The Rules of the Game

"Over the Mountains
Of the Moon,
Down the Valley of the Shadow,
Ride, boldly ride,"
The shade replied
"If you seek for Eldorado!"

-- Edgar Allan Poe, "El Dorado"

Anywhere But Here

While the tomb had definitely not been a piece of cake, its underground passageway was certainly a one-way ticket to Hell. It was nothing but bricks of stone, one firmly edged into another, which seemed to go on for eternity. The slight dripping of water that had once been torment up above was now gone, and the only light came from Bill's wand.

Nobody seemed to have anything to say, not Eddy with his dry comments nor Bill with his own witty observations. It was as if they were all sentenced to their deaths, and they all found it inevitable to be distracted from anyway.

The passageway itself provided nothing to look at. There was nothing painted on the walls, no hieroglyphics or even patterns of blood. No other object except for the occasional stone seemed to get in their way, and even the rats and scorpions seemed to have decided this place was too dull to live in.

But it was the walls that made Bill feel as if he were on the edge of danger, a slight claustrophobic fear running through his blood. He eyed his companions carefully, then stared at the walls, worried that they might suddenly close in on him. He wasn't quite sure what was making him feel like this, after all he'd never really had a problem with stones before, but the unnerving feeling just wouldn't go away.

"I think," said Rani, finally, "that maybe we should separate. It's like we're going in circles, and we have yet to see an exit sign."

"The divide and conquer technique?" Doyle offered.

"What about 'divided we fall'?" Chuck said instead. "We have no idea where we are. For all we know, we could have walked our way to Ecuador by now."

"Dividing up doesn't sound like the best idea," agreed Bill, eyeing the walls with greater distaste now. "Eddy, do you have any idea where we are?"

There was a slight pause until Eddy spoke up, "Besides several feet underground? Not really, Billy. You're completely off my radar."

"Let's be sensible about this," Summer said, using her own wand to look around. Their current path continued on until it got completely lost in the darkness. "There has to be a way out somewhere. And except for the dozen or so forks in the roads we came across, wouldn't we have reached a dead end by now?"

"Unless, and this is just an idea," Chuck said grumpily, "whoever built this piece of rock decided to have a little fun and make us end up under the Caribbean sea. Fun!"

"I always knew I'd end up swimming with the fish," mumbled Bill.

"Can't you smell anything?" Summer asked Doyle. "Surely you've smelt something by now."

"Yeah, food," said Doyle, pointedly. "Have I mentioned when was the last time I had myself a nice pint of blood? A vampire has got to eat eventually you know."

"I say we stake him before he turns on us," Bill added.

Doyle gave him a look.

"My feet are tired," Rani complained. "There's only so much a girl can walk in these boots."

Summer poked Doyle. "Come on, take a sniff," she urged. "You've got to be useful for something."

"Watch it, I'm still your boss," warned Doyle, but he took a sniff of the air anyway.

Bill, who had taken a firm seat on the floor, rubbed his nose with his sleeve. "I never thought this would be how I die," he said.

"You're not going to die," Rani assured him.

"I always thought it'd be of old age," Bill continued. "Happily married, children who adore me, a house-elf or two."

"You'll live your dream, Weasley," Chuck said.

"Well retired from tomb-raiding, no longer in the jaws of death." Bill gave a dramatic sigh. "Not stuck up in my own private grave with a vampire."

"Shut up, Bill," Rani snapped.

"Definitely not defeated by hunger and--"

"Shut up!" Rani kicked him below his knee. "If you don't stop complaining, I will personally finish your life for you. Honestly! What do they teach you at Gringotts?"

"Maybe we should backtrack and take the traditional way out?" Summer offered, once Doyle had announced defeat.

"No, let's keep walking," Doyle said. "It can't take that much longer, can it?"

It could.

It took them exactly and additional two hours to find a sign that said, "Ve a la derecha! Peligro por la izquierda! PELIGRO!"

"What does it say?" Bill asked Rani.

"Um, danger, something, something, danger," Rani answered. "Chuck?"

"Go to the right. Danger is to the left," Chuck translated. "Well, someone is looking out for us."

"Does this mean we go left anyway?" Doyle asked, looking at the sign carefully. "Because we could be walking right into the lion's jaws if we go right."

"Or," added Bill, "we could be stupid for not following simple directions and going left, towards the evil path of doom."

"Flip a coin?" suggested Summer. "Rock, paper, scissors? Close our eyes and point out the right way? Take a majority vote, and pray the majority is being led by Our God Above?"

"Slightly hysterical, are we, Summer?" Chuck asked.

"Just a tinge," his sister said.

"I say we take left, and hope whoever put up the sign had the best motives in mind," Rani said.

"I second it," Bill agreed.

"Um, I'm going to have to go with right," Doyle piped up. "I've never been one to ask for directions anyway."

"I'd probably lean towards the right as well," Chuck said. "The obviousness of this sign doesn't seem right."

Everyone looked at Summer, who paled visibly.

"I... I can't make this choice," she said. "I've never been good at making choices! I'm a follower! I follow!"

"Left or right, Summer? Just choose," Doyle said.

Summer bit her lip. "Isn't there another way to do this? Ask Eddy!"

"It's ok, Summer," Rani assured her. "We're just doing this by majority vote."

"Yes, so if you do end up choosing the wrong path we won't hold it against you when we end up in purgatory," Bill added.

Rani rolled her eyes.

Summer whimpered. "Er, well, I do suppose we have to put some trust in this wretched old place..."

"Please don't say it," begged Doyle.

"So, er, right," Summer said firmly.

Doyle shook his head.

"Right then," Bill said. "Who goes first?"

Doyle and Chuck exchanged looks. Slowly, they started to grin. It was not a pleasant one that Bill liked, and instead he began to fear it.

"No," he stated before the words could even come out of Chuck's mouth.

"Oh, but Weasley! It's the only way," Chuck insisted.

"Got to be strong," Doyle agreed.

Bill waved his white flag. "All right, all right," he said.

Chuck and Doyle smiled again.

"Ready?" Chuck asked.

"Yeah, yeah," moaned Bill.

"One, two, three, rock, paper, scissors!" chanted Doyle.

Bill lost. Again. This time it wasn't even funny.

"Looks like you take the first step," Doyle said. "Don't worry, Weasley, we'll be behind you all the way."

"Several meters behind you if we have to," added Chuck.

"You two are just awful," Rani scolded, but she didn't offer to take Bill's place.

Bill decided to take it like a man, and make the first step on what was hopefully not the path towards doom and a life of being stuck with Doyle in purgatory.

Clack. His boot made a nice, study nose on the bricks before him. No holes opened, nothing rained down upon him, no secret doors opened to give him a hungry beast.

Clack, clack. Two more steps. Everything seemed safe for now. If there was any danger if might be up ahead, but for now everything seemed good.

Clack, clack, clack. Just to make sure, Bill jumped a bit. The floor didn't give away beneath him.

"Everything seems fine!" he called back. "I think we chose the right path."

Rani blinked at him, looking a bit upset that flames hadn't suddenly engulfed him, or that the Chimaera had come back for a repeat of before.

Slowly, but confidently, Doyle walked towards Bill.

Slowly, but confidently until the fourth step, where the ground did give away beneath him, and he did fall to his impending doom.

It was like seeing everything in slow-motion, until Summer let out a scream that snapped Bill out of his senses, and he rushed to the hole.

"Don't move!" he yelled at Chuck, who was halfway there. "The floor might give away to you. Just stay put!"

Bill carefully moved towards to the edge, eyeing the hole with slight fear. "Doyle, can you hear me? Are you all right?"

There was a slight shuffle of clothing and an "ow", until Doyle responded, "I'm ok. Nothing's broken, and I don't think there's anything dangerous here. It's just dark and a bit damp and... oh, shit."

"Doyle, what is it?" Rani called, worry in her voice that made Bill cringe.

"Spikes, lots of them," Doyle said. "And, er, it might just be me, but they seem to be closing in on me." There was a slight pause. "Yeah, most certainly closing in on me. Have I mentioned how much I don't like spikes?"

"Do something!" screeched Summer. "Hurry!"

"Rani, get me your rope," Bill ordered. "Chuck, very slowly, come towards me. We'll need to double the weight to pull him up quickly. Summer, follow Chuck's footsteps, you'll need to hold the light for me."

The two siblings made it safely to his side, and it was only a second after than Rani flung her rope at him. Despite not being able to see Doyle, she stared at the hole in horror.

"Ok, Summer, try to illuminate the hole the best you can. Doyle, we're sending the rope in. Come on, Chuck, let's hurry!" Bill said. For a brief second he'd fear he wouldn't be able to save the vampire in time, but he quickly moved it aside to get into action.

*

"You look really beautiful," Doyle complimented as Rani drank a bit of wine and finished her dinner.

"That's sweet," she said. "You look great yourself. And this restaurant! Amazing!"

Indeed the restaurant was a great sight to see. Fancy and posh to the extreme, with waiters that bustled around like Mary Poppin's penguins. People of the highest class were flocked with jewels and dresses of satin and silk for the women. The men looked like they had come from a film, all dressed up with millions of dollars probably in their pockets.

The food was great, Rani's wine glass was always filled, and a waiter seemed to have set his eyes on their table, ready to serve their every wish and desire.

As a tomb raider, it made Rani slightly suspicious.

"A friend recommended it to me," Doyle said. "He said it was one of the best places in the city."

"Doesn't seem like a place you'd come to," Rani said slowly, trying to see what his ulterior motive was. He was probably trying to get out of meeting her sister next week. "You usually like darker places. Not that I'm complaining. Those chandeliers really do catch a girl's breath."

Doyle cocked his head to a side, giving her a slight smile. "Well, for each occasion there's a place, isn't there? This seemed like the right place for the occasion."

"And what occasion would that be?" Rani asked. Oh, yeah, he definitely did something wrong.

Doyle smiled. "Let's order dessert. I feel like something chocolate-y."

"Oh, don't!" Rani objected, even though the waiter had already come to their side, pad in hand. "Um, I'll have the caramel cheesecake, please." Turning back to Doyle, she scolded, "You're avoiding the subject. I want to know."

Doyle laughed lightly, earning a slight glance from the woman in the table next to them. "Patience, Rani, I promise the minute you've got your fork into that cheesecake, I'll give you your answers."

It did not take long for dessert to come, and Rani eyed her cake appreciatively. Well, if Doyle had done something incredibly wrong, he was on a good path to make it up for her.

"Rani," he started, knowing that her curiosity wouldn't hold out much longer, "there's something you need to know, and I don't think there's a better time for it."

Rani looked up from her plate, raising an eyebrow slightly. "Go on," she insisted.

"You kissed me and stopped me from shaking, and I need you today, oh Rani," Doyle said, his voice slightly taking a singing tone.

Rani snickered. "You moron," she said. "Really, what did you do, Doyle?"

Doyle smiled. "What makes you think I did anything?" He slowly pulled something out of his pocket.

A small, black box.

The small, black box.

Rani froze, fork halfway to her mouth.

"Rani, will you marry me?"

Doyle, on one knee, an engagement ring out in the open. He said the question with such charm and grace that any woman would have asked for.

Rani promptly asked for more wine.

*

Doyle did not die, nor was he badly bruised. He was actually quite fine, and looked as if he had actually been waiting for them in Barbados or some other Caribbean island.

Bill supposed it was only luck that had helped them get him out of the pit in time. Rani, on the other hand, seemed to think it was Doyle's pure abilities that had pulled him out of his near death.

"From now on, let's please watch where we're going," Summer insisted.

"Odd how nothing happened to Weasley," observed Chuck, looking at the pit thoughtfully. "Doyle must have stepped on a trigger. Eddy might want to write it down. For all we know that pit might close up again."

"What do we do now?" Rani asked. "Obviously this path isn't as safe as we had hoped for."

"We should probably continue," Bill said. "I'm positive the exit is nearby."

Doyle looked at the bricks ahead of them. Once again it loomed on until the darkness swallowed it. There certainly didn't seem to be any exit nearby.

No one seemed to argue with Bill's ideas anyway, and ahead they trudged, silent as possible, not really willing to share any new stories or quips. Only Chuck seemed to want to break the silence, starting a soothing whistling that no one objected to.

"There's this pub," began Doyle, "on the edges of Ireland - ever been there, Weasley? - where everyone gathers on New Year's to feast. Food is brought out, the drinks never end, and everyone seems to sing to The Proclaimers before the count down for the New Year begins. I've only been there twice, but both times it was a sight to see. Beautiful women of all sorts serve you the best beer a mortal man can taste. Friendly men of all ages will tell you tall tales of their ancestors." Doyle had a sort of dreamy look on his face. "I think I'll go there when I'm done with Vetula. I good use some mortal warmth. Nothing warms like beer."

"Are we playing the 'what will you do if you live' game?" Summer asked. "Because it really depresses me."

"Actually, it was just a thought out loud, but let's play," Doyle said. "What will you do, Chuck my boy?"

Chuck seemed to think over his options, running a hand through his hair and biting his bottom lip. "I think I'd like to go to Las Vegas. Gamble a bit, win some money, perhaps just find some excitement that doesn't involve my life on the line. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." He gave Summer a wink. "What about you, sis?"

"I want to go home," Summer admitted. "Where I was raised. I want to swim in the lake, explore the woods, see my father. Maybe even go to a simple concert with my old friends. See, now you've depressed me."

"I'll go next then," Rani said. "I've always wanted to go to see this friend of mine in Virginia. I haven't seen her in ages, and I always get an email from her. It'd be nice to see her. We'd do everything together, I know we would. She'd be happy to see me if I suddenly show up. I'll consider it if we ever get out of this labyrinth." She gave the group an encouraging smile. "What about you, Bill? Anywhere with food?"

Bill wasn't quite sure where he wanted to be after this all ended. Back home with his mum and a good meal in front of him? Back in Egypt where he could be with his friends and that lovely girl who lived across from him? Perhaps somewhere more exotic like Aruba or Greece or Australia where he could just take a holiday?

He wasn't quite sure, and he didn't provide an answer.