Promises Defended

Promises Defended

Chapter Four: The Final Circle

They came by ones and twos to stand on the castle's front steps, gathered quietly and simply staring at one another. Sunset, 22 December 1992. The date was somehow appropriate: the twenty-second, and this was a day that might make or break the war effort that had been ongoing for twenty-two years. The day of the Final Circle.

Some faces were expected; one was not. Odd, because Remus had anticipated more of a reformation than this; he had simply given Fawkes the letters and had left the decision in the phoenix's hands...and he had not expected to see all of his friends here again. In a way, however, he did not see them all. One was missing, and Remus swallowed hard. Tears might have risen if he'd possessed the strength to cry.

Nymphadora Tonks looked bewildered. James and Lily, as always, stood side by side. Peter wasn't far to their right, down two steps and level with Snape. Bill Weasley watched his student with a tolerant smile, his eyes often on Remus as if expecting him to explain. But Remus had no answers. They had been standing in strained silence for almost twenty minutes, and by now all understood. There was no other explanation, now. The outcome three men had feared most had come to pass. Shuddering, Remus took a deep breath. They could ill afford to wait any longer, and it was time.

"Severus, if you would--"

A figure in a dark room, wandless and seated on the hardwood floor. The only light came from the faint glow of the orb that hovered over the pages of a careworn leather journal.

He was not looking at the journal.

His hands moved silently, quickly, and darkness filled the room. Remus sensed old pain--and coldness. Bitter and determined coldness.

And then there was nothing, except for icy blue eyes so sharp that he felt that they would peer into his soul. A soft whisper, almost inaudible. A hard whisper that Remus could not understand. A hand moving--

"--take the others inside. We will join you in a moment."

The vision ended in a snap, over in the blink of an eye. His voice cracked only slightly.

His deputy nodded silently, and gestured for the others to precede him into the castle. Frowning, Bill led the way, with Tonks close behind and Lily trailing further back. She and Snape both cast glances over their shoulders, Lily looking worried and Snape unreadable, but they entered the castle's shadow together. Silence chilled the three friends as Snape and Lily paused in the doorway--none of the three seemed to notice. Everything still hurt too much.

"He not here," James whispered.

Remus swallowed and forced himself to nod. "I didn't think he would be."

"It shouldn't be like this," Peter objected, making Remus close his eyes. Even had his visions not frightened him, he would fear for his friend. Sirius, what have you done?

"No," he whispered in response. "It shouldn't."

They stood in silence again, and Remus fought back the growing sense of dread that gnawed at his innards. Could the Circle form with seven? Could they stand united, yet incomplete? It had happened before when they thought Sirius dead; Dumbledore had held two seats, then...and Fawkes had been waiting. Remus understood that now. But Sirius had been alive, and the Fifth Circle reformed for him later. How was that to work when this must be the last?

"The Final Circle," Remus whispered half under his breath. "And yet broken."

"Remus?" James questioned softly.

There was no cloud over his eyes, no confusion. This was no vision--but was the Font speaking through him or was Remus only heartbroken? "We've come to the end," he replied, not really wanting to say the words. "Come darkness or light, this is the Final Circle."

"How do you know?" Once, Peter's voice would have shaken. Now he only sounded sad.

"I know."

James sighed and looked down at his hands, folded neatly in his lap. Severus and Poppy had yet to find a way to heal the wheelchair-bound Marauder, but the one bright point of the last seventy-three days was the progress they had made. James regularly had feeling in his legs these days, and Poppy had already designed strengthening exercises to help him. He'd not walk for a long time yet, but finally, there was hope.

Hope and no hope. What a painful combination.

"I never thought it would come to this," James said softly. "Not Sirius."

"I had..." Remus trailed off. Seen it? Not seen it? Prayed?

"What if he becomes the monster Snape claims he has?" Peter was the only one with the courage to say the words Remus and James both feared.

James swallowed. "I don't know."

Remus shivered. Was it his imagination, or did he see a man hunched over a worktable, quill in hand and red burning in blue eyes? Dark hair, blue eyes, a little too thin and much too pale. Pain etched into a once-handsome face. Scarred knuckles. Loneliness.

"Then we do what we must," he heard himself say. But those were not his words. Those were words taught to him by Albus Dumbledore: wise words, to be sure; fair words, but not Remus Lupin. Never Moony. Moony fought for his friends. Suddenly cold, he rubbed his hands up and down his arms, trying to chase his goosebumps away. "We fight to bring him back."

"What if we can't?" Surprisingly, it was James. He sounded frightened.

"Does that mean we shouldn't try?" Peter countered.

"No. It's just--" James took a deep breath. "I feel this is my fault. And I don't want to lose him again."

Hesitantly, Remus reached out and squeezed his friend's shoulder. "We won't," he promised. Visions or reality? Differentiating between the two was becoming impossible.

Dementors in the night.

Hogwarts--

"Hogwarts..." The ragged whisper escaped on its own.

"Remus?" His friends looked at him in alarm. Remus forced himself to shake his head.

"Nothing." He sucked in a deep breath. "Let's go inside."

Footsteps on cold concrete.

He was coming.

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The doors stood open; the others stood waiting. Clearly, they didn't dare enter without the man who had brought them there, mindful of the importance of the occasion. For the same reason, the first four stood silently, uncomfortably--waiting. Even as Remus, James, and Peter approached, Tonks fidgeted and peeked curiously through the double doors, peering at the oak table and chairs within.

The Room of Requirement. Never had it been so required, and now the doors bore the seal of the Order of the Phoenix. The carving was exquisite; it did not look like magic, but Remus knew that it had to be. Hogwarts is at work here. Somehow, the Font knows. Then again, this place was special, and Hogwarts had always been at the heart of the Order. It had also been Dumbledore's soul.

"Please," Remus said quietly, gesturing towards the open doors.

Still silent, the seven filed in, with Remus last in line. The room was exactly as he remembered it, but he saw the others looking around in wonder, even Snape. The scene was almost identical to the destroyed Country House, down to the same books and bookshelves lining the walls. Even the same circular window was in the same place on the far wall, but the old field was not visible. Only darkness. No light.

The doors clicked shut behind him. So this is it, then. Remus felt cold. There is no going back. Deep breath.

"Thank you for coming," he said slowly. "We gather to form the Final Circle, the seventh and the last of the Order's Inner Circles. You have each been chosen by the phoenix--no human summonses have brought you here. Fawkes selected you for your ability, integrity, and courage, and I have no doubt that you will serve the Order well.

"Before us stand eight seats. Upon their backs you see eight words: Wisdom, Knowledge, Time, Discovery, Truth, Temptation, Secrecy, and Power." Remus did not look down as he spoke; instead, he focused on the others and watched the knowledge sink in, the responsibility settle onto their shoulders. Six solemn faces stared back at him, understanding.

"There are eight seats. Eight positions. Eight facets to obligation. We are seven." Pain welled up inside him again, but Remus continued:

"This has happened before. The Circle has formed incomplete. I know not what it means that it should happen this last time, but we shall push forward. The Sixth Circle failed by Voldemort's intervention. The Sixth Circle broke upon the death of Mundungus Fletcher. We can do neither--should we break or fail, so shall the Order of the Phoenix. We are the last. As such, I know this:

"Wisdom is the guide, the voice of reason.

"Time is the world changer, the decision maker.

"Discovery is the searcher, the creator.

"Knowledge is the right hand, the heir apparent.

"Temptation is the breaking point, the weakened link.

"Truth is the horror facer, the impartial observer.

"Secrecy is the hidden ability, the unassuming ally.

"Power is the world breaker, the choice maker."

Stillness greeted his words, but Remus sensed magic at work; old and deep magic, but separate from the Font. He also felt eyes upon his back--Remus spun. The double doors had opened again of their own accord.

That was Sirius standing in the doorway.

Clean shaven and with shorter hair, it was Sirius. The cut was reminiscent of their Hogwarts days, though the boyish charm had faded from his face. His features were lined now--only slightly, though deeply--and the blue eyes were different. Darker and more knowledgeable were the first words to come to mind, but they described more than just the eyes.

He was simply clad, in ash gray robes and black boots. He stood simply, too, with his hands at his sides and motionless, but Remus sensed something contained within him. Darkness? Yes. Power, too, and something more. Something different, yet undeniably Sirius. Sirius. Remus' heart knocked frantically against his ribcage. He felt short of breath, felt sick. Or was that hope? He could not find words.

Nor could any of the others. They simply stood and stared; even Snape had no acid remark to make. Surprisingly, it was Sirius who finally broke the silence.

"I apologize for being late." His voice was unnaturally soft. "I was detained."

"Detained?" Snape found his voice and snorted. "Is that what you call it?"

"Enough, Severus," Remus replied before anyone else could, feeling sick. "He is here for the same reason you are: because Fawkes requires him to be."

The deputy headmaster started to roll his eyes, but Sirius half-turned to look directly at him with dead blue eyes. "We all make our choices. Some are simply more dangerous than others."

Again, the out of place whisper, and that silenced Snape as a shout never would. Slowly, Sirius moved forward to take his place around the perimeter of the room, clasping his hands behind his back and looking unconcerned. His movements were casual enough to make it seem as if he wandered back into the world after having been gone every day--yet there was a tenseness in him, for all that comfort. Remus had to force himself to take a deep breath before he could continue as if nothing had happened; he could not shake that sick and terrified feeling. Acting normally was almost impossible when he could not stop wondering if his friend would leave again. Had he stepped forward, or would he fade? Hide?

Remus swallowed hard, and was surprised how even his voice sounded. It should not have.

"Three of you have never assumed seats in the Circle, but you will today. As Fawkes chooses you, please step to your seat." Shorter than any explanation Dumbledore had ever offered, but Remus was not Dumbledore. They understood.

"Fawkes?" he asked softly, hardly daring to hope that the phoenix was ready. For so long, Remus had struggled to convince his companion that the Inner Circle was needed, and...

His worries were unfounded. As soon as the word left Remus' mouth, Fawkes sailed off his perch and landed gracefully on the high back of the Power seat. The red and gold head turned, and bright eyes focused unerringly on Sirius.

There it began. Sirius to Power, James to Time, Lily to Discovery, Snape to Knowledge, Bill to Secrecy, Peter to Temptation, Tonks to Truth, and last of all, Remus to Wisdom. He nodded, and all eight sat together, chairs scraping gently against the floor. All eyes were on him, of course, hoping that he knew what came next. And he didn't, really, even if he did. Remus waited a long moment before speaking; there were so many questions on the tip of his tongue, and he could permit himself to speak none of them. Finally, he took a deep breath.

"And so it begins," the Order's head said softly. "This day marks the beginning of the end."

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He made it outside before the others caught up with him, having stood as soon as Remus thanked the members for coming. Sirius strode out the door before anyone could stop him, and did not look back. Their cries he ignored--Sirius felt boxed in, felt cornered, and he had to bolt or lash out. Choosing the former seemed to be the wiser course.

"Sirius!" James shouted.

But it was Peter who ran around him and stepped into his path, stopping Sirius cold. "Please don't go," the smaller man begged. "We need you."

Staring at him made Sirius shiver, made his world attempt to twist and turn. It took first one deep breath, and then another, to steady him. Still, he did not trust himself to speak.

"We need you," Peter repeated. Pain twisted his features. "We all do."

"Need me?" He'd not spoken above a whisper in weeks, and his voice felt dry and unused, even to his own ears. Moreover, it sounded cold--colder even than Sirius had expected it to be.

"Don't you know what's been happening?" Peter whispered plaintively.

Empty. "I know."

"Do you, Sirius?" It was Remus, stepping around in front of him as well. Sirius felt cornered, and could hear James rolling up from behind.

"Hogsmeade. Laçenne. The Ministry. Hoppner. Binns. Ackerly. Hopkirk. Marie d'Orville. A hundred others."

"Don't you care?" James demanded, finally side by side with the others.

The words were meant to shock him, Sirius knew, meant to break through the icy barrier he had thrown up between himself and his friends. Even James, however, could not reach him, and Sirius only felt the gap between them widen. But that was all he felt. He could not even summon up the humanity to wince at the fury and pain in his best friend's voice.

I knew I should not have come.

"I care," he said flatly. "I know. I realize what I have done, that the fates of those in Azkaban can be blamed on me. The deaths weigh upon my soul." Something hot reared up within him. "But if I had to do it all over again, I would make the same choice."

"What?" Three voices as one, just as four friends had once been.

"Never mind." Sirius shook his head, sighing softly to himself. Coming had been a foolish idea, even if it had been for the Circle's sake. What did the Order need someone like him for, anyway? Should they realize the truth, the lot of them would probably shake in terror and run away.

Except these three. These three would just hate him.

"What happened to you, Sirius?" James asked, wide eyed, even as Peter whispered:

"Where have you been?"

"A small Muggle flat in Bristol," he replied with a shrug. There was no harm in telling them that; he'd not be going back.

"Doing what?" Always sharp, Remus was watching him closely.

"Changing."

The headmaster's blue eyes narrowed. "That much is obvious."

He suspects.

"I do not expect you to understand."

"Maybe you should," Peter countered.

"No."

This was a mistake. He shouldered between Remus and Peter, intentionally giving James the widest berth. Shock and betrayal colored three faces--especially the one with hazel eyes--but Sirius did not look back. For many reasons, he could not afford to.

One step. Two steps. Each stride carried him further from Hogwarts, apart from his frozen friends. They weren't following, Sirius noticed with relief; perhaps they had learned something. Perhaps they knew how futile chasing him would be. He had disappeared once and could do so again if necessary, even if he did not want to. For his own sake, doing so was an extremely attractive option, but for others... 'All Hope Fades To Black.' His feet were firmly set upon the hero's road again, even if a hero was the last thing he wanted to be.

Now less than ever. He too well knew the cost, had experienced it firsthand and was tainted by it forevermore. As a boy he had dreamed foolish dreams of saving the world. Now he understood the consequences of being that which others would not be.

"Is this it, then?" James' bitter voice shattered the silence. "After so long together--after supporting each other, and suffering, and standing side by side, you just walk away? Is this the end, brother?"

He held a hand out to Remus, who took it. "Friends."

"Brothers." James laid his hand on top of theirs'.

Peter's hand joined the other three. "Faithful until the end."

"Until the end," they chorused.

Sirius stopped without meaning to. His feet simply refused to move. A long and slow breath did not calm his nerves, and James did not give him time to reply.

"What happened to the promises we made?" he demanded angrily. "Do they mean nothing to you?"

"No." His voice came out in a dead whisper. "They don't."

James snorted. "They don't mean anything. Not with the monster you have allowed yourself to become."

"Did you hear me?" he demanded, shaking James. "I made my choice." His voice lowered once more. "And I'd do it again, if I had to."

Sirius spun, and felt the red flare in his eyes, but it was too late to change--too late to care. "Monster?" he demanded. "Monster?"

"We see the darkness blazing within you! Would you call yourself something different?"

"I would!" It took a great effort to unclench his fists, to stand with his feet shoulder width apart and hands free. "I have done what no one else could. What no one else dared to do!"

"Perhaps because they know better!" James shouted furiously. "Because they know the darkness would swallow them!"

"And that is why you didn't come to us," Remus' icy voice interjected. "Because you knew we would stop you."

"I walked away because it is my choice. My burden," Sirius snarled.

"And we are your friends!" Peter retorted, looking heartbroken.

Somehow, that snapped it. Five simple words released his fury, breaking those emotions out of the cage Sirius had so carefully constructed. By instinct, his hands came up, and the right started to slash forward as the left snapped back. Power built up within him immediately, sweet and sure power--strength he knew well, too well, and was his for the taking. No wand was necessary, no words; only power and the will to use it. A slight red tint came over his vision, highlighting the other three against the night sky.

Friends.

Sirius' hands moved too quickly for the unpracticed eye to follow, cutting the spell short just before it could get out. Power reverberated within him, protesting, aching for release, screaming for an outlet. But icy truth had doused his fury. Friends. Sirius turned away convulsively, shuddering. He brought his hands up to cover his face as the power dissipated, and found that those hands were shaking slightly.

"What have you done?" he whispered to himself under his breath--and not for the first time.

Calloused palms scrubbed over his face but did not help. At least the fury was gone, and the power with it...but that would not last. It never did.

"Sirius?" A quiet voice behind him. Remus.

He shook his head. "Leave it be."

"No." James again.

With an effort, Sirius tore his hands away from his face, forcing his hunched shoulders to straighten. I cannot show weakness. Even here. He felt so cold. So empty. Especially here. His body still wanted to shake, but he would not let it. Was that caused by relief? Anger? Exhaustion? Sirius did not know. He did not care. Sucking in a deep breath, he turned slowly to face his friends. Friends?

"I cannot ask you to understand," he said slowly, feeling his throat tighten inexplicably. "Just--"

"Maybe you should," Peter interrupted Sirius quietly. "We are here for you, you know."

With an effort, he met each of their eyes in turn. "Not with this. Not now."

James shook his head. "Whatever you are doing, Sirius, you don't have to do it alone."

"I do, you know. This is my battle."

"We're--"James started.

"Four men. Walking." Remus shook his head, suddenly distant. "Not alone. Not now."

Despite himself, Sirius blinked. And something cracked.

He felt himself shiver again, and suddenly needed to stare at the ground because he did not want to look at his friends. They will not understand, the dark recesses of his soul reminded him. They cannot. Not men such as these. Was that contempt his own? It made Sirius feel sick to his stomach, and he shivered once again, even though the evening was warm. Unseasonably warm, almost; weather witches were probably calling that a good omen.

"Tell us what you're doing," James whispered.

Sirius shook his head.

"Please," Peter added. The three were drifting forward now, and Sirius did not retreat. Every instinct within him screamed to run, run, run! ...but he would not. Could not. Friends.

"I..." His head came up almost of its own volition, his eyes wandering away from those he could hardly bear to see.

The others were walking down the stairs: Snape and Lily, Bill and Tonks. Obviously, they'd delayed as long as they dared, but the four curious onlookers were staring at their fellows with expectant eyes. Snape's face was crinkled up derisively, of course, but there seemed to be doubt behind even his expression; clearly, he hadn't expected Sirius to stay. Neither had I, Sirius thought ruefully, almost surprising himself with the sheer normalcy of the thought. He swallowed.

"Not here," Sirius whispered. "Not now."

"Then when?" James pressed.

"Later." The answer was automatic.

So was James' frown. "You've said that before."

And it was true then, too, damnit! He resisted the urge to snap back with a monstrous effort, swallowing back the irrational anger that suddenly wanted to rise. He was cold again, back to feeling empty. They will not understand. They cannot.

"Name your place," he said unsteadily, knowing that, too, was another mistake.

"My flat," Peter supplied immediately. "Tonight."

Sirius shook his head immediately. "Not tonight." Too soon!

"Tomorrow, then," Remus interjected in a tone that booked no argument. Sirius could sense Remus' cool blue eyes on his face. "Will you come?"

"I will come." The answer emerged despite his desires, despite his fears.

"Do you promise?" James whispered painfully.

I am sorry.

"Yes. I promise."

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