Snape In Love

Chapter 53

I Need To Be Behind Your Castle Walls

Not until later did I discover the full story behind my miraculous escape, but before Voldemort could begin to carry out his threat I felt myself falling backwards and I began to be sucked back out through the neck of the amphora. I flew out with a jolt, slamming back into my body with such force that I was thrown against the passageway wall.

"Ah! Mmph, Severus!" I groaned, winded, to find instead Caius at my side, helping me to my feet. I looked across the passageway, illuminated by Caius' wand, to see a grim-faced Severus, wand arm outstretched, beautiful but terrible to behold, using all of his formidable power to ward us from harm with a skein of silver light.

"The bag..." I wheezed, pointing feebly.

"I know!" he snapped, his features transfigured with power and rage. "Caius!"

Caius cast a binding charm on the carpetbag, but it had powerful wards protecting it, and deflected the spell instead before popping out of existence. Severus and Caius cursed in unison. Malfoy and his son were nowhere to be seen, and Rita Skeeter laughed, a brittle, harsh sound, as she said defiantly,

"Did you really think it would be that easy, Snape? Our Lord is beyond your reach. Don't for one minute think you are safe!"

With that parting comment shot in my direction in particular, she transfigured into a large beetle. Immediately, Severus dropped the protective ward and roared,

"Petrificus Totalis!" immobilising the beetle before it could scuttle away into the shadows. He strode over to it, his face black with barely controlled fury, and he placed his foot over it as if to crush it to dust beneath his feet.

"Severus, no!" I croaked, and he turned to look at me, his eyes twin stormy seas of roiling emotion; rage, fear, hatred, and then, as they rested on my face, the waters were calmed by love.

"Ella..." He struggled to compose himself, his features twisting as his reason battled with his instinct.

"You can't, love! You're better than that! Let the Ministry deal with her, and the Dementors! She must be interrogated!"

With a supreme effort, Severus clenched his fists and through gritted teeth muttered an expletive and angrily pulled a silk handkerchief from his pocket before stooping to pluck the petrified beetle from the cobbles. He wrapped it tightly and began to stride off, stopping and turning back to us with a menacing,

"Try to look after her this time, Caius, for a few minutes at least!" With that, he marched down the passage to its end, looking up and down and then heading to the nearby café.

Caius put my arm around his shoulders, and with his arm around my waist he supported me so that we could follow. We emerged to see Severus closing the café door behind him, holding a large jar with a cork stopper lid, into which he placed Rita Skeeter. After stoppering the jar, he placed it on the ground and withdrew his wand once more in order to perform a series of sealing charms, some of which I had never heard before and assumed were dark magic. Caius looked alarmed at some of the incantations and, looking around to make sure that passers-by further down the alley were out of earshot and thus unable to hear the arcane dark spells, said,

"Look, Sev, is that really necessary - "

"Shut up, you idiot!" Severus snapped, flashing him a warning look, and Caius made no further comment. After he had finished, Severus wiped a light sheen of sweat from his brow and turned to us.

"Caius," he said shortly, "I had to do that. You have no idea - we can't take any chances!"

Caius nodded his acknowledgement, and Severus at last turned to me, pacing across to where I had slumped down against the alleyway wall. He dropped to his knees and drew me across his lap, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and splaying his hands across them to press me more closely to him.

"Oh, Ella!" he said, allowing his voice to crack as he hid his face in my hair. "What did he do to you? I felt - I felt your absence! I thought I'd lost you!"

"If Voldemort had had his way, you would have!" I shivered, holding on to him so tightly I could feel his buttons, and even his ribs, digging into my chest, so very tightly that it hurt, but I welcomed the discomfort because it was him, and I had feared I would never hold him like that again.

"Take me home, Severus. I need to see our baby."

Pausing only to retrieve our packages from outside Florian Fortescue's, Severus insisted we apparate to Hogwarts immediately, and despite my aversion to it, for once I agreed readily, noticing Severus' look of mild surprise, although he passed no comment. Once we had appeared on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest, Caius offered Severus his new broom so that he could fly me back to Hogwarts, while he would follow on foot. Again, I put up no objection, climbing on to the broom with alacrity and sitting behind Severus this time, so that I could wind my arms around his waist and hold on to him as tightly as I was able. That way, too, he would not be able to see my tears, shed in anticipation of the nightmare I would have to reveal to him.

Landing on the front lawn, Severus took my hand and we practically ran into the school, clattering down the steps to dungeon level, racing along the corridors. We burst into our rooms, startling Madam Pomfrey who rose to her feet with an

"Oh! Oh, my dear girl! You're safe!"

"Where's Persephone?"

Hermione emerged from the nursery, wide eyed with worry, holding a small bundle wrapped in a white blanket.

"She's here, Ella!"

Sobbing, I rushed to her and took my baby from her, holding her close to my face, breathing in her baby smell, feeling her tiny head with its shock of black hair as it rubbed against the palm of my hand. Feeling her arms and legs begin to pump as she recognised and responded to my familiar scent.

"Oh, my baby, my baby!" I cried, as Severus ushered us into the nursery, instructing Hermione and Madam Pomfrey to call the Headmaster and wait for us for a few minutes. Closing the door behind us he wrapped his arms around Persephone and me and hugged me fiercely.

"He can't, he can't! Don't let him do it!" I sobbed, barely coherent. I knew that Persephone was picking up on my distress and I tried to calm down, but I was too distraught at what I had seen, and been made to feel, and she began to cry.

"Ella, listen to me!" Severus' low voice cut through my wails as he urged, "You're no use to Persephone like this. Calm down, at least until she's settled. Then you must tell us exactly what happened. It's very important!"

"Don't tell me how important it is! I was there!" I snapped, raising tear filled eyes to his. Severus sighed heavily and cupped my face in his hand. He lowered his head to mine and reiterated,

"You must be strong now, Ella. For our daughter."

His firm tone and calming gaze soothed me, and I took a ragged breath before nodding and beginning to rock Persephone. Soon she had gone back to sleep, and after I had lain her down in her cot, Severus, in turn, rocked me, stroking my hair, whispering into it, until at length he held my shoulders in his hands and said gently,

"Come on. They're waiting for us."

Sirius, Remus and Professor McGonagall had accompanied the Headmaster, along with Caius and Harry, who had encountered one another on the front lawn. I sat at one end of a sofa to tell my story, with Severus standing at my side. Severus was infuriated when he heard how Caius had left me alone, and was even more annoyed when I confessed how easily I had been entrapped.

"How dare you put her at risk?" he spat at his hapless brother.

"I'm not helpless, Severus!" I argued, trying to deflect Severus and defend Caius, who appeared genuinely devastated at the turn of events, and not least, I surmised, because he hated letting his brother down.

"No, but you're just as foolhardy as he is, aren't you? Whatever possessed you to follow that quill, suspecting Skeeter as you did?"

Fortunately his question was rhetorical, for I had no answer, and he soon turned his attention back to Caius.

"It's your pernicious influence, isn't it?" he accused, unfairly. At last, Dumbledore stepped in with a calming,

"Well then, well then, let us not be distracted from the matter in hand, Severus! Ella still has much important information to impart. Information that could be invaluable in our struggle."

His tone was mild, but there was no mistaking his meaning. Severus scowled, but held his peace.

When I began to describe my conversation with Voldemort and the dreadful tableaux I had witnessed I faltered, and Severus squatted beside me, no trace of criticism or resentment at my rashness remaining. He held my hands in his, willing me his strength so that I could proceed. His face was filled with rage as I outlined Voldemort's purpose, replaced by horror as I went on to describe how I had seen myself be made to behave. I could not look at him as I described rejecting him in order to pursue Sirius, and I cast my eyes about the room, wishing I had never mentioned his name at all.

For a few moments my eyes locked on Sirius and he gazed at me hopelessly, making no attempt to hide his true feelings for me. Severus' head snapped round to follow the direction of my gaze and as I saw his hair flip round his face from the corner of my eye, the moment passed and I dropped my eyes, only lifting them to look at Severus once more and see him glare at Sirius.

"Oh no," I thought, "I don't want this!" I looked frantically between Severus and Sirius, one with nostrils flaring slightly as his lips curled into a jealous sneer, one who looked both guilty and abashed.

Hurriedly, although it broke my heart to put it into words, I went on to describe the way Voldemort had made me reject my own baby, and Severus put aside his anger and suspicion for a while as he squeezed my hands in his.

At last it was over, and I had recounted all that I could. I buried my face in my hands hoping that darkness would black out the distressing images from my mind, but my action only served to make my memories even more vivid, and I shuddered and looked up once more.

"What happened to Malfoy?" I asked with bated breath.

"Ah, Severus has not told you?"

I shook my head and the Headmaster continued,

"When Severus realised something was badly amiss, he, ah, alerted me, and I contacted the Ministry. Aurors were dispatched to Diagon Alley immediately, and they were able to intercept the Malfoys, both father and son, before they were able to disapparate."

"They were caught?" I breathed, hardly daring to believe it.

"Yes, they were," said Severus grimly. "I stupefied them. Caught Lucius by surprise. He always was an arrogant fool, and he wasn't expecting to be so easily found. As for Draco...well, he was in no condition to offer any resistance. Then all the aurors had to do was take them into custody."

"I stand corrected, Severus. I was merely recounting events as the Ministry told them to me," said the Headmaster.

"That figures," Sirius commented acidly. "Never ones to give credit where it's due, are they?"

"Particularly where it involves a former Death Eater," Severus added bitterly. "Fortunate for us that your word still holds such sway at the Ministry, Albus."

"Factor is certainly an improvement on Fudge, to be sure," noted Professor Dumbledore thoughtfully, rising to his feet. "I must speak with him immediately, so we will take our leave now. The two of you have much to discuss, and it will be better done without an audience."

I glanced up at Severus who was glaring suspiciously at Sirius again, and my heart sank once more.

After he had ushered everyone out and closed the door behind them, he turned and leaned against it, watching me carefully for a few moments. Then, with exaggerated casualness, he sauntered across the room, running one hand lightly over the furniture as he passed. Stopping beside the sofa opposite mine, he looked down at me appraisingly, his fingers flexing at his sides.

Desperate for the comfort only he could give, I begged,

"Oh, hold me, Severus!"

"Later," he retorted coolly. "Albus was right. We need to talk, Ella." I had never experienced such glacial self control from him before, and it chilled me to imagine that I might have lost his trust. He sat down opposite me and leaned back, crossing his legs and folding his hands formally in his lap.

"Can't it wait?"

He shook his head slowly.

"No, it can't. I have a feeling it's already waited long enough."

I tried, and failed, to keep tears from pooling in my eyes. I yearned to be held by him, to be enveloped by him, to crawl into an everlasting embrace, to lose myself in the strength of his body, but the last thing I wanted was for Severus to accuse me of using my feminine wiles to manipulate him. I swallowed hard.

"What do we have to talk about?"

He had been looking at me levelly but now he dropped his gaze to his knee and I watched the way his long lashes cast shadows on his cheeks. He was silent for a moment and while he considered his reply he brushed what I presumed to be an imaginary speck of dust from his trousers. One eyebrow lifted almost imperceptibly as he said carefully,

"I need you to tell me why Voldemort thought to pair you, in his sick little fantasy, with Sirius Black." He flicked his eyes up to mine once more and I held my breath as his penetrating gaze paralysed me.

"I want you to tell me exactly what happened between the two of you in France."

I exhaled in a long, shuddering gasp.

"Nothing happened."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying!"

"Something happened."

"No! It was nothing, nothing!"

"So, there was something?"

"No! Severus, it doesn't matter, I thought we were beyond petty jealousy!"

"We are, and I trust you. Now tell me the truth."

My voice had been rising as I became more and more frantic in my hopeless attempts at denial. Severus' voice, manner and posture had not altered. He was as immovable as a statue, and yet I knew his calm was as deceptive as the surface of the lake outside our window.

"I never lied to you. I never have, and I never will."

"I believe you. Now tell me, how far did it go?"

"Nowhere, love. One evening outside my room..." - I saw a flicker of jealous fear cross his face - "...he kissed me. I - I kissed him back, and then I said your name. I was thinking of you. I thought about you incessantly. He'd spent days trying to encourage me to talk about you. I missed you so terribly and he - he was just - there. For a few moments, he could have been you. And that's what made me finally tell him everything. I couldn't lie to myself any more, after that."

Severus' face had been mask-like during my soliloquy. Now, he uncrossed his legs and leaned forward in his seat, tenting his long fingers as he said,

"Why have you never told me this before? If it really did happen as you say - "

"It did!"

"Then why conceal it from me?"

"I didn't! I just...omitted telling you."

"Semantics, Ella! Don't insult my intelligence," he warned.

"I didn't want to upset you. I knew how you resented Sirius. You were so insecure, and we were so happy, so I put it out of my mind... and then you and Sirius actually reached a truce, in Europe, and I didn't want that to end. And if it does, end, I mean, then Voldemort will win, won't he, in some small way?"

Severus rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his face with his hands. I stood, unable to bear his distance from me any longer, and willing to risk his rejection in the hope of acceptance. I walked around the low table between the two sofas, sitting on it in front of him, taking his wrists in my hands. He offered no resistance as I pulled them from his face and held his hands in mine.

"It was nothing, Severus. Don't let it come between us," I pleaded, gazing deep into his eyes.

"I told you, Ella, I believe you and I trust you. And I won't let your...selective honesty come between us."

"Selective honesty?" I echoed incredulously. His gaze softened as he stroked my cheek with long, tapering fingers and I leant into his delicate touch.

"My cunning Ravenclaw," he mused, the beginning of a smile beginning to dance in his eyes.

"You're taking this very well," I said suspiciously, forgetting, in my disbelief, to be grateful for small mercies. His mouth curled slightly and he began to smirk.

"I've always suspected far worse. And now that I finally know the truth, it's nowhere near as bad as I had feared."

"Well, what on earth - surely you didn't suspect that I'd slept with him?"

"It had crossed my mind, when you first came back and I was wild with jealousy and grief, but seriously? No, not that. Somewhere between that and a misguided goodnight kiss in a corridor."

I traced the soft curves of his full, sensual lips with my fingers and stared as he opened his mouth slightly and kissed them.

"Does this mean you forgive me?"

"For coming back to me? It would be foolish not to, don't you think?" he mocked gently. "Foolish of me to throw it all away, after all the upheaval you've subjected me to these last months!"

"Upheaval?"

"Yes," he continued, the slight smile now curving the corners of his lips. "I have had to make more adjustments to my lifestyle than I think you know. I've had to learn that even amongst a throng of people, I will recognise your voice instantly, I've learnt how to distinguish your scent, wherever we are. I've learnt how to interpret all the little moans and sighs you make when we make love, what all the various expressions on your beautiful face can mean, and how I can put them there whenever I wish...and I can't remember the last time I put myself first. You turned my life upside down, and now I can't imagine it being any other way. And I'm even prepared to put up with other people, all for you. Need I go on?"

His words were balm to my soul, warming me with the love he so evidently felt for me. Reassured, I had to ask,

"And Sirius? Does that include him?"

Severus grimaced, and then shook his head dismissively.

"Even him. He doesn't matter, Ella. Not any more. He won't be the one waiting for you on that jetty on Saturday..."

His eyes were black, endlessly deep, and I felt myself falling into him once more.

"Let me taste you..." I whispered, leaning forward and covering his lips with mine, moaning softly as he flicked his tongue into my mouth. His arms snaked around my waist so that he could pull me from the table on to his lap, and then he was holding me closely against him at last, running his hand over my back, down along my thighs and back up again to tangle in the hair at the back of my neck. After a while we just sat together, gazing into each other's eyes, and planting kisses over one another's faces. I kissed his nose, his cheeks, his eyelids, and he in turn ran his tongue along my eyelashes and nibbled gently at my lips. I sighed, our delicate attentions sending increasingly delicious sensations to my most sensitive places, while the small of my back tingled unbearably and I wriggled against him. I ached for the sensation of skin gliding across skin, warmth feeding warmth, but there were questions I still needed to ask him, assurances I needed him to make before I could truly relax.

"Severus, you still haven't told me how you came to rescue me!'

"I heard you," he said quietly as he wound my hair around his gently stroking fingers. "Don't ask me how, I just knew. The magical properties of the emeralds, I think. They channel our love for one another, there's a strong psychic link. Anyway, I was in my office, finishing our rings, when I heard your voice in my head again, and I knew something was wrong. I warned Albus, and left straight away. By the time I could apparate to Diagon Alley I felt - bereft. I was aware of your absence from me. The lack of your love. It was terrifying, and I knew something had happened to you."

"I would have been in the amphora by then."

"Yes, that would explain how I felt," he said seriously, drawing me to him and resting his cheek against my head. "Anyway, I saw Caius outside Florian Fortescue's looking puzzled, the irresponsible fool, and we started to search for you. He should never have left you, I told him to look after you!"

"It was my own fault, falling for Skeeter's bait! Don't be so quick to blame him."

"Hmm, well, it wasn't one of your more sensible acts, that's for sure. What were you thinking? Anyway," he shrugged, lifting his left arm, "This thing was burning, so I just followed the pain! As soon as I saw the Malfoys I stupefied them, but Skeeter and I had quite a duel before Caius could get you out of the amphora, and then as soon as I knew you were safe I had to stop duelling and ward us all instead."

"What did Caius do? How was he able to get me out? I thought he was you."

"He gave your body a good shake. You were like a wax effigy, a - a husk!" he continued, his brow knitting as he relived the experience. "Your eyes were glassy. Dead. But I don't even think it was Caius that got you out. You got yourself out, Ella, from what you said."

"I had to get back to you and Persephone. The things he said...he was...unspeakable."

"I know, love. Shh, you're safe now."

He sighed thoughtfully as he held me closer, calming my shaking frame with firm caresses as I lay nestled in his arms, and mused,

"That Skeeter woman never used to be so powerful. It was Voldemort working through her, I'm sure of it. That's why I went to such lengths to ward that jar."

"Where's the jar now?"

"I gave it to Albus earlier. He'll keep it safe."

"And what about the new Minister for Magic? Can he be trusted?"

"Factor? Well, Albus seems to think so, and I trust his judgement. It's all I can do. I just wish Caius had tried a bit harder to get that bag!"

"Oh, Severus, please let up on him! Even you couldn't have prevented it from disapparating! Its wards were far too strong!"

"I suppose so," he allowed grudgingly. "But even so, he let me down."

"How could he have known? He left me for a few minutes in a public place. And he did it to go and find a gift for you. A peace offering, he said. He's trying, love!"

"Very," Severus agreed morosely, but hugged me a little more tightly for a brief moment, to soften his comment.

"The fault was all mine. If he let you down, then I did, too! And Rita Skeeter threatened me, Severus. She said I wasn't safe."

"I know, love," he replied, cupping my face in his hand and frowning into my eyes. "We'll never be able to be completely free of Voldemort, until he's defeated. His vindictiveness is legend, and he's made the enmity he bears us both all too apparent! We've thwarted his wishes too many times for him to leave us alone now."

A shiver passed through his body and fear and disgust flashed across his face. I knew he was remembering atrocities he had suffered at Voldemort's hands, and my heart ached for him. He must have misunderstood the reason for the sadness in my eyes, because he continued,

"But you're safe now, here at Hogwarts, and once we're married no-one will be able to take you away from me, not even him. We'll be bound together by an ancient, sacred magical vow. It'll be unbreakable. Even stronger than the Dark Mark. You'll only be able to fall out of love with me of your own free will."

"And that won't ever happen. Two more days, and I'll be yours."

A wave of feeling swept across his face and he drew in his breath.

"Just two more days," he echoed. "Don't ever leave me, Ella! I never want to lose you."

I was even more determined to attempt the removal of the Dark Mark now, for I knew there was still much that he had kept from me with regard to the many physical and psychological scars inflicted over the years by Lord Voldemort. As I let him hold me to him I rejoiced in the feeling of his hand on my hair, burying my nose in his neck so that I could breathe in his musky, manly scent, and I took full stock of just how important my intention had become. From what had appeared to be a chance discovery in a long-forgotten secret room, I had found that I was fulfilling a sometime clairvoyant's prediction that would not just help Severus come to terms with his past but that would actually keep our relationship and future happiness from jeopardy.

The weight of responsibility was beginning to weigh heavily on my shoulders and I sank more deeply into Severus' embrace, trusting as always in his unique ability to soothe all my troubles away. And later, as we slept on our bed in a longed for tangle of limbs and warm flesh, he kept my nightmares at bay.

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