Death Before Dishonor

Death Before Dishonor

Chapter Ten: Don´t Pet the Dog (It Bites)

The seventh year Gryffindors hurried into the Defense Against the Arts classroom, led by Fred and George Weasley, both of whom were laughing so hard that they could barely walk. Their classmates, too, seemed affected by the same malady, and most fell into their seats. George, however, remained standing, pacing around the room thoughtfully.

"Did you see that?" Lee Jordan finally managed to gasp. "Did you see the look on Filch´s face?"

"That was amazing," George agreed. "I can´t decide which one I like more, the pink floor--"

"--Or the purple polka dots," Fred finished for him.

"You mean you didn´t do that?" Angelina Johnson asked incredulously.

"Us?" Fred replied.

"We wish." George looked mournful. "Oh, man--did you see that? We´ve never been able to get into Filch´s cleaning supplies--I think he got Snape to hex up the closet for him years ago--but whoever did that definitely managed to mess with his floor cleaner--"

"And it must have had a delayed reaction, because did you notice that Filch had just finished cleaning the floor when it went all pink on him?" Fred concluded with a grin.

"But if you didn´t do it, who did?" Alicia Spinnet demanded. She and Angelina shot dirty looks at Fred, George, and Lee. "You three are always getting the rest of us in trouble."

George grinned, and looked eagerly at his twin. "I think we have competition."

"Oooh... A prank war. How challenging."

Lee´s head came up. "It had better not be one of the first years."

"Nah, it´s the first day of class," Fred replied. "Even we waited a week or so."

"So who do you--AH!" In his pacing, George had almost managed to walk right into the big black dog that had been lying on the floor, unseen to them all. It barked irritably, making George jump away. "Where´d you come from?"

The dog only wagged his tail and dropped his head back down onto its paws, lying peacefully on the floor. Mystified, the class stared at the bear-sized creature as its eyes slid shut contentedly.

"Do you think it belongs to Professor Black?" Angelina asked.

Fred and George exchanged glances. "I dunno," Fred replied. "He didn´t have a dog when he was at our house."

"He was at your house?" Lee repeated.

"Yeah, he brought Harry." Fred shrugged. "Didn´t say much. Spent most of his time with Professor Lupin or talking to my dad."

"Oh." Lee stood and approached the humongous dog, who raised his head and studied him passively. Curiously, the Gryffindor seventh year extended a hand to let the dog sniff it. It´s tail wagged happily, and emboldened, Lee reached out to scratch the dog between its ears. "AHH!"

The dog suddenly leapt to its feet, snarling, and Lee stumbled back from it with fear-filled eyes. The rest of the class anxiously scrambled to their feet, some moving forward to help Lee, and others clearly just wanting to get away. Fred was the first to find his voice. "What´s wrong with that--"

The dog turned into Sirius Black. "Welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Lesson Number One: Don´t Pet the Dog, It Bites."

A flick of his wand displayed the words on the old fashioned chalkboard behind him. Finally, their new professor smiled. As he continued speaking, the words appeared magically on the board.

"This lesson is otherwise known by the title `This is How the Real World Works´." After writing the second name of the lesson on the board, the enchanted chalk stopped. "Now, if you´ll please take your seats, put your books away--you´d better leave that Dungbomb in your bag, Mr. Weasley (and yes, I know which one you are, Fred)--and relax.

"Before we get started, let me make sure everyone is here." Sirius didn´t bother to move around behind his desk or to take out the class register; he´d memorized the role that morning, and he figured that if he didn´t keep talking, he´d start laughing at the frazzled looks all the seventh years still had on their faces. He pushed through the job quickly, filing away names and correlating them with things Remus had told him. Note to self: watch the Weasleys and Jordan, he thought. McGonagall says they´re the worst pranksters since the Marauders...as Fred said, "how challenging." He finished taking attendance and noticed that the whole class was still staring at him in silence. Okay, time to shake things up a bit.

Without warning, Sirius sat on top of his desk with his legs hanging casually over the front edge--which was practically sacrilegious for a professor to do, of course. Reaching back, he grabbed the thick role of parchment that had been sitting out of sight on his chair. The seventh years stared at him like he´d grown a second head. I could do that, he thought mischievously. Might make them lighten up... Ah, hell, I´ll just light something else up instead.

"This is the official curriculum for seventh year Defense Against the Dark Arts." He held it up, and then grinning, pointed his wand at the huge scroll. "Incendio."

The class gasped, but Sirius let the parchment burn into ash, and then dropped its remnants on the floor. "I always wanted to do that."

Finally, they laughed, and he let them carry on for a minute before continuing. He definitely, Sirius noticed, had their undivided attention. Not a bad start.

"This is a practical class. In the real world, rules don´t apply. When a situation goes to hell, you can´t look up countercurses in your textbook, and you don´t have time to do everything the conventional way. All you have time to do is react and trust your instincts. Anything else will get you dead.

"A few years ago, Professor Dumbledore and I would be sacked by the Ministry for what I am going to teach you this year, but times have changed. When you graduate this year, you will all be facing a world that doesn´t even remotely resemble the one you left seven years ago. It won´t even be the same world you left this summer. The Magical world is changing, and no matter what career path you take upon leaving Hogwarts, you will have to deal with those changes.

"Even innocents get killed in war," Sirius said quietly. "And you need to learn to defend yourselves, no matter what you plan on doing later in life. Not all of you will become Aurors, enter the Ministry, or even take an active role in the fight against Voldemort, but that doesn´t mean you don´t need certain skills to survive. This year, I´m going to teach you a multitude of ways to defend yourself, and I´m going to show you how to take down your enemy while you do so. I am not going to teach you any Dark Magic. I don´t know any, and you don´t need it. "

He let that sink in for a moment, and watched heads nod thoughtfully. When he continued, Sirius made a conscious effort to lighten his voice. "Now, if you will all proceed to forget the fact that your textbooks exist..."

In another classroom, Remus Lupin had just broken his own desk.

Actually, the enormous stack of books he´d allowed to drop onto the exact enter of the desk did the job for him, but all in all, it looked very impressive. The crash that the table and books made as they hit the floor was also spectacular, and a cloud of dust rose from the pile, momentarily fogging the air in the musty classroom. However, the fifth year Gryffindors in the room looked at him as if he´d gone insane, and his gentle smile threw them even further off balance. To his right, Harry heard Ron mumble under his breath, "...gone mad."

"Every one of these books concentrates on a different period in the history of Magic. They cover every important event in the history of the Magical world and contain information on every famous wizard from Agrippa to Worme. By the time you graduate from Hogwarts, the Ministry of Magic expects you to know all of this--" Professor Lupin gestured at the pile. "And more."

Harry sat up straight in his chair. Despite the amount of information that Professor Lupin was implying they had yet to learn, this was the most interesting History of Magic class they´d ever had. At least something has happened, he thought. And I haven´t fallen asleep yet. That´s a big improvement. Even if I do have to study. At the moment, only Hermione was looking pleased with the idea of so much work, but then again, she´d probably read all those books already, anyway. Everyone else looked rather sick.

A sudden flick of Professor Lupin´s wand sent the entire heap, desk and all, flying into the far wall with a bang. Everyone, including Harry, jumped.

"But the world has changed.

"Books and knowledge alone cannot prepare you for the war to come. Only understanding can do that. This term we will study what has happened and what will happen. We will study the mistakes of others and learn not to repeat them. We will study motivations and fears, and learn why the Magical world is as it stands today. Above all, we will examine the impact that the past has on the present, and what the future may bring.

"Since the day Voldemort returned, everything we have done has been tainted by darkness. Only by understanding the past can we prevent even darker days from coming."

Harry sat transfixed. Professor Lupin´s blue eyes were serious, yet they held a strength that most of the Gryffindors had not seen before; his voice was as steely as it had been the fateful night in the Shrieking Shack when Harry´s entire world had changed. This was Remus Lupin, he realized, as his parents had known him. This was the man whom Albus Dumbledore trusted, werewolf or no, to teach children what they had to learn to survive in a rapidly darkening world. Lupin´s voice softened as he continued:

"So take out your notes. Today you will begin to learn about dark times that everyone would rather forget...the first rise of Lord Voldemort."

Three days later, lunchtime in the Great Hall proved to be very interesting. Harry had been sitting with Ron, and Hermione, peacefully eating a light meal before Potions (thankfully, with Professor McGonagall, since Snape was still in the Hospital Wing), when Fred and George ran in, shrieking with laughter. "Oh, no," Hermione lamented. "What did they do this time?"

The Weasley twins collapsed into chairs across from them. "Can you believe it?" Fred gasped for air.

"No!" George howled. "Oh, I wish I´d seen it!"

"What?" Ron demanded.

Fred continued as if he hadn´t heard his younger brother. "It was beautiful."

"Absolutely perfect."

"Unbelievable."

"What´d you do?" Ron yelled.

"Us? Dear brother, we didn´t do a thing," George replied gleefully. "That´s the best part!"

Fred nodded. "It all started when Professor McGonagall transformed into her Animagi form for her third year Ravenclaws--"

A shout came from outside the hall, and they all recognized the infuriated voice. It was McGonagall.

"Uh oh," Harry whispered half under his breath.

"You did something terrible, didn´t you?" Hermione moaned, glaring at the twins. They both stared at her indignantly, having already professed their innocence, and George opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by Professor McGonagall´s shriek.

"Sirius Black! You get back here right now!"

A massive black dog barreled into the Great Hall, skidding on the super clean floors as he scrambled through the doorway. Right on the dog´s heels was McGonagall, looking more furious than Harry had ever seen her. Understandably, the dog fled, slipping underneath the Hufflepuff table as a horde of third year Ravenclaw students arrived on McGonagall´s heels, laughing and pointing at the dog. A chair upended as Sirius fled before the Deputy Headmistress´ wrath, and Harry felt his eyes widening in astonishment.

"Oh, my!" Hermione gasped.

"Look at him go!" Ron pointed as Sirius, still a dog, slipped out of a side door.

Professor McGonagall stopped, seemingly realizing that she would never catch up with him. That realization, though, seemed only to make her angrier; her face reddened as laughter echoed throughout the Great Hall; even the professors at the head table were snickering. Professor Lupin, Harry noticed, looked ready to collapse in unconcealed glee. He was holding his stomach as if it hurt and struggling to contain himself, but from what everyone in the hall could see, it wasn´t working.

McGonagall´s eyes tracked rapidly around the hall, flashing over students as she looked for someone to blame. Desperately, Harry tried to look as mild-mannered and innocent as he could--after all, he hadn´t had anything to do with whatever Sirius had done to her. Fortunately, though, McGonagall passed right over the Gryffindor table without a second look. She didn´t even look at Fred or George Weasley, who were almost always involved in mayhem and mirth. Unable to find a target for her rage, she started toward the door Sirius had used as an exit, but halfway there, she stopped cold. Without warning, her head snapped around.

"Lupin!"

Professor Lupin looked as if he´d just swallowed a rat. His head came up, and he gulped quickly, his expression a miserable failure of supposed innocence. Lupin´s voice came out slightly choked. "Minerva?"

"How long has he been an Animagi?" she demanded, striding toward him.

Everyone in the hall stared as Lupin rose and backed away from the table, looking far more like a guilty student than a professor. He managed to stop choking on his laughter long enough to speak very unconvincingly. "Oh... I really can´t recall."

"Don´t you lie to me, Remus Lupin!" Professor McGonagall´s voice took on the stern tone that it had when she was extremely unhappy with one of the Weasley twins´ infamous pranks. She pointed her wand menacingly at Lupin. "You and Sirius Black have been nothing but trouble ever since you came to Hogwarts! I know you were in on this!"

"Uh...actually, Professor, you know Sirius..." Lupin shrugged. "No one can control him."

"Oh, really?" she demanded, still striding towards him and seemingly unaware that almost the entire school was watching her; those who hadn´t been there in the beginning were now starting to form a very large crowd in the doorway; the news of Sirius´ prank--Harry couldn´t wait to ask his godfather what he had done--had clearly spread like wildfire. "You seem to do a fine job of controlling him when you want to!"

"Perhaps I´ll be off now--"

"No, you don´t, young man! You stay right there!" McGonagall was almost on him now. "By the time I´m finished with--"

Something flew through the air. Although Harry saw it out of the corner of his eye, he had only begun to wonder what it was when a Smelly-Smoke bomb went off right at Professor McGonagall´s feet, enveloping her in smoke. A split second later, a second one exploded right in front of Professor Lupin, blocking him from sight. Harry heard McGonagall´s angry voice from inside the sudden cloud, but by the time the smoke was cleared away (quickened by the Deputy Headmistress´ spell) Lupin was gone.

Professor McGonagall stood absolutely still for a long moment. She seemed befuddled by events, and for a split second, Harry began to wonder if she was all right. Finally, she blinked, as if dazed, and turned towards the exit, snaking her head. Passing the Gryffindor table, she sighed.

"What have we done?" she lamented quietly to herself. "There are two of them."

Most of the students had the decency to wait until Professor McGonagall was gone before erupting into peals of laughter. It took several minutes for Harry to recover long enough to ask the Weasley twins what had happened.

"Well," Fred replied, still gasping for air. "We only heard about it, mind you--we didn´t see it--"

"But it must have been beautiful," George interjected.

"Anyway, when McGonagall transformed into a cat, a big black dog--Professor Black, of course--jumped out from under her desk and started chasing her. It didn´t last long, of course, because she became human again, and began chasing him, screaming bloody murder. Someone must have mentioned who the dog was, because she definitely didn´t know--I don´t think anyone who hasn´t had him for class yet knows, because no one wants to spoil that surprise--but that only made her madder."

"We caught up with the chase just he ran into the library, and asked the Ravenclaws what was going on," George picked up, "then we came here because we were sure she´d manage to corner him in there."

"But she obviously didn´t, `cause he made it in here," Fred finished, and they all laughed again until their sides hurt.

"Did you see the look on Professor Lupin´s face?" Ron finally managed to say. "He looked like the cat who´d swallowed the canary!"

"Do you think he knew? I mean, it´s not very good for discipline that one professor does that to another," Hermione said.

"You´re such a spoilsport!" Ron growled.

"I think it´s excellent," George said happily. "It´s nice to see that our teachers are human."

"And that at least one of them has a sense of humor," Fred agreed.

"You have to admit that it was funny, Hermione," Harry said with a smile. He couldn´t wait to ask Sirius for all the details.

She giggled. "Oh, I didn´t say it wasn´t! It´s just--look!"

Professor Lupin´s head had suddenly poked through the staff door to the Great Hall. Cautiously, he looked to both the left and the right with an amazingly straight face. Then a roguish grin split his face. "Is she gone yet?"

Students nodded, staring at their History professor, who suddenly seemed years younger. Lupin walked back into the hall and took one last look around, as if just to make sure for himself that Professor McGonagall was gone. Finally, he glanced over his shoulder.

"You can come out now, Sirius."

Nonchalantly, the black dog meandered into the Great Hall, looking insufferably pleased with itself. Suddenly, though, the dog´s head came up, and he sniffed the air eagerly. Then, without any warning, the dog transformed into Professor Black.

"Food!" he grinned and immediately snagged a sandwich from the head table. "I´m starving."

"I can´t imagine why," Professor Lupin replied dryly, but Sirius only grinned around a mouthful of sandwich. Lupin looked at him with something akin to exasperated affection, and began to continue, but was cut off as a great wave of cheering sounded through the hall.

Harry joined in, readily agreeing with Fred´s shouted exclamation of "We haven´t seen something so funny in ages!" and with everyone else´s general glee. He´d known Sirius could be funny, and even downright naughty at times, but he had a feeling that this prank was vintage "Padfoot," and that Professor McGonagall had just gotten a rude reminder of certain Gryffindor students she had taught more than twenty years before. But Sirius quickly held up a hand for silence.

"What are you making such a racket for?" he demanded, his face suddenly stern. "You´re going to make so much noise that she comes back in here, and I´d have to do that all over again!"