The Most Beautiful Warts He Had Ever Seen

The Most Beautiful Warts He Had Ever Seen

There is a certain beauty to Hogwarts when you see it from an inch off of the ground. A history that not even the toughest scrubbing from Mrs. Skower's All-Purpose Magical Mess Remover can diminish. Trevor found out very early in his time at Hogwarts that he had an obsession with wandering the halls. All the kids get to; even that flea bitten fur bag Mrs. Norris has free reign in the hallways. Why can't the smartest toad in the school?

It took a long time for Trevor to realize that he was the smartest toad in the school. It, in fact, took him three years. He had realized his position at some point in the spring of last year when he wandered down his last corridor.

"Yep," he said to the empty corridor. "I'm the only toad at Hogwarts."

Of course, a few days later, he did meet several dozen toads suspended in potion jars in Snape's dungeon. Though he spent a good half-day attempting to engage them in conversation, not a one spoke back to him. He assumed, therefore, that they did not speak English, and he, of course, was smarter than they were, because he could speak English.

Trevor was lost in deep thought about the day he realized the breadth of his intelligence, when he ran headlong into a piece of stone. The stone, as it happened, was the toe of an enormous gargoyle.

"Ah, Dumbledore's office. Have not been here in ages. Maybe I'll pop in for a chat with Fawkes or one of the mice in there."

"I need to know what happened after you touched the Portkey in the maze Harry," said Dumbledore.

~

"I ask you to tell us what happened."

He took a deep breath and began to tell them.

As Trevor silently entered the room he saw all the usual adornments of Dumbledore's office; little silvery things covering tables, the sorting hat, that sword that had appeared here two years ago, a bleeding and broken Harry Potter, a tall, dark, strange man that Trevor had never seen before. Nothing ever really changes here.

Then Trevor spotted a friend of his in the corner. A mouse that Trevor was sure had told him a name, but which Trevor could not remember.

The mouse called out to him. "Oi, Trev, over 'ere, mate."

Trevor bounced rather slowly toward the corner where the mouse was sitting on his haunches.

"'Ow do, Trev? Fine night. 'Arry Potter's 'ere again. 'Ad a bit of a run-in with that Voldemort bloke. Tellin' the story now, fancy droppin' an eav with me?"

Trevor had never been good with accents, and though this mouse's was not terrible, he understood only about half of what the mouse said. Trevor had learned long ago, though, that it was not polite to stare blankly at someone you did not understand, so he nodded and smiled, and hoped he was not suppose to respond.

"A Death Eater asked how Voldemort had survived and made it back, and he told them that he had settled in an Albanian forest..."

Trevor smiled vaguely and told his mouse friend, "You know, I spent some time in Albania a few years ago, before I went to the Magical Menagerie and before the Longbottoms bought me. Took my old girlfriend on holiday to a forest there."

The mouse squeaked sharply. "You nutters mate? You know what lives in the forests in Albania. Me brother Wrinkles went to that forest. Got 'imself possessed by a dark shadow. Bloody thing got 'im when he stopped for a loo break. Never saw the poor bloke again! Said 'e kicked it right there in the forest. Only just in 'is prime, poor Wrinkles. Bit of a lazy git, mind, but no one deserves that."

Trevor had, again, taken in very little. He was busy remembering the days he had spent in the forest. "Did I tell you about that lady friend of mine? Dear me, was she beautiful. Bit of an odd one, but had the loveliest warts on her back. We went to this forest for a romantic getaway, you know? We used to play Hide and Go Seek. She was a very playful girl. So we were playing one day, you know, to ehhm... get in the mood. Anyway, she ran around the other side of this log. I was about to follow her when this dark cloud seemed to pass over me and hover over the log. I was terrified, so I lept under the log. By the time I came out, the cloud had gone. My girl was standing there, frozen, and her eyes were really funny. Very dark and kind of empty looking, like, I don't know... like she was possessed or something. Anyway, that's not important, she was absolutely lovely. I loved her so much..."

The mouse was staring in disbelief at Trevor. The Hogwarts mice, being fundamentally smarter than toads, tend to shy away from Trevor in particular, as he seemed to be the densest toad that had ever come through the school. The mouse had pitied the poor fellow, and had tried to make the lonely toad feel accepted in the castle. The more he listened to Trevor talk, however, the more he regretted his decision.

"So anyway, sudden like she scampered off, and she was a quick little one. I tried to catch her up for a few days, but she was a quick one, mind. She kept croaking back to me in this strange voice. Always the same thing. By Merlin, you disgusting toad! Leave me alone! Once I have a body of my own, you will be the first thing I destroy! Very strange way of talking to a mate, I thought, but like I said, she was playful. I just kept shouting back that I liked the body she had, and maybe we could get together for some fireflies one night. I was having fun, but I was getting tired of running all over the forest, you know. Getting a bit tired of the game, and ready to get down to business, if you understand me."

"He told them about how he had possessed Professor Quirell and tried to steal the stone..."

"So I decided one night that I would sneak up on her, and win her... ehhm... heart. So I hid in a rotten log for a few hours, until her guard was down. Then she came hopping by, acting oddly again, and I hopped out of my log onto her. It was just like always, she was playing "hard to get", you know, women feel the need to do that you know, just to show that you can't get them that easily. She loved me as much as I did her, of course, and we made love right there in the middle of the forest. Bit odd that time, though, she was screaming in that weird voice about how when she rose again, more powerful than before, she would destroy all toads. That sort of thing, but right about then I, well, you know, showed her how much of a man I was."

Had Trevor not been lost in thought, he might have noticed the distressed look on the mouse's face. In fact, a mouse has never been so green as this poor creature was at that moment. He was a civilized mouse, despite what some might say, and the thought of Trevor taking advantage a toad possessed by Voldemort was far more than he could bear. Trevor was lost in his story, and the mouse used his inattention to slip through the hole in the wall behind him. In fact, less than a day later the mouse had evacuated his family from this corner of Dumbledore's office and moved over to the opposite corner where there was a fine hole that had been abandoned only a few months before. Though the mouse's relocation was only a few yards, Trevor never found him.

While the mouse was packing his belongings, Trevor was completing his romantic tale. "She loved me, no doubt. She did this strange wailing though, and then there was a rush of that dark cloud. I don't really know what that was, but I was scared. I went to find us a hiding spot, and called her to follow over my shoulder. She must not have moved in time, though. After it passed, I wandered out to look for my love. The dark cloud must have gotten the poor girl, though. There she was, my dearest love, dead! Can you believe it? Never heard of it before, she was far too young. She was the loveliest thing I had ever seen; I loved her so much, and there she was, dead in my arms. Well, I was heartbroken. About that time, though, an odd man came walking through the forest. I hitched a ride in his bag to get home quicker. Brought me right back to England, and I was in the store only a few days later. I never will forget my beautiful girl though. I even heard her speaking in that strange voice to the man I was traveling with on the way home. The mind can play funny tricks on us, you know?"

As he concluded his story, Trevor turned to look at his mouse friend, and was quite surprised to find him gone. He was puzzling over what had happened to the fellow when he heard the scrape of chairs. Harry Potter and Dumbledore were leaving with the strange man.

"Oh, and I didn't get to hear the story either. I wonder what Potter found out about Voldemort? Oh well, maybe Neville will know. I should go back and see him."

So Trevor followed the group out of the office and proceeded up towards Gryffindor Tower. All the while he was preoccupied by the thought of the most beautiful warts he had ever seen, and that strange voice.