Snape In Love

Chapter 55

I've Found Me The Sanctuary Of My Heart

How can you be like a sky stretched out before me
And the world is turning your way
Even darkness is better this way

Can it be true that it all comes rushing from you
When my resistance is gone and there's nothing that I can lean on

You are the wind at my back, you give what I lack
You're the jewel in my hand, you're like rain on dry land

You're the focus the beam, you're reality's dream
You're the blue in my black, you're the wind at my back

All of the above, I'II have the lot for my love
And as we're becoming somehow, as we're changing the future to now

I just want to live in the place that you have to give
I'll let the heat beat me down until the water comes down

You are the wind at my back, you give what I lack
You're the jewel in my hand, you're like rain on dry land

You're the focus the beam, you're reality's dream
You're the blue in my black, you're the wind at my back

You are the wind at my back, you give what I lack
You're the jewel in my hand, you're like rain on dry land

And my soul has been kissed just because you exist
You're the dream that's a fact, you're the wind at my back

You're the wish that I make, you're the prize I might take
You're the gold that is free, you're the groom on one knee

You're the flow that I feel, the illusion so real
You're the ocean the tide, you're the door open wide

And my soul has been kissed just because you exist
You're the gold that is free, you're the groom on one knee

You're the wish that I make, you're the prize I might take
You're the dream that's a fact, you're the wind at my back

And my soul has been kissed just because you exist
You're the blue in my black, you're the wind at my back

(Lyrics from "Wind At My Back" by Neal Morse, "Snow", Spock's Beard)

As Hermione and I hastened along the dark dungeon corridors the castle was completely still and silent save for the clatter of our footsteps as they echoed on the stone floors, and all of the portraits were deserted. We rounded a corner and came face to face with the Bloody Baron, who blocked our way with an ostentatious bow.

"Well met, Milady!" he said, wiggling bushy black eyebrows at us in what I hoped was a friendly manner.

"Good morning, Baron," I said cautiously, unused to hearing anything other than blood-curdling screams come out of his mouth.

"Please give our esteemed Professor Snape my best wishes. I have missed his company in recent months, in the corridors at night...I understand he has other nocturnal occupations nowadays?"

"Indeed," I answered, edging past him nervously with Hermione close behind.

"Then I wish you both a fulfilling future," he leered, continuing, "and I have entrapped Peeves in one of Mister Filch's store cupboards, in the West Wing, for the duration of your celebrations."

"Er...that's very thoughtful, Baron. Thank you."

With a hair-raising cackle, he swept through us both and was gone. Shuddering a little, Hermione said with feeling,

"Ugh! Give me Nearly Headless Nick any day!"

Hermione and I took a different staircase than was my habit to get to ground level. I would normally use the staircase that gave on to the entrance hall, or the one straight into the Great Hall behind the staff table, but today I wanted to be able to walk along one of the corridors that overlooked the lake. I hurried towards one of its long, thin leaded windows and peered out anxiously. I saw the gilded boat, safely moored at the lakeside down to my right, and I looked across quickly to the foothills on the lake's far side where a throng had gathered. A little way apart from them were three figures, standing near to the second small jetty that had been built especially for the day, and immediately I recognised one of them as Severus.

"Oh, he's there, Hermione, he's there!"

"Of course he's there! Now come on, you don't want to keep him waiting, do you?"

The portraits had all been empty on our way through the castle thus far, and now that we had reached the final corridor leading to the Entrance Hall I could see why. Each painting lining our route was now crammed with well-wishers, all chattering excitedly amongst themselves and jostling for position. As I passed there was a clamour of voices, chorusing

"Hello dear!"

"Doesn't she look lovely?"

"Let me see! Move over!"

Sir Cadogan was on horseback as usual, prancing up and down as he tried in vain to prevent onlookers from encroaching in to his territory, while the Fat Lady was blowing her nose loudly on a lace handkerchief, accompanied by her friend Violet who waved tearfully as we passed. We reached the Entrance Hall to find it glowing silvery grey with ghosts who drifted silently apart for us to pass through. Their spokeswoman for the day was my own House's Grey Lady, grievously wronged in love herself, and she murmured wistful good luck wishes as we reached the main doors.

I practically floated the rest of the way to the boat, my heart urging me forward as it sang with joy. Outside the air was warm, but there was a slight breeze and I felt that it must surely have been conjured up to urge me on.

I stepped on to the boat and stood in the middle of it, facing the lake's far side. Hermione sat behind me at the tiller, on opulently cushioned seats, and I spoke out clearly, saying the charm that would enable the boat to begin to move of its own accord. I wished it would hurry, and I gazed at Severus' figure, standing quite alone now on the jetty with a nimbus of soft blue light surrounding him, like a black angel. I drew the flower-trimmed hood from my head and unfastened the clasp around my neck, letting the cloak fall to the floor behind me. I stood in all my splendour, drawing ever closer to him, until I could discern the amazement he felt upon gazing on me, and the wonderment in his eyes.

As the boat progressed across the lake, I could by degrees make out what he was wearing. Black, of course, and since I loved him so my heart rejoiced to see it, but this was a black such as I had never seen him wear before. Black on black, faceted layers and abstract design in stiff silk damask, heavily embellished with silver serpentine buttons on sleeves and trousers as well as from his neck to his knees. A quicksilver-grey shirt, which sparkled when the sun caught it, poked out from his cuffs and collar as if shy to be a departure from his usual white. He was exquisite, and I could barely catch my breath. My first glimpse of him always affected me that way, as if I needed to get used to his overwhelming presence by degrees, like stepping into an icy sea, although his nearness was always anything but icy.

I took in all the details of his dress, but my attention was held by the way the breeze blew his hair from his face like the most gentle of my caresses, and the way his fingers stretched and flexed as if desperate to reach out and hold my hands. But most of all I was transfixed by his face, the set of his sensual lips, his proud nose, the deep line between his eyes accentuated by his habitual frown, and those eyes, inky, endless conduits conveying all that he felt for me across the diminishing expanse of water between us until the almost palpable emotions washed over me, drowning me in need, and want, and love.

I found myself leaning forward slightly, drawn to him as if a million tiny hooks, embedded in my heart, my soul and more instinctual places, were being reeled in by his resolve, so gently yet inexorably, and I willed the boat on until at last it stopped silently at the jetty.

He took a step towards me and held out his hand. Blue lightning flashed between our fingers as I took it, but I had known to expect it and as I stepped on to the jetty my eyes never left his. He led me to dry land as Remus then approached and offered his hand to Hermione behind us.

The air positively crackled with magic, although whether it was conjured for the ceremony or simply existed between Severus and myself I could not say.

"What, no smile for me, Severus?" I asked softly as he turned to me and took my other hand in his, gazing down at me intently. "Today, of all days?"

"I can't allow myself the luxury of a smile, Ella, today of all days," he said in a low voice meant only for my ears. "If I smile I may never stop and at this precise moment I don't think I could endure the joy."

My heart somersaulting at his words, I gasped out,

"Oh!" and broke out into a radiant smile. He allowed himself a small, quick smile in return and warned,

"Don't!"

I was weak with longing for him. He gripped my hands more tightly and lifted them to his lips briefly, surging shock waves through me, then his eyes travelled all over me and he said,

"Come on, you promised to marry me. Though why such a beautiful faerie creature should want to will always be beyond me..."

"Shh! Make me yours!"

He let out a long shuddering breath, closing his eyes briefly, and we turned to walk to where Antrobus Firkin and our guests awaited us.

Aside from mentally noting the air shimmering and sparkling around them, I hardly noticed our guests. I saw Persephone's pushchair immediately, of course, and since Madam Pomfrey was standing beside it with Professor McGonagall, and both were smiling happily, I assumed that our baby was in good hands. Reassured, I turned my attention back to Severus and Doctor Firkin, and squeezed Severus' hand tightly before relinquishing it as the ceremony began.

Doctor Firkin raised his arms and drew an arc of light around us, creating a floral bower of silver and gold. Tapping his wand to his throat he said,"Sonorus!" and his words were amplified for all to hear.

"Welcomed guests, we have gathered here today to witness the union of two people whose hearts and souls are entwined as one. They desire to profess to all the world their intention to fly together through the endless sky of life"

I glanced at Severus quickly, nervously, and he looked down at me, a small smile turning his lips at the corners slightly. Doctor Firkin continued, "The marriage of these two people signifies their willingness to give their lives a new depth and purpose, to share themselves with one another completely, and to let their mutual love and respect spill out until it encompasses and enriches not only themselves but also those fortunate enough to know them. Severus, please take Ella's hands in yours, and both of you heed my words... Above you are the stars, below you are the stones, as time doth pass, remember... like a stone your love should be firm, like a star your love should be constant. Let the powers of the mind and of the intellect guide you in your marriage, let the strength of your wills bind you together, let the power of love and desire make you happy, and the strength of your dedication make you inseparable. Be close, but not too close. Possess one another, yet be understanding. Have patience with one another, for storms will come, but they will pass quickly. Be free in giving affection and warmth. Have no fear and do not let the ways of the unenlightened give you unease, for you will have your love to guide you ever more."

Turning now to face the congregation, he continued, "It is said that 'True Love' is boundless and immeasurable, overcoming all adversities. The love between Severus and Ella has grown stronger with each assault upon its existence, and I now call upon them both to make their own, private pledges to each other."

Severus' eyes had been locked on to mine with an intensity that made my heart race and my body tremble. Now, as our fingers interlaced, I felt the air crackle around us again as before, and I could hear, as if from far away, Doctor Firkin intoning a solemn incantation. The breeze picked up and blew an ethereal music around us. I was being lifted up, up until my feet were no longer on the ground. Severus and I were hovering almost two feet in the air, cocooned in a globe fashioned from interlaced skeins of silver and gold light, while outside the wind blew blossoms around and around in madly dancing orbits, like confetti. Slowly, the sphere enclosing us darkened and we were surrounded by stars, planets, whole galaxies wheeling and spinning around us. We were quite alone, in the centre of our universe, symbolising our place in it and our importance to each other.

"We're alone now. No-one can hear us," said Severus, lifting my hands to his lips once more. Tremors quaked through me and I knew that if he kissed my lips now I would not be able to speak my vows, since I would never be able to let him go.

"You first!" I smiled nervously.

"Alright," he began, clearing his throat. "Ella - oh, Ella! Er - will you go first?" he asked tremulously.

"Love?"

"Please?"

I took a deep breath and began to speak the words I had recited in my head for days.

"When - when I was growing up, I used to dream of spending my life with a man who was brave and loving, powerful and gentle, strong and romantic. You are that dream, but loving you is far more wonderful than in my wildest imaginings. I dreamed of being in love, but I never dreamed of sharing my soul. I dreamed of sharing my thoughts, but I never dreamed that someone could hear me without words. In my darkest trouble, in my coldest silence, I looked for you and you were there. You are unlike anyone else I've ever known, and you've made me feel more safe and more at peace than I ever thought I could be, despite all the trials that have tested us. You make me complete. I'm yours - forever. I love you."

Tears brimmed in Severus' eyes and he let out a small rueful,

"Hah! Oh, I should have gone first after all!"

I squeezed his hands and smiled up at him encouragingly, my tears spilling down my cheeks as he blinked his back.

"My sweet love...I'm standing here - hah! Floating here! - And I still can't believe that I'm worthy of you. I - I wouldn't be the man I am now if not for you. Until you burst into my life, I was only half a man. You made me whole. I thought I was brave, but I found out it takes more courage to open up to another person. I thought I was strong, but you showed me that it takes more strength to let someone see your feelings. And I never knew - " he faltered and took a deep breath, squeezing my hands tightly, " - I never knew how to love, or let myself be loved, until you. You saw into my heart when no one else could. You healed me. You're my redemption. I fell in love with you, Ella, hopelessly, undeniably, and absolutely. I am yours, in body, mind, heart and soul, forever. I love you."

Severus drew me to him then and our bodies moulded together as one. As we embraced, the galaxies around us fizzled and popped producing a celestial firework display that we barely even noticed. Tears of joy spilled from our eyes and mingled on our cheeks as our lips met. Delicious shivers coursed through me as we embraced, tiny blue electrical charges that tingled and crackled around us, and the air was filled with static as the tears on our cheeks transfigured into blossoms that whirled around our heads. Severus' feet touched the ground again, and then mine, and we clung together still, locked into our embrace for an eternal moment. There was no one else in the world but we two, and we two were as one. We sensed the globe that enclosed us dissolve into nothing as the music grew louder, and reluctantly our lips parted. We turned our tear stained faces to Antrobus Firkin once more, and the ceremony continued.

He regarded us both with great solemnity, and began, "Severus, I do not have the right to bind you to Ella, only you have that right. If it be your wish, say so at this time and place your ring in her hand."

"It is my wish," Severus replied, his voice steady as he turned back to me and placed the thick band of yellow and white gold in my upturned palm, closing my fingers over it and gazing adoringly into my eyes.

Firkin turned his attention to me.

"Ella, if it be your wish for Severus to be bound to you, place the ring on his finger."

I opened my hand and took the ring, holding Severus' trembling hand and slowly sliding the ring on to his finger. He gasped softly, "Hah! Oh, Ella!"

Firkin continued, "Ella, I do not have the right to bind you to Severus, only you have that right. If it be your wish, say so at this time and place your ring in his hand."

With more certainty than I had ever felt, I smiled, placing my smaller, matching ring in his hand and closing his fingers over it, feeling nevertheless that the strength of feeling in his gaze was all that was keeping my legs from giving way under me.

"It is my wish."

"Severus, if it be your wish for Ella to be bound to you, place the ring on her finger." Now Severus opened his hand and took the ring, smiling down at me, his eyes glistening like two overflowing pools of black water. He slipped it on to my finger and I felt so exultant, so joyful, that I laughed out loud and clasped his hands in mine. With some difficulty, we turned our attention back to Doctor Firkin, for the ceremony had yet to reach its conclusion. He intoned,

"Now please repeat together the words that will solemnize your union for all time."

Severus and I had learned these vows too, and his voice was velvet as he began,

"I, Severus Snape, in the name of the spirit that resides within us all, by the life that courses within my blood and the love that resides within my heart, take thee Ella Redemte to my hand, my heart, and my spirit, to be my chosen one, my beloved, my all, my wife."

Our hands still clasped between us, we circled round one another twice and I then repeated,

"I, Ella Redemte, in the name of the spirit that resides within us all, by the life that courses within my blood and the love that resides within my heart, take thee Severus Snape to my hand, my heart, and my spirit, to be my chosen one, my beloved, my all, my husband."

We paused, drawing strength from one another, then continued in unison as we circled slowly again,

"I promise to desire thee and be desired by thee, to possess thee, and be possessed by thee, without sin or shame, for naught can exist in the purity of my love for thee. I promise to love thee wholly and completely without restraint, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in poverty, in life and beyond, where we shall meet, remember, and love again. I shall not seek to change thee in any way. I shall respect thee and thy ways as I respect myself."

There was a collective murmur of appreciation from our congregation, and then silence once more as Doctor Firkin concluded,

"Severus, Ella, I now pronounce that you be husband and wife. May your love so endure that its flame remains a guiding light unto you both."

And so, we were married, and Firkin added, "Please, seal your union with a kiss - but remember, the atmosphere is full of magic at the moment, and sparks may fly!"

"They do anyway," commented Severus as we turned to one another, radiant in our happiness. Severus leant down and held my face in his hands as his mouth covered mine. I was overwhelmed by him, melting into his embrace and resting my hands on his hips before sliding them around his back and leaning into him. This was our first kiss as man and wife, and had a magical intensity that was powerful and symbolic of our future happiness. Pinpricks of electricity burst from my every pore and the gasp of delighted surprise from Severus told me that he felt it too. We were at the centre of a huge rosette of light, flowers of all colours cascading from us in all directions, the epicentre of some huge magical pyrotechnic display. We held each other close, so close, and I wept in elation, shuddering with the intensity of what we had experienced. One of his hands pressed into my back, keeping me fast against him, but his other, under my hair now as it caressed my neck and my jaw, was trembling as much as I was.

We were dimly aware of the applause of our guests all around us, and reluctantly we broke apart, but not too far, as we accepted their congratulations. Madam Pomfrey brought Persephone to us, and as Severus held her and looked down at her, full of love, and then once more at me, I began to smile so widely it hurt. After a final embrace, we returned our baby to Madam Pomfrey and made our way hand in hand back to the jetty where the boat was waiting.

Severus stepped in and held his hand out for me, and when we sat down on the bench seat at the tiller, the boat began slowly to move off, past a long line of our friends at the lakeside. Hermione was the first to shower us with flower petals, and everyone else followed suit so that as we sailed off both the air around us and the water in our wake was filled with roses, freesias, jasmine and the like.

Severus was smiling so broadly that his face was nearly split in two, and I stroked his cheek as I teased, "So, why aren't you hexing all these petals and burning them to a crisp? I thought you didn't like flowers!"

"Well, I make an exception for these! Just for today!" he laughed jubilantly, bending to capture my lips once more. I sank back into the rich fabric of the cushions and abandoned myself completely to his caresses and the delicious taste of his mouth on mine.

"Ella..." he sighed as he began to trail ardent kisses along my jaw to my ear. "Ella Snape..."

I shivered as his hot breath tickled the soft curls at the nape of my neck.

"Say it again!"

"My wife..."

"Oh, Severus!" Overcome, I clutched him to me and clasped his head so that I could nuzzle his ear.

"Husband..." I whispered, and he held me so tightly I could barely breathe. When at last he released me I looked into his eyes to find them brimming with tears once more. I kissed them all away, brushing my lips across his long, dark lashes until his eyes were dry.

"I'm sorry. I seem to be getting a lot of dust in my eyes today," he said wryly. "It must be pollen from all those blasted flowers!"

"Dust? Hmm," I smiled, pushing back a lock of black hair from his cheek and winding it round my finger. "Well, it's nice to see so much dust in your eyes. Today, of all days."

"Today, of all days," he echoed longingly, the sunlight reflected off the water dancing now in his eyes.

By the time the boat had taken its slow meandering course across the lake our guests had formed a line from the jetty up the hill to the school, and as we disembarked they began to cheer loudly. As we walked, flowers sprang up after our footfalls, and I laughed to see the uncertain grimace on Severus' face, as if he half expected them to snap at his heels. He ran the gauntlet of everybody's good wishes with me by his side, and I could sense his relief when his ordeal was over and we finally reached Professor Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey. They were waiting for us at the main doors, and Madam Pomfrey handed Persephone to me.

"We wanted you to return to Hogwarts as a family!" announced the Headmaster, beaming at us.

And so we did, taking Persephone first to a small antechamber off the Great Hall so that we could feed her and share a few more quiet moments of intimacy before the wedding breakfast. Severus held me as we sat on a large overstuffed sofa together, with one arm around me while he stroked his daughter's head and back as she suckled from me.

"I'll never tire of watching this," he murmured, gazing at her intently. "She's so single-minded, so - undistractable!"

"She takes after you!" I smiled fondly, watching her deep blue eyes' unfocussed stare as she fed. "And look at her fingers! See how long they are? Just like yours."

I gave her to him as I readjusted my clothing, and crossed over to the mirror above the fire to check my appearance before entering the Great Hall for the feast.

Severus came to join me, holding Persephone in his arms.

"Do I look alright?" I frowned.

He looked at my reflection in the mirror and said laconically,

"You'll do."

"I'll do? I had hoped for a little more enthusiasm," I grumbled, looking down at myself.

"You're bound to me now, I don't need to make an effort any more!" he shrugged, moving his arm to protect himself, laughing evilly as I tried to hit him. Putting his free hand at the back of my neck, he stroked with his thumb and drew me towards him, serious now, saying,

"I meant every word I said today. And you look - amazing. You take my breath away. But don't make me try to explain how I felt when I saw such a vision coming towards me in that boat. It could get a bit - dusty - in here, and we need to show our faces out there soon!"

His lips grazed mine in a tender kiss, and he stared deep into my eyes. I shivered deliciously and asked myself whether I would ever get used to seeing such a look as he always gave me, and decided I never would. Raising an eyebrow and nodding towards the door, he said,

"Shall we?" in a tone that suggested he really didn't want to.

"Time to be sociable!" I replied lightly, and his face fell into a slight frown as we prepared to leave the room.

"Ella, before we go in there...you didn't let Sybill Trelawney loose with the décor, did you?"

"Certainly not!" I retorted, horrific memories of pink bubbles and gilded cherubs rising unbidden from the depths of my memory. "Hermione did it!"

"Oh...you make it sound as if that's an improvement!" he said sardonically as he opened the door.

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