Angelus Candidus

Chapter Four:

Harry gazed across at the clear and sparkling waters of the lake, reflecting the light of the sun in the late afternoon. His classes were over for the day and he'd left Ron and Hermione in the common room, claiming he needed some fresh air. Ron and Hermione hadn't exactly minded being left alone...

Truth of the matter was, he'd come down to think. He needed to clear his head. Harry actually had no idea how he'd managed to get through the day at all. His teachers had noticed his inattention and he'd lost ten house points throughout the day in total, but how could anyone expect him to transfigure a bookcase into a cookie when all he could think about was her?!

For perhaps the thousandth time that day, Harry smiled, his cheeks tingeing slightly red. He'd been completely baffled to find Ginny crying by his bedside last night. He'd been up late, finishing a nasty essay for Snape and had just gone to brush his teeth. And when she'd seen him at last, she'd been so surprised, as though she couldn't believe he was really standing there. He still didn't understand completely what had happened, but Harry knew enough about nightmares to figure it hadn't been pleasant.

So he'd held her and told her it would be all right and that he wasn't going anywhere. Just like he'd always wanted someone to do for him... And then she'd kissed him...

He'd been completely caught of guard at the sudden flurry of emotions and the lightening that had seemed to course all the way from his scar to his toes. He'd never, in all of his life, felt anything like the rush he'd felt just then and at that moment, he felt he could have sprouted wings and flown away...

The kiss had actually only lasted a second before Ginny pulled away giving a horrified gasp and turning to run from the room, but Harry's trained quidditch reflexes (though somewhat slowed after the last second) made him faster than her and he caught her hand before she could go.

"Don't," he'd whispered. "Please don't run away." His eyes had pleaded, desperate to feel the way she'd made him feel a moment ago once again.

Ginny had turned back, her tear-streaked face blushing pink in embarrassment. "I'm sorry I did that, really. Please don't be mad. Just let me go and we can forget this ever happened." More silent tears slipped down her cheeks and she looked away, her hand still grasped tightly in Harry's.

If letting go would make them forget, then Harry never intended to.

He'd pulled her gently closer and waited until she looked up at him. "I don't know what happened, or why you came up here, but I-" he paused, furrowing his brow nervously, "I don't- what I mean is..." he blew out an irritated breath, unable to phrase what he wanted to say. He finally sighed in defeat and spoke as plainly as he could manage. "I don't want to forget it happened." Ginny's eyes widened and Harry felt he better continue. "Would you- could- could I kiss you again?" he finished in whisper, blushing madly. Ginny only nodded, her eyes clearly expressing disbelief and Harry had leaned down and kissed her gently once more, reveling in her soft lips and the way she'd brought her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, as though-

As though she wanted him.

The Giant Squid lazily propelled itself across the lake and Harry randomly picked at patches of grass. Ginny had gone back to bed, first promising Harry that she'd talk to him tomorrow. Well, it was tomorrow and Harry still hadn't seen her all day. Not even a glimpse at meals. Waiting to see her again was driving him to distraction.

He'd just decided to go look for her in the common room when a voice made him start in surprise.

"Excuse me, sir, but could you pass me my hat, please?"

Harry turned around quickly to find Ginny looking down at him, smiling and pointing to Harry's left. He turned and saw her hat, sitting neatly beside him. Chuckling, he picked it up and handed it to her as she sat down next to him. "At least this time you asked nicely instead of crashing into me..." Ginny laughed lightly and Harry almost sighed in contentment.

"Sorry about that," she said, "but I was so sure someone had called me from behind..."

Silence settled over the two, and Harry found he was quite content just to have Ginny sitting near him. It was funny how one moment could change the way you perceived people. He'd never known Ginny had nightmares, but now that he thought about it, it didn't seem very unlikely. She certainly had a reason to have nightmares...

"Ginny, what was it you dreamt last night?" Harry asked suddenly and immediately regretted it. He shouldn't pry; nightmares were hard enough without reliving them.

However, while Ginny seemed surprised at the question, she didn't seem offended at all. "The Chamber of Secrets," she answered quietly and waited for Harry's reaction. When he didn't say anything, she continued. "It's not the first time, and I don't have any false hopes about it being the last. Last night was the worst one I've ever had. Every time I dream about that night, or about that diary, the nightmare is usually focused on just one or two of my fears but last night it hit me with all of them."

Ginny looked up at Harry apprehensively. "Can I tell you something I've never told anyone else before?" Harry nodded and Ginny took a deep breath. "Sometimes, I feel as though I'll never be rid of him, Tom Riddle." She spat out the name with venom, but her features slowly subsided from anger and she looked afraid and worried once again. "It's like he's part of me. Like he's burned into me and no matter how much I scrub I can't get him off. In my dream, he was there, and he just kept laughing at me and I couldn't get away. Everything I had was going into keeping him there and then he said you were dead..." Ginny swiped furiously at her eyes. "He even showed me how it had happened, with the basilisk and everything and it was just so real that when I woke up I really believed it."

Harry shook his head in disbelief. How Ginny, of all people could ever believe herself tainted was beyond him. "But I'm not dead," he said softly, "and Tom Riddle could never be a part of you. You're too good."

"Harry, you could have died that night and it would have been my fault. Do you have any idea how much that horrifies me? All because of one stupid little girl's need for a diary. I just, I don't know... Ron and I were always so close and when he came back from Hogwarts, he barely even noticed me anymore. And when that little black book showed up, I thought it heaven-sent." Ginny laughed bitterly. "All those terrible things that happened in my first year were my fault. It's taken me a long time but I almost forgive myself for it. I wish I knew that everybody else did."

Ginny was silent and Harry had to work hard to keep his mouth from falling open. Was that what she thought? That the Chamber of Secrets was her fault? She'd had nothing to do with it whatsoever, her only fault being that she was a Weasley and therefore subject to the Malfoy's twisted games. And Harry found it very hard to look at being a Weasley as a fault.

"Ginny," Harry said, shaking his head. "How could you believe something like that? You can't blame yourself for what happened. It's Riddle's fault, and the Malfoys'. You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. If it hadn't been you, then it would've been someone else, and if that had been the case, I doubt Ron and I would have been so anxious to get down there to stop whoever was responsible. Riddle would be free by now and Hogwarts would be closed and the world would be much worse off than it is..." Harry trailed off and thought about what he'd just said.

You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time... It's Riddle's fault... If it hadn't been you then it would have been someone else...

Harry shook his head. "If anyone should blame themselves, it's me. If it wasn't for me, everything would be different..." However, Harry found that he wasn't quite sure he believed this anymore. He'd held fast to his pain and grief. In a way, it had been his only comfort. Now, he hated feeling the repercussions of the previous year and hated himself even more for nursing his guilt. Yet he couldn't let go. Something kept nagging at him. Something poisonous that wanted him to shrivel up and die slowly, starting on the inside. He'd never been able to find something to stop it and it had slowly been eating him away.

But Ginny...

Harry looked at her intently. She'd been through something similar; she suffered nightmares, like him, she felt at fault, like himself... Yet when he looked at Ginny's problem, he could see clearly that it wasn't her problem at all and that she was wrong to make herself feel so.

"Harry," Ginny spoke suddenly, as though coming to this realization on her own, "I think, maybe, we've been too hard on ourselves. I don't know about me, but trust me when I tell you that there was nothing you could have done to save Cedric last year. You did more for him than anyone else would have, I imagine. It's probably hard for you to see, but I think-" Ginny shook her head, "I know that you will. Maybe when it finally sinks in for you, it will for me as well..."

Harry sighed. He had a feeling she was right. He couldn't quite accept it just yet, but somehow, he knew the poison defeated. Now he just had to wait until the after-affect wore off.

At least Ginny would be there to keep him company.

~*~

So. It was finished. Cedric ran a hand through his hair. In a way, he was going to miss this cry. He was glad everything had turned out all right.

Well, almost.

Restlessly, Cedric flew downwards, leaving the warmth of the heavens behind. The chill hit him as he neared his destination, but he barely noticed it. All he felt was a tug, pulling him towards the place he had just left and a sense of urgency. A cry. And as Cedric felt the emotions of his charge settle in his chest, his eyes widened, knowing it was too late to turn back. He'd already accepted.

He reached the castle wall and flew through it, to the room he knew to be beyond.

Cedric landed gracefully a few feet away from his new charge, and a dull throb in his head echoed the sobs that reached his ears.

He'd heard Cho crying before, but he'd never felt it.

~*~

"Lily, do you think, maybe just this once?"

"James, I really don't know. I want to as much as you do."

"You know there are special circumstances for this type of thing. I don't know if Cedric will be able to-"

"Yes... You're right. Harry is one thing, but Cho..."

"So, you'll allow it?"

"I feel obligated to do so. That's the problem. Am I doing this only out of gratefulness or because they both truly need it?

"Lily, look at them. They never even got a chance to say good-bye. What if we hadn't-

"Please, James. I can't even attempt to imagine..."

"Then you'll do it?"

"Yes."

~*~

Cedric felt a sudden sharp pain in his back in addition to feeling both lighter and heavier at the same time. Turning to see what had happened, he was surprised to find his wings gone. But the implications of this hit him full force a moment later and he looked abruptly to Cho's sobbing figure. He knew what was happening, he knew what a rare gift this was and he was suddenly terrified. He knew he was going to have to leave all over again.

Standing, he walked slowly and carefully over to the side of Cho's bed and sat down, reaching out a hesitant a hand and soothing it over her back, a hand that didn't pass through her but felt her solid beneath its' touch. He'd forgotten how she felt... He closed his eyes to stop his tears from falling. He needed to be strong if he was going to have any chance at helping Cho get through this. Her voice suddenly broke through his thoughts.

"Go away, Milly, I asked you to leave me alone."

Cedric shook his head, smiling. Instead of answering her, he removed his hand from her back and ran it down her arm, finally taking her hand in his own.

Cho completely stiffened at his touch and Cedric waited. Slowly, she turned around. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, her face was streaked with tears, old and new. But when she saw him, he didn't get the reaction he'd expected.

Cho looked horrified. She abruptly wrenched her hand from his grasp and pushed herself back against the wall, hugging her knees. "Stop it!" she almost screamed. "Just leave me alone. You're not- you're not..." She buried her face as new sobs racked her body. "You're not him!" Cedric managed to discern from amidst the muffled wails.

Cedric's heart wrenched as he realized she must have seen previous apparitions, phantasms as she believed him now to be.

"Cho, don't, please stop crying," he said softly, leaning closer to her and lifting her chin so that she was looking at him. She was silent as he ran a thumb across her cheek, wiping away stray tears.

"I'm sorry I startled you so badly. Believe me that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I- Cho, I'm real. Not just some figment of your imagination, I promise you that."

Cho shook her head helplessly. "I don't believe you." Her voice cracked under her apparent emotional strain. "They all said the same thing. Prove it."

Cedric furrowed his brow, trying to think of a way to show her he was real. A memory the two of them had shared wouldn't do the trick. A creation of her mind would know it as well. What wouldn't one of them say?

Sorrow settled on Cedric's heart as he realized- "I'm not staying. I haven't come back to life and I don't know for certain that everything's going to be ok." He hated to tell her something so cruel that he knew went against almost every wish she'd made in connection to him, but it was the complete truth, something he was sure Cho's apparitions would never say.

But Cho seemed too stunned to speak. She lifted a hand to her mouth and her eyes were wide in shock.

Cedric pulled her gently away from the wall, into his arms. "I'm real," he whispered, breathing in the scent of her hair. He pushed a stray strand behind her ear. "If you still need more proof, then the only thing I can give you is this." He leaned forward and kissed her softly. She tasted salty from her tears, but Cedric couldn't care less as her lips slowly parted, deepening the kiss and for a moment, he lost all rational thought.

But a moment later, he pulled away. Cedric wished he could kiss her until the sun fell from the sky, but he needed to talk to her. He only had so much time.

"It was you."

Cedric looked at Cho quizzically. Her eyes were unfocused, a look of sheer joy on her face. She brought her gaze to rest on Cedric and she smiled. "A week ago- I was sure you'd been there, though I didn't know how. You left a feather..." Cho's eyes widened, though this time in wonder.

"You're an angel?"

Cedric locked his gaze with hers. "Yes."

A few moments passed, but then Cho nodded. "Good."

"Do you know why I'm here?" Cedric asked her and she shook her head. "You called me. I can hear you crying and you know I never could stand to hear you cry..." Cho nodded, blushing slightly. "But the main reason is that we never really got to say goodbye. You need to let go, Cho. You have to keep on living, because that's what you're here for. This is still your time. Don't waste it, trust me. Living in the past isn't going to bring me back."

There was a moment of silence and then- "Say goodbye."

Cho's lip trembled as she looked up at Cedric. He was still holding her in his arms. "I- I can't. I don't want to."

Cedric sighed. "We've been given a gift. We both get to see each other again. But it's just for this one purpose. I told you before that I don't know for certain that everything's going to be ok. What I can promise you is that things will never have a chance to get better if you don't do this. You can say it. I won't hold it against you if you find happiness. I'm just fine. You don't have to worry about me anymore. Let me go."

Cho's tears had subsided and she looked almost peaceful. "You're- you promise you're happy?" Cedric nodded. "I- but- what will I do?"

She was so lost when the answer was so simple.

"Live."

Cho let out a breath she seemed to have been holding. "That easy, huh?"

"No. Nothing's easy. But I know you, Cho Chang. You'll make the best of it."

Several more moments passed and at last Cho nodded. "I think I can do that."

Cedric smiled and leaned down to kiss her once again and when he pulled away, he leaned back down on her pillows and she rested her head on his chest. She was tired, he could tell and she began to slowly nod off. Several minutes had passed when she suddenly grinned.

"How's the flying up there?"

Cedric chuckled. "Heavenly."

He felt a warning twitch in-between his shoulder blades and knew it was time to go. He rolled over so that Cho was no longer on top of him and slid off the bed.

"Will you wait for me?" She already sounded half asleep.

"Forever, if I have to." He gave her one last kiss on her forehead.

As he straightened, he felt the weight of his wings once again and prepared to leave, this time for good. But before he disappeared, he heard one last whisper.

"I'll remember this..." And Cho finally fell asleep.

Cedric tried to hold back the tears that threatened to escape. "No. You won't. But don't worry..." Somehow he managed to smile.

"Everything will be different in the morning."