Journey to Passion

Chapter Five - A Precious Gift

"Professor Snape?"

He heard the voice coming from behind him and recognized the sweet sound immediately. Only Jessica was capable of making every single blood cell in his body tingle and then go numb by simply speaking his name. It was a feeling he both loved and hated at the same time.

What he loved and hated even more than that was turning around to lock his dark eyes with those beautiful emerald green ones. That's exactly what he did. Standing half way between the Quidditch field and the castle, Snape turned himself around to see Jessica standing there alone, her emerald eyes staring right back at him. For the love of Merlin! Why did she have to be so beautiful? Wearing robes of deep, dark green, she looked even more desirable than she did a week ago.

Snape quickly looked down her slender body, caressing her with his hungry eyes and devouring the lovesick craving he had for her. Her open overcoat exposed more curves than he could handle and displayed how marvellously her body fit into that marvellous, velvet dress.

"Well, well, well," Snape began as he looked back up into her eyes. "If it isn't the ambivalent bane of my existence." His arms crossed over his chest and his lips spread into what any Hogwarts student would refer to as his trademark sinister smile. It was a sneer Jessica was quickly beginning to recognize.

And of course, what good was the trademark smile if it didn't have an insolent remark to go with it? Jessica smiled at him anyway, knowing by now that his impertinence was just something he couldn't help.

"Now is that any way to treat a lady?" Jessica asked playfully.

It most certainly wasn't, but Snape wasn't about to let her believe he didn't think so. Letting his guard down like that would only assure Jessica that he was vulnerable.

"I saw you in the stands," Jessica told him and began to walk along side of him up towards the castle. "Why don't you watch the game with the other professors?"

"I wasn't there to watch the game," Snape spat at her.

"Then why were you there?"

"That is not important."

"Of course it isn't," she agreed sarcastically. "I've come to realize that a lot of unimportant things require your full attention."

Snape stopped immediately and looked at Jessica. The black look in his eyes told her he resented her comment. "What I meant to say was-"

"It's none of my business," Jessica finished for him. It probably wasn't any of her business, but a part of her was hoping that over the last week Snape had given at least some thought to willingly letting her in on a fraction of what he did in his everyday life besides send his students up to the Hospital Wing by the handfuls.

"Right," Snape muttered softly and shifted uncomfortably. "Well," he began as they continued walking together. "It's nothing personal, Jessica. Some things I know are no one's business."

Feeling a bit better by these words, Jessica smiled up at him and skipped a couple of steps to keep up to his long, quick strides. "I understand," she said. "You're not the only one around here burdened by a life of secrets."

Snape looked sideways at her and watched Jessica pick the hem of her dress up into her hands as she stepped over a wet puddle of slush. The field was full of slushy puddles due to the refreshing afternoon sunshine. Snape could hear the sopping wet grass squish and slosh beneath their shoes as they walked.

"What makes you so sure everything is a secret?" Snape quizzed as he curiously glared at her through the narrow slits of his eyes.

"It appears quite obvious, don't you think?" Jessica shot back. She turned her head towards him at an awkward angle and hopped over another puddle of slush. "What you won't tell me, you won't tell my uncle, and whatever he doesn't know is undoubtedly a complete mystery to the rest of the world."

"Had it ever occurred to you that perhaps your uncle does know the entirety of my cautious procedures and is keeping you in the dark simply because it is in fact NOTHING for you to become aware of?" Snape lifted his eyebrows in satisfaction and eyed Jessica feeling certain that his negation had rendered her speechless. For a moment he had been successful, although as soon as he saw Jessica open her mouth to speak, the confident look on her face assured him that he was in for a disappointment.

"Had it ever occurred to you, Professor Snape, that just because you can't tell me some things about yourself doesn't exactly mean you can't indulge me in anything about you at all?"

"What the hell do you want to know about me?" he questioned irritably and began walking a pace faster.

"I don't care," she said. "But you're going to have to start talking to me about something if you ever want to find out where I've decided to place my heart." By trying to keep up to his quickening pace, Jessica failed to notice a large puddle in front of her and she instantly felt a gush of ice-cold water penetrate through her left shoe and soak all the way up to her ankle. She quietly cursed at the dismay and then stopped before the puddles could create any further hassle.

"What makes you so sure I want to do that all of a sudden?" he asked, ignoring her inconveniences.

"Look, will you just stop for a moment!" Jessica demanded after growing tired of having to skip about to keep up with him. Several steps ahead of her, Snape did halt to a stop and then turned around to look at her. His hands clamped to his hips and the unenthusiastic look on his face once again made Jessica feel like she was only wasting her time with him. "I just know, all right!"

Snape rolled his eyes in disbelief and then sighed at her.

This is going to go no where, Jessica thought to herself. No matter how badly she wanted to break through the barrier between them, Jessica couldn't stand putting herself through this vicious cycle any longer. Before long the heartache would be too much. If she walked away from him now, at least then she'd only have to suffer one week's worth of emotional turmoil opposed to the heartache she would endure if she continued to put up with Snape's childish insolence.

"You know what," she began. "I'm tired of this. I'm tired of seeing that monotonous expression of yours every time I try to befriend you. Clearly I've made a mistake in wanting to place my heart in the hands of a man who refuses to admit that he wants what's right in front of him."

Her words struck him like a bolt of lightening and the fiery look in her eyes met his fierce glare and - to Snape's utter shock - suddenly melted the armour encompassing his heart. He hadn't expected to hear this from her! Only hours ago he had been certain Jessica had every intention to keep her heart to herself. Not only was he wrong, but now he had given her another good reason (as if she didn't already have enough) to want to keep it to herself.

Damned!

Feeling more heartbroken than she ever had before in her entire life, Jessica slowly picked up the hem of her dress and stepped over another puddle as she walked around the silent and distraught professor. Just as she brushed her shoulder against his arm, Jessica felt a firm hand grasp around the inside of her arm.

Snape pulled her back until she was standing in front of him and then loosened his grip around her arm. He couldn't quite bring himself to completely let go of her in case this was the last chance he'd ever have to touch her. He looked deep into her eyes and fought as best he could the temptation he had to pull her into a deep, passionate kiss that would assure her that having her heart in his hands was his deepest and utmost desire right now. Instead, Snape reluctantly let Jessica pull her arm out of his grasp and he watched her take one step away from him.

"Just because I don't express my emotions does not mean they don't exist," he told her. "I harbour my feelings as I see fit, and the better of those feelings are not appropriate for Daily Prophet headlines."

"I'm not asking you to broadcast yourself across the country," Jessica assured.

"I know that," he said. "I have spent a lifetime learning the hard way that sentiment only renders one's vulnerability. If you ever experience the things I have experienced, you will understand why I think it is best not to value anything that can be taken away in a heartbeat. It's not easy and it is not always what I want."

Jessica opened her ears to him and then placed a firm hand overtop of his own. At the very moment she touched him, Snape felt as if a serge of power penetrated throughout his entire body. "Then tell me what you do want, Severus," Jessica requested, her voice sounding like a million echoes bouncing off of every corner in Snape's head.

His heart skipped a beat... maybe even two. Whether she had realized it or not, Jessica had called him by his first name for the first time. He'd never dreamed such a thing would have this great an effect. Every morsel of his body was warmed by the sound of her tender voice speaking his name. He loved how the sweet sound echoed between his ears.

If he still hadn't been so taken aback, then maybe he'd have been able to squeeze her hand back when she slipped her fingers around his hand. Instead he looked down at her hand in his and felt entire body turning numb again. He could no more stop himself from feeling this astonished than he could keep the earth from spinning around.

After a long hard look at what was happening, Snape finally pulled himself together and looked straight into the elegant, green eyes in front of him. As his thumb began soothingly rubbing Jessica's hand, her grip around his fingers tightened.

"I do fancy you, Jessica," was all he could manage to say at first. He wasn't exactly sure if he wanted to admit that just yet, but something about the way she made him feel forced the words right out of him.

Her head nodded almost unnoticeably and her eyes continued to gaze up at him in anticipation to hear more. There was plenty more he could tell her, both good and bad things. By closer scrutiny, it didn't seem that it mattered to Jessica whether or not what he had to tell her was good or bad, but rather that he just told her some truth. If it was the truth she wanted, he'd give her all she could handle.

"I came to Hogwarts after living a long hard life of falsehood, evil, and despair. I was doomed for a life of eternal imprisonment and only one person was able to save me from what any wizard would call a life worse than death itself. Just before Albus brought me here, everything that was precious to me was destroyed and every bit of strength I had was stripped away. Sometimes I wish I had died." The grip around Jessica's hand became tighter and the gaze of sheer abhorrence that burned in his dark eyes was so intense Jessica could no longer remember to keep breathing. She looked down at his white knuckles and wondered if he even realized how tight a grip he had on her. "These last few years I have tried very hard to ignore every feeling, every desire and every avid notion that has ever been brought upon me in fear that my acquisition could only be taken away again. Until now I have been completely successful. I despise myself now knowing that I have allowed these feelings to return only long enough for me to fall for you."

Snape loosened his grip around Jessica's hand and then gradually let go of her after making the painful decision that it would be best if he never touched her again. Surly, one way or another, he'd only lose her.

Quickly, Jessica took his hand back and squeezed him once more. The same overpowering feeling returned when she touched him, but it wasn't nearly as strong as it had been the first time.

A curious pair of eyes looked up at him and Jessica bit her bottom lip before asking him one last question. "Do you want me, Severus?"

His head nodded slowly. "I do want you, Jessica," he assured. If he never saw her again after today, that was the one thing he wanted her to be sure of. Then, before he could even put the words together in his head, the rest of the words trickled out of his mouth. "I love you and I want you in my life."

Half way between her chest and her throat, Jessica could feel her heart pounding out of control. Her eyes stung as the tears threatened to pour down her cheeks. If she blinked at all, they inevitably would. Even under the power of her magic, Jessica never suspected she'd hear him say such powerful words to her.

'I love you and I want you in my life.'

The words played over and over in her head until Jessica could no longer keep her eyes open. She quickly pulled her hand away from his and closed her eyes. She felt the warm moisture drip down each side of her face. Touched by the chill of the afternoon wind, the trail of tears turned cold and Jessica opened her eyes to shamefully wipe the tears away.

Snape reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a clean, jade coloured handkerchief and held it out to Jessica. "I never thought there would finally come a day where I'd see you cry."

Jessica giggled at her own embarrassment and timidly took the handkerchief. "Thank you," she whispered softly as she dotted beneath her eyes. When she handed the square cloth material back to him, Snape pushed her hands away and nodded his head.

"Keep it," he said. "I've got plenty more."

Jessica looked closely at the black embroidery in the corner of the handkerchief and read his initials out loud. "S. S. How sweet, you're giving me your snot rag."

"I beg your pardon?" Snape demanded. Although his face twisted up in one of his nasty faces again, Jessica was certain she could see a smile beneath the hideous scowl. "That happens to be a fine piece of handcrafted material. If you're really that repulsed I will take it back," he said and reached his hand out to retrieve the handkerchief.

"No, no, no," she said and clutched it against her chest. "It's perfectly all right, Severus."

She'd done it again. Jessica called him by his first name, and just like the last time, the sound of it warmed his body from head to toe. Damn the power she had to do that! He was supposed to be walking away from her, not allowing himself to be drawn to her fatal attraction.

"No man has ever given me his personalized hankie before." She folded the material in half and gently tucked it in the cuff of her sleeve.

"You deserve much more than an insignificant, personalized snot rag," Snape told her. He knew he shouldn't be trying to dazzle her, but his yearning to romance her now was far greater than it ever had been before, and his pain filled decision to walk away from her today was quickly disintegrating. "Perhaps a personalized tour of Hogwarts is in order."

Knowing that Jessica was keen on seeing every inch of the castle, Snape hoped that his offer was one that wouldn't go unappreciated. A moment later her head nodded accepting his offer.

"Well, well, well; the notorious Severus Snape has a soft spot after all." A sweet smile finally appeared on Jessica's face and Snape became overwhelmed with joy to see her take one step closer to him. She walked into his embrace and then delicately moved the strand of hair that had been hanging in his face off to the side. "I can sense what you're thinking right now, Severus," she said in a soft whisper. "Go right ahead and kiss me. I promise I won't hurt you this time." With her lips spread into the slightest jovial smile, Jessica pressed her hands to his chest and closed her eyes as she awaited his kiss.

Across the field dividing the school from the Quidditch pitch there were still several students and teachers scattered around still making their way back up to the school. Snape knew that if he kissed Jessica now, he stood the chance of letting some of them catch a glimpse of their intimate moment.

He imagined some of the students pointing, laughing, gasping - whatever. It didn't really matter what they did if they saw him kiss her. In all honesty, he hoped that someone would notice. Something about holding Jessica - the most beautiful woman to ever walk the grounds of Hogwarts - made Snape want to proclaim to the whole school that this particular woman was his!

It was the strangest feeling he'd ever felt before. Nonetheless, it was a pleasant feeling. A joyous and blissful feeling. For a man who'd always kept to himself and never bothered to let anyone know his heart actually existed, this feeling was unusual, but quite satisfying. He'd certainly never experienced that before.

His breath caught in his throat and it seemed that Jessica's kiss was all that would be able to revive him. Unwilling to waste any more time, Snape looked down at Jessica's peaceful expression and framed her face in his hands. He hesitated at first but then moved closer to the beckoning of her kiss. Gently placing his lips overtop of hers, Snape pulled her closer to him and indulged in the full experience of claiming her sweet kiss. His hands moved gradually down her neck and over her shoulders.

Her soft, velvet dress felt wonderful under his fervent hands. With his body pressed so closely to hers, Snape could feel the warmth of Jessica's body spreading to his. It was warmth he had never experienced before. Although he had been passionate with other women in his past, Snape knew that every taste of passion he shared with Jessica was going to make a world of difference. He'd already told Jessica he loved her, and that was something he'd never told anyone before.