First Friend

Chapter 1: Remus Lupin.

Remus Lupin used every ounce of strength he had left in him to drag himself up the steps to Number 12 Grimmauld Place; Sirius's house. He knocked the door softly, realising that never again would he be greeted by Sirius's face. Never again would he see either his welcoming grin or his angry scowl. He almost smiled to himself as he remembered how he would always wait with baited breath to see what mood Sirius was in when he greeted him. He wished his last few months had been happier, wished that Sirius had not been forced to spend his last days in the house that he hated so much.

If only he had listened when Remus told him not to go with them last night.

If only he had fought harder to clear Sirius's name when he had escaped from Azkaban.

If only he had killed Peter when he had the chance so Sirius would have been freed.

If only he had taken his Wolfsbane potion that night.

If only he had realised in the beginning that Sirius could never have been capable of hurting Lily and James.

If only...

The door opened and the anxious face of Arthur Weasley interrupted Remus's thoughts.

"What's going on?" he asked as he ushered Remus inside. "We came as soon as we heard. Where is everybody?"

Remus wanted more than anything to go upstairs and sleep, but he knew he would have to tell them. They would need to know what had happened.

Mrs. Weasley was in the hall, her terrified eyes staring at him with desperation.

"Ron and Ginny are fine," he said quickly, eager to put her worst fears to rest. "Harry's alright too."

"Oh thank heavens," said Molly, leaning back against the wall with relief.

"Come downstairs and tell us what happened," said Arthur, leading the way to the kitchen downstairs.

As Remus sat down at the table, Molly whipped up some tea and sandwiches apparently from nowhere. She sat them down in front of Remus and he thanked her though he knew he couldn't eat. He took a deep breath before launching into his story.

"Last night, Voldemort managed to lure Harry to the Department of Mysteries by convincing him that Sirius was being held there. Of course, Harry went straight there, along with Ron, Ginny, Hermione and a couple of others. When they got there they were cornered by death eaters."

He paused as Molly gasped with shock.

"What on earth were they thinking of, running off like that?" she screeched. Arthur silenced her with a stern look.

"I don't know exactly how it happened, but they tried to find out if it was true before they went, and the only person they could get hold of was Kreacher. He told them that Voldemort had got Sirius and they believed him," Remus's spoke in a calm voice that didn't sound like his own. He felt utterly detached from his surroundings as he spoke, his mind watching Sirius fall into the veil over and over again, hearing Harry's screams as he watched Sirius die.

"Apparently, Umbridge caught them in the act and tried to persuade Snape to force Harry to tell her what was going on," he went on. "Snape realised what had happened and alerted us, but when he went back to find Harry, they had all disappeared into the forest with Umbridge and he couldn't find them. By the time we all got to the Ministry, they'd managed to keep the Death Eaters at bay but they were in trouble." Remus took a deep breath before continuing.

"Ginny's broken her ankle, but she's fine. Ron got into a bit of trouble as well but they're both in the infirmary at Hogwarts and they'll be alright in a couple of days. Hermione got the worst hit. She's still unconscious at the moment."

"Well thank goodness no one was more seriously hurt," said Arthur gravely. "They could all have been killed."

Remus nodded, tears burning his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to tell them, couldn't get the words out.

"Where's everyone else?" asked Molly.

"Kingsley and Tonks are at the Ministry filing reports," Remus went on, swallowing the lump in his throat. "Fudge caught Voldemort in the act so he wants full details off everyone before he releases a statement. Dumbledore's with him and he's going straight off to Hogwarts when he's finished to talk to Harry."

"What about Sirius?" asked Arthur. "Surely he didn't go with you?"

Remus opened his mouth to speak but no words would come out. He looked up at Arthur, tears brimming in the corners of his eyes.

"Remus, what happened to Sirius?" asked Molly urgently, sitting down at the table in front of Remus.

"He's... Sirius didn't... he..." he broke off, he couldn't say it. Don't make me say it out loud, he thought.

"Oh no," Molly whispered, dropping her head into her hands. "Not Sirius."

Remus nodded dully.

"How?" asked Arthur, his face numb with shock as he sat down next to Remus.

"Bellatrix," muttered Remus.

They sat in stunned silence for a while before Molly spoke.

"Poor Harry," she said, her voice breaking with emotion. "This will kill him."

"He went after her," said Remus. "I couldn't stop him. I don't know what happened but he didn't get hurt."

Molly stood up.

"We should go to Hogwarts, Arthur. We should be with the children."

"Dumbledore wants you to stay here," said Remus quickly. "He'll be over later to see you, but he doesn't want you to go up there."

"Well if he thinks I'm going to stay away at a time like this -"

"Dumbledore will have his reasons," Arthur said gently, and stood up to put his arm around his wife, firmly guiding her back to her chair.

"I wish I hadn't been so hard on him," said Molly, a tear running down her cheek. "Merlin knows I didn't make things easy for him. We didn't always see eye to eye, but he was a good man."

"He knew your heart was in the right place, Molly," said Remus gently. He wasn't sure if it was true, but it wouldn't do any good to admit it.

"I'm sorry, Remus," Arthur said after a moment. "I know how close you two were."

None of them had any idea, thought Remus bitterly. Sirius was his best friend and now he was dead. They couldn't possibly know how he felt. Tears spilled down on to his cheeks and he brushed them away angrily. He didn't want to cry. Not here, not now.

"I'm alright," he said bleakly. "It's Harry I'm worried about."

"Stay here tonight, Remus," said Molly gently. "You shouldn't be on your own."

"I... I can't," he stuttered. "I can't stay here. There's too many... it's just too much."

Molly stood up again and walked around the table to sit next to him. She reached over and put her arm around his shoulders.

"Oh Remus," she said, pulling him towards her. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't, Molly, please..." he begged, desperate to hold back the tears.

"It's alright, Remus," she said soothingly. "Let it out, it's alright."

Her affection was more than he could bear. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he allowed her to envelop him in an embrace.

"Why him? Why did it have to be him?" he said, choking through his tears. "He could have been freed. They'll listen now they know Voldemort's back. Why did it have to happen now?"

"At least you found out the truth before he died," said Arthur quietly. "It meant more to him than anything that you believed in him."

Remus stood up angrily, pulling away from Molly.

"I should never have doubted him in the first place!" he shouted. He paced the floor, hardly able to bear the pain inside him. "How could I ever have believed that he would betray James?"

"You can't blame yourself, Remus," said Arthur. "We all believed it. We had no other choice."

"I was his best friend. I should have known better. I let him down. I was too wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself to see what was going on."

"Remus, he wouldn't want -" a sudden shrieking upstairs made Arthur stop mid-sentence. Sirius's mother had been awoken by something and she was bellowing across the hallway.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" she yelled. "STOP PUSHING ME! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" She carried on with her usual barrage of insults as Arthur, Molly and Remus looked towards the door in confusion.

One by one, the portraits in the hall all shouted out.

"What's going on?"

"Get out of the way!"

"What do you think you're doing?"

The source of the mayhem quickly became evident as Phineas Nigelllus burst into a frame in the kitchen.

"Is it true?" he asked urgently. "Is my last descendent really dead?"

"Yes, it's true," said Arthur. "He was killed by Death Eaters."

"Well I never," muttered Phineas thoughtfully. "Who would have thought it? The Black line has finally ended. Well I never."

Remus suppressed the urge to scream at the portrait.

"Is Dumbledore back at Hogwarts yet?" he asked as calmly as he could manage.

"Yes, he has just arrived back," Phineas replied, still shaking his head. "I can't quite believe it."

"Is Harry with him?" asked Remus.

"Yes, and a fine mood he's in too," replied Phineas coolly. "If you ask me he should not be allowed to talk to the Headmaster in such a manner. In my day he would have received a swift kick to the -"

"That's enough, Phineas," said Arthur firmly, catching the anger rising in Remus's face.

"This is a sad, sad day," Phineas said as he walked out of the portrait, shaking his head in disbelief. "A sad, sad day."

Sirius's mother continued to scream at the top of the stairs and Arthur moved towards the door to silence her.

"Let me," said Remus, pushing past Arthur and making his way upstairs. When he reached the landing he stared at her for a moment, ranting and raving as usual. Would she even care that he was gone?

"Your son is dead," he said calmly, staring up at her.

"WHAT?" she screamed. "MY SON DIED AN HONORABLE DEATH. HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME ABOUT MY SON, WEREWOLF. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE!"

Something inside Remus snapped.

"SIRIUS IS DEAD!" he yelled at her at the top of his voice. "Not Regulus, Sirius. Your son is dead."

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?" she screeched, looking taken aback for a moment.

"I'm saying that your good-for-nothing son has been killed. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?" he shouted. She stared at him, her eyes round with shock. "That's right," he continued calmly. "Your last blood relative is dead. Do you know what that means? This is no longer the House of Black and you are no longer welcome here. You made his life a misery and I will see to it personally that every last piece of this house is torn apart and burned. Including you," he hissed and pulled the curtains closed on her horror-stricken face.

He smiled to himself for a moment. That was for you, Padfoot, he thought as he made his way back down to the kitchen.

"That should shut her up for a bit," he said to a stunned Molly and Arthur.

"We should get to bed," said Arthur. "It'll be morning soon and we all need to get some sleep before Dumbledore arrives."

"You two go ahead," said Remus. "I'm going to stay here for a little while and have a drink in honour of my old friend."

"Will you be alright?" asked Molly.

"I will be," said Remus, forcing a smile. The truth was, he didn't know if he would ever feel alright again. He had lost his last best friend, his first real friend in the world and he didn't know if he would ever get over it. But he knew he had to be strong. There was one thing that he was sure of and that was that he had to be strong for Harry. The one thing that James and Sirius wanted more than anything was to keep Harry safe. They had both given their lives to protect him and he suddenly knew without question he would do the same thing. He was Harry's last link to his family and he knew his responsibility. He would fight to keep Harry safe and happy if it killed him.

Chapter 2: Severus Snape

Severus Snape paced the floor of his office nervously. He had no idea what was going on. He had left Delores Umbridge in the hospital wing a couple of hours before and had not managed to contact anyone from the Order since. Grimmauld place had appeared to be empty except for Kreacher, and he hadn't managed to get much sense out of him. Dumbledore had been in touch a little while ago to tell him that everything was under control, Harry was in his office and Snape was to stay where he was until he was sent for.

He was seething with anger. Why did Potter have to take everything into his own hands? He couldn't wait. Couldn't leave it to him to sort out. If he had just stayed where he was for a little while longer the whole mess could have been dealt with by the Order without any fuss, but no. He had to go storming off like the hero he thought he was and cause more trouble. Snape didn't know what had happened, but he assumed Potter and his little followers had gone to the Ministry. It was obviously a trap and if Potter had an ounce of sense he would have realised that.

Snape felt a pang of guilt when he realised that if he had persisted with Potter's Occlumency lessons then Potter might have been in a better position to guard himself against such a trap, but he shook the thought angrily out of his mind. It had been pointless anyway. Potter had proven that he was incapable of exerting any control over his mind. He was exactly like his father. Act first; think later. Snape kicked his desk angrily. Would the Potter's continue to torment him for the rest of his days?

There was a knock at his door.

"Enter," he said sharply.

Madam Pomfrey stepped through his door.

"The headmaster wants to see you in his office immediately," she said sharply and left the room.

Snape walked to Dumbledore's office as quickly as he could, pausing only to mutter the password to the Gargoyle that guarded the entrance.

As he entered, Dumbledore was standing with his back to them, looking out of the window. He made no move to suggest that he was aware of his presence.

Snape stood impatiently, waiting for Dumbledore to turn round, but when he could stand it no longer, he spoke.

"Professor, you wanted to see me?" he asked quietly.

Dumbledore jumped slightly and turned around. His face was pale and drawn. The early morning light shone onto his silvery hair and in the cold morning sun, Snape was shocked to see how old and frail he looked. He seemed broken somehow. Snape was burning to know what was happening, but something in Dumbledore's eyes silenced the questions in his mind.

"I do apologise," Dumbledore said softly. "I was quite lost in my thoughts for a moment. Please, sit down." He indicated to the chair sitting in front of his desk, and Snape sat quickly, staring anxiously up at him.

Dumbledore paused for a moment before speaking, pacing up and down in front of them.

"As you suspected, Severus, Harry did attempt to rescue Sirius himself, along with Ron and Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom."

Snape groaned. Perhaps Granger might have been some help, but in his opinion Potter could not have picked a more worthless group of companions to assist him. It was typical of him to choose his friends so carelessly. Just like his father. Dumbledore went on.

"When I arrived, members of the Order were fighting the death eaters and I was able to assist in their capture. The prophecy was unfortunately destroyed in the process, but neither Voldemort nor any of his followers heard it."

"Voldemort was there?" he asked, his voice thick with astonishment.

"Indeed he was," said Dumbledore, nodding gravely. "He unsuccessfully attempted to kill both Harry and myself. We were not able to capture him, but he did us a great service by appearing tonight. Cornelius and several members of the ministry witnessed his return themselves, and as a result have pledged their support."

Snape was shocked. His former ally had not made mistakes like this before. Perhaps some good would come out of Potter's foolhardiness after all.

"Was anyone hurt?" asked Snape indifferently. Dumbledore paused for a moment, a flicker of sadness passing across his eyes. Snape instinctively knew that something was wrong.

"The children are fine." Dumbledore said hesitantly. "Some are injured, but they are all on their way to recovery. Tonks has been badly injured but I am told she will survive. Harry is alright... physically." He paused again, turning to look out of the window. A few of the portraits shifted nervously in their frames.

"Sirius Black was killed by Bellatrix Lestrange."

Snape's breath caught in his throat. Black was dead? He felt an ice-cold wave pass over his body.

"Harry is understandably considerably distraught. He will not recover from this quickly and will need our support." Dumbledore shot a warning look at Snape.

Snape stared at the fire, his body numb with shock. He should feel something now; pleasure perhaps or satisfaction that Black was finally dead. He had wished it often enough, but now the time had come, he found that he felt nothing.

"Severus?" said Dumbledore softly. "Are you alright?"

Snape shook himself inwardly and looked back to Dumbledore, his face rigid with determination.

"I'm fine, Professor," he said firmly. "I am merely relieved that there was no more damage done by Potter's rashness."

Dumbledore ignored the remark and looked down at Snape, his kind eyes filled with compassion.

"I understand that you had your differences with Sirius," he said gently, "but his death must come as a shock to you nevertheless."

Snape said nothing, staring back into the fire with stony silence. Dumbledore pressed on.

"It is quite normal to feel some amount of confusion over your feelings when an enemy is killed, Severus." Dumbledore moved closer to Severus, looming over him with benevolent authority.

Snape ran a hand through his greasy hair. He did not want to discuss this, but he had been victim to Dumbledore's knack of making people face up to things before.

"I'm fine," he hissed through gritted teeth. "Really, Albus, you don't need to concern yourself with my feelings. I'm quite sure you have enough on your hands listening to Potter whining about what a hard life he has."

Dumbledore smiled, his eyes regaining their customary twinkle for the first time since Snape had entered his office.

"You will not succeed in diverting my attention by insulting Mr. Potter, Severus," he said lightly. "You should know me better than that by now."

Snape stood up angrily.

"Am I supposed to be upset that Black is dead?" he spat. "Am I supposed to mourn the loss of a great hero like everyone else who is blinded by him? He and his friends made my life a misery as a child and he did everything he could to humiliate me as an adult. Should I really be sorry that he finally got what he deserved?" He turned around and walked towards the door. He had heard quite enough for one night.

"You are quite right, Severus," said Dumbledore thoughtfully. "It would be quite understandable if you felt relieved, even pleased that he has been killed. So perhaps you would like to explain to me why you so obviously do not?"

Snape stopped in his tracks. He should feel elated to hear that Black was dead, but Dumbledore was right, as usual. He didn't. But what did he feel? Long forgotten emotions suddenly threatened to engulf him. Hatred, guilt, grief, anger... Why?

"Sit down Severus," said Dumbledore firmly, and Snape complied despite himself. "Perhaps it would help to know how he was killed."

Snape stared at the floor, battling to keep his feelings in check.

"Against my advice, Sirius went with the others to the Department of Mysteries when he heard that Harry had gone after him. He fought bravely alongside the others and saved Harry's life, I understand. Upon my arrival, he was locked in battle with his cousin, Bellatrix and when she eventually managed to curse him, he fell backwards through the veil of death and was gone. There was nothing any of us could have done to save him."

Snape frowned, his cold eyes looking up at Dumbledore with all the disdain he could muster.

"If you are trying to convince me that he was a hero, you will not succeed. He should never have gone there in the first place, but that was just like him, wasn't it?" he sneered. "Just like a Gryffindor to dive in feet first without considering the consequences. He had been told time and time again not to leave the house but he just had to play the hero, didn't he?"

"And you yourself played a part in making it difficult for him to obey that order, Severus" said Dumbledore firmly. "You knew what kind of man he was and you used this to compound his feelings of inadequacy. You never missed an opportunity to taunt him about his inability to work for the order."

Snape flushed angrily, rising to his feet to face Dumbledore.

"So it's my fault is it?" he spluttered. "It's my fault he's dead because I goaded him into leaving the house?"

"Not at all, Severus," said Dumbledore, his voice calmer still. "I simply want you to understand that you were not the only one who was hurt by this feud. Sirius was not blameless, but neither were you. Perhaps if you understand that he was just a man with all he failings of one, just as you are, then you may be able to forgive him and move on."

Snape slumped down into his chair.

"I will not mourn his death." He whispered almost inaudibly. "I will not give him the satisfaction of making me uncomfortable even in death."

"Suppressing your feelings will not help anyone, least of all you. It's time to let this resentment go, Severus. We have a long fight ahead of us and you need to be strong. If you don't let this out now, it will be buried forever but it will not die."

Snape buried his head in his hands. He could not let himself feel sorrow. He couldn't let Black get the better of him again.

"I know you are a compassionate man, much as you like us all to think otherwise." Dumbledore knelt down in front of Snape. "James and Sirius were cruel to you, but they were children. I know you understand that it is unfair of you to punish Harry for their mistakes, because you have fought bravely for him despite your resentment. You are not the weak child you once were, Severus, and you can overcome this."

Snape looked into Dumbledore's eyes, his own threatening to betray him with tears.

"We were friends when we were children, Albus. Did you know that?" he whispered. "We would play together while our parents dined."

"I know," said Dumbledore kindly. "And I believe that part of the reason that Sirius treated you so unkindly was that he needed to rebel against everything his parents stood for, and that included you. His childhood was as tormented as yours was, Severus. Punishing you and what you believed in was simply his way of punishing his parents."

"Much as I hated him, I always believed that one day we would make our peace. I never forgot the times we spent together as boys, but he couldn't forgive me for the choices I made. And now it's too late, and I don't think I can ever forgive him." Snape stood and walked over to the window, watching the trees move in the wind.

"It's never too late," said Dumbledore, "and as long as you remain open to the possibility, you will forgive him when you are ready." He stood behind Snape and put a supportive hand on his shoulder. "I think it's time you got some sleep. There will be much to do and I need you to go to Grimmauld Place this afternoon."

"Of course," said Snape, grateful for an excuse to leave.

As he returned to his office, his head swam with memories of Sirius. He hadn't thought of their time together as children for some time, but now he found he couldn't get it out of his head. He disliked such sentimentally, but still he couldn't stop thinking about it. He remembered Sirius grinning mischievously as he dared Snape to touch the heads of the house elves in his mother's house. He remembered Sirius promising that they would stick together when they got to Hogwarts. He scoffed. How that had changed the moment they had been through the sorting ceremony. They had become almost instant enemies because of their houses. Perhaps the sorting hat had been right. Perhaps the divide between houses would be their downfall.

He could not forgive Sirius Black, couldn't mourn his death, but he could mourn the loss of the little boy he had played with. That Sirius Black had gone long ago, and Snape realised that he had never allowed himself to grieve the loss of their friendship; instead he had compressed it into a ball of anger and bitterness.

His exhaustion hit him suddenly as he climbed onto his bed and he fell asleep quickly, dreaming of the face of a small dark haired boy who had been his first friend.