Life After Living

Chapter Three

I'm not, not sure,

Not too sure how it feels

To handle everyday

~ Miss You Love, Silverchair

Though Harry had come to the realization that he couldn't bury his feelings inside him, it didn't make him feel any less remorseful. He lay awake in the darkness, listening to Ron's quiet snores. After laying there for what seemed like hours, Harry rose and went to his trunk. He pulled out the bundle of unopened letters and crept from the room. He wandered down and found the sitting room. It looked very different from the last time he had seen it. It was cozy almost.

He lit a fire, not using magic, and sat himself in front of it. He sorted through the letters by handwriting. There were several unknown ones and he opened them first. They were from all sorts of people apologizing for not believing Harry. Setting them aside he moved on to Ron's. They were all concerned letters. The last of which announced that Moody and the others would be coming for him.

Hermione's letters were just as concerned as Ron's, if not more so. Feeling suddenly guilty, he grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill from the desk in the room and wrote her a letter apologizing for not writing sooner. He hadn't realized how much he had missed her, too. He retrieved Hedwig silently from he and Ron's room and sent her on her way. After reading all his letters he sat back in one of the cushioned chairs in the sitting room.

"Harry?" The voice startled him. Ron stood in the doorway.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, Pig did." Ron moved into the room. "I wondered where you'd gone." He spotted the letters on the floor. "Doing some light reading?"

"Hardly," Harry answered. "I sent Hermione a letter."

"Good! She's been worried sick about you. Even sent a howler to Dumbledore demanding that he take action."

Harry laughed out loud. "I believe it!" Harry continued to chuckle.

"I'm glad you feel better now."

"Thanks to you. I guess I was just bottling it all up inside. I made myself so angry." Harry stared into the fire.

His scar seemed to glow in the firelight. Ron found himself staring at it. "Did it bother you at all this summer?"

"What?" Harry asked, looking back at Ron. He saw him staring at his forehead. "Oh." Harry had to pause to think about it. "No, now that I think about it."

"That's good, though."

"Yeah, I guess." Harry stared back into the fire. "I feel him. It doesn't hurt, though."

Ron's eyes were drooping in the warm fire. Harry found himself staring at him. He really had missed the redhead. He felt himself growing drowsy, too. "Harry?"

Harry's eyes snapped open. "Yeah?"

"You're better than him. You're better than the lot of us." Ron smiled. Harry felt his cheeks grow warm. Perhaps it was only the fire that made it so.

"I wouldn't be without you, Ron," he found himself saying. Ron looked away. Had his cheeks grown warm, too?

"I think I'll be off to bed now. I haven't gotten as much sleep in the last two days as you have."

Harry smiled. "Good night, then."

"Good night."

~-~-~-~-~-~

The sun poked its way through the curtains of Ron and Harry's bedroom. Harry watched as Ron stirred. He tried not to think too much. When he did his anger seemed to mount again. He only faintly realized that he was practicing Occlumency. Perhaps he had been practicing it all summer. All he could remember was that he was constantly trying to rid himself of thoughts. It made it hurt less. But then he was thinking again and the anger was flowing back. He shook his head.

Ron awoke to an eerie silence. He opened his eyes and blinked against the light. He cursed the charm that his mother had put on his curtains to open every morning as the sun rose. He turned his head, looking over at Harry's bed. The latter was staring blankly at the window. He hardly blinked at all. Ron had never seen his friend in such a condition. "Harry?" he spoke quietly. Nothing. "Harry," he said louder.

Harry blinked hard, coming back from thoughtlessness. He looked at his friend. "Good morning."

"What were you doing just then?" Ron inquired.

"Occlumency," Harry answered frankly.

"Occlumency?" Ron sat up. "Mastered it now, have you?"

"I didn't realize it until just now. Maybe that's why my scar hasn't hurt all summer."

"Wait 'til Hermione finds out. She'll beam with pride. And maybe even Snipe will, too."

"Maybe."

There was a small knock on the door and Mrs. Weasley poked her head inside. "Fancy some breakfast you two?"

Now that Harry thought about it, he was quite hungry. "I do."

~-~-~-~-~-~

It was Ron that lay awake in the moonlight that night. Harry had not slept a wink all day and was in a considerably better mood. At least, that's what he had wanted everyone to think. For some reason, Ron had seen through it. Harry collapsed the instant they had returned to their room after supper. Ron could have sworn he had heard muffled sobs, but fairly quickly any noise was replaced by Harry's steady breathing. Ron knew his mother would have a fit if she saw Harry sprawled across his bed with his shoes and clothes still on.

Ron tugged on Harry's shoe. Seeing no sign of movement, he tugged the shoe all the way off and then did the same to the other. He thought briefly of relieving Harry of some of his clothing, but promptly shook the thought away. Instead he pulled the blankets up to Harry's shoulders and snuffed out the light in the room.

Ron's thoughts were broken as a distressed moan came from the other bed. Harry's bed squeaked as Harry rolled in his sleep. Harry moaned again. Ron stood and made his way to his friend's bed. Harry was shaking his head back and forth. Ron could have sworn he mouthed, "No."

"Harry." Ron put his hand on Harry's shoulder, knee on the bed. "Harry," he said again, shaking his friend lightly. Harry squirmed, moaning loudly. "Harry!"

With a gasp Harry's eyes snapped open. "Ron!" Harry's arms were around Ron in an instant.

"It's okay, Harry. It was just a dream." Ron tried his best to comfort him, awkward as he felt in Harry's arms.

"They never feel like dreams anymore." Harry released Ron.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Harry shook his head, looking away. "I promise not to go Professor Trelawny on you." Ron smirked.

Harry smiled. But the smile faded. Ron found it odd that Harry looked him in the eyes as he spoke. "I'm always alone at Hogwarts. The halls are always empty. I feel him there, though. He knows all of it is my fault. He whispers it in my ear. He laughs." Harry finally looked away. "And you're all gone. I know I'll never seen anyone that I love again."

Perhaps it was Ron channeling his mother that made him reach up and brush Harry's hair from his face. Neither seemed to really notice or care. "You know we'll never leave you. I'll never leave you. I'll never let you be alone." Tears were in Harry's eyes again.

"I never want to dream again. I never want those feelings running through my veins."

"It'll be okay." Ron was subconsciously running his hand over Harry's hair. They both were so tired. "I'll be right here if you dream again."

"Will you be right here?" Harry's eyes begged.

"If you want," Ron heard himself answer before he'd even thought it. Harry put his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. Ron leaned himself against the headboard. He was awake all night watching Harry sleep.