Hermione's Diary

Chapter 6

Seventh Year Summer Term

Monday May 8

Well, my three hour tutorial with Remus lasted four and a half! And I can still smell him on me. We did work on my thesis, but not until after I had performed a full body bind on him and levitated him through into the bedroom. And I only released him once we were both naked, and by that point he wasn't particularly capable of arguing restraint...Oh, I missed him so much! But it was wonderful, and talking about my thesis afterwards was wonderful too, especially since we were still in bed when we did!

I am glad Sirius has gone off to France again, though, because he would have been there as chaperone otherwise and I couldn't have overpowered both of them at once. And Remus told me Ella might be coming home! He says Sirius was in a very good mood when he left, but that he couldn't tell me why. I felt a little hurt at first because he was keeping a secret from me, but then I realised he was only doing what I have been doing since Christmas. So then we had one of those really confusing and roundabout conversations, where both of us were alluding to things, and people, and circumstances, without ever actually coming right out with it. He didn't know I knew Ella was pregnant, and I didn't know he knew!

Anyway, eventually we both came clean, and he told me Sirius had found out she was pregnant when he went to see her after the trial and she told him she thought Snape was going to try to kill her and the baby! It turns out she's had a horrendous few months, and all because of her pregnancy hormones and that business with You Know Who, and coming to terms with what Snape did when he was a Death Eater. Sirius persuaded her to get counselling, and now she wants to come home and get back with Snape!

I don't know what to think. I'm so glad she's coming home, I've missed her, and I'm glad she'll be telling Snape about the baby, but I really don't know what sort of a reaction she'll get. I mean, he's been so foul, he might be totally beyond her reach now. And she might not want him when she sees him. He keeps up appearances in front of most of the school, but evenings are a different story. He's really let himself go since she left.

Gods, did I really just write that? Of course she'll still want him, why else would she be coming home? And she's the reason he's like he is now. She'll have her work cut out, that's certain.

I asked Remus if Snape knew what was going on, and he said no. Ella wants to surprise him, catch him off guard. That sounds very Slytherin to me. Even so, it's probably for the best. Good for her!

Monday May 15

Ella's back! Sirius came to tell me at break, but I had to wait until lessons were over for the day before I could go and find her. Remus came with me, and I was almost running by the time I got to the Hospital wing. We bumped into her just outside, and she looked absolutely exhausted. She had huge bags under her eyes and I kept thinking she was about to burst into tears. We went into her room and she hugged me and said how sorry she was for the way she'd treated me. Oh, it's good to see her again!

Her meeting with Snape last night didn't go too well, she said. He was very bitter and just when she thought she'd got through to him she fell asleep, and when she woke up he told her to leave. Remus tried to comfort her, telling her Snape would come round eventually, but we all know how long that man is capable of holding a grudge!

Still, if anyone can talk him round, Ella can. He completely adores her, and she's having his baby. Two pretty good incentives, if you ask me.

Thursday June 1

Met Ella in the kitchens for coffee after the house elves had cleared breakfast away. She's completely fed up. Snape is ignoring her most of the time, when he isn't making cutting remarks, that is. What is wrong with that man? Anyone else would jump at the chance of happiness, and companionship, and true love! Why can't he see how much she loves him?

She says he's testing her, waiting for her to leave him again. She says that if she just sticks it out, he'll trust her again, but when she says it she looks so worried. I'd love to know what it is about him. I mean, really understand. Loving Remus has made me more appreciative of how she feels, and I admit, he might be sort of smoulderingly attractive, but still...he's still Snape! Oh well. Maybe he's just really fantastic in bed. Oh, that's shallow, Hermione! And he couldn't possibly be as good as Remus. Although I'm surprised I can even remember!

Tuesday June 6

Someone's put the cat amongst the pigeons! I feel so sorry for Ella, it's going to make things worse, I'm sure!

The Daily Prophet came at breakfast, as usual, and it had a front page article about Ella in it, basically calling her a serial flirt and worse. It was horrid, and that awful Skeeter woman obviously hasn't learned to behave any better since I caught her in a jar in fourth year! Ella looked sick, and as for Snape, he looked even blacker than usual. He looked as if he wanted to kill Ella. Who'd have thought he could ever look at her like that, when they used to love each other so much? Actually, I'm sure they still do. I know she certainly does, she tells me often enough. This can't help matters, though, it really can't.

And I haven't seen Remus all day except for at breakfast and lunch. It's dinner time soon, I must finish my Transfiguration notes before then.

Wednesday June 7

Well, I was certainly wrong about that awful article not helping matters! They're back together! Ella forced Snape's hand last night, AT LAST! That article did them a favour! She dressed up to the nines and walked in to the Great Hall in the middle of dinner last night, said something to him and then left! And he went after her, and then she flooed me this morning from his room looking so happy! He wasn't any better than usual, mind you. He came up behind her as we were talking and he cut me off in mid sentence!

Anyway, I got to see Remus again today for my last proper tutorial and I asked him what he'd said to Snape last night. He said he'd just told Snape he should go to her, and that he must know she'd make him happy. I love Remus so much for doing that.

Sirius was there today, in Remus' office, asleep in front of the fire. After last time I think Remus was a bit nervous that I'd seduce him again. Honestly, anyone would think he didn't enjoy it! I suppose I have to admit - grudgingly! - that we did get a lot of work done today. And now I have to do even more work to get it all written up!

I'd better get on with it.

Thursday June 8

Ron and Harry are driving me mad. They're revising hard, I'll give them that, but I wish they didn't have to whinge about it so much! It's not MY fault they've spent most of the last two years playing Quidditch, and it's not MY fault that they aren't taking the same NEWTS as I am so they can't use my revision notes! Honestly, I've had just about enough. And then, when they annoy me so much that I lose my temper with them, they have the nerve to tell me it's because I'm frustrated and I should ask Remus for a "mercy shag" to relieve my stress! Grr! And what makes it even worse is, they're partially right!

It isn't fair. I know very well that Harry and Ginny sneak off with that invisibility cloak to have sex wherever and whenever they can. I keep telling Harry that isn't what the prefects' bathroom is for. And Ron and Parvati are always sneaking down into the common room in the middle of the night. And I know Harry would lend me his cloak, after the grief I gave him about it last time, but Remus is so insistent, after the full body bind incident, that we must not break the rules! So bloody noble and responsible, when it suits him!

I am so frustrated I could scream.

Monday June 13

I took my Transfiguration NEWT all day today. Theory this morning, practical this afternoon. I answered every question on the theory paper, even though we only needed to complete five out of eight questions. So I did the five I knew best first, and then spent the rest of the time on the last three.

As for the practical, it was quite easy. I had to change a footstool into a small dog, with extra marks for the pitch of the bark and whether it could slobber or not (Eww! Give me a cat, like Crookshanks, any day!). Then I had to change the dog into an accordion, and get a tune from it, before returning the footstool. Professor McGonagall was very pleased. She told me that one year, a rather unlucky student had messed up the second stage and transfigured the dog into an accordion that ran around the classroom and then weed all over her favourite chair! I like Professor McGonagall. Underneath that dour exterior she has a very dry sense of humour.

There's nobody here in the common room but me from seventh year. All the others are off down to the Quidditch pitch to let off some steam. I think I'll go to my room and floo Remus.

Tuesday June 14

Charms today. Professor Flitwick was ever so pleased with me. I managed to perform some Apprentice level charms that we hadn't covered on the syllabus, after I'd completed the examination. He was so excited he fell off the chair he was standing on.

I've been wondering more and more about my career. I really don't want to leave Hogwarts. I mean, I'd like to go to University, but sometimes I think I'd learn more staying here, the teachers are so talented in their fields. For instance, Professor Snape has a brilliant mind. Not such a brilliant temperament, though. I would hate to be his apprentice. I'd probably end up as his skivvy. Then again, now Ella's back with him he's looking a lot more mellow, even if he is still a complete git. I think Professor McGonagall would be good, though. And Professor Flitwick.

I'm not looking forward to my Potions NEWT on Thursday. Last week at the end of our final lesson he told us that the exam was going to be the most difficult one he's set in years. And he actually smiled about it! What a bastard! (And I use the word 'smile' loosely.)

At least I have all day tomorrow to do some last minute revision for it. I wonder if I could get Remus to come to my room for a while?

Wednesday June 15

Remus came to see me this afternoon. He flooed into the common room and sent a first year up here to get me! Why couldn't he have just flooed into my room? He obviously didn't want us to get 'sidetracked'. I had to smile sweetly at him when I went down to meet him because the common room was quite busy and I couldn't say anything! At least he had the good grace to look sheepish, and then once we had found a quiet corner and sat down he gave me that gorgeous lopsided smile of his and I just melted. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and I COULDN'T! It's such a strange sensation, to feel annoyed at someone when all the time they're making your insides turn to jelly.

We finished off my thesis, all we really needed to do was check it was all there and in order, and add some references, write a précis, that sort of thing. He took it away with him when he left, to send by owl to be marked by an independent examiner from the NEWT Independent Study Team, or NEWTIST. So, I suppose that's another NEWT crossed off the list now! Only Potions and Arithmancy to go.

The common room was nearly empty by the time Remus left, because it was almost time for dinner. We were at the farthest end of the room and he cast a low level concealment charm so that he could kiss me goodbye. He tasted so sweet and I wanted him to hold me, but he wouldn't. He didn't want us to be noticed. Damn him and his overdeveloped sense of propriety! Ah, but that's just part of who he is, isn't it? And I love him, after all. But understanding him doesn't make this yearning for his touch any easier to bear!

Thursday June 16

Oh. My. Gods! Oh, thank goodness it's over!

Snape is a complete bastard, I don't care WHAT Ella thinks of him, there is NO WAY I will ever understand! What a smarmy, smug, snarky, vindictive git!

The theory exam was a nightmare. I mean, really. I barely had the time to answer the last question on the paper before he announced that the exam was over! And all the way through it he sat there, behind his lectern, like a huge overgrown raven, fixing us with his beady black eyes every now and then and smirking evilly to himself. Grr! I didn't even have the time to go back and check my answers! I think I got them all right, though, or most of them anyway. I need to go through a few textbooks to double check, after I've revised for tomorrow's Arithmancy.

And as for the practical...well, it wasn't as bad as the theory. At least my cauldron didn't explode, like he'd threatened it might. The bastard. And I know my potion was okay, because he scowled at me when I was bottling it. Professor McGonagall told me that at least once a year, during the OWL or NEWT practicals, he takes a student's work off them as they're bottling it and pours it straight down the sink! They have a pretty good idea that they've failed when that happens.

Remus flooed me as I was getting ready for bed. He'd seen me at dinner, but not to talk to. I told him the exam was a complete nightmare. And I told him that I missed him. At least we don't have to wait too much longer.

Friday June 17

They're over! All over! No more work, no more studying! I feel exhilarated, and free, and so happy!

I think I'll go down to the library later to take my books back, and see what new periodicals Madam Pince has in. Ars Alchemica would be nice. And I'm sure there's a new Advanced transfigurations text in stock, I remember Professor McGonagall getting quite excited about ordering it.

Arithmancy was fine. I've always been quite good at it. Once you understand the numbers, there's really nothing to it. I didn't need to do much revision for it, really. In fact, of all the exams I think I enjoyed it the most.

I checked out my Potions exam answers last night before I went to sleep, and I don't think I have anything to worry about. Those questions were so challenging and stretching, but I truly believe that Professor Snape was being very fair when he set the papers. Anyone who had been paying sufficient attention for the last two years should say the same. I really don't understand why people complain about him so much.

Dinner was really noisy today. Everyone was so relieved all the exams were over, and even the teachers looked a lot happier. Especially Snape. Ron leaned across me and said to Harry that the greasy git could spend all day every day shagging Ella now and maybe he'd go easier on the marking! Harry tried not to laugh because he knows I disapprove, but honestly! Do they think I'm deaf? They ought to know by now I'd far rather succeed on merit.

We had a party in the common room after dinner. There was music and people were dancing. The prefects and I had to make sure nobody got too silly, and I think the first years were a little intimidated by all the noise at one point, so I had to do my Head Girl bit and lay down the law. Anyway, by midnight it was safe for me to come back to my room and get ready for bed. I'm shattered.

Saturday June 18

Went to watch the Quidditch final. We beat Ravenclaw, and won the cup! We were behind all the way through but then Harry caught the Snitch! And thank goodness, too. I mean, Quidditch can be exciting, and I do like it, but it was so hot today and it went on a little too long for my liking. Apparently in 1897 a match between Ravenclaw and Slytherin lasted for thirteen and a half hours! Not as long as that notorious World Cup match that lasted days, but a school record all the same. I was glad of the cool breeze on the way back to the school. And getting back my personal space, the stands were packed! I wish I could have gone in the staff stand with Remus. I'll be able to next year, if I'm an apprentice. Remus is the only one I want to invade my personal space. And the more often he does it the better, as far as I'm concerned.

I didn't see him walking back up to the school, so I stopped off at Hagrid's instead. He gave me a huge tankard of pumpkin juice and something that he referred to as a fairy cake, but it looked more like a dragon cake, if there is such a thing. The wings were all leathery and dark green. Hagrid seemed really proud of them though, so I had a few bites and managed to sneak the rest under the table to Fang. I thanked my lucky stars that Ron and Harry weren't there. I hate to think what rude comment they would have come up with! Poor Hagrid, he does try. Anyway, I'd no sooner thought about them than they turned up, still in their Quidditch robes. They said they'd been congratulated by all of Gryffindor House, and they hadn't even gone to use the showers! And they sat upwind of me! Ugh, boys!

Remus came up to me as dinner was ending, and asked me to go for a stroll. It was a lovely evening and he was in such a good mood! He kept grinning at nothing in particular, and I kept asking him what he was looking so pleased about! Eventually he took my hands and led me into the rose walk, behind a sculpture where we could talk privately, and he told me he overheard Snape propose to Ella at the Quidditch match today! I was so shocked! He says they're made for each other and that it's about time too.

I am pleased for them, really, I am. I adore Ella, and I know she loves him more than life so I accept there must be a wonderful man hidden away there somewhere. There must be. But I still can't quite see it. I mean, I know he'd die for her, I know he will always love her, but what on earth is it about him? I've decided he must show her things no-one else ever sees. His nice, loving side. I wonder what he's like in bed? Bet he isn't as good as Remus.

Anyway, on our way back inside (after some very nice stolen kisses that left me feeling very dizzy but totally unfulfilled) we saw Ella crossing the Entrance Hall. Snape was nowhere in sight so I went up to hug her. She was on her way back to the dungeons after a quick visit to the Infirmary for a heartburn remedy. She says the baby's affecting her digestion at the moment. Anyway, I whispered to her that I knew, and she gave me the most brilliant smile but shushed me, because the announcement won't be made till tomorrow night. She said she and Snape are going for a picnic tomorrow and said we'd be welcome to drop by and share, and winked at Remus. I think she's noticed how much he eats.

Remus walked me back to Gryffindor Tower. On the way he said it would be a good idea to take her up on her offer. He said we would get more time alone if we did, rather than go to Hogsmeade along with everyone else. And it has the added fringe benefit of annoying Snape! Remus has such a mischievous sense of humour. Then he said he won't be walking me to the Tower many more times. He sounded very sad and wistful, and he slipped his arm around my shoulders. I wanted to tell him then, that I might be able to stay, but I can't. Not yet. Not until it's all definite.

He kissed me goodnight as if he never wanted to let me go. I wish Parvati and Lavender hadn't chosen that particular moment to come out through the portrait hole. Remus jumped away from me and practically ran down the corridor and I just had to pretend my body wasn't on fire from his kiss and act all casual. The sooner I don't have to hide my feelings the better!

Sunday June 19

Today was absolutely blissful from start to finish. Everything I want is all coming together, and I can hardly believe it! The only way I could be happier, right at this particular moment, would be if Remus was lying beside me. Soon, Hermione, soon!

I was flooed before breakfast by Professor McGonagall. She still had her nightcap on, and her flannel nightdress, and she looked very flustered. The first thing she said was to ask me whether Professor Flitwick had seen me yet. I said no, since I hadn't even been awake for more than twenty minutes, and she muttered something about him being very determined and overcompensating for his lack of stature! I was shocked, but she is my Head of House after all so I didn't dare laugh. She told me she wanted to see me immediately after breakfast, so of course I agreed. I had a feeling it would be about an apprenticeship so I was too excited to eat much. On my way out of the Hall afterwards I wasn't looking where I was going and I almost fell over Professor Flitwick trying to block my path! He was insisting I accompany him to his office at once, but before I could explain, Professor McGonagall was there firmly ushering me away!

I know what she means about Flitwick's determination now, though, he is very tenacious. He stamped his feet and threatened to cast a charm to take Professor McGonagall's voice away, and it wasn't until Professor Dumbledore intervened that either of them would back down! I haven't ever been fought over before! Unless you count Ron getting all sniffy about Viktor, and I don't.

So, they both wanted me to be apprentice to them, and I couldn't decide between them, not at all, so I am to be apprentice to them both! As long as they understand I won't be using a Time Turner to help share my time between them! I've had enough of those things to last me a lifetime.

I went to Remus after, in his office. Sirius was there too, so I told them both. I could tell Remus was so pleased. His grin nearly split his face and he squeezed me so tight and for such a ling time! Sirius was beaming too. I still need to go home for a couple of weeks, to see Mum and Dad, and tell them I won't be going to University, but then I'll be back here for good! Oh, I can't wait! I'll tell Mum and Dad about Remus too, and he might come to meet them. I hope they like him. I'm sure they will, what is there not to like? Well, apart from his being so much older than I am. And the whole being a werewolf thing. That might not go down too well but if they get to know him first I'm sure they won't mind too much.

We all went down to the old oak tree together. Sirius was going to Hogsmeade but he walked down with us so that he could annoy Snape. Honestly, those two are still so childish, even after all these years. He went on ahead as a dog so that he could sneak up on them and tell them he was doing them a favour by warning them we were on our way. As if Snape would believe Sirius was trying to be nice!

The picnic was lovely. We took our own food so there was tons of it. It was so relaxing, just to sit in the sun and relax with Remus, with another couple. Good grief, fancy me talking about relaxing with Professor Snape! But we did, we all did. It was great. Snape even started to call me by my first name, and I teased him by calling him Severus! It was so funny, he gave me such filthy looks but there was nothing he could do! And he got used to it as we ate, until he forgot to be Snapeish and talked to me about the apprenticeships and why I hadn't opted for Potions! I couldn't believe it!

Anyway, he dozed off with his head in Ella's lap after lunch, and Remus fell asleep too so I sat beside Ella in the shade of the oak tree and she showed me her engagement ring. It's gorgeous. Professor Snape does have very good taste, I have to say. It's an emerald, like her pendant, set in white Dwarvish gold made to look like a serpent clasping the stone. Very Slytherin, but it's so exquisite that even a Gryffindor like me would be proud to wear it. And she just radiates happiness. I can't see auras but I could feel hers blazing today. And he was so calm, somehow. Still tense, or rather, intense, but calm too. Weird.

They left soon after he woke up. After a while Remus and I heard a scream and looked up to see them both on a broomstick, swooping low over the trees! I have never seen Ella on a broom before, she hates them almost as much as I do! The last thing we heard was her screaming, "Not the lake! Not the lake!" and then hysterical laughter as he flew her off to goodness knows where!

Remus was laughing his head off. Says it does his heart good to see Snape let his hair down at last. And of course, we were alone after that, and we could let our own hair down for a while...Mmm, it was lovely. We set a high level concealment charm to make sure we wouldn't be disturbed, although they're no good at all against Professor Dumbledore's brass telescope so we couldn't do too much. But his kisses turned me to jelly and the things he can do to me through our clothes is ...unbelievable. Thank goodness for hot summer days and thin clothing.

Monday June 20

Rita Skeeter wrote another poisonous piece in the Daily Prophet again today. The complete cow. I should never, never have handed over that jar to the Ministry. Too honourable for my own good, I am!

There was far worse news to come, though. Remus took me and Harry to Professor Dumbledore's office after breakfast to tell us all that Lucius Malfoy's escaped from Azkaban! I felt sick. And what makes it even worse is that it seems as if Fudge helped him! Apparently the Ministry is in uproar. I wonder who the new Minister for Magic will be? I wouldn't envy him, whoever he is.

Remus took me to look at my new rooms when we left the Headmaster's office. They're really nice, and I do like them, but I couldn't really take it all in. I just wanted to be alone with him, and have him hold me. There isn't any furniture in there at the moment apart from a rather old and dusty bed, so we sat on that and talked for a while.

I really didn't cry that much, before Christmas. I suppose the horror of it all was taken away when I found out how Remus felt. Then by the time the trial came around I was so nervous I didn't need tears. But today I just started to cry, and I couldn't stop. I just sat there and wept, and he held me and kissed my tears away but more kept coming and I didn't want to cry, I really didn't, because we were alone and it was such a waste of our time, but I couldn't help it. We ended up lying down face to face, holding on so tight.

I love him so, so, so much.

Anyway, later on when I felt a bit better Remus summoned a house elf and we had some bread and cold meats, and lemonade. And we talked, a lot. Remus had a class after lunch, so he had to go, and then I took a good look at my new rooms for the first time. They're great, but I can't help thinking I'd rather just move in with Remus. Maybe it's too soon, I don't know. It doesn't feel like it's too soon. I want to be with him all the time, night and day. I'm sure that's what he wants too.

I have a large bedroom with a wonderful bathroom off it, better than the Prefect's bathroom and even nicer than Remus', and a study/library almost the same size as the bedroom. In fact, the rooms might be bigger than his are. He could move in with me!

I decided to go to the library to get something to read over the summer, and Ella was there looking at back issues of the Prophet. She showed me a small pamphlet she found in her new rooms - there's a secret library there, it sounds really exciting! Anyway, I offered to translate the pamphlet for her. She thinks it might have something in it that removes magical scars. She meant Snape's Dark Mark. Made me shudder. Anyway, a lot of the pamphlet is written in Latin, it'll be fun trying to translate it. And it might take my mind off Malfoy.

We spent ages talking about our new rooms. I got really excited because we can go shopping together, Sirius told me about a brilliant place on Dartmoor that sells everything! I persuaded Ella to go with me some time soon. It'll have to be soon, she's huge! We must have been talking for ages because Snape came to get Ella in the end to take her to dinner. I followed on and caught him accosting her up against a wall! It was so funny, I made the same snarky comment as he'd made to me about not wanting to be late for dinner after I'd passed them, completely oblivious! Actually, watching them together was surprisingly erotic. Gave me a tingle! Problem is, it reminded me of just how frustrated I feel at the moment. I wish I'd made the most of when we were alone earlier. Oh well, not too much longer to wait. Five more days, and we'll be together. I can't wait.