Life After Living

Chapter Seven

Well I guess you left me with some feathers in my hand

Did it make it any easier to leave me where I stand?

~ Angels of the Silences, Counting Crows

Ron had stumbled, unceremoniously, out of the bed. He had never been kissed before and it was rather disconcerting that his first kiss had been with none other than the Harry Potter. Standing in a tangle of sheets, Ron stared. Harry looked away, and then closed his eyes. Ron raised his hands to his lips. Harry had kissed him. Not knowing what to say, he left. He stumbled down the hall and into the bathroom, sliding down the door and pulling his knees to his chin.

Harry stared out the window at first. He felt drunk. His head whirled like he'd just polished off Uncle Vernon's secret stash of rum. He pulled himself from the bed and grabbed the paper box from his trunk. He paused, looking at the open door. He closed it firmly, moment of hesitation over, and lit a cigarette by the window.

After finishing his cigarette, he snuffed it on the windowsill and flicked the butt out the window. What had he done? He was pretty sure he'd just lost his best friend.

He turned, facing the feathers, and concentrated a bit. He wasn't sure it would work, but he was feeling rather lazy at that moment. It was worth a try. "Reparo," he said with a wave of his hand. To his astonishment the pillows repaired themselves, leaving not a trace of feathers.

So what if he was kicked out of Hogwarts? What point was there anyway? Ron surely hated him now. He wasn't even really sure how he felt about it. He had just kissed his best friend and wasn't even sure why. He just knew that he had felt such a need to do it.

Like the ministry would kick him out anyway. He surveyed the pillows again. I could get used to wandless magic.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Ron finally left the bathroom, after being threatened by Ginny, and ventured back towards his room. He wasn't quite sure what he would say. I'm not gay! He wasn't even sure if Harry had even meant anything by it. He supposed the best thing would be to talk with Harry. But that was such a Hermione thing to do. He swore he could still feel Harry's lips against his.

Suppose Harry had meant something by it. Suppose Harry was gay and had been for a while. It was possible that Harry had just done a good job at hiding it. There had been Cho Chang, though. She was as girl as you could get. Perhaps it was Cho's fault. Harry had rather fancied her. And then Ron remembered the look he had seen in Harry's eyes that morning. It was the same look he'd seen Harry giving Cho many times during fourth year.

Maybe he really is in love with me.

Ron finally allowed himself to reach his room only to find it devoid of both Harry and feathers. How long had he been in the bathroom? Certainly Harry couldn't have cleaned up that fast. Ron changed, watching the door unconsciously. He was perfectly content to remain hiding in his room. The only problem was that it was Harry's room, too, and the latter was bound to come back eventually. He leaned against the window and watched the clouds moving across the sky. It was going to be another horribly beautiful day. He found himself running his finger over a black smudge in the sill where Harry had snuffed a cigarette. Merlin, how things change.

His conscience, which sounded an awfully lot like the voice of Hermione, finally got the better of him and he went in search of Harry. There was no finding the other boy, though, which concerned him greatly. He was about to use his last resort (the attic room that Sirius and Buckbeak had once resided in) but stopped in the sitting room to take one more glance inside. Nothing.

He was a few steps down the hall, heading towards the attic when what he'd seen set in. He retraced his steps and looked into the sitting room again. There was a bench seat by one of the windows. The sun was streaming through the window, bathing the plush bench in light. A small breeze moved the curtains by the open window and Ron saw it again. It was only a slight shimmer. Anyone who wasn't Hermione or Ron would have missed it.

Ron smiled to himself. He moved over to the bench. Anyone else would have sat down and found a rather unpleasant surprise. Ron reached a hand down and lightly grasped at thin air. He felt the fabric in his fingers, though, and pulled. The invisibility cloak came away in his hand, revealing a sleeping Harry. He felt his smile broaden.

He sat down on the floor next to the bench and watched Harry sleep. After a while, he moved his gaze out the window as the sun moved through the sky. He watched as a brilliant emerald-colored dragonfly landed on the windowsill. It sat on the sill for a while, its wings fluttering, seeming to watch Ron. He let his eyes close, his head leaning against the bench.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

The worst dream Ron Weasley had ever had occurred the same night that Harry Potter had pulled the Philosopher's Stone from his pocket in front of the Mirror of Erised. Overcoming unconsciousness after his fall during the great chess game, Ron had immediately begun dreaming. He had never spoken of it. He hadn't remembered it.

It wasn't until he had the dream again, years later, that he'd realized that he had actually had had the dream before, (or parts of it, anyway.) What shocked him most was that he had never understood it before. Age had brought him clarity in ways he couldn't imagine.

He found himself standing in a field of brown grass. There was knowledge upon him then. The grass wasn't brown because of lack of water, nor had it been burnt by the sun. The grass was covered in dry blood. He turned to the majestic horse standing next to him. "Is it yours?" he asked, simply.

"Yes," the horse answered, though its lips didn't move.

"There's so much of it," A statement, no awe.

"It is the blood of centuries." The horse was now a cat, just as multicolored and majestic. It took a ginger step onto the brown grass. It stopped, sitting and licking its paw.

"It is to be a sign of the end," Ron nodded to himself, surveying the land.

The cat looked up, ice for eyes. "He, whose hands take from me my blood, will rise above all." A badger, where the cat once stood.

"And who will protect you from such a fate?"

"I am not to be protected from. I am to be protected against. I am already marked by he who would use me for evil."

"Are you evil?" Ron held his arm out for the raven that flew towards him. It landed without him feeling its talons dig into his flesh.

"Black and white make gray." It cocked its head, watching him with one beady eye. "I am only an instrument. It has always been so, unknown to me until it was too late. I have been branded from the very instant I was conceived." The raven stretched its wings. "Centuries awaited the moment. Blood awaited its destiny. My flesh, my bones are its carrier."

The snake had wrapped its body around Ron's arm. It bared its fangs. "My blood brings great power. And with that power, there will be an end." The fangs sank into Ron's neck.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

With a horrible gasp, Ron awoke, his hand instantly going to his neck. It was spare of any marks. Only sweat covered the skin. "Ron?" Harry had awoken to find Ron sleeping next to him and had been watching him for a long while. Of course Ron had been able to find him. Ron looked at Harry with wide eyes. "Are you okay?"

Ron was trying to preserve the words from his dream in his head, but they were slipping away from him too fast. "Weird dream," he managed.

"Ron, I--" Ron held his hand up. He stood quickly and rushed to the desk, grabbing a quill. Nothing came, though. It was gone. He slumped into the chair.

"Shit." The images had faded too fast. He buried his face in a hand. He looked up only when a hand hesitantly touched his shoulder. He sighed. "It's no use."

"What does that mean?" Ron opened his mouth to explain why it was no use when he realized that something was written on the parchment before him. Black and white make gray.

"I don't know," Ron answered. He stood, setting the quill down gently.

"I hope you're not letting that OWL in Divination go to your head." It was said with humor. Ron turned. He was a little surprised at how close Harry was standing to him. From such a close distance Ron realized the Harry was catching up to him in height. He found he couldn't meet those beautiful green eyes. Harry took a step back. "I'm sorry."

"No, Harry--" Ron was reaching out a hand to Harry when a voice stopped him in his tracks.

"There you two are." Ginny stood in the doorway. "They're up here!" She shouted down the hall. Turning back to them, "Remus has an announcement." She smiled.

Harry moved away from Ron as Remus entered the room. "I've just spoken to Dumbledore," he said, smiling. "You three are now allowed to roam freely in the backyard. The wards have been extended."

"Thank you." Harry tried his best to smile. Ginny jumped up and down excitedly, kissing Remus on the cheek and then fleeing the room. Ron thanked Remus as well.

"Thank Dumbledore."

Harry turned to Ron. "Do you mind if I have a minute?" Ron understood.

"Of course." Ron grabbed the piece of parchment from the desk. "I think I'll go sit outside for a bit." He smiled and left the room.

Harry looked over at Remus. "I'm sorry about before."

Remus smiled. "It's okay. I understand how painful it is." He took a seat in a chair by the fireplace.

"I think sometimes I forget that he meant more to you than he did to me. You knew him for so much longer." Harry slumped into the other chair.

"Just because I knew him longer, Harry, doesn't necessarily mean that he meant more. He did mean a lot to me, though. He always will."

"You've lost so much," Harry mused. "How do you find it in you to survive?"

Remus was silent for a while. Finally, he looked at Harry. "I haven't lost everything." He smiled. "I still have a lot to live for."

They sat in silence.

"I think you should have the house," Harry said after a while. "You live here anyway... and it just seems right that you have it."

Remus was stunned. "I'd really appreciate that, Harry. That means a lot to me." Harry could see that Remus was truly grateful.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Harry was surprised the day had passed so fast. He and Remus had talked for a full hour about small things. He then spent time sunbathing with Ginny in the backyard, teasing her about Dean Thomas. Before he knew it, the sun was setting and Mrs. Weasley had dinner ready. He and Ron spoke only lightly, joining in the conversations of the others.

Well after sunset, Ron found Harry standing beneath the stars. He stood beside his friend. "He really isn't coming back," Harry spoke quietly. Ron liked the way the moon glinted off Harry's black hair. Tearing his eyes away, he looked up at the stars. Harry seemed to be looking at the Big Dipper.

A star caught his eye. "See Orion's Belt, there." Harry followed Ron's finger to the three stars that made up Orion's Belt. He could smell Ron's shampoo. "And then follow the left one down. I don't know the name of that one, but if you go across from that one there, and then follow it down." Harry was tracking, looking from star to star. "There."

"There?" Harry found himself staring at a bright star. "What is it?" He asked Ron.

"That's Sirius." Harry turned his eyes back to Ron. Ron smiled. "Did you know Sirius was a star?" Harry shook his head. "It's called the Dog Star. It's one of the brightest stars in the sky." Harry was smiling now. "The Egyptians called it Sothis. Its rising corresponded with the beginning of flood season. It was part of the first calendar ever created."

Harry just stared for a minute. He was too busy burning the image of Ron's eyes into his mind. "I never realized you paid so much attention in Astronomy."

"Yes, well..." Ron blushed. He looked back at the star. "Ancient Egyptians believed that Sirius held the key to the destiny of their world, and to their own personal immortality."

Harry understood. He looked back at the star, a little sad. "He'll always be there. Looking down on me." Ron nodded.

Feeling anxiety washing over him, Ron stepped away and sat down on a stone bench. Harry turned to him. Ron looked up at him. "I don't know what to do about this."

"I don't know why I did it," Harry confessed. He looked away. "That's a lie. I do know why I did it. I just don't know exactly when my feelings for you changed." He looked back at Ron. "But they did... change." Ron nodded. Harry sighed, sitting down on the bench, as far away from Ron as possible. "None of it matters. Whatever I feel, I won't let it get in the way of our friendship. I can't lose you, Ron." Ron was silent, unreadable to Harry.

"And I know this probably sounds crazy," Harry continued, "but I even considered that if there was the slightest chance that you felt the same way, I couldn't pursue it for the chance that someday we would no longer feel that way and our friendship would be ruined. I sound completely nutters." Ron, who had returned to looking at the stars, smiled, but remained silent. "For the love of Merlin, say something!" Ron turned his eyes to Harry who looked on the verge of pulling his hair out.

"I just need some time to suss it out," Ron said, looking down. "There's a lot of questions in my head right now and not enough brain to answer them all at once."

"What does that mean, Ron?"

"It means that you're still my very best friend, but that I now need to consider some things."

"Well, let me know when you're done considering." Harry stood and went back inside the house. Ron hung his head, closing his eyes, as the back door slammed shut.