Inevitable Lovers

Chapter 15:

Dinner that night was a rather miserable affair for Hermione, despite the fact the most of the Gryffindor table were still in post-new year high spirits. The frequent loud and hearty laughs seemed to her mocking and crude, yet languishing in the common room would not have been an appealing prospect of an evening; not when there was a risk of having to face Draco.

Ron had obviously just cracked a joke, because Harry, Seamus and Dean were practically doubling up at his last comment, but Hermione chose to concentrate on her plate, not bothering to get involved.

'Hermione?' She looked up abruptly, to see Ginny's puzzled expression. 'Are you all right?'

'Fine!' was the forcefully bright reply. 'I've got a lot of homework to do, that's all.'

Ginny shrugged in sympathy. 'I know what you mean.'

Their end of the table had quietened for this interlude, before Seamus addressed Hermione.

'You sure that's all it is?' he said in his easy Irish lilt, grinning. 'You know boys, we forgot to mention Hermione...' Hermione looked across at Ron curiously, noticing a definite blush.

'What?' she said suspiciously.

'Don't worry Hermione, they've given me the once over already,' said Ginny.

'We were just saying, like, which of the girls at this table is secretly a bit of a dark horse,' continued Seamus blithely. 'Lavender and Parvati, well girls, you're as easy to read as an open book, if you don't mind my saying.' There was a boyish glint in his eye. 'But Hermione could easily have a something a bit cloak-and-dagger going on there...you hiding any secrets, Hermione? Got a hidden heartache?'

Everyone seemed to be looking at her and grinning and, startled, Hermione inadvertently caught Harry's eye, across from her. He had been laughing, but something of a look flashed in that emerald gaze. Again, she looked away.

'Of course I'm not hiding anything, Seamus, you'd have thought I'd have enough going on already.' She shook her head as if bemused, but Harry continued to dart glances at her until the plates were cleared.

***

Draco did not appear at dinner. Pansy sat in the midst of a group of Slytherin seventh-years, also ignoring the voices around her. Like Hermione, she clearly had other things on her mind, and was not making eye contact with anyone, although perhaps more belligerently so. No matter how she looked at it, there was no denying that Draco was more distant than ever. Once there had been a time when she had been part of a group, when not only her and Draco, but also Blaise, and Crabbe and Goyle and even Millicent Bulstrode, had actually looked out for each other, as much as Slytherins ever did, and had formed something of a friendship. Although she wouldn't have admitted it, Pansy certainly missed those days, when she could feel an almost tangible warmth just from being around them, and how they had all secretly made her smile sometimes, when they were united in Quidditch, or in loathing of Gryffindors, or other frivolous things. Draco would have no doubt called her soft for this, so she had preferred to act in a way that made herself look spiteful, and befitted his own attitude, as there was no doubt that had there been a leader of the group, it was him. Of course, they all had benefited from similar upbringings and had all been chosen to be in Slytherin in the first place, but Draco was simply the one whom she could tell they all secretly wanted to impress, and as for Crabbe and Goyle, they more or less revered him. So when she was the one he had on his arm, took to the Yule Ball that time, kissed, and took up to his bedroom, she had felt especially proud. Perhaps those had been the best times at Hogwarts, when she could call Draco her own, while also having friends in Blaise and the other Slytherin girls, and could generally look down on everyone who wasn't a pureblood Slytherin, or who had a lower social status in the Wizarding world.

Although only seventeen years of age, Pansy felt perfectly justified to feel downhearted and a little dispirited about her past few years at that moment. She had always assumed that no one else really understood what it was like to know almost exactly what would happen to them when they left Hogwarts, therefore she was in a far different position to most students. She supposed that all in all, while being haughty and self-important and superior, her one weakness was, and always had been, Draco. Not once had she ever objected to her future plans; their future plans, but now...Things had changed. Now, there wasn't really a clique of Slytherins to be part of; Blaise seemed determined to outperform Pansy in every way, and Draco simply wasn't around half the time. Come to think of it, Blaise wasn't even at the table tonight. What if she was with Draco?

***

An upturned desk lay abandoned in the deserted classroom on the fifth floor. Having shoved it with all his strength earlier, Draco had left the room, slamming the door angrily shut behind him. Hermione, of course, had already disappeared. He'd wanted to go after her, and almost automatically had, but at the end of the corridor he realised she would have run straight into Potter - or Weasley's - arms, and he couldn't follow her there.

Not long after, the tears had come. These were angry, hurtful tears that welled up, although Draco tried to fight them back. He never cried, and even now, he didn't sob helplessly, yet they slid from his eyes, coupled with a painful ache in his chest that made him claw wretchedly at his own face with his hand. He didn't know how long the tears ran.

Finally, when the late afternoon was turning to a cold January evening, Draco had ended up at the Astronomy Tower. By this time, it was raining hard outside and the downpour lashed at the primeval stonework of the tower, rendering all outside a murky, shadowy grey. Standing there, right at the top of the castle and looking out on all below, Draco wished to take it all back. If only he hadn't got involved with her in the first place! Then none of this would have happened.

For once in his life, he didn't know what to do next.

Draco stared out into the rain. The door leading to the parapet of the Astronomy Tower was half open, and a sudden sharp gust of wind stole through the gap. For few moments, he was mesmerised by the effect. Draco took a step towards the door, and another out onto the parapet, pulling the hood of his cloak up as he went. The rain was not forgiving and it hammered down, cruel and cold and much louder from outside. The wind whistled and howled. He held tightly onto the wall of the parapet, gazing directly down. But then a voice pierced the gloom.

'Draco? Is that you?'

Draco turned, and the speaker drew back a little; his appearance was sinister, macabre even, extraordinarily pale skin contrasting eerily with the black of the hood and the dark night. Blaise drew her wand, muttering "Lumos," and the bright light cast off some of the shadows. She walked towards him in the cautious manner of one not wanting to provoke an adverse reaction.

'Blaise?' She reached out a hand, pulled Draco in by the forearm.

'Draco, what's happened? What were you doing out there?' Blaise Zabini's face looked anxious.

'I - oh, nothing,' muttered Draco.

Still rather worried, Blaise took it upon herself to extend a hand and fold back his sodden hood, revealing the drawn, bloodless face. Blaise's eyes searched his features, wondering if he was drunk, or had spell damage.

'It didn't look like nothing - I thought you were going to jump or something then. You weren't, were you?' said Blaise urgently. She shut the door to the parapet, muffling the noise of the rain. 'Draco, there's something wrong, isn't there? Tell me.'

'How do you know there's something wrong?' shot Draco, suddenly bitter, and continuing to remove his wet cloak himself.

Blaise thought for a moment. 'Draco, you might not have realised, but I...I watch people, sometimes. I watch you, and Pansy, and lately whenever I speak to you, I know there's something not right. And then, there was the ball, at your house, and something must have happened there, when You-Know-Who, when He came...' She stopped speaking, observing how Draco's expression changed from contempt to resignation in the flickering wandlight.

Draco shook his head slightly, as if to clear it, still feeling a tumult of raw emotion over the afternoon's events. He wasn't sure whether he could trust the girl in front of him. He had always been able to talk to Blaise, unlike other girls in the year, and when they were younger she had actually seemed more like one of the boys. Indeed, there had been a few misdirected and downright ugly comments about Blaise's sexuality, until she had got her first boyfriend. Despite these things, he still didn't know how much to say, or how much she even suspected...he decided not to reveal all, just yet.

Staring at the floor, Draco replied hollowly, 'There is something.' Blaise nodded encouragingly, although he wasn't looking at her. 'Not everyone knows about it, but I'm supposed to be...I'm supposed to be getting engaged to Pansy.'

Blaise was not entirely shocked at this; it was certainly not unheard of in families such as the Malfoys. But a lifetime with Pansy Parkinson - she could see why one might want to jump off the Astronomy Tower.

'Oh. I see. But you don't want that, do you?'

Draco looked her in the eyes. 'No. No, I don't. I never will.'

Something in his chest felt funny again at the thought of having to keep the real reason a secret, when really he wanted to unleash a howl of misery.

'Well, Draco I get it, but aren't there options? If it came down to it, you could simply disinherit yourself.' She shrugged. 'It's what I would do.'

'Yeah, and what am I going to walk off to?' said Draco, feeling anger arise once more at her calmness.

There was no one to go to; disinheriting himself at seventeen would surely have only been an option with Hermione at his side. But Blaise didn't know that...

'Well, at least if you refuse now, there's bound to be a chance you'll find someone else to be with,' said Blaise. 'You're intelligent, and handsome and everything, there's almost nothing to lose.' Saying this, she sounded a little wistful.

'It's not that simple. Look, Blaise, thanks for this and everything, but I can look after myself. You don't need to bother about it; it's getting late. Why don't you go to dinner?'

'Well I could, but I really think you'd be better off talking about this,' said Blaise staunchly. 'If you don't, you might be driven to cause Pansy's sticky end, and no one wants that.' She smiled slightly, and Draco seemed to relax a little.

'Huh, I'd hate to be driven to murder because of her,' he said. 'I suppose, I could talk about it. Bit of a coincidence then, your turning up here.' He characteristically put a hand through his hair. 'Look, the thing is, I'm well on my way to you know, being initiated on top of the engagement, and I don't know what the consequences would be if I simply refused to co-operate, like you say. You don't know how lucky I was to escape Him the last time, at Christmas.'

The realisation of this rang true - Draco did feel defenceless at the very thought. He sighed.

'Merlin, this is a tough one,' stated Blaise. 'I only came up here for some time alone, you know. I find it to be rather a private place.'

Internally, Draco agreed, remembering the time he had taken Hermione there. In hindsight, he supposed he had been a bit careless during those times; Blaise or any other student could easily have caught them, although he supposed that was irrelevant now.

Blaise walked away a few steps over to one of the arrow slit windows in the tower, and sat on the window seat there, hoping he would follow. He did, and they continued to muse, her wand casting a lone spot of illumination in a sea of gloom.

After a time, Blaise said perceptively, 'Draco, are you sure that's not all? I mean, why all of a sudden did you find yourself in this state, up here? Surely you've known about these plans for months.'

'It isn't just that,' said Draco, and seeing his distress, Blaise impulsively took one of his hands in both of hers. To Draco's infuriation, a tear gathered in the corner of his eye and he wiped at it quickly with his other hand, not wanting Blaise to see.

'Oh Draco,' whispered Blaise, noticing anyway, and stroked his hand consolingly, in a way similar to what Hermione had once done. She opened her arms and hugged him briefly, then held his gaze for a moment, while he wondered what had come over her to show this open affection. The rain thundered...Her face was oddly placid then, and he saw her eyes start to close...her face neared his...her lips. No. Draco unclasped their hands.

'Blaise...' he began, and she paused in slight surprise.

'I'm sorry. I really didn't mean that. I didn't come here for that Draco, honestly. I just wanted to - to make it better for you. I've never seen you like this.'

'It's all right,' said Draco, having a flash of the effect he seemed to have on girls, and wondering none too modestly what it was that prompted them to advance on him. 'Look, Blaise, it's not because of you, it's because, well, the reason I came here, really. You're right; it wasn't suddenly because of Pansy. It's because this engagement plan, it's come between me and-' he almost said her name - 'someone else.'

'Oh. So I was onto something then. I'm taking it you won't tell me who she is,' Blaise guessed.

Draco shifted uneasily. 'I can't.'

'Look, I'm not going to pry, but tell me - is that what happened? She found out?'

Draco nodded. 'I was so stupid. I told her. And then I chose Pansy over her, because I had to, and I let her go. What a wanker.' He rubbed hard at his forehead. 'Do you understand Blaise? It was nothing to do with her; it was me that made her leave. I wish I could undo it all; I've been a complete idiot. Fucking hell, I'd like some alcohol.'

'Well, if it came down to it, you could charm the memory away, although drinking would probably be more appropriate,' said Blaise, smiling humourlessly. 'But I don't think it would solve everything. You must be feeling pretty shite about this, to be honest.'

'Something like that,' Draco muttered. 'She was nothing like Pansy, it was different. Maybe you would know, being with Nott and all that.'

Blaise half smiled. 'Not really. I suppose he's quite special, but I'm not in love. At least they don't call me "Dyke" anymore.'

'I never thought that of you,' said Draco vaguely. Something had stirred in his mind. 'Listen, Blaise...there's something I've been meaning to tell you, about Nott.'

'What?' said Blaise.

'I wouldn't normally bother, but I think you ought to know,' continued Draco. 'Theodore...he's screwed Pansy. I walked in on them in the dungeons once, before Christmas.' He grimaced in distaste. 'I don't know about any other times, though.'

He expected Blaise to swear and promise to get her own back, but instead she turned white and stiffened.

'What,' she said through gritted teeth. 'Are you sure about this?'

'Neither of them denied it,' said Draco. 'But maybe you should speak to Nott first-'

Blaise clearly wasn't listening. She leapt off the window seat without so much as a backwards glance and stalked out of the Astronomy Tower, banging the door shut behind her with a loud clap.

Left in the half dark, Draco was left to wonder how he could have caused this reaction twice in one day, and reluctantly decided to follow in Blaise's footsteps. His rain-soaked cloak lay abandoned on the Astronomy Tower floor.

***

'Hermione are you up to something?' Harry asked Hermione furtively, as they left the Great Hall after dinner.

Inwardly, Hermione sighed, knowing it didn't take much to arouse Harry's curiosity about anything. 'No Harry, what would I be up to?' she replied, trying to sound dismissive.

Harry's eyes blinked behind his glasses. 'I thought you might have found something out about...Voldemort,' he said confidentially. 'You looked like you'd had some bad news at dinner, and I know you've been at the library looking up stuff lately. All I wanted to say is, you don't have to worry about sparing my feelings or anything. I mean, if you've told Ron-'

'Harry, what are you going on about?' said Hermione incredulously. 'I haven't told Ron anything!'

'I just thought you might, that's all,' said Harry matter-of-factly. 'I mean, I know you've got closer to him...recently. I sort of felt like you were going behind my back.'

They paused in the Entrance Hall, leaving the other Gryffindors to walk on.

Hermione shook her head, realising Harry was being unnecessarily accusatory, and probably not without reason. 'So, erm, you and Ron, you've talked about this?'

'Sort of,' said Harry shiftily. 'He is my best mate and everything - well and you, of course, but it's just I know he thinks about you; it's like I was before I started going out with Ginny. I thought you and him might've been looking up stuff in the library, together.'

'Stuff about Voldemort?' Hermione almost laughed. 'You're the first person I'd tell if I knew anything about Voldemort, Harry.' She was careful to speak quietly; students were still filtering out from dinner.

Harry looked a little placated. 'I was beginning to think that being shut up with Malfoy in that tower was starting to affect you,' he said. 'I'm even starting to miss you correcting our homework in the common room, Hermione. Has Malfoy been giving you a hard time or something? He will have it coming to him you know, the git.'

Hearing the savage dislike in Harry's tone, Hermione felt suddenly impetuous.

'Actually, Draco Malfoy's on his way towards being initiated into the Death Eaters.'

Then she stood, stunned. What did I just say? Hermione shrieked mentally. Damnation! Oh God!

'I - I don't know why I said that,' she eventually faltered. 'Ignore me, it just slipped out, Harry.'

Harry stared at her. 'Did you just say - initiated - Malfoy, a Death Eater?' he said in disbelief, forgetting to whisper.

'Shh!' said Hermione, and seeing no other choice, seized him firmly by the elbow and marched out of the Entrance Hall, to a somewhat frequented, yet concealed passage behind a tapestry. Fortunately, it was empty at present.

'Hermione!' As soon as the tapestry fell into place, Harry rounded on her. 'Fuck! Malfoy's a Death Eater? How do you know?'

'He's not a Death Eater,' said Hermione desperately. 'I shouldn't have made it sound so dramatic, that's all, Harry. All I meant was - there's a chance he might become one, you know, when he's older...how could a Death Eater roam Hogwarts undetected?' Her eyes pleaded with Harry to drop it, without success.

'How can you say that?' said Harry explosively. 'What with Quirrel, and Crouch, and I'd bet on Snape as well! So you've heard things, have you, up in your tower? What's he said to you?'

Hermione tried to think, anxious not to give anything away. 'He hasn't said anything to me, exactly,' she said. 'But I overheard him say to - to Crabbe and Goyle that he'll, erm, begin service to the Dark Lord once he's - look, I'm sure you have to pass some sort of test, and that must be a long way off. Don't you see, Harry? He's just trying to sound important, as usual. I didn't like to aggravate you by mentioning it, and now look at you.'

There was a tremor in her voice, due to the combination of not wanting Harry to direct his anger at her and feeling terrified she might reveal that she and Draco had ever been anything other than sworn enemies.

Harry, on the other hand, looked mutinous. Hermione recognised the signs of him firing up well, and was not altogether surprised at his response.

'Well I'd have thought you of all people, Hermione, would have been more wary of him,' he informed her. 'He could've had you tied up in the Astronomy Tower, or under the Imperious Curse, or anything by now, and you've only just mentioned it?' He looked astonished.

'This is Malfoy, Harry. I'd like to see him try and hold me against my will,' said Hermione neutrally, but Harry had a determined gleam in his eye, obviously distracted.

'I'm going to track him,' he said at last, in an undertone. 'You can let me into your tower, and I'll find out everything I can. We'll soon know the truth.'

And before she could utter a protest, he had marched swiftly out of the passage to catch up with Ron.

***

Inside the Slytherin common room, initiation was the last thing on Draco Malfoy's mind. He was standing to one side of Blaise, who was addressing Pansy Parkinson from a distance of about four feet, red-faced and shrieking, clutching her wand in her fist. Many Slytherins were still at dinner, but those that weren't either watched the blazing quarrel with keen interest, or haughty disdain, depending on who they were. Only a few people, circled around a portable, glowing green fire in the corner, paid no attention.

Pansy was also flushed scarlet, her face screwed up as she maliciously taunted the other girl, gesturing with her own mahogany wand, which cast strange shadows on the wall behind them. The commotion had disrupted the usual unnatural stillness of the common room, as generally only murmurs and the cracking of the fire could heard amongst the Slytherin house. Theodore Nott was nowhere to be seen.

'OH, GET DOWN OFF YOUR HORSE, ZABINI,' Pansy was screeching maniacally, leaning towards Blaise slightly. 'YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY AN ANGEL YOURSELF! IN FACT, I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE DONE IT IF YOU HADN'T BEEN THE ONE SWANKING AROUND SHOWING OFF ALL THE TIME! I MEAN, THEODORE'S NOT MUCH OF A LOOKER, IS HE?

'YOU - BITCH!' Blaise yelled furiously, and bright green sparks shot from the tip of her wand by her side. 'I can't trust ANY OF YOU anymore, you're all backstabbing, scheming little RATS!' She looked extremely upset, but Pansy's eyes lit up.

'I'm interested,' she sneered, 'how did you find out about us, anyway?'

Blaise's gaze darted to Draco. 'Draco told me, okay? At least some people are halfway decent,' she added.

Pansy couldn't conceal her huge grin, looking as if she had just received an enormous treat. Why, she had thought Draco would have had far too much pride to mention her tryst with Theodore, but he obviously wasn't as angry as she had thought. Perhaps he had been jealous!

'Draco, you told her?' she looked at him gleefully, but he did not indulge her with any expression at all, still standing nearer Blaise. 'Oh dear, Blaise, looks like your "confidante" is actually bent on breaking your heart. Of course, I suppose you couldn't help yourself, Drakie, once you saw me. It's a wonder you didn't want to join in!'

'Don't make me sick,' said Blaise disgustedly. 'You crossed the line, Parkinson. I don't even think you HAVE a conscience, but one day you will drive everyone away if you carry on, you'll see! Then you'll be all alone.'

Pansy simply laughed, but Blaise continued, no longer shouting; 'If it had been me, if I had done that with your "Drakie", you'd understand what I actually feel like.' Her eyes showed her sincerity at that moment, but Pansy refused to be abashed.

'Like Draco would want you!' she scoffed, and then said crudely, 'Get back to reality, Zabini, because it takes two people to fuck like we did. So why don't you talk to Theodore? I'm sure he'll be weeping at your feet.'

And with that, she turned away from an exceptionally angry and hurt Blaise, and made towards Draco. Pansy tugged at his arm as if he were a rag doll, which he pulled away, but very unwillingly allowed her to take his hand instead, as she stalked away towards the dormitories. He couldn't look at Blaise as he left, an unfamiliar feeling of leaden guilt settling in his stomach; intensifying as he heard her let loose a deep sob much like the ones he had repressed earlier that day. Then the door to the common room swung to a close behind them, drowning out the smattering of applause that had erupted from the small crowd of onlooking Slytherins.