Beauty and the Beast

Meanwhile, Draco Malfoy sat in the Leaky Cauldron, sitting in a chair near the fire. The moment Goyle came over to him, Draco began ranting.

"No one does this to me! No little mudblood dares to reject the proposal of marriage from me! No one! I'm the most gorgeous guy in town!"

Goyle held up a large bottle. "Want some Firewhisky?"

Draco cracked open the bottle and took a sip, but then shook his head. He threw the bottle behind him where Marcus Flint caught it and gulped the rest of it down. Draco made a sound between a sigh and a grunt. "Nothing helps."

"Yeah, but you know what always helps?" Goyle pulled a soggy lump from his pocket and took a bite. "Cake!"

Draco looked at him disgustedly. "Goyle, you're an idiot."

"I know," said Goyle happily.

"And I'm...I'm a handsome guy who's been disgraced."

"Aw, Draco!" said Goyle. He stuck his face in front of Draco's and tried to cheer him up.

"Gosh, it upsets me to see you Draco

Looking so miserable

Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you Draco

Even on dueling tables

There's no guy in town as generous as you

You're ev'ryone's favorite guy

Everyone's awed or terrified by you

And it's not very hard to see why!"

Draco raised an eyebrow at him. Goyle could be such an idiot at times. Actually, all of the time. And right in front of Draco's eyes, Goyle began to sing and dance stupidly.

"No one's slick as Draco!

No one's quick as Draco!

No one plays such bloody brilliant tricks as Draco's!

For there's no guy in town half as wealthy

Perfect, a pure paragon

You can ask either Blaise, Flint, or Bletchley

And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on!"

Goyle waved his arms encouragingly at Draco's friends in the Leaky Cauldron, and got them all to sing along with him.

"No one's swell like Draco

Uses gel like Draco

No one's got a family tree to tell like Draco!"

"As a pureblood I am quite intimidating," Draco admitted.

"I want a guy like Draco!" Pansy, Millicent, and Blaise swooned.

The people in the bar went into a huge cheer for Draco.

"Give five hip hips!

Give twelve hoorays!"

"Draco is the best

On Potter's best days!" Goyle announced.

It was becoming a sort of Draco Malfoy praise time. And Draco had to admit, he was beginning to like it a lot when the crowd began singing about him again.

"No one fights like Draco!

Has highlights like Draco!

In a potions room nobody smites like Draco!"

"For there's no one as intense and witty," the girls sighed again.

"As you know, I've got galleons to spare!" Draco told them.

"Not a bit of him's stupid or ugly!" Goyle added.

"That's right, and if Potter died I just wouldn't care!"

Everyone was beginning to stand up and sing about Draco.

"No one thinks like Draco!

Can make tweaks like Draco!

In a Quidditch match nobody seeks like Draco!"

"I'm especially good at other team beating!" announced Draco.

"Our favorite Draco!"

Draco was beginning to feel a great deal better. He still was upset about Hermione. He really still did want her...but in the meantime, this would do. All of these people loved him...and he did have three extremely obsessive fan girls...He walked over and grinned at them, and then told everyone some more things about himself.

"When I was a boy I had four dozen elves

Everyday to do all of the house chores

And now that I'm grown I have five dozen elves

So we've got very glittery floors!"

Everyone seemed even more impressed. Pansy, Millicent, and Blaise sighed again.

"No one aims like Draco!

Plays mind games like Draco!"

"And can say he has an ancient name like Draco!" sang Crabbe.

"I have Death Eaters in all of my family," Draco told them.

That made the girls sighs for him even louder. Draco stood on a chair as everyone else stood around him worshipping him.

"Say it again

Who's man of a man?

And we'll say it once more

Who's that wizard next door?

Who's that super success?

Don't you know? Can't you guess?

By his friends and many hangers on?

There's only one guy in town

Who's the coolest around!"

"And his name's D-R-A-C," Goyle began, but stopped. He seemed to have forgotten how to spell Draco's name. "D-R-A-C-E..."

"D-R-A-K-O," Crabbe finished as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Those two really were idiots. But hey, at least they all thought he was the best.

"Draco!!!"

A minute later, Edward had burst into the Leaky Cauldron.

"Hey, it's that dumb guy!" said Crabbe.

Draco smirked. That really was hypocritical of Crabbe to say, as he really wasn't that smart either. However, Draco completely agreed to what Crabbe said after hearing Edward's next sentence.

"He's got her! A terrible monster has got Hermione!"

Everyone in the Leaky Cauldron laughed at him, and Marcus Flint even sprayed his Firewhisky all over the table.

"Did it have long white teeth?" mocked Warrington.

"Yes, he must!" said Edward.

"And was it all hairy?" mocked Montague.

"Oh, yes, I imagine he will be!" said Edward. "Will you help me?"

"Of course we will," sneered Draco. "Flint, Pucey, go help him out."

Flint and Pucey snickered, then walked over to Edward. They each seized him by an arm and chucked him out the door.

"That crazy old Edward!" Pucey snorted.

"Yeah, he's the dumbest thing that's happened to this place since Crabbe and Goyle," added Flint.

"Now wait a minute, I resemble that remark!" Crabbe retorted.

Draco, however, was sitting in his chair again, deep in thought. "Crazy old Edward...crazy old Edward...maybe not so crazy...Goyle, get over here!"

"What?" Goyle asked.

"Goyle, I'm afraid I've been thinking," Draco told him.

"A really strange pastetime-" began Goyle, but Draco cut him off.

"I know

But that wacky old coot's 'Mione's father

And his sanity's only so-so

Now the wheels in my head have been turning

Since I looked at that loony old man

See, I promised myself that I'd marry 'Mione

And right now I'm evolving a plan!

If I..."

"Yes?" Goyle asked.

"Then we..." Draco continued.

"No! Would she..."

"Guess!"

"Oh! I get it now! Wait...no I don't!"

"Well you'll know. You know me. Come on, let's go!"

Draco and Goyle leapt up with grins on their faces.

"No one plots like Draco!

Takes cheap shots like Draco!

Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Draco!"

"So his marriage we soon'll be celebrating!" cheered the people in the pub.

"No!" sobbed Pansy, Blaise, and Millicent.

"My what a guy!

Draco!"

Hermione was still sitting in room crying.

"I'm sorry you're still upset. But it's really not that bad here," said a voice.

Hermione turned and looked around. "Who was that?"

"Oh, just me," said her dresser.

"You? But...inanimate objects are never speaking unless the proper spell is cast on them, and anyway at that point..."

"Don't make it that complicated on yourself," said the dresser. "I was an actual person, but then this happened. It's a long story. Just call me Tonks. It's my surname, but I hate my first name."

"I'm sure it's a very pretty one," said Hermione.

"Nymphadora," shuddered Tonks. "Would you really want to be named Nymphadora?"

"Well...not really," said Hermione.

"Exactly," said Tonks. "Anyway, it's not that bad around here once you get used to it. But it really was a brave thing you did today."

"But I absolutely hate it here!"

"Well...maybe you'll change your mind after you go to dinner. It'll be in a few minutes, why don't we find you something nice to wear? Like..." Tonks opened the drawers, and as they opened, Hermione could see that all the dresses were on a large heap on the bottom. "Oh no, I dropped them again! How embarrassing!" Tonks closed the drawers, and then opened them again, and the dresses were hung up neatly. "You'll look great in this one," said Tonks, holding out a golden dress to Hermione,

Hermione pushed the dress away. "Thank you, but I'm not going."

"Not going?" Tonks asked. "But you have to go! He told you to!"

The door opened again, and Snape stepped in. "Dinner is served."

Down in the dinner room, Remus sat impatiently while being watched by Sirius and Minerva McGonagall, who had been transfigured into a teapot. After not being able to take it anymore, Remus abruptly stood up, knocking over the chair. "Where is she? I told her to come and join me!"

"Now be patient, Remus, you're normally not angry like this at all!" Minerva said.

"Well then why don't you try being a werewolf and see what it does to you!" shouted Remus. "And not only that, but I'm a werewolf because of my stupid parents, and I've brought the spell on the castle and everyone here! And the rose is already beginning to wilt, and if I can't find a girl before the rose completely wilts, then we're all doomed to be like this forever! Yes, Sirius, I am aware that this is all my fault, so don't you start nagging on me too!"

"I wasn't going to!" Sirius said quickly. "I was just wondering if you'd given any thought to this being the girl."

"Of course I have! Why do you think I invited her to dinner?"

"Good, then!" said Sirius. "You fall in love with her, she falls in love with you..."

"Really, Sirius!" said Minerva. "She lost her freedom and her father in one day! Do you think she'd really adjust and like it here that much?"

"She might," Sirius shrugged.

Remus sighed. "It may never even work. She's so beautiful, and I'm so...well...look at me!" The fire illuminated his tired, ill face and his hair that was lightly flecked with gray.

"Then you'll just have to make up for it with your personality," said Minerva.

"Exactly," Sirius agreed. "So, when she comes in, you are going to give her a dazzling smile."

"And," Minerva added, giving a side-glance to Sirius who cottoned on.

"You must control your temper!" they warned.

"No speeches, please," said Sirius.

The door began to open.

"That's probably her!" said Sirius.

Remus anticipated Hermione coming in, and tried to smile, but it quickly faded when Snape came in.

"Snivellus!" scolded Sirius. "I told you! Stop trying to do imitations of girls! If you're going to imitate someone, stick with hobos!"

"Shut up!" Remus told Sirius. "Snape, where is she?"

"Oh, she's just in the fundamental process...of not coming."

"She's what?!" Remus streaked out of the room, up the stairs, and to Hermione's bedroom with Sirius, Minerva, and Snape trailing after him. "Didn't I tell you to join me for dinner?"

"I'm not coming!" came Hermione's voice.

"Come out here right now or I will.... huff, puff, and blow the room down!"

"Well for someone who doesn't want anyone to know he's a werewolf, you're doing an awfully good job!" whispered Sirius sarcastically.

"Be gentle," said Minerva.

"Or at least try," mumbled Snape.

Remus tried to calm himself. "Won't you please come down to dinner?"

"No! I won't!"

"But....I would be hugely overjoyed if I was acquainted with your presence at a nice meal that is being served now. Please."

"I'm not hungry!"

Remus' anger took control of him again, and his tranquility fell apart. "Fine, then! Just stay in there and starve! Don't come at all! It won't be my fault!" Remus turned to the other three. "If she's not hungry, then she's not hungry! She won't eat at all! Got it?" With that, Remus stormed away.

"Oh dear," said Minerva.

"Black, you stay there," said Snape. "And come and tell me if she changes her mind. Or if she would like to have a long, fun talk with me."

Sirius slapped him again. "You've been confusing fantasy and reality again, Snivellus. Now go away, I'm sure that you need to wipe all that grease off you."

Snape huffed at him and walked off.

Remus entered his room, the room where he transformed every month as well. Most everything was ripped or torn, and there was a chair missing a leg. As soon as he got in, he shut the door and began talking furiously to himself.

"I let her father go. I give her a nice room. I allow her to anywhere she likes, with the exception of this room. I invite her to dinner. What more does she want from me?!"

Much more, he knew. But he was too angry to pay attention to that voice inside himself. He walked over to his magic mirror, and said, "Show me her!" He saw Hermione I her room, crying, and Tonks trying to comfort her.

"He's not that bad once you get to know him. He can be nice sometimes," said Tonks.

"I don't want to get to know him! He acts like a beast!"

"Hermione-"

"I hate everything about him!"

Remus set the mirror down, and his mood did not improve when he saw another rose petal fall.

"It's hopeless," he told himself sadly. "I'll never be anything to her...but a monster."