyes! I can't resist the puppy eyes...'

"What is it?" Remus sighed, and gave a half-smile, showing Sirius that all was forgiven. Sirius's head came back up and he grinned, though it faded after a moment, replaced by a look of thoughtfulness. Sirius lay back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. He was silent, and then he hesitantly spoke.

"Moony...what do you think of love?" Sirius asked softly, glancing over at Remus, who stared at him, open-mouthed with surprise at the unexpectedness of the question. Sirius smiled gently and reached out to close Remus's mouth with a finger. Remus's mouth snapped shut, and he blinked.

"Love? Just love in general, or something specific?" Remus asked, amazed at the seriousness of the question. He certainly hadn't expected a question about love from the prankster extraordinaire.

Sirius shrugged. "Both, I guess."

Remus sighed. "I don't know. Love is a wonderful thing, of course, and I assume it's even better if it's returned, but...I don't know. I don't know if it's even a good idea for me to fall in love," he answered.

"Why not?" Sirius exclaimed indignantly. "If it's just the whole werewolf thing--"

" 'The whole werewolf thing,' as you put it, restrains me from doing so many things you take for granted," Remus interrupted. "I'm not allowed to eventually get married, have children, even adopt children, because it's too dangerous. I'm not going to be able to get certain jobs, because it's too dangerous. The Ministry restricts what I can do, and they're right! It is dangerous for me to fall in love!"

"But how is it dangerous for you to fall in love? I mean, aside from the obvious dangers; I don't think you're likely to bite someone," Sirius argued, looking straight into Remus's eyes. Remus looked away.

"Werewolves mate for life, did you know that, Sirius? If I, and the wolf, fall in love with someone and we mate, then that person and I will be irrevocably bonded. For life. Only when I die will the bond not constrain me," Remus said softly, almost detachedly. "But unless that other person is a werewolf too, they'll have nothing stopping them from someday deciding to leave me."

Remus looked resolutely up at the ceiling, and pretended not to notice when Sirius shifted closer. However, he couldn't ignore it when Sirius brought his arm up to Remus's shoulder and turned him around so they were face-to-face, Sirius's mere inches from his own. 'Those eyes...I wonder if he can see into the depths of my soul...' Remus thought reverently as he gazed into Sirius's oceanic eyes and felt his warm breath misting his face.

"You think too much, Moony," Sirius chided gently. Remus's eyes widened; Sirius often complained that he thought too much, but never had the accusation seemed so serious as it did now.

"Sirius..." Remus started, but Sirius held a finger up to his lips to silence him.

"Shh, Remus. Just listen to me for a moment, would you?" Remus nodded, and Sirius removed his finger. "You're selling yourself short, Remus. What if that other person is in love with you too? D'you think that maybe they'll stay with you because they love you and want to be with you forever? You're a wonderful person, Moony, and your love is one of the most precious gifts a person could get."

Remus could barely think. All his thoughts kept jumbling and he couldn't get them into a sort of order. Confusion dominated his normally logical mind, but behind the confusion was hope. 'Does he mean what I think he means?' So in an attempt to put his thoughts back in order, he asked, "Sirius...why did you ask me that question?"

Sirius did not ask what question he meant; he didn't need to. Both boys knew what was meant by 'that question.'

"Because I wanted to know," Sirius answered. Remus suppressed a sigh; that Sirius wanted to know was obvious, but why he wanted to know...and Sirius would be more likely to answer if he wasn't pressed, damn him. So Remus waited.

The two boys lay together in silence, though Remus knew Sirius was thinking of exactly how to answer. Finally, Sirius spoke.

"Remus, I...do you mind if I ask a different question? Maybe you'll see what I mean then." Remus nodded, and Sirius asked his question.

"...If you were in love with someone, and thought that maybe the other person loved you too, would you tell them?"

"Sirius..."

"If you really wanted that person to love you back, would you do anything to make that happen?"

"Sirius."

"But if you're afraid that the other person doesn't love you--"

"SIRIUS!"

But it seemed as if a dam had broken inside Sirius, and all his thoughts came pouring out, determined to rush through anything in their way and get where they were going. So Remus did the only thing he could think of to shut Sirius up.

He kissed him.

It shut Sirius up effectively; his eyes widened with surprise and something else--pleasure?--before he closed his eyes and pressed into Remus, who gasped into Sirius's mouth. Sirius snaked his arms around Remus's waist and pressed himself closer; Remus moaned and looped his arms around Sirius's neck. Tongues flitted out and touched, stroking each other hungrily. Remus's mind was filled with nothing but Sirius--the taste of Sirius, the feel of Sirius, the smell of Sirius--and it aroused him completely. His cock hardened, and he could feel Sirius's hardening right next to him, and it was this that knocked him out of his hedonistic stupor. He pulled back with a gasp and scooted away from Sirius, who looked back at him, confused.

"Moony...?"

But Remus didn't answer; he just stared at Sirius, eyes wide, breathing hard, lips swollen from their kiss. 'Oh Merlin, I just kissed Sirius and he kissed me back and he looks like he liked it...oh Merlin, /What have I done?!/' Remus, panicked, slid backwards off the bed, picked himself up off the floor where he fell, and took off, hitting the dormitory door at a run and bursting through, leaving a very bewildered Sirius behind.