The Wounded

The Wounded

Chapter Four

Harry lay on his bed in Gryffindor Tower and stared up at the ceiling. It was late. He should change, and go to sleep, but he couldn't summon up the energy. And it was nice, to just lie here.

He was completely alone. He wasn't used to it. Oh, he'd been alone in the room before, many times over the past seven years, but he always knew it wouldn't last, that any minute, Ron or the others would be back. And their things would be all over the room - posters, books, papers, open trunks, stray socks. Beds would be rumpled and curtains awry, no matter how often the house elves came by to straighten up. They were there, even when they weren't there.

But now, the room was empty, except for him and his things. The other beds were neat and smooth, all identically made up, waiting for a new group of first years. It wouldn't be his room anymore then.

But for now, it was still his. This room was the only home he'd ever really had in his life. And he had a few more precious weeks of it, before he had to move on. To the Weasleys? Or to rent his own place? He still hadn't decided, didn't want to decide.

He'd have to, eventually. But not yet.

He turned over in bed, to look out the window. The moon was full and gleaming. He caught a glimpse of something bright, over by the lake. He rolled off the bed, and crawled closer to the window.

He saw a huge, silvery animal, running along the lake shore. It's Remus, he thought, Remus in his wolf form. The only other time he'd seen Remus as a wolf, he'd been a ravening monster, a roaring mass of grey hair and sharp teeth. Now, he looked like a dog - granted, a really, really big dog - trotting along the shoreline. Keeping out of the water, though. Madame Pomfrey probably made him promise not to get wet.

Suddenly, something green flashed by, and Remus darted after it, leaping up into the air, and catching it in his mouth. A bright green disk. Remus trotted back with it, to hand it to a tall, black figure that Harry hadn't noticed before, in the shadow of the trees. Snape, of course. The black figure took the disk from Remus, and threw it again, and Remus was after it like a silver arrow.

Good god, Harry thought. Snape's throwing a Frisbee.

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Lupin slept for more than twenty-four hours straight after changing back into human form. He awoke, still groggy, late in the morning of the second day. There were a few moments of disorientation - I'm not at home, not in my own bed - before he thought, No, I'm at Hogwarts, I've moved into Hogwarts.

And then he remembered, and he fumbled at the bedside table until his fingers found the mirror, wrapped in its cloth. No, Severus is still here, close by. Nothing's happened while I was asleep. He let out a sigh of relief. Hermione told him he could sense Severus' presence because they were so close; she had never had that kind of bond with Draco when they'd used it on him.

He closed his hand around the mirror. Severus was VERY close by, and coming closer. He's coming here, Lupin thought, and he quickly put the mirror in the table drawer.

He heard a knock at the outer door, then the door opening, and another knock at the bedroom door. "Come in," he said, pulling himself up to sit against the pillows.

Snape came through the doorway, and over to the bed. A tray was floating behind him, loaded with food. Lupin's sensitive nose twitched at the delicious smells, and he felt his mouth salivate. "Food!" he said. "You brought food! I'm starving!"

"Potion first," Snape said, taking a mug from the tray. Lupin gulped it down, made a face, then looked over at the tray, which held enough food for two or three people easily, albeit on the bland side. Snape filled a mug with soup and passed it over. Lupin forced himself to swallow it slowly. He really was starving, all of a sudden. Much more so than normal, even after he'd been through full moon.

"It was like this last time you changed," Snape said, "while you were still in the hospital. You seemed to have a setback at first, but then you made a great jump forward. That's when you first woke up. Your werewolf healing abilities are very strong now."

"One of the very few good things about being a werewolf," Lupin said, with a crooked smile. "Although I enjoyed myself, the last few nights. As usual." He smiled at Snape, then looked over at the tray again, "What else do you have there?"

Snape maneuvered the tray over to the bed, so Lupin could help himself, then pulled a chair over and sat down, while Lupin proceeded to down everything on the tray. It's the healing abilities, he thought. I need all the fuel in me I can get.

He finished, and lay back in the pillows, with a sigh of contentment.

"You should rest now," Snape said, standing up. "I know you're feeling better, but be careful not to over-do things. You should probably stay in bed today, or at least, stay in your rooms."

"All right," Lupin said, reluctantly. "I won't promise that I'll stay in bed, I think I've been in bed for far too long. But I'll stay quiet."

Snape nodded. "I'll arrange for your meals to be sent in today." He left the room, the tray floating behind him.

-

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Lupin slept a bit more that morning, but couldn't bear staying in bed any longer, so he rose, and washed and dressed. He did keep his promise, though, and stayed in the sitting room, quietly reading. He was just beginning to wonder when his lunch would arrive, when Hermione peeked around the doorframe.

"Hello, Professor," she said. " Has anything happened?"

"Come on in, Hermione," Lupin said, nodding his head at the other chair.

Hermione crossed the room, sat down, and looked at him expectantly.

"And no, nothing's happened," Lupin said. "He seems his usual self. Even in a good mood, for him. But I don't expect that to change. If he's decided anything at all, it's not a decision made in a moment of despair. It's something he determined a long time ago. I can't expect a sudden mood change, or anything like that, to warn me."

"Maybe he's decided against it," Hermione said. "It's one thing to set a course of action when it's a long way away. It's quite another to actually carry it out when you get there."

"I hope you're right," Lupin said. "I worry that he just hasn't, I don't know, checked off the final entry on his list of things to do."

"Maybe he's delaying," Hermione said. "You know, deep down, he really doesn't want to, and he's coming up with things to do to justify staying on. You said he seemed in good spirits. He could be realizing there are things worth staying for."

"Let's hope so," Lupin said. But he knew, in his heart, that it wasn't true.

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It happened three days later.

"I'd say you've made remarkable progress these last few days," said Poppy Pomfrey, as she waved her hands above Lupin's prone body, moving them from side to side, from his toes to his head, her eyes closed. "It's hard to believe you were at death's door only a month ago." She opened her eyes. "All right, I'm all done."

Lupin sat up in the hospital bed. Poppy sat thinking, her hands in her lap. Snape stood quietly behind her like a shadow, watching.

"I really do feel amazingly better," Lupin said. "Just hungry all the time."

"That's a good sign," Poppy said. "You're building up your strength." She thought for a moment longer, then nodded her head. "Yes, I'd say we can dispense with those special potions you've been making, Severus." She turned and looked at Snape behind her, and he nodded. She turned back to Lupin. "I think regular doses from a standard elixir will be all you need from now on." She stood up. "I'll get a bottle from the dispensary."

Lupin felt a chill. No more special potions from Snape. He looked over at Snape, but if Snape felt any concern over it, his face showed nothing. Or was there distance there, as if Snape's mind were suddenly elsewhere.

"I hope I can still count on you for morning tea, Severus" Lupin said.

"Of course," Snape said. But his voice was distant. No mistake, Lupin thought, he's thinking of something else.

Poppy came back with a corked bottle. "Here you are. The dosage schedule is written on the side," she said as she handed it to Lupin. "Now, off with you, I'd say you think you've been in here far too much this year."

"Thank you, Poppy," Lupin said, standing up. He looked over at Snape.

"Go on. I have some other things to take care of," Snape said.

"All right," Lupin said. "I'll see you at lunch then?"

Snape hesitated. "I may have lunch in my quarters today. I have things to do."

"Well, perhaps you might drop by for tea?"

Snape nodded. "Perhaps."

"Fine, I'll look for you, then," Lupin said, as he turned away.

Out in the corridor, Lupin stopped and stood very still. That was it, he thought. I don't know how I know, but I do. That was the final thing Severus was waiting to finish. It's going to happen, and soon.

And then he thought, Hermione would give you that look of hers, if you told her, she'd say you're being ridiculous. What evidence do you have? A few distracted looks from Snape?

He walked down the corridor, towards his chambers. And with each step, he was more convinced. It was going to happen, and it was going to happen soon.

He reached his rooms, sat down in his chair, and pulled out the mirror, unwrapping its cloth covering, and holding it in the palm of his hand. It was the first time he'd looked into it since Hermione gave it to him. He could see Snape walking down the corridors, the way he always did, with his stalking stride, black robes flowing behind him. Not the way you'd expect a man to walk who'd decided to do away with himself, he had to admit. But Snape wasn't a normal man.

He let his hand fall into his lap, and he leaned back. I just have to keep watch, he thought. He frowned, there has to be something else I can do. I've got to send word to Dumbledore, that's what I've got to do. And tell him what? He frowned. I need more information.

I'll watch Snape today, he thought. Watch him, talk to him, see if I can learn any more. Then I'll write Dumbledore tonight, even if I don't know anything more than I know now.

-

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He watched Snape in the mirror, off and on, throughout the day. Snape was definitely putting things away, straightening things up, but that was normal behavior for him, Lupin had to admit. The potions stores closet was immaculate, but it always was.

Lupin even swallowed his scruples and watched Snape in his own quarters, although the view became very hazy in there - no doubt due to the very complex wards Snape must have set. If Lupin were trying to view him from outside Hogwarts, he doubted he'd be able to see anything at all. But even with all the distortion, he could see that Snape's quarters were almost as bare as his own. Even the surface of the desk was clean, no papers, just the standard equipment provided to all the desks in the chambers at Hogwarts. There were some books on the shelves, but not many, and they were grouped together at one side, as if they were to be kept together for some reason. Lupin tried to make out the titles, or even see if he could identify any by their shape and color, but the view was too blurred.

There was an iron bound trunk against one wall. The lid was open, and he saw Snape placing things inside, although the view was too murky to make out exactly what. What is that for? Lupin wondered. Keeping the illusion of going traveling, perhaps?

Lupin finally put the mirror down when Snape sat at a window and began to stare outwards. The view would be an enchanted one - Snape's quarters were in the dungeon, like the Slytherins. Lupin tried to see what Snape was looking at, but the mirror showed nothing but hazy swirls. Maybe two layers of far-seeing canceled each other out, he thought. He wondered what Snape was looking at.

I bet he doesn't come by for tea, Lupin thought. I'll catch him at dinner, then. What if he doesn't go to dinner? Then I'll chase him down in his quarters.

But Snape did come for tea, that afternoon. The mirror warned Lupin; he wasn't looking at it, he was leaning back in the chair, eyes closed, but the mirror was still in his hand, and he could feel Snape coming closer. He quickly wrapped it up and stowed it in his pocket, and was innocently looking out the window when Snape showed himself in the doorway.

"Severus," Lupin said, smiling. "Tea time already? Give me a minute, I'll get the kettle going."

"No need," Snape said, as he sat down in his usual chair. "I took the liberty of asking the kitchens to send up a full tea. I haven't eaten since breakfast. I hope you don't mind."

And, sure enough, a house elf popped in with a tray, placed it on the side table, and then popped out again. Lupin poured out, and handed first a cup, then a laden plate over to Snape, before helping himself.

"And why so busy all of a sudden?" Lupin asked.

Snape sipped at his tea, then carefully placed the cup back on the saucer. Stalling, Lupin thought. Thinking of how he'll answer me.

Snape frowned. "I think . . ." He stopped for a moment. "I have told you, I intend to leave Hogwarts. To travel."

"Yes," Lupin said.

Snape took another sip of his tea. "I think I will be leaving soon."

Lupin was quiet. "I had hoped you'd stay until the end of the summer."

Snape shook his head. "No. It is time I was moving on. This place does not hold good memories for me. I will be very glad to leave it." He looked at Lupin as he said that.

"Oh," Lupin said. "I'm sorry you're going, I will miss you," he said carefully. "How much longer will you be staying?"

Snape shrugged. "Not much longer." Again, he looked at Lupin. "You remember, I said I had some books for you."

"Yes," Lupin said. "To keep for you until you come back." I dare you to look me in the eye when you answer that, you liar, he thought.

But Snape merely looked down at his tea while he sipped it, and said, "Yes." He looked back up at Lupin, "I'll get them to you sometime tomorrow. Will that be all right?"

"Of course," Lupin said. "Can I count on you for tea in the morning?"

Snape hesitated, then nodded. "Perhaps. If I'm not too busy."

"With all these things you have to do before you leave." Lupin tried, but he couldn't quite keep the annoyance from his voice.

Snape looked at him sharply. Then his face softened, and he nodded, "I had a surprisingly large number of things to take care of before I could think of leaving." And again, he looked directly at Lupin as he said that. I'm one of those things, Lupin thought.

Lupin put his teacup down. "Severus, I was thinking," he said. "I've got a spare room back at my place. I don't know what you have to come home to, but you're always welcome to stay with me." He looked carefully at Snape while he said it. Snape sat very still, and Lupin, feeling encouraged, went on, "I know it isn't much, but I'd enjoy the company, I'm going to be very lonely when I go back home, after being here at Hogwarts." Snape had not moved, he was listening. "You'd be doing me a favor, you know. It'd be very handy, having you there, a wizard who doesn't lose his powers at full moon, the way I do."

Snape still did not move. Lupin waited, watching him.

Finally, Snape shifted a little in his chair. "You might not like it, having me around all the time."

"I've liked it here. It's you who'll probably get sick of me, but you can always disappear into your room, that won't bother me."

Snape was still again. He's thinking about it, Lupin thought, he's really thinking about it. There's a part of him that wants to.

But then, something changed in Snape's eyes, as if a cloud passed over them; for just an instant, there was a flash of something intensely sorrowful. Then his eyes grew hooded and distant. "I'll think about it," Snape said, but Lupin knew he'd already decided against it.

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They went to dinner together, later on. Snape behaved normally, even seemed to be in a better mood than normal. Certainly, he didn't scowl nearly as much as usual, even with Harry and his friends all laughing boisterously at the table below. And Snape's appetite was good, even if it didn't match Lupin's still wolfishly ravenous one.

Lupin tried to steer them back to his chambers after dinner, but Snape shook his head and said, "Not tonight, thank you anyway." And turned off towards the dungeons.

Lupin nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow, then. At tea. And when you bring by the books."

Snape nodded as he walked away. "Yes, you'll get the books tomorrow." And he disappeared around a corner.

Lupin frowned. Then he headed straight for the owlery. He didn't know where Dumbledore was these days, but a good owl would find him. He dashed out a message, and tied it around the leg of a handsome screech owl, and watched as it flew across the night sky.

I feel safe for tonight

, he thought, but after tomorrow, who knows. I hope Dumbledore can get back here by tomorrow. Although I have no idea what he can do. But I'm out of ideas, and I don't know where else to turn.

He sat up in his chambers, looking in the mirror, but it was even more fogged in Snape's quarters than it had been earlier, and he could only just make out a black figure in the center of the mirror, surrounded by a murk that was only slightly less black. He's increased his wards, or they're reacting to him in some way, Lupin thought.

He finally put the mirror on his bedside table, lay down in bed, and put out the lights. But he still couldn't sleep. We're safe through tomorrow, he kept telling himself. And Dumbledore will be here tomorrow.

We're safe through tomorrow. He's promised to see you tomorrow.

He's promised I'll get the books tomorrow, a voice in his mind said. He doesn't have to see me to make that happen.

Lupin sat up in the bed. Severus promised to have tea with me in the morning, he thought. No, he didn't, the voice in his mind answered, he said "Perhaps."

Lupin reached out to the table, and felt around until his fingers closed around the mirror. He clutched it in his hand. There, he thought. It's all right, I can feel Severus, here still.

For now.

He lay back in the bed, hand still closed around the mirror. I'll keep it here with me, he thought. I won't leave it on the table, I'll hold it in my hand, I can trust myself not to drop it. He breathed a little easier, and closed his eyes, the hand clutching the mirror resting on his chest.

-

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The buzzing woke him instantly. And he knew exactly what it was, and his first thought was Damn you, Severus.

He opened his eyes. It was very early, the window showed the sky outside just turning from black to grey. "Lumos!" he called out, and the room brightened. He held the mirror up to his face - it was buzzing, and whirring in his hand.

There was the tiny figure of Snape, no longer blurred by the wards in his chambers, but still a dark shadowy figure in the pre-dawn light, a shadow surrounded by shadows. Lupin could make out trees around him, as if he were in a forest clearing. Snape was staring ahead of him, looking at something, and Lupin willed the view in the mirror to change, so he could see.

Snape's figure disappeared beyond the frame, and Lupin saw more trees and bushes passing across the mirror's surface. Then the view stopped. And through the trees, and above them, he saw a great mountain, rising black against the rosy-grey sky.

-

TBC