Inescapable Confusion: A Comedy of Errors

I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. I was in the hospital wing. Why was I in the hospital wing?

Oh, I must have been knocked unconscious when I fell...

I went over what had happened in my mind. Ron had kissed me...He had kissed me. Why? Why did he kiss me?

Krum had kissed me before, but Ron's had been different, somehow...

When Krum kissed me, it was just a peck, a little rough, and when he moved away I felt normal.

Ron's kiss had been sudden, but...it had been different. It had filled me with a strange, pleasant warmth, and when he moved away I felt breathless...Why? This was Ron...He was just...well...Ron. Ron was just Ron...

Why did I find myself wishing he would kiss me again?

Wait a minute...Something wasn't right here...

Where was my bra?

I'm not trying to be immodest or anything, but...the last time I checked, I wasn't this flat...

I opened the door of a bathroom stall.

I pulled my pants down.

Why was I wearing pants? I clearly remembered having worn a skirt...Those pants weren't mine...

Why was I wearing boxers? Those weren't mine...

Then I looked down.

That was most definitely not mine!

I screamed.

"Are you alright?" called Madam Pomfrey.

"I'm fine..." I said shakily.

"Why were you in the girls' bathroom, Mr. Weasley?"

Mr. Weasley? I was in Ron's body!

"Er...My vision was kind of blurred. I misread the sign."

"I see. Are you well enough to go now?"

"I...I think so..."

"You may leave then, Mr. Weasley."

"What about R-er, Hermione?" I guessed Ron was in my body.

"Miss Granger is sleeping still. I'm sure she'll wake up soon."

"Right. Well...I'll go then."

"Why don't you take a shower first?"

"Er..."

WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON HERE? Had the Weasley twins hit a new low, or was this some crazy fluke curse, or WHAT? This was NOT normal...

Although...

Hermione Granger! You did not just think that! I was glad the nurse was looking away, because I suddenly understood how horrible it felt to have a Weasley complexion and feel embarrassed. I had always noticed how Ron's ears would turn red. I had always seen that. Well, now I knew how that felt, and...it wasn't pleasant, even with nobody watching.

This was all just too crazy. Too crazy...

When you're a witch, especially if you're a witch who is one of Harry Potter's best friends, you see a lot of crazy things, but this? This was BEYOND crazy! It was...ludicrous! Absolutely ludicrous! The entire situation! The entire situation was-

Suddenly, a confused-looking man walked into the room, looking down at a book. "The tob-ba-co-nist said that this castle was where cra-zy peop-ple go," he said, over-enunciating every syllable.

"Er...What?"

"May I-"

"Wait a minute! Give me that!" Hermione snatched the book. She sighed. "I knew it! Who keeps printing these Hungarian phrase books?"

Before the plot line completely descended into the depths of insanity, the owner of the dirty Hungarian phrase book disappeared, and Hermione had no memory of the incident. Why? Because this is my bloody fanfiction and I said so! That's why!