And The Feeling Of Longing

Chapter 3: Communication (The End Is The End Is The End)

June Granger sat down. She was tired and pale.

"Albus," she said softly.

"Yes, Mrs. Granger?" came the reply. June looked up at him, eyes pleading.

"Could I go home please?"

"Of course…you're sure you don't want to stay?"

"It's not that I don't want to be here for her, it's just…" June shook her head. "I can't watch her suffer like this." Peter sighed and put an arm around his wife softly.

"None of us can, sweetheart," he whispered. "None of us can."

*

Oh please, god not another one, not another, won't they just end…

"Well well…Miss Hermione Know-It-All Granger. How…nice of you to join us."

Oh god, not this…please, anything but this…

"Morsmordre!"

No…it's hurting, he's hurting me…Remus, help...Remus…

*

Hermione screamed. Loudly. Everyone jumped and looked up at her. She was clasping her arm, tearing at the skin.

"Remus!" she screamed. "Remus, please…oh god, make them stop, Remus…" For the first time, tears slipped out of the corner of Hermione's eyes. Remus stood up and walked over to her. He held her arms still and stopped her from digging her nails into her skin. He kissed her softly on the forehead, and she relaxed. Placing her now limp arms onto the bed, Remus wiped his eyes with the back of his hands and brushed Hermione's hair out of her eyes. Mrs. Weasley let out a loud sniffle and Ginny put her arm around her mum. Some of the people in the room began to get tired, and laid their heads on armrests in a vague attempt to sleep. As much as they respected their friend and wanted to stay awake for her…she would have wanted them to be okay. Not tearing themselves to pieces over such a trivial illness.

*

Ron…no…not again, I don't want to remember…all my fault…

"Avada Kedavra!"

No! No, not Ron! Please, take me instead! Harry! Help!…all my fault, it's all, all my fault.

*

Hermione's eyes snapped open.

"Hermione!" Harry yelled, and went to run over to her. She started whispering, and he stopped.

"No…" she whispered, holding her hands over her face in protection. Everyone in the room froze, waiting for her to announce the next nightmare. "Not him…" she whispered, and shut her eyes again.

*

Not this shadow. Have to keep running. Must keep running. Light is getting closer…but it hurts, I'm getting weaker…am I dying? I think I'm dying…Remus…

"Miss Granger? What are you doing here?"

NO! I won't! I won't go through that...that again…I can't…Remus? Remus, is that you? Can you hear me? I…it hurts, Remus, it hurts really badly…everything, everything hurts…especially me. It's the shadows, they're everywhere, they're chasing me and I can't get away…please help me, Remus, I don't want to live through this again, I don't want to live through it…Remus…oh god…

"Miss Granger, what are you doing?"

Remus, can you still hear me? Good…I don't think I can talk for much longer. Remus, what's happening to me? Why am I living through this? And why is it hurting so much? I'm scared, Remus, I…oh no. Harry…help me, Harry, it's him again…it's him, it's…

*

Harry looked up.

"It's Snape," Hermione whispered, and lay perfectly still. Too still. Eternally still. A shadow slipped from the room and stumbled down the corridor. Sometimes those who survived evil begin to wonder if they really survived it at all. This shadow did, like others before him, and others after. There was no escape from the inevitable.

"Hermione?" Remus whispered, softly. "Herm?" Albus put his hand on Remus' shoulder.

"We must wait," he said. "From this point onwards, anything could happen." Remus looked up at Albus.

"What do you mean…anything?" Albus sighed.

"What I mean, Remus, is…we can't be sure she's going to live through this."

Time froze. Everyone soaked in the information. No one wanted to believe it. All were lost in thought. Without Hermione, no one could be sure how safe they were. The stillness, the perfect stillness… was broken. Arthur came in the door, and closed it softly behind him.

"Did you find anything?" Harry asked. Arthur looked up at him, and shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Remus," he whispered. From then on everything seemed to fall apart.

*

The light! I can see it, it's so near, it's…I'm running towards it, I'm running into the light…into the light…

*

"Into the light," Hermione whispered softly. Remus looked up. Hermione's eyes snapped open.

"Hermione?" he pleaded. She smiled, weakly.

"Remus," she whispered.

"Hermione! Oh thank god you're-"

"Ssh," she whispered, and placed a fast chilling finger to his lips. "Thank you for everything," she said. "I love you, you know, and I wish I could stay with you forever…but…." She took a deep breath.

"But…?" Remus whispered, clasping her hands in his.

"I'm dying," she whispered, and drew her last breath. "I'll see you later," she breathed, and was still. Her chest subsided and failed to go back up. Her pulse slowed, slower, and slower…and stopped.

And it was then that Remus Lupin's heart broke in two.

He looked at her hands. They were getting paler. He placed her palms together, so she looked like she was praying, and placed them under her head.

"Sleep well, Hermione," he said, and stood up. He stood with his head down for a second, then closed his eyes.

-

"Hermione Granger led a life. Every second she was alive, she was amazing. I don't think there's ever been anyone quite like her. I don't think there ever will be someone like her. That has been taken care of. Hermione lived not for her books, as many of her classmates at Hogwarts thought, but for her friends. She stood by them through thick and thin and was always there no matter what…whether it be with a charm for Harry, help with homework for Ron or just someone to talk to, she was there. When Ron died she was there for Harry, as was he for her. When they graduated, even though the trio was now a duo, Hermione was still there. When they joined the Order of the Phoenix, Harry needed Hermione more than ever…and I suppose I did, too. And somehow she managed to do her job as well as looking after us. And now I wish she was still here to look after me. I wish she were here so I could wrap my arms around her and tell her it's all alright. I wish I she was here so I could promise her everything in the world. I wish…she was here again."

Remus paused and looked down at his notes.

"I made these notes so that I wouldn't forget what to say. I've not used them at all…and I don't think it mattered. You were always so careful to plan everything. Now I've ended your life by not planning anything at all. Is that what you always wanted? To be normal?" Remus wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his robes and looked at the coffin where Hermione lay. "I love you," he said. "Until the end is the end…is the end."

Harry and Remus walked out of the hall together in silence. Harry looked at Remus for a moment.

"Do you think it's the end, Remus?" he asked. Remus shook his head.

"No," he replied.

"Why not?"

"Because Hermione wouldn't have wanted it to be."

Sometimes even the most badly broken of hearts can begin to mend.

-

Hermione Jane

(1980-2002)

As long as the love remains, she will never truly die.