Life After Living

Chapter Four

And all the roads we have to walk are winding

And all the lights that lead us there are blinding

~ Wonderwall, Oasis

"Ron, you look like the dead." Ron looked up at his mother as he entered the kitchen. "Are you okay?"

"I just didn't get much sleep, is all. Is there tea?"

Mrs. Weasley set a cup of tea in front of him as he sat down at the table. Mr. Weasley set his Daily Prophet down. "Is he all right, Ron?"

"No," Ron answered, "But should he be?" Ron shook his head. "He dreams at night if he doesn't prepare himself."

"Prepare himself?" Mrs. Weasley sat down next to her husband.

"Occlumency. He seems to do okay if he tries hard enough. Goes completely blank. It's almost fascinating." Ron drank his tea. His parents exchanged worried looks.

"So he's conquered Occlumency, has he?" Ron jumped, his teacup clanking loudly against its saucer. He turned and set eyes on Severus Snape.

"Are the others here yet?" Snape asked.

"Shortly, I suspect," Mr. Weasley answered.

"Ron, take breakfast upstairs for you and Harry. The others have already eaten."

"Yes, mum." Ron just glared at Snape as he left the room. "I wouldn't go down there if I were you," Ron told Harry as they met in the hall. "Take this." He handed Harry a plate of food.

"Why not?"

"You'll run into our favorite potions teacher."

"Oh." Harry turned and followed Ron into the drawing room. "I received letter from Hermione. She'll be joining us in about two weeks." Ron seemed to cheer up a little.

They ate in silence. After a while, Ron looked up at Harry. The latter was staring into the empty fireplace. He hadn't eaten much. "Mum will ring your neck if you don't start eating more."

"She doesn't have to know," Harry said, letting Hedwig nibble at his plate. "So the Order still meets here?"

"The important people do," Ron answered, picking at his plate. "The Order has grown quite a bit since word got out about V--" Ron trailed off. Harry rolled his eyes. "We're here because Dumbledore's made my father head of the London Order." Ron beamed. "There are branches of the Order all over now."

"And Snape still plays both sides?"

"As far as I know. Though, I still don't trust him a bit." Harry nodded his head in agreement.

"Who do you reckon will take over the Defense Against the Dark Arts position?" Harry had relinquished the contents of his plate fully to Hedwig as well as Pig.

"I don't know."

"I wish they'd just go ahead and hand it over to Snape."

"Yeah, maybe then he'll stop ogling the classroom every time he goes by it."

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

It was innocent enough to begin with. Ron knew very well that the dreams that continued to wake Harry up were not because of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The dreams that haunted Harry were caused by his own subconscious. Ron was awake the instant Harry started to moan in his sleep. If he did not wake up in the morning propped against Harry's headboard, Ron awoke to find Harry curled up in a ball on the edge of Ron's bed.

It was a week later and three days in a row that Ron had found Harry in bed with him in the morning that Ron finally told his friend that he might as well not even bother at all with sleeping in his own bed. "Does it bother you?" Harry asked.

Ron had to think for a moment before answering honestly. "No it doesn't." In an effort to find a happy median, Ron shoved he and Harry's beds to within a foot of each other. It seemed to satisfy Harry for an entire night before Ron found himself yet again with a bedmate. Ron closed the remaining gap between the small beds making one large combination. He didn't mind at all. He'd had to tell Harry that five times before the latter had stopped apologizing.

12 Grimmauld Place had grown terribly quiet in that week. Mr. Weasley and Bill had been sent on an assignment. The twins had finally moved into the flat above their store in Diagon Alley. It was only Mrs. Weasley, Ginny, Ron, and Harry in the giant house. In only a weeks time Hermione would join them.

Ron found Harry standing in the hall where the portrait of Sirius Black's mother had once hung. The wall had been painted over. It was if it had never been there. "How did they finally get her off the wall?"

"Some spell. Don't remember what it was called. It's how they got rid of the family tree thing, too."

"Everything of his is gone."

"No," Ron answered, knowing Harry was speaking of Sirius. "Just in storage."

"And Buckbeak?" Harry looked at Ron.

"Hogwarts for the summer. Hagrid is taking care of him. It's undecided where he will go when school starts. If Malfoy saw that Buckbeak was back..." Ron trailed off. Harry had been staring down the hallway towards the attic where Sirius and Buckbeak had lived. At the mention of Malfoy, Ron saw Harry stiffen. "There have been rumors going around that Malfoy might not return to Hogwarts this year."

"I would be okay with that."

"But then..."

Harry eyed Ron. "What?"

"Well he's been taken into custody by the Ministry of Magic. After Lucius was arrested Draco and his mother were both taken into custody. Several Slytherins were, including Crabbe and Goyle. Dad says that Draco's mum is now in Azkaban as well. She was discovered to have a dark mark of her own. George said he overheard Dumbledore telling Mum that the safest place for them would probably be Hogwarts.

Remus Lupin entered the hall from the stairs. "Harry! Just the boy I was looking for." He held a scroll in his hand. "I have something to discuss with you." Harry and Ron just stared at him. "Please join me? Ron you may come as well."

Ron put an encouraging hand on Harry's shoulder.

They sat down in the chairs around the fire. "So what's with the scroll?" Harry asked Lupin.

"This, Harry, is your godfather's will," Lupin said gently. Harry looked away. "Harry, there are some important things in here that you should know about." Harry painfully looked back at Lupin. Ron was the only one to notice the pain in Lupin's eyes. It dawned on Ron. Remus Lupin was the last of the Marauders. One friend had betrayed him and the other two were dead. "Now Sirius gave the Order this house to use for our headquarters, but it was still Sirius's house. And now it's yours Harry, the house and everything in it."

"Mine?" Harry just stared at Lupin. He looked away for a moment and then at Ron. Ron could only think to give him a reassuring smile. Harry finally looked back at Lupin. "But I don't want it. The Order can keep it." Harry stood.

"Harry." Lupin stood as well and tried to put a hand on Harry.

Harry backed away. "I don't want it. I don't want to be here!" Harry was out of the room in an instant. Ron ran after, but not before sending an evil glare in Lupin's direction.

"Harry!" he yelled after his friend.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Harry ran blindly through the hall and down the stairs. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were in the foyer. They turned as Harry came down the stairs. "Harry? What's wrong?" Mrs. Weasley asked. Harry flew past her to the door. The door didn't budge as he turned the handle.

He spun. "Let me out!" Mrs. Weasley took a step back. "Let me out of this house!"

"Harry," Mr. Weasley spoke calmly.

The sound Harry emitted could only be equated to a growl. "If you don't let me out of this house--"

"Harry!" Ron and Lupin had reached the bottom of the stairs.

"No! I will not stay here. Let me out!" Harry grabbed the first thing he could find.

There was a small table in the foyer. A vase sat on top with enchanted flowers. There was also a framed picture of Sirius. Harry had never noticed the picture before. Sirius was laughing. He turned to look at Harry and smiled broadly. Harry raged. He grabbed the picture and threw it. Mr. Weasley barely got out of the way as the picture hit the wall and sent glass and wood everywhere. "Let me out!" He grabbed the vase.

"Harry!" Ron yelled at his friend. "Harry, don't do this!" The vase came at Ron. He dodged the vase but the water didn't miss him. He looked at Harry. It wasn't Harry that he saw, though. There was only fear in Harry's eyes. He was beyond recognizing that he had just thrown a vase at his best friend. "Father!" Mr. Weasley had seen it, too, and with a shout he incanted at the door. It swung open and Harry spun. He was gone in an instant.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Harry hit the pavement of Grimmauld Place at a run. There was a strong wind and it bit at his face as he ran. He heard his name called from behind him, but he didn't care. He did only what he knew to do.

There was a park at the end of Grimmauld. The morning sun shone across it making the grass glow. He stumbled at the change from pavement to grass but he did not fall. He could hear another set of running feet behind him as he neared a grove.

Ron tackled Harry with such force that they rolled. Harry twisted beneath him as they came to a stop. "Let me go!"

"Harry!" Ron pinned Harry. The redhead had always been the taller, stronger boy. In addition to the fact that Harry had all but given up eating, Ron had no problem holding the boy that struggled beneath his hands. "Harry," he said softer. Harry's struggles ceased. Ron waited a moment more before releasing him. Harry scrambled away and found himself against a tree. Ron remained where he was, on his knees.

They sat in silence for what felt like hours. Harry finally looked away, merely resting, as opposed to pressing himself, against the tree. The weather, though windy, was beautiful. The sun lit up the park in a golden light. It was going to be a beautiful summer day. Ron waited silently. In the distance several mothers had brought their small children to play. A bobby watched them shortly from a distance before moving on. Ron felt no fear as he watched Harry come back to life.

"I never wanted so badly to die." Ron was snapped back to reality at the sound of Harry's voice.

"That's horrible, Harry."

Harry looked away. "Everyday is this battle that I don't want to fight. I never asked for any of this. Life was simpler when my biggest fear was dying in that cupboard under the stairs."

"We don't get to choose our lives, Harry." Harry looked back at Ron. "I mean we do to some point, but in all reality..."

"I am not worth the deaths of these people. Cedric and Sirius--"

"They died to protect you."

"I didn't ask for their protection!" Harry snarled. "Of what importance am I? Am I the savior of the universe? All I am is a pawn in a game I didn't start."

"Who are you?" Harry was taken aback by the question. He eyed Ron. "When did you become such an ass?" Harry's jaw dropped slightly. "Those people died to protect who you used to be. They died for the boy who wouldn't leave anyone behind. They died for a cause that transcended even you, the Boy Who Lived. They died for the same reason I would given the chance."

"Why would you die for me?" Harry asked quietly.

"Because you would do the same for me. You would do anything to protect me. You proved that in the Tri-wizard Cup. Before that day, Harry..." Ron trailed off, looking away.

"What?"

Ron looked back at his friend sadly. "I was so jealous of you. You knew that, I think. I felt like I was nothing. You were everything I ever wanted to be and I was just a sidekick. But that day... Everything changed, Harry. I never felt like I meant anything before that. I don't know. Maybe it's nothing."

"You've always meant something, Ron." Harry smiled slightly. "You were my first friend. You're my best friend."

"And the same for you, Harry." Ron smiled back. "And I would rather die before I would have to suffer life without you. That's why I'd sacrifice myself for you."

Harry turned away, not wanting Ron to see the tears spring to his eyes. "But Ron..."

"What?"

"I would sooner die then live without you."

"Then it's settled. Neither of the two of us are ever allowed to die."

Harry laughed. A tear found it's way down his cheek. "What would I do without you, Ron?"

"Die of boredom, I suppose. Which would surely be a tragedy." Harry shook his head. Ron crawled on his knees to Harry's side. "They didn't die without a cause, Harry. If you give up now, then they will have." Harry nodded. Ron pulled him into his arms. He felt Harry hug him back.

"How do you always know exactly how to make me feel better?"

"Because I love you."