Inescapable Confusion: A Comedy of Errors

Inescapable Confusion: A Comedy of Errors

Part One: Voices

Lost in thought, I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going. I ran right into someone.

"Sorry, Sorry," I mumbled, scrambling to pick up the books scattered all over the corridor, in hopes that this would stop the screams of rage I expected from whoever it was. It didn't matter who it was. It didn't matter who it was, but I would try to be as polite as possible, just to get rid of him or her as soon as possible. I wasn't in the mood to talk for more than a minute, not at the moment, so I gathered books like my life depended on it.

"Just let me get them myself, Ron," snapped...Oh, God, No...Hermione. Of all the people I could have run into, it had to be Hermione! How much bad luck do I have? It didn't help that I had just dropped every book I was holding. Oh, No, It wasn't that many. Just practically a dozen. And that wasn't half of them. Why didn't she just buy the whole bloody library?

I tried to take a deep breath, wondering suddenly if I could have recently gotten asthma or something. I didn't normally get so out of breath that easily. It hadn't been that many books...

I started wondering if I should go to the hospital wing. They could do some tests or something. Maybe it was worse than asthma. Maybe I had lung cancer. If I did, it wasn't fair. I don't smoke. I know smoking is stupid. There was a time when I thought it looked cool, I'll admit, but...All right, Fred and George forced me to smoke a pipe once. I was about five years old. Five! Those-Er, Perhaps I shouldn't go on to describe them exactly how I'd like to, but the memory of that makes me want to kill them. Quite a few of my early memories make me want to kill Fred and George, actually...

Hey, That helped for some reason. Now I didn't feel confused. I felt like going on a murderous rampage. That wasn't exactly an improvement, but I felt better.

"Ron?" said Hermione uncertainly.

"What?" I snapped. How dare she interrupt my murderous rage!

I didn't feel like moving, but I didn't feel like saying anything, either. I just glared at a nearby wall like it had done me an injury. I stared determinedly at a single spot, determined to hold onto that murderous rage.

"Are you alright?" asked Hermione quietly, still sounding uncertain.

My murderous rage waned slightly. Damn it...

Why wasn't my plan working? She was supposed to be pissed off already...

I tried not to, but I found myself looking at her, and found that I couldn't look away.

Stay calm, Ron. Wait, No. Not calm...Angry. That looks more normal, right? Stay angry...Murderous rage...Murderous rage...Different ways I could kill Fred and George...

I started making a list in my mind. Avada Kedavra, the killing curse? Nah, Too quick and painless. They had to go through some pain...

Poison? Perhaps...if it was a slow-acting poison...Oh, yes, Slow-acting poison was a good choice...

Disembowelment? Hell yes...

Murderous rage...murderous rage...Keep thinking murderous thoughts...

Murderous thoughts probably gave me a very strange expression, but oh well...

I started thinking about what kind of torture would be most painful...but then I decided not to go there. Perhaps it was time to think about something else...

She wasn't looking away. Why wasn't she looking away? Think about what an insufferable know-it-all she is...Think about how angry she makes you...

What about how angry you get when anyone else calls her an insufferable know-it-all?

Damn it! Shut up, Conscience!

Why should I?

That's it. I'm arguing with myself. I should check into that "special" ward of St. Mungo's Hospital...right now...Everybody back away slowly...

How long had it been? Why wasn't she looking away? I was glaring as defiantly as I could, but I couldn't keep myself from blinking for much longer. Look away already, dammit! Look away already!

I really had to blink before my eyes dried out. I didn't want to, but I had to.

I blinked just once, as quickly as possible, and then I tried to go back to thoughts of murderous rage...

Only murderous rage was starting to go on vacation early...

Don't leave me, blind rage! You're all I've got! Please don't leave me!

It didn't hear me. It was packing its little suitcase and leaving an empty parking lot in my brain.

What stupid Muggle invented parking lots? I mean, Really! Is grass that hard to park on? Yeah, Muggles are so stupid...All Muggle-born people are stupid...

Hermione's Muggle-born. Is she stupid?

I thought I told you to shut up, Conscience!

God I'm going crazy...talking to voices in my head...

By the time I finally realized what was happening, it was too late. Don't ask me exactly how or why I did it, because I have no idea, but (I blame the voices in my head.) when I came back to reality I realized that I had just kissed Hermione. Right on the mouth. Without even thinking about it. God, Was I in for trouble now...

I turned to run far away and never come back, but I immediately tripped over some books and fell flat on my face. That was real smart of me to not look where I was going...as if I hadn't humiliated myself enough...

I sat up as quickly as I could, clenching my teeth and wincing. My nose really hurt. Was it broken?

I looked down at the floor to see a fair-sized red puddle. Broken or not, It was bleeding.

Broken nose or not, I was too terrified to worry about it. Dazed from my fall, I struggled to stand.

"Ron?"

There was concern in Hermione's voice, but I tried to ignore her, though she was about as hard to ignore as the nosebleed.

I stood up quickly, but this time I slipped in the puddle.

I won't repeat them, but a string of some very strong words which probably shouldn't be repeated was my last conscious idea.