The Rules of the Game

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)

A World of Trouble

It was night and there was a full moon that shone ever so beautifully against the pavement in front of the Port's home. The dog had been barking for some time now, but no one paid it any attention.

Chuck Port, the youngest member of the household at only thirteen, ran through the house. "Summer!" he yelled desperately. "Dad!"

The nearest door opened as a man in his early forties looked at Chuck. "What's wrong?" he asked, his voice showing annoyance.

"It's my mum!" Chuck said. "She's on the porch. She's not moving. There's - there's blood."

Mr. Port took his wand out of his pocket and hurried down the stairs. Rumours of wizards who were starting to attack throughout America had been on the news, and he couldn't help but hope that his wife was all right.

"Dad, what's going on?" Summer asked. She had been in the other room, doing homework for her last year at St. Angel's School for Witches. Her father did not answer her and she hurried to follow him.

Mrs. Port was lying on the porch, her eyes opened in horror, a pool of blood streaming down her neck. Two punctures gleamed from her pale skin.

"Mum!" Summer cried, hurrying to her mother's side, tears already running down her face.

Mr. Port looked in horror at the picture before him. She was already dead, he could feel it. "Don't look, Chuck," he said, noticing his son was standing beside him. "I - I need to get Uncle Thomas to notify the authorities."

"Is she dead?" Chuck asked.

No one answered him.

*

Chuck hurried down the bank of the river. "We've lost Montanez," he announced. "Their boat is too fast to follow on foot."

Doyle peered at the young boy through his sunglasses. "Damn," he said, taking a sip of some blood.

"Maybe you could go see if you can spot them," Chuck said, sitting down and accepting a bottle of water from Summer.

Doyle raised an eyebrow. "You really should stop believing that myth that a vampire's senses are greatly enhanced. My smell is perfect, my vision is better than yours, but I'm no eagle."

Chuck grinned. "Sorry, boss, although an eagle's vision would come in handy, don't you think?"

"Maybe we should contact Eddy," Summer said. "Admit that we're here so he can tell us where to find him."

"Don't believe in the element of surprise, Summer?" Doyle asked.

"The element of surprise doesn't work if one is lost," Summer said coolly.

"I feel like I should add," Chuck said, taking a bite of a tuna sandwich, "that the river is possibly filled with piranhas."

"Did you read that in the brochure?" Doyle asked.

"No, there was a sign: 'Don't swim. Pirahnas,'" Chuck said.

Doyle looked around at their surroundings. The sun had settled a bit and his headaches had lessened, but he couldn't help feeling that he was missing something important.

Summer stood up, dusting off her trousers. "I think," she said, with an air of the dead, "that we should follow the map."

"Map?" asked Chuck.

"What map?" demanded Doyle.

Summer gave them an odd look. "The map Bellamont gave us," she said this all slowly as if she were talking to a pair of infants.

Chuck looked at Doyle. "There was a map?" he asked.

Doyle grinned sheepishly. "There might have been," he admitted. "I didn't exactly look through everything she gave us."

Summer picked up her bag and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "The map," she presented.

Doyle took it from her and unfolded it carefully. A small black arrow speeded around the paper until it reached a point. "You are here," read across the paper in big red letters, and then the arrow sped around again until the word "Destination" was marked a few kilometres away from their current location.

"Brilliant," Chuck muttered, picking up his things. "There was always a map."

"We better get a move on it," Doyle said. "Montanez has a good head's up on us."

*

"Ms. Port?" the burly Auror asked with a pleasant smile and the tip of his hat.

"Yes, is something wrong?" Summer asked. She looked at them suspiciously. "Is this about my mother's death? That was years ago."

"No, madam," the Auror said. "Do you know a Charles Peters?"

Summer looked even more confused. "No, I'm sorry to say I don't. I heard Mr. Johnson was robbed last week. Was that the thief?"

The Auror seemed unsure if the girl was lying to him or not. He brought out a photograph. "Charles Peters is an international con-artist, madam. He's made millions - both Muggle and wizard wise - through conning palaeontologists. He's passing around as a prophecy-translator."

Summer's face twisted in a look of pure horror. She turned around and yelled inside the house, "Dad, it's about Chuck!"

*

Summer walked along the bank of the river, wondering if she could ever come back for a holiday. She had heard that was a retreat somewhere that was quite nice. Maybe she could persuade Chuck to accompany her.

"Why do you think they sent Rani to the tomb?" Chuck asked. He and Doyle was mock sword fighting with two sticks.

"Possibly some old map to El Dorado there," Doyle said, shrugging. "No one ever believes that the Fountain of Youth was the name of a vampire clan."

"The Vetula Tomb is well-known for hosting the Sphere of Mentality," chirped Summer. "At least, I assume that would be why Bellamont is sending someone from the outside to work with Rani."

"Outside?" repeated Doyle as Chuck stabbed him in the rib. "Someone from the outside?"

Summer sighed. "You do know that the information Bellamont gives us is to be read, right? This wizard from the Gringotts's sector in Egypt is accompanying Rani. Actually, he has full power over the mission," she explained.

Doyle fended off a blow from Chuck with his stick. "Why couldn't I be sent off with Rani?" he asked.

"Because you're a researcher," Chuck said, trying to aim for Doyle's rib again. "Everyone knows that the only way researchers and raiders go on an expedition together is when the tomb is about to self-destruct."

"I'd make a fine raider," Doyle whined, managing to hit Chuck on the head. "I'm an Immortal, ain't I?"

Summer and Chuck scoffed.

*

A cloud of dust settled on Bill and he coughed and sneezed for a bit. Everything was depressingly black making him wish he were in his bed and he could just turn over and go back to sleep.

"Lumos!" he whispered, using his wand to take a look around. Stone walls, stone floors, a creepy breeze. Nothing about to eat him. It could be much worse then.

"Hey, Rani," Bill said, nudging the unconscious form of his partner. "Wake up."

Rani yawned and looked at him in surprise. "What happened?" she asked, quickly scrambling to her feet.

"I don't know where we are," Bill admitted, looking around. The room seemed to go on and on forever.

"Underground," a voice chirped. It was Pat the vase.

"What?" Bill asked.

"We're underground," Pat said. "The last floor of the tomb."

Bill and Rani seemed to digest this information for a long time. Neither said a word and a slight patter of dropping water seemed to echo throughout the place. Bill played with his earring, and looked at Rani, as if expecting an explanation.

"Do you mean," Rani said, once the information had been fully processed by her brain, "that we are on the last floor?"

If Pat could, he would have rolled his eyes. "Yes, I do believe I said that," he answered from Bill's bag.

"The last floor of the tomb," Bill said, with an enormous grin. "This is where the Sphere is!"

"Where we think it is," Rani said rapidly. "Think!"

"It's here," assured Bill, pulling out his wand and using it to light his way. "I'm positive. Come on, there has to be an exit somewhere."

They both walked carefully through the room. The only sound was the annoying drops of water, and it made Rani a bit paranoid to think that the place might cave in at any minute.

"Do you see that?" Bill asked. It had been quite some time since they had started walking in search for a destination. Bill had hit himself three times with loose bricks, and he didn't feel too bright about things.

Rani stopped walking. There was an unmistakable glow that seemed to flitter off the walls. It was too far off to be assured what it was, but it did rise a bit of hopes in them.

"I once did a job in Giza," Bill said, trying to make conversation, "and it was a pretty easy tomb, really. Three chambers, all with curses a twelve-year-old could fix. But when I reached the graves, bugger, it was a whole different thing. Portkeys, everywhere." Bill made this wild motion with his hands. "I was transported to Luxor, Boston, Haskovo and finally Paris."

"How'd you get to all those places?" Rani asked.

"Timed portkey. One hour each," Bill explained. "I didn't find out the first two times. I wasn't too upset in Luxor, because I could easily get back to Cairo, but I was half way to Gringotts when I suddenly appeared back in the tomb. I figured I'd probably just grab something else, and - boom! - I'm sitting next to some Yanks in a dark coffee shop."

Rani laughed. "I think the worst experience I've ever had was in Casibari with this team. We had specific orders to raid a tomb that had just been found by a Muggle. Well, when we go to the given location there was nothing there!"

"I read about that," Bill said excitedly. "The Oasis of Luthis, wasn't it? Sounded fabulous."

"I thought someone had fooled us, or I hadn't listened to Bellamont correctly," Rani continued. So we were about to leave when someone from my team - she's a Halfblood, you see - asked as why we weren't entering the tomb."

Bill nodded. "Yeah, only those with non-magical blood can see it from the outside. I heard the Hungarian section of Gringotts had been after it for a while. But they're all Purebloods, so they never did find it."

"Exactly," Rani said. They were getting closer to the gleam of light. "Well, she was the only one with the correct blood there, so we all thought she was delusional. But luckily someone else had the idea to see what precisely was going on. Tombs don't just disappear after all."

"That tomb brought a lot of money, didn't it?" said Bill, but Rani didn't answer for they had clearly made it to their destination.

A stone arc had just appeared before them. The gleaming light they had seen far away turned out to be a dozen or so chandeliers that had been magically charmed to stay lit during all these centuries.

But what really took Bill's breath away was the numbers of coffins laid up before them.

"It'll be like looking for a needle in a hay stack," Rani said glumly.

Bill moved almost gracefully around the crowded room. Nothing seemed out of place or different than the various other black, perfectly normal coffins scattered around. Nothing seemed to say, "Hey! The Sphere is right here, you dope."

"Ask the vase if he knows where the Sphere is," suggested Rani, as she blew the dust off one particularly old coffin.

Bill pulled out Pat of his bag, and asked him the million galleon question.

"No idea," chirped Pat. "But I'd watch out for the rattlesnakes."

"There are snakes?" Rani asked, looking around. She didn't see any...

"Well, of course not," Pat said. He squirmed out of Bill's grip and hopped onto one of the marked graves. "Open a box, receive a bite, that's how it goes."

"Well, rattlesnakes are pretty tame compared to what we've been through," Bill said with a scary smile.

"No, no, no," snapped Pat as he hopped off the coffin. "Rattlesnakes are the tamest things you'll find in this room."

"Ah," Rani said softly, eyeing the coffins with great distaste. "So, what do we do now, Weasley?"

"Eenie, meenie, minie, mo?" Bill offered with a slight sigh. "Did they have to burry the whole bloody family here?"

"Actually, whole family and their closest friends," Eddy said somewhat pleasantly over the earpiece.

"Perfect," said Rani, sarcastically. "I think I'll open this off." She kicked off the lid of the closest coffin.

Something too fast for Bill to easily see popped out. It was then that he noticed it was a small swarm of black pixies. They snickered at Rani and flew around.

"That's the best thing they've got?" Bill asked with a snort. "Pixies?"

One of the pixies gave a loud cackle and swished past another coffin. It tumbled over and the lid slipped off.

This time it wasn't pixies. This time it was a rather large snake.

"Oh, shit," Rani muttered. "Freeze the pixies!"

Bill and Rani hurried about the room, paralyzing the pixies and trying desperately to avoid the snake. It was giving them a rather hungry look and slowly slithered towards them.

"Do something!" Bill snapped, as he tumbled over a coffin. Luckily, the lid didn't come off.

"Parvus!" hissed Rani. The snake disappeared from sight.

"Where'd it go?" Bill asked.

"It didn't go anywhere," Rani answered, wiping the sweat from the brow. "I just shrank it. Alternative spell to the common shrinking one."

Bill nodded with a satisfied look. "Now what?" he said, careful not to bump into anymore accidents. "It'll take us forever if we have to go through all these."

"Good thing we arrived then," said a deep voice.

Standing by the archway were two rather large, rather muscular men. They both had rather nasty grins on their face and were pointing two shiny guns at Rani and Bill.

"Oh, fuck," muttered Bill, before raising his arms above his head.

*

"Could you please state your name," the interrogator said. He was a rather chubby man in his late forties with a mousy moustache and oily hair.

"You know my name," the young man said. "It's all over the papers by now."

"You affirm to go by the name Charles Peters then?" the interrogator said, twirling his moustache impatiently.

"It is my most popular name," Charles Peters said, taking a sip of water.

"You also go by Charles James, Chuck Perry, Charles Perry and Charlie Sheen," the interrogator pointed out.

Charles Peters, if that was his real name, gave a big smile and took another sip of water. "If you really want to know," he said, "my real name is Chuck Port."

"Chuck?" repeated the interrogator.

"My mother wanted Charles, but my father told her it was too fancy. They decided on Chuck," the boy explained.

"Do you know that we've been in contact with your sister?" the interrogator asked.

"I do," Chuck said. "I also know I'm not going to jail despite all the money I've stolen."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"How's that?"

"The nice old lady outside the room told me so." Chuck took another sip of water. "And I know you work for her."

*

Doyle hurried around the boulder he had been hiding from and ran towards the small gathering of trees near the river's shore.

"Are they staying there?" Summer asked, referring to Montanez's group who had seemed to have made camp.

"Looks like," Doyle said. "But they sent two goons towards the tomb to start securing the area. I think we should meet them there."

Chuck absentmindedly tried to wipe the top of his boots on some of the nearby weeds. The boots didn't look shiny or new anymore.

"It'd be better than standing around here," he agreed. "If Montanez comes just upon the hill, we'll be spotted."

"Do we know where this tomb is?" Summer asked. "The map isn't very specific."

"I know the general direction to go," Doyle said. He gave a toothy smile. "And I can easily pick it up from there."

"A beer says you can't find it just on your sense of smell," Chuck said, who loved to test Doyle's vampire abilities.

"You're on," Doyle said. "And to prove my worth, I'll bet you lunch as well if I can find Rani."

Chuck, quite sure of himself, shook on it.

Summer untied her hair, decided the heat was too much, and retied it. She wondered if Rani knew how complicated things were going to get.