Tomorrow It May Change

It was a late weekend afternoon in the middle of November at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The air was cool, and there weren't many students outside. If they were outside, the students were sitting on benches or on the main part of the grounds. Except for one.

Second Year Remus Lupin was sitting by the edge of the lake, a Gryffindor scarf around his neck keeping him somewhat warm as the breeze blew his light brown hair this way and that. But it didn't really bother him. If he sat this way, he wouldn't be able to see that awful willow with the tunnel that led to that miserable shack. Remus could just stare over at the lake and the setting sun, and dream.

Remus could dream of life. Dream of freedom. Dream of not having to constantly lie to his friends. Dream of not being a werewolf...

He'd almost thought he'd dreamt that his friends had come up to him when he realized that they had.

"Hey, Remus, what are you doing over here?" asked James.

Pretending that I don't have to deal with something awful once a month, Remus thought. But he wasn't going to tell them that. He never let his friends onto how he was really feeling. He would try and keep himself calm. "Nothing."

"Well then, come on, it's boring out here," Sirius said.

"I bet," added Peter, "you are looking for the Giant Squid."

"Merlin's beard, you guessed it," said Remus sarcastically.

"No, you know what, I think he's in his 'mood'," Sirius said.

Remus turned around sharply. "What 'mood'?"

"You know, that 'mood' you get in every so often where your mind is clearly somewhere else. Will you stop doing those? It gets annoying at times. Whatever you're getting moody on us for, it's okay."

"I don't have any 'mood'."

And I wanna believe you

When you tell me that it'll be okay

Yeah, I try to believe you

But I don't

"Yes, you have a 'mood'," Peter said. "You're using it now."

"So come on, Remus. Leave the 'mood'. Everything's fine. Especially since I think we're close to finding the entrance to the kitchens," James said.

When you say that it's gonna be

It always turns out to be a different way

I try to believe you

Not today...

"Yeah...sounds great." Remus tried to think of something to say that would get his friends' attention off himself. "Where do you reckon it is?"

"Behind a portrait," James answered promptly.

"That's all you know?" Remus asked, trying to give his friends his funny, sarcastic tone. The tone that he used to be funny and hide the inside. "Which one?"

"Well...I don't know yet. But don't worry." James puffed his chest up and stood up straight in a mock superior air. "James Potter will find it!"

"Unless Sirius Black finds it first," Sirius told him.

"Come on," James laughed. "Remus, who do you think will find it first? Quidditch Extraordinaire James Potter or...Sirius?" James joked.

Sirius pushed James. "Hey!"

"Yeah..." said Remus, who was looking over the lake again and hadn't been listening to their conversation.

"I think we've lost him again," Peter told James and Sirius. "Hey...Remus...are you there? Are you going to be drifting off from us tomorrow, or are you going to look for that portrait?"

I don't know how I'll feel

Tomorrow...

I don't know what to say

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is a different day

Remus looked back at them. "Oh...sorry. I've just been preoccupied with the schoolwork lately," he lied.

Peter nodded. "The work is kind of hard."

I'm gonna do what I have to do

Just don't

Sirius and James didn't exactly look convinced, and Remus got a bit worried that they would start asking him what was wrong. He didn't want to talk about this now. If he could just get them to leave before it was too late.

"Why don't you go on and look for that portrait? I'll only be our here a moment longer, you can get a head start."

Give me a little time

Leave me alone a little while

Maybe it's not too late

Not today...

"You sure?" Sirius asked. "We can wait for you if you want. We'll still find it."

"No, that's okay, go on," Remus said. They didn't move. "Really, I'm fine. I'll see you all in a minute anyway.

The three still hadn't moved. "What?" Remus asked.

"I dunno, it's just...is there anything you want to tell us? We're here for you," Peter said.

And I know I'm not ready

Maybe tomorrow

"No, nothing," Remus lied again.

"Alright...s'pose we'll go now if you're going to stay out here a little longer. We'll be in the halls. We'll find you whenever you come in," James told him.

"Right," Remus said.

And I wanna believe you

When you tell me that it'll be okay

Yeah, I try to believe you

Not today...

Tomorrow it may change...

James, Sirius and Peter set back off to the castle, and the orange glow of the sunset was beginning to fade into the night's sky. The moon would be coming out, and Remus didn't want to face it. But he would have to face his friends. They were great friends, and that must have been why they seemed worried about him. Remus would never tell them. He couldn't. This was just so much that had been put in his life from a young age. Things just had to get better.

Tomorrow it may change.