Snape In Love

Chapter 45

Know My Heart Is By Your Side

Late pregnancy often left me so tired in the afternoons that I needed a nap, but as I lay on our bed and thought about it later that day, I knew that I had a very good reason for feeling tired, and I remembered having lain awake most of the previous night watching Severus in the emerald. I didn't know exactly where he, Sirius and Remus were, although their last owl had been from somewhere in Eastern Europe, but as I watched I could tell that they were all three sharing a shabby hotel room, possibly even a dormitory in a youth hostel.

When the stone first revealed him he was bare chested and climbing up on to the top of a set of bunk beds. Remus was underneath, and I could just see Sirius sitting at a table almost out of view. I watched as Severus lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, his arms behind his head. Lying in bed myself, I could look at him and almost imagine him there beside me. I sighed and whispered his name longingly, reaching across to the empty space where he should have been. He lay motionless, and I think Sirius must have turned out the light and gone to bed himself, because the room around Severus dimmed and until my eyes became accustomed to it I could not quite make out the expression on his face. After a while, however, I realised he was frowning, and I wondered what he was thinking. He shifted slightly on the bunk, and after a while reached down to unfasten his trousers. I felt a poignant thrill of desire run through me as I realised he must have been thinking about me, for the tenting of his boxers was unmistakeable. I watched as he slid his hand beneath the waistband of his trousers and closed his eyes as he stroked his erect member. Before long he grasped it and then he began to pump his hand up and down, slowly, while his other fist clenched at his pillow. Almost unconsciously I echoed him, spreading my legs wide and stretching my arm down around my stomach so that I could pleasure myself while watching him do the same. I cried out his name softly, and at that moment his eyes snapped open and he stared straight up once more, up to the ceiling that was my vantage point.

"Watch over me," he had said. "I'll know you're there." I wondered if he really did. His hand moved up and down, and I watched as the taut muscles in his upper arm bunched rhythmically. The sight of him was highly arousing for me but ultimately frustrating, for while he climaxed, shuddering, his teeth bared in what I assumed was a silent gasp of release, I was unable to follow suit and I moaned in disappointment as I gave up trying to reproduce the sensations that his own fingers so easily elicited in me. I watched him pull the thin blanket over himself as he curled on his side, hugging the pillow to him with both arms rather than use it to cushion his head. I watched until his eyes, tired of staring at the wall, closed finally and sleep claimed him. And I watched him for hours as he slept, unable to break the already too tenuous link between us by succumbing to sleep myself.

It was no wonder I was tired now, I thought now, taking out the emerald once more. This time, the trio was walking along a dusty road and I could tell that Severus, whose expression was as forbidding as usual, was nevertheless actually joining in conversation with Sirius and Remus. I smiled fondly at them and hoped for something good to come out of their enforced companionship.

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"Here you are! I was about to come and find you - again!" scolded Hermione, putting down her book as I closed the staff room door behind me.

"Sorry, I overslept!" I admitted ruefully, lowering myself into Severus´ saggy armchair, beside hers.

"Overslept? Ella, it's six o'clock! You shouldn´t sleep in the day like this, you'll never get to sleep tonight!"

"Well, I didn't sleep last night. I was too busy watching Severus sleep!"

"You need to get yourself sorted out," she chastised. "You can't sleep all day and stay up all night, you're getting too old for that - "

"Oh, thanks!"

" - And think of the baby!"

"I am, I'm getting into practice now!" I said ironically.

She gave me a long-suffering look and announced,

"We have an appointment on Dartmoor at noon tomorrow at that furniture place Sirius told me about. It's called Clawfoot and Sprawls, we're seeing Mr Sprawls."

"Oh, good," I said dubiously.

"We can Floo to Diagon Alley, go to Gringotts, then straight to the store. Meet me at breakfast, at eight? And do try not to be late!"

"Er...yes, alright. Oh, no, wait, I can´t, not till later...I need to go to the Forbidden Forest with the Headmaster!"

"Why? What on earth for?"

Her eyes widened in amazement as I explained what the Headmaster had told me, and she agreed to reschedule our appointment with Mr Sprawls for later that day. All our arrangements being settled, we therefore moved on to discussing Hare and Grace´s Almanack and the complexities of the annotations therein.

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Needless to say, I missed breakfast the next morning. I had tried to go to sleep the previous night, but my mind was racing so much it allowed me little rest, and I could not keep up with my own imagination. When its grip finally loosened sufficiently to give me some small respite, I still slumbered only fitfully, dreaming of magic and unicorns, cauldrons and blood, babies and wedding gowns and through it all, of course, Severus.

Nevertheless, I ensured that I was waiting for Professor Dumbledore in the entrance hall promptly at nine o´clock, and together we made our way across the lawns and down to the Forbidden Forest. Sensing my apprehension the Headmaster made small talk about the arrangements for the wedding, and thankfully I found myself so distracted that our entrance into shadow and stillness took me completely by surprise. As we advanced deeper inside, our voices hushed now, the quality of darkness became almost crepuscular, as if hours, not minutes, had passed since we had left the outside world. I shivered, and wished that I had had the foresight to bring my cloak, but I had never ventured so far into the forest before. Professor Dumbledore, on the other hand, seemed familiar with every branch of every tree, every fallen log, every undulation of the ground underfoot, running his hands along ancient gnarled trunks, sometimes murmuring in recognition, at other times questioning in tone.

I fell silent, subduing my natural proclivity to anxiousness, reminding myself that I was under the protection of one of the most powerful wizards there was, and that even Severus, who would guard me with his life, could not afford me greater protection. Thus comforted, I began slowly to relax, and be more receptive to the unusual dark beauty of my surroundings; the variegated mosses underfoot, the multiplicity of fungi, the plants I had seen hitherto only in textbooks or nursery hothouses, the fallen trees suffocating in all of these yet with branches still begging for the sky.

All of this I drank in, and as I did so I began to feel running through me the pride of the forest itself; the aspirations of the trees as they fought for sunlight, the susurrations of the leaves like the taunting laughter of those who have already seen all that they need; the stealthy concatenation of the various denizens of the high places, the earthly places and the hidden dark places as they went about their business unconcerned with we interlopers. I let myself embrace it all, and as I circled round and round in my wonderment Professor Dumbledore stopped and folded his hands.

"Why have we stopped?" I asked, my eyes glazed over and giddy with my new sensory enlightenment.

"Because you have reached the point at which the clearing may choose to reveal itself," he replied simply, opening his arms wide. "Behold."

A little way ahead of us, reality shimmered and shifted and I became aware of the absence of several trees that had most definitely been there before. We now stood at the edge of the same clearing I had espied through Dumbledore´s telescope, and I held my breath, aware of no other sound save that of the pounding of my blood as it hammered at my ears. I dared not move, as I heard an ethereal music playing around the edges of all of my senses, out of reach of my conscious mind so that I was unable to discern any melody or structure to it. It simply was, and everything that it was, was beautiful. A white, shimmering form was moving silently towards us, through the trees, and Professor Dumbledore murmured,

"Do not show any fear, Ella, it is well."

Of all the emotions fighting for supremacy in my mind at that moment, fear was of the least import. Awe, wonder, disbelief, gratitude, all of these took precedence, and as the unicorn entered the clearing and stood before me I did not need to follow Dumbledore´s lead as to what to do next, as I instinctively dropped to my knees and bent to the ground in obeisance. A soft whinny and a snort acknowledged our marks of respect, and slowly we rose to our feet once more. The Headmaster said quietly,

"Ask of it what you would, Ella. There is no need for words."

It was beautiful. It stood as high as a horse and it shone with an iridescence that flickered around its outline, blurring it, disguising its true girth. Its horn was long and thin, flawlessly spiralling to a point, its mane and tail blue-white, a breeze I could not feel blowing and rippling them.

Gazing into its midnight blue eyes in which I fancied I could see microcosms of all of existence, I felt my soul laid bare. I abandoned myself to the unicorn´s intense scrutiny, praying that I would not be found wanting. Aeons passed, civilisations rose and fell, life evolved and was extinguished, planets were born and died, and galaxies spiralled like Catherine wheels, all in the blink of the unicorn´s eye. Then, with a snort, it inclined its noble head and beckoned to me to approach it. I stood so close to it that I could feel its hot breath on my arm, and it nuzzled my hand. In awe, I reached up and rested my trembling hand on its nose, and stroked it. With a gentle whinny, it allowed my hesitant caress before moving back one step and presenting me with its side. I stared at its flank, my eyes drawn there of the unicorn´s volition, and they widened in surprise as I saw a small wound appear as if carved out by an unseen hand. Blood of the purest silver oozed steadily from the cut, and I withdrew from my robes the small vial given me earlier by the Headmaster, who had shown a foresight that I lacked, and I put its neck to the wound. When the vial was full, the wound closed and the flesh healed, and it was as if it had never been there. I stoppered the vial and reached out to the unicorn once more.

"Thank you," I whispered, and I laid my hand on its neck. It snickered softly, turned to look at the headmaster, and then disappeared into the deep shadows whence it came.

The clearing became insubstantial, and the trees reappeared, and only the vial of blood, clutched tightly in my hand, remained. I turned to Professor Dumbledore, my tears falling unchecked.

"It was so beautiful!" I whispered.

"They are the most wondrous and magical of creatures," he agreed. "I have never seen their equal. Come now, Ella, let us return to Hogwarts. I believe you need to break your fast, before your shopping expedition?"

The mundanity of which he spoke was in such sharp counterpoint to the sublimity of the sensual and spiritual awakening I had just experienced that his words, at first, made no sense to me whatsoever. Seeing my confusion, he smiled and added gently,

"For the rooms you share with Severus?"

Images of our life together with our child flashed through my mind then; laughter, passion, comfort, and love, always love, within his castle walls. I smiled and took the Headmaster´s proffered arm as we made our way back to Hogwarts.

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A few hours later, Hermione and I arrived in Diagon Alley, and we made our way directly to the goblin´s bank. Gringotts was just re-opening its doors after closing for lunch as we walked up its worn stone steps, so we were seen quickly by the cashier. He took the letter of authority given me by Severus with suspicion, peering at me along his thin, hooked nose, and read it carefully several times while I stood there pressing the heel of my palm into my aching back and trying to hide my irritation. Eventually he rang a bell on his desk, striking it sharply with the flat of his hand, and he was soon joined by a subordinate goblin whose job it was to accompany us to the vaults.

The Snape family vault was, thankfully, only a very short roller coaster ride away. It was obviously very old, since to be so close to the main bank it would have to have been there almost as long as the bank itself, unlike my own vault which was a hair-raising five minutes' journey away. I was thankful I did not have to endure such a white-knuckle ride in my present condition and wondered why on earth the goblins did not consider it necessary to display health warnings for its customers.

Heaving myself out of the carriage with Hermione's help I stood in front of the vault and took out the heavy iron key Severus had given me. It looked centuries old and it turned only very stiffly in the lock. After a series of loud clicking and grinding noises the vault door swung open and we peered inside. There were dozens upon dozens of small grey cloth drawstring bags inside, piled up high in the middle of the vault. I took one and opened it, and then another, and another. They were all filled with a selection of galleons, sickles and knuts, and all weighed about the same.

"This must be his monthly salary," I mused. "Not bad!"

"Well, I don't think he ever spends it," Hermione said. "He hardly ever leaves Hogwarts, does he?"

"Do you think three bags will be enough? Do you think he'll mind?"

"He gave you the key, didn't he? And he is your fiancé, after all."

We arrived at Clawfoot and Sprawls' Emporium at three o´clock in the afternoon, at the appointed time. I was amazed at how similar it was to many of the Muggle establishments I had seen selling similar wares, with whole rooms laid out in different designs. As far as I could tell, the only major differences were, firstly, that each style could be viewed in all the different colours available, for instead of books of fabric, the entire room scheme would change at a handclap; and, secondly, Mr Sprawls. He was very different indeed. He must have been nearly seven feet tall, but I don't believe he had any giant blood for he was not of their hefty build. He was reed thin, and completely hairless. His eyes were like two shots from a gun and he had skin the colour of milk. Dressed all in tight black, he vaulted across sofas and tables with all the grace of a gazelle until he was upon us, finally leaping on to a long green - no, blue - no, now red - sofa, and beaming,

"Welcome! Welcome to Clawfoot and Sprawls!"

He was well named as he lounged in front of us, casual yet at the same time like a coiled spring, full of energy. I was taken aback by his strange demeanour, but Hermione soon warmed to him and they began to chat animatedly about her own requirements, leaving me to trail behind and think about what Severus would approve of.

I was spoilt for choice, there were furnishings here to suit every taste and budget, but after a while I put together a mental image of our room with a selection of pieces I thought would work well together. My decisions made, I flopped down thankfully on to one of the sofas I had chosen and waited for Hermione, bemused at the sublimely ridiculous contrast between my morning spent communing with the most magical creature in the Forbidden Forest and the afternoon´s experience in this Aladdin´s cave of consumerism.

Mr Sprawls seemed disappointed that his creative input would not be required in my case, but he soon rallied when I asked him to take us upstairs to view his collection of fantastical nursery furniture. Time sped by as the three of us decided on a cot, wardrobe, drawers, table, rocking chair, nursing chair, all in solid oak with carved unicorns and other magical creatures.

"No dragons or basilisks, thank goodness!" Hermione muttered to me.

It was agreed that everything would be transported magically to the Three Broomsticks and left with Madam Rosmerta. Apparently Sirius had done the same, and Hagrid would then be able to have it all taken up to Hogwarts. After paying Mr Sprawls and thanking him for his kind attention, we watched him jump away back to the rear of the store, and we returned wearily to Hogwarts.

I actually managed to sleep right through that night; a deep, dreamless sleep, and I only woke when I heard a banging from the room on the other side of the bedroom wall. Pulling on Severus' dressing gown I opened the connecting door and peered round the frame. It was Hagrid, busy manhandling one of the two huge blue leather sofas I had bought.

"Hagrid, what time is it?"

"Well, let´s see now, it's after breakfast, I know tha´ because I've had mine!" he answered, somewhat uninformatively.

"Right. Thanks," I muttered. "I'll be back in a minute."

When I went back into our new living room Hagrid had moved everything in from the corridor so that it stood in the middle of the room. He wouldn't let me help move anything, telling me that he didn't want to be `on the wrong side of Professor Snape's tongue´ if I injured myself. Turning away so that he couldn't see my amused reaction to his tangled metaphor, I took a cushion and sat on one of the four window seats in order to direct him from there. Soon everything was more or less where I wanted it, and I looked around happily. The two deep blue leather sofas faced each other in front of the fire, with a large dark oak table in between. At the far end of the room was an oak dining table with six chairs, Gothic arch shapes cut out of their backs, which were filled in with iron fretwork. A sideboard similarly wrought was beside the set. A huge rug woven in shades of cream, blue and dark green covered the area between the sofas and a little beyond, and other occasional tables were placed here and there throughout the room. As soon as I collected my books from their long period of incarceration in the Muggle storage warehouse, I would arrange them on the shelves along with those from Severus´ classroom and office.

I was sure Severus would approve, and so I turned my attention to the nursery where Hagrid was gently placing the child size wardrobe against one wall.

"Is it all right 'ere?" he asked gruffly, wiping his eyes on a large spotted handkerchief.

"Yes, fine," I replied absently. "Hagrid, what on earth is it?"

"Nothin', nothin!" I was jus' thinkin' of the little baby, tha's all. It´ll be so tiny, won't it? Reminds me o' little Harry, when he was small..." He blew his nose loudly and composed himself, turning his attention to the cot. It was very ornate, and had a huge canopy over the top, made of silk in a weave of pastel shades that shimmered and changed colour according to the quality of light. At the moment it was mostly pink, and I shivered as I looked at it, wondering whether or not it was an omen. Then, however, as Hagrid adjusted its folds, it turned blue, and I laughed at myself, wondering what Severus would say if he knew I'd had a Trelawney moment.

I stood in the turret, looking out at the lake, and fingered the emerald, resolving to spend some time watching over Severus as soon as I was alone. Hagrid put the rocking chair in the turret for me, and the room was done. Now all Hermione and I had to do was take a trip to Muggle London, to buy soft furnishings and accessories. And baby things, I thought wistfully, wishing I could do that with Severus.

Once Hagrid had gone, I curled up in the nursing chair and looked deep into the emerald. It was dark, and I wondered at first where on earth Severus was. Then I realised he was in a cave...no, not a cave, some sort of a club - he looked very ill at ease and was surrounded by strange looking Muggles in various states of undress. He seemed irritated and glared at anyone who dared approach him. Remus was at his side looking nervous, but when Sirius came into view he had a scantily clad woman on each arm and was laughing heartily, much to Severus' distaste.

"What in the world are they doing in a nightclub?" I wondered, annoyed, but after a short conversation with Sirius´ new friends all three looked at one another, as if they had just learned something important, and left the club. They emerged blinking into bright sunlight and set off at a jog down a busy thoroughfare. Perplexed, and missing him desperately, I wondered where they were headed and how far they were from their goal. I wanted him to come home.

The following day, Hermione took me to London. She had tried to persuade me to leave the emerald behind for safekeeping but I refused to be parted from it, agreeing to keep it well hidden under my clothes and not to use it outside our room at the Leaky Cauldron.

Before venturing into Muggle London we had our first appointment at Madam Malkin´s. We discussed my requirements and she seemed pleased at the commission, saying that it made a nice change from the usual school or dress robes. Hermione and I chose the most wonderful fabric I had ever seen, and we chattered excitedly as we were measured. Madam Malkin assured us that our final fitting, the following day, would simply be a formality, so confident was she of our satisfaction.

I felt exhilarated by the time we emerged into Diagon Alley once more, secure in my conviction that my appearance on our wedding day would, indeed, take Severus´ breath away, and more than ready to spend the remainder of the day enjoying the Muggle way of shopping once more.

It had been several years since my last visit to London, so since she knew the city far better than I did, I let Hermione lead the way. After a few hours we were both laden down with bags and I was very nearly dead on my feet." Can´t we go back to the Leaky Cauldron now?" I pleaded.

"Yes, we'll get a cab - but just this one last shop, please? They have such adorable baby clothes!"

The window display did look tempting, I had to admit, so I followed her inside, groaning as I lowered myself into a conveniently placed chair. Hermione showed me several items and I bought them all, agreeing with everything partly because she had such good taste, but also because I had, quite literally, shopped until I had dropped, and could not do it any more.

Somehow we managed to get all our bags and ourselves into the back of a black cab, and I heaved a sigh of relief as we set off for the area near to the Leaky Cauldron.

"I think I've overdone it, Hermione, I feel terrible. The last few days have been so busy, Severus hasn´t been here nagging me to rest...I have another stitch in my side. I wish he was here, he's so good at making them go away!"

"I know..." she said sympathetically.

"I want to see him, Hermione, see what he's doing!"

"You can't. You have to wait!" she hissed as I reached to my neck to pull the emerald from its hiding place beneath my clothes. "Remember, this is Muggle London! And that's worth thousands of their pounds, magical or not! Just wait, until we get back!"

I glared at her but I knew she was right. Struggling out of the taxi at last, we staggered to the nondescript shabby black door that was the Muggle-side entrance to the Leaky Cauldron. As soon as we were back in our room, I fell on to the bed and took out the emerald, watching Severus hiking up a hill with grim determination etched on his face, his two companions as weary as he. I was exhausted, bad-tempered and restless, and I was so keenly aware of his desire to be with me that I cried tears of tiredness and frustration. I found it more difficult than ever to compose myself for Hermione´s sake, and I only felt worse as evening drew on. Furthermore, I had terrible backache and the practice contractions were becoming quite strong and regularly spaced. It was only when my waters broke in the middle of the night that I realised they were, in fact, the real thing this time.

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