In the Shadows

Chapter 3

Mudbloods and Memories

Winds swept through the empty night. He stood on the corner of Knockturn Alley and Diagon Alley once again. Voices from the pub were muffled by the closed door and the rising storm. The pain in Severus' arm was overwhelming. His head bowed down slightly causing his hair to fall forward creating a shield. It didn't help. As the wind circled around them, he could still smell her presence. She reached out to touch him. As her small fingertips grazed his cheek, Severus pulled back and looked up. The wind blew curls across her petite face.

"Severus, please..."

He slowly backed away, shaking his head.

"I must go."

He could see the dark shadow pass over her wonderfully bright eyes.

"Why did you do it?"

He could see the tears spilling from those clouded eyes.

"Go inside before any customers are in need. You know how father hates that and you do not want him angry."

He kept his stoic expression as he watched her. Her head tilted forward in resignation as she whispered, "alright." It didn't matter what she said. What was done was done. Severus looked the girl up and down. The sneer he would be known for in years to come formed and the disdain laced his voice.

"Do not question me again, Mudblood. You are a mere barmaid and you WILL give me the respect I deserve."

The wind blew her robes around her legs. Slowly wiping tears from her cheeks, she lowered herself to the ground. Sitting back on her feet, she kept her eyes on the ground near Severus' feet.

"Yes, sir."

The breaking in her voice told him all he needed to know. He couldn't bare to look at her. With her eyes on the ground, he couldn't see the dark sadness floating in her chocolate orbs, but he would know it was there. Turning, Severus walked down Knockturn Alley. The pain in his arm seared through his body. He needed to apparate immediately. The wind carried down the alley the sent of the barmaid and the soft whisper of her voice as a reminder of what he could never change.

"I shall but love thee better after death."

~*~*~

Daunting memories haunted Severus through the night. With each memory, Severus cursed Dumbledore for bringing the mirror back without warning. The sun had not fully risen when Severus got up and left the house. The thought of sitting through another breakfast with everyone in the house brought the aura of a migraine. The sky was a deep grey as he walked through the local streets. The blanket of fog offered a semblance of isolation and protection. He walked hoping the energy of those memories would be released with the effort to keep moving.

It didn't work and Severus found himself walking back into the darkness of Number Twelve. The echoing sounds of Mrs. Weasley in the kitchen reached his ears. With a sigh, Severus headed up the stairs in hopes of speaking with Dumbledore through the floo--the term would be starting soon, which meant he would soon be called to Voldemort. As he reached the landing, he could hear the sound of laughter from the drawing room. With a growl lodged in the back of his throat, he started across and to the hall. Obviously, he would need to use the fireplace in his room. He halted at the sound of Hermione and Draco's voices.

It would seem the laughter was out of amusement--Harry and Ron's amusement. Severus took a couple steps closer to the drawing room. Standing in the shadows of the overhang of the landing above, he could see the events unfolding in the drawing room. Harry and Ron sat at the chess game again. Hermione shot them her usual glare that shut them up. With a nervous cough, Harry looked to Ron.

"Play another game?"

Ron was shaking his head in disbelief as he answered.

"Yea, blimey they are both mad."

Harry watched Hermione nervously.

"Ron, maybe we should go help your mum."

Ron nodded his head and they left for the kitchen passing right by Severus without noticing. Stupid Gryffindors. Severus shook his head and continued watching the interaction going on in the room. Hermione stood in front of the chair she slept in the night before. The wool blanket neatly folded, sat on the back of it. Severus could see the red flare of her cheeks as she glared at Draco with pursed lips. Draco stood behind the chair looking completely relaxed.

"Are you daft, Malfoy?"

Draco looked up at Hermione and matched her glare for glare. Severus stayed in the shadows as he moved a bit closer. The argument must have started immediately after breakfast, as the drapes had yet to be open. What light could escape into the room did, but the dimness did not hide the brightness of the fire burning in Hermione reflecting on her cheeks. With every breath, her chest heaved up and down as if wanting to escape its confinement. Severus watched as Draco took a couple steps closer to the chair in order to hold the back of it. Draco's pale fingers sunk into the fabric as he held on as if the soft fabric alone would prevent him from lashing out at Hermione or from strangling her with his bare hands. With a couple deep breaths, Draco was able to speak to Hermione in a very controlled voice.

"No, Granger. I am not daft. I can simply read."

Severus remained silent and still as the frazzled girl threw her arms in the air in exasperation before pointing at a book lying on the side table. With a brief glance, Severus recognized the book as In Memoriam--the same book she had been reading earlier yesterday.

"No, Malfoy you obviously did not read it!"

Draco's fingers dug deeper into the fabric of the chair as his voice finally rose a bit. Severus cocked his head a bit in amazement at how quickly Draco could lose his stoicism around Hermione. Draco's voice echoed in the drawing room--something that would frighten most with the audio reminder of Lucius, but Hermione did not flinch. She simply stood there breathing deeply and looking at Draco as if she expected a good answer for a change.

"Granger! You cannot read that without knowing he wrote it right after Hallem's death! It doesn't take a Gryffindor Genius to figure that one out!"

Hermione's mouth fell open in indignation. Her hair had been pinned up, but as if the energy of this argument manifested itself into her hair, strands of curls fell out draping on her neck or across her cheek.

"Yes, Malfoy! He wrote it right after Arthur Hallem's death! But it is. Not. About Hallem's death!"

"Yes, it is Granger!"

Hermione let out a squeal of irritation.

"Think about it, Malfoy!" She took a step forward. "Look at how many times the word 'I' is used throughout! You cannot deny it! He even tells you what it is about! Listen!"

Hermione snatched the book off the end table and quickly turned to a page and began to read.

"Come; let us go: your cheeks are pale;

Methinks my friend is richly shrined;

But half my life I leave behind.

But I shall pass, my work will fail."

Her voice couldn't betray her frustration or passion in reading it. The brimming tears in her eyes slowly beginning to glide down her reddened cheeks were proof enough.

"It is not about Hallem!"

"Fine!" Draco roared. "Fine! Enlighten me, Granger! What is it about if not Hallem! Huh? Well, answer me!"

He took a step closer as did Hermione. Draco could see the glistening tears as she frantically wiped them away.

"Grief! Draco! It's about his grief! If your best friend suddenly died so young--the only person who truly knew you--would a poem you sit down to write be about him?" Her voice was cracking she was so upset. "No! It would not! It would be about the grief you are suffering--your reaction to the situation not the situation itself!"

It happened before Hermione could realize what Draco was doing. He quickly took the few steps that separated them. Hermione attempted to back away, but was not fast enough. He reached out grabbing her upper arms and continuing forward until he had shoved her against the wall. Hermione gasped in shock and a bit of fear. The force of her impact onto the dark stone-like wall caused her head to fall back hitting the cold hard wall with a throbbing thump. The fire in Draco's eyes matched that of Hermione's.

"Must you be so insufferable?"

Draco hissed at her only inches from her face. Keeping a hold of her, Draco began to kiss her forcibly. Hermione squirmed and tried to leave, but Draco's grasp was too tight. Thoughts and images whirled in Hermione's mind. The friendship she thought her and Draco were forming began to crumble. Her senses slowly coming back to her she realized she had just enough room...

"Hmph."

The odd sound came from the back of Draco throat as his lips came to a sudden halt. Hermione watched him double over slightly and saw her opportunity to push him away, but somehow missed it. Something else suddenly thrust Draco backward away from Hermione. Landing on the hard wood floor, his face shot up to look at Hermione as he stood quickly.

"What did you do?"

The venom was in his voice again paining Hermione. She didn't get a chance to answer. Snape was standing in the doorway with his wand out. He glanced at Hermione and then back at Draco.

"Well Mr. Malfoy, your father would be so proud."

Snape stepped into the drawing room without taking his eyes off of Draco.

"Miss Granger kindly go lick your wounds elsewhere while I speak with Mr. Malfoy."

Hermione felt frozen for a moment. Lick my wounds? The fierceness of his words and the cold stare he was giving Draco warned Hermione that it was best to leave the room. Turning, she rushed passed Snape and down the hall.

Severus waited for Hermione to leave the room. With a flick of his wand he slammed the door shut and ordered Draco to sit. Draco waited for some word from Snape, but it seemed he was for torturing Draco at the moment. Snape paced back and forth in front of Draco, searching for the right words beyond what he had already said to Draco.

Draco watched Severus pacing back and forth. Severus stopped in the midst of his pacing and looked at the closed drapes. Quickly pulling his wand out, startling Draco in the process, he flicked the wand once causing the drapes to open and light to pour into the dark room. One corner of Severus' mouth turned up when Draco jumped. He knew the boy had to be in pain by the way he saw Hermione kick him and his arse had to hurt from landing on it. Severus could not hide the disappointment he was feeling toward Draco--it was written in each look at Draco and each moment of silence. Severus walked over to the window, turning his back to Draco. He looked out the large window Hermione had watched him arrive from...the day was a bit overcast.

Draco had turned in his seat to see where his Head of House was going and what he was going to do. He began to feel it would be much better if Severus went ahead and yelled at him, took points if he could, anything but the silence. Severus did not know what to say for once. Nothing he could say would enlighten the boy to his behavior--it was up to Draco. Severus finally decided to not give the boy so much as negative attention for his behavior. His words were controlled, calm, and very clear.

"Get out of my sight, Mr. Malfoy."

Severus waited until he heard the drawing room door open and heard the footsteps echo down the corridor.

~*~*~

When Hermione left the drawing room, she quickly moved down the corridor before the tears would emerge. The visions of the doors ahead swam before her. She knew Ginny was in their room and Mrs. Weasley would definitely be downstairs overseeing whatever she set the boys to do. Hermione did not want to have to explain anything--not right now. Instead, she entered the one unoccupied room on this floor--the room across from Professor Snape's.

The room was dark as it always was. The dark drapes were drawn shut and in the middle of the small room stood something covered in a deep midnight blue cloth covering. Her curiosity was overpowered by her heartbreak. Hermione sat in the corner of the room, behind the object where she would remain unseen to anyone who would possibly enter. With her knees drawn up to her chest, she rested her hands on her knees and laid her head on them letting the tears fall--I thought he was different now; I thought we were friends...

The low rumble of his deep voice awoke Hermione. A moment of disorientation overcame her as she looked around the darkness. The dark outline of something large in the room reminded her of her whereabouts. Snape's voice hung in the air...he was talking to someone or something. Still crouched in the corner, Hermione could see where part of the covering on the object had been moved aside. She could sense a deep despair within the room devouring the air around her.

"How can that be you?"

Hermione understood the words he spoke, but not the meaning behind them. Scrunching her forehead in concentration, she listened for the sound of anyone else in the room--there was no one else. Fear overcame her. What if he catches me in here? Barely breathing to the point that Hermione was nearly holding her breath she waited for Snape to leave.

It didn't take Snape long. With a frustrated growl, he covered the mirror back up and swiftly left the room. Slowly standing up, Hermione tiptoed to the door listening. The moment the sound of Snape's shoes hitting the floor had vanished, she escaped the room to freshen up for dinner.

~*~*~

The determined sound of Hermione's shoes hitting the floor could be heard in the dining room as she drew closer to the door. When she entered she noticed there were only two seats unoccupied--one in between Draco and Ginny and one at the end next to Snape. She felt Snape's eyes scan her carefully for any sign of weakness. Draco's back was to the door. He slowly turned when he heard the steps and felt the swoosh of air from the opening door. When he saw who it was his eyes shifted to Snape and then back down to his plate. Hermione surveyed the room. Without a word, she crossed the room to the other side of the table and took the seat next to Snape.

Dinner passed in a silence that did not go unnoticed. Narcissa watched her son suspiciously. Snape sat stiffly in his chair refusing to acknowledge the girl next to him. He felt uncomfortable with this student of his sitting next to him as if she were trying to hide in his shadows. Hermione ate dinner without looking at anyone and then quietly left for the drawing room.

Curled up in her usual chair, Hermione read a book only glancing at the book on the end table every now and then--the one that caused so many problems just that morning. Severus just reached the landing when he saw the girl looking at the unopened book.

Hermione's eyes caressed the words on the page. In a moment's hesitation, her eyes would drift to the book that remained on the end table since that morning's incident with Draco. Behind her the drapes remained open, displaying the multicolored sky from a setting sun. Something cold seemed to linger in the air around her--freezing. She and Draco's debate echoed in her mind as she tried to pinpoint at what point did she anger Draco to the point of violence--no matter how miniscule the act may have been compared to some. The book on the end table seemed to haunt her.

"Miss Granger, ruminating will not solve anything."

Hermione looked up at the sound of Professor Snape's voice filling the room. She was unsure as to what to say. Was that his way of comforting someone? Who really knew? She watched him walk farther into the room and to the end table. She watched in silence as his thin pale hands reached down and picked up the book. The air seemed to warm as she watched him open the book and his hands glide smoothly over the page.

"Professor? This morning, how long had you been listening to me and Draco?"

Closing the book and delicately sitting it back on the end table he summoned a chair from the table. Sitting down across from Hermione he leaned over breaking the usual posture he maintained for his students...for his image, but something told him it was not necessary right now--this was Hermione Granger he was speaking with.

"Long enough to tell you how correct you are, once again, in you assessment of the poem."

Hermione couldn't fight the smile breaking away from her.

"Miss Granger, before you go into a rampant lecture that I am sure would irritate even your two little friends heed my warning: Watch yourself where Mister Malfoy is concerned. His mother may have been a spy all these years for us, but his father was evil to the core as I am aware you know."

He watched Hermione's forehead scrunch up in confusion. She began to shake her head slightly.

"Professor, I do not...understand..."

"Miss Granger, a boy cannot know which side of a line between light and dark... good and evil he stands until he knows who he is himself. Do not fool yourself in thinking the boy must be good now because his mother is and he is with his mother. He is with his mother because he has nowhere else to be. Mister Malfoy is walking that line as we speak--where he will stand during battle is yet to be determined."

"Yes, sir."

Snape left the room.

~*~*~

The fire of evil burned upon his skin. He was calling him--it was calling him. With a frustrated sigh, Severus pulled himself out of bed.

~*~*~

Hermione sat up in bed startled. She couldn't remember what she had been dreaming about only that whatever it was frightened her in a cold icy way--though she did not feel so cold. Hermione felt as if she were on fire. A breeze fluttered into the room bringing relief to her as it teased her skin with its coolness. Picking up her book, she decided to head to the drawing room where she would not disturb Ginny by reading.

As soon as Hermione stepped outside her door she saw it. A piece of parchment rolled up and sealed with her name in unrecognizable handwriting across it. Picking it up, she felt the weakness of her legs from her sleeping and partially from the dream. Instead of standing there she squatted down onto her knees and sat back on her feet as she opened the parchment. Her mouth fell open--only one person would know in order to give this to her. Looking at Harry, Ron, and Draco's door she noticed they did not have one and that this one had her name and her name only on it. It was the reading list for the literature class Snape would be teaching. He was the only one who could have given such a list to her, but that just was not like Snape.

While reading the list she noticed the boys' door slowly opening. Draco stepped out quietly and froze when he saw Hermione. Quickly looking away, Draco sighed with a hint of regret crossing his face. Slowly he walked over to where Hermione sat and squatted down in front of her.

"I am sorry about this morning."

Hermione looked down in her lap, taking in the fact that Draco Malfoy just apologized to her. He waited for her to say something, anything, but she remained silent.

"I let my emotions control my actions...it won't happen again."

A piece of hair fell in front of Hermione's face. Without thinking, Draco reached across and tucked the hair behind her ear. Hermione lifted her eyes up meet his.

"Your emotions? Anger and disagreement causes you to kiss someone?"

Draco smirked and then rubbed his own temple trying to defeat the headache approaching.

"I thought you were smarter than that, Granger."

He stood back up needing to leave ASAP.

Snape stepped out of his room and stood frozen watching the sight before him.

Draco stood there looking down at Hermione on the floor. Her eyes were back in her lap as Draco turned to walk off. Hermione looked up and somehow she just knew where Draco was going.

"Why are you going Draco?"

Draco stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Hermione.

"I don't really have a choice, Granger."

She shook her head no.

"You always have a choice, Draco. The only question is: are you brave enough to make it?"

Rubbing his head he turned and disappeared in the dark corridor.

A cold chill overcame Severus as he watched. With a deep intake of breath he swiftly moved past Hermione on the floor. She watched him move toward the darkness and her voice stopped his movement.

"Do be careful, Professor."

He turned to face the girl. Hermione remained on the floor in the same position as before and looking up at Snape. He was overcome with warmth and ice at the same time--overwhelmed by memory, recognition, and realization.

Images from the mirror danced in Snape's head. His heart ached for the one he believed to be in the mirror, but even more so his heart ached at the possibility of letting what was memory lie in the past where it belonged. His heart beat seemed to echo in his head as the one invading the images in the mirror looked up from the floor at him.

Anger reared its head.

In three quick strides Snape reached Hermione. Quickly reaching down, he picked her up by her elbow, forcing her to her feet. She could feel his fingers burning into her skin.

"Miss Granger, I do not want to find you on the floor before someone...anyone as if you are some mudblood filth who belongs nowhere else."

Flame danced in Hermione's eyes. She did not care that he still held her arm and it would take him only seconds to break her in two.

"But Professor, I am a mudblood, am I not?"

His eyes narrowed at the girl.

"You are not a mudblood, Miss Granger, and you will bow before no one--is that clear?"

Hermione simply nodded her head. Standing there she watched her professor turn and move toward the darkness of the corridor with his robes billowing in his wake. Her heart echoing in her ears seemed to echo in his footsteps--in the very air around her.

As Snape disappeared in the darkness, Hermione began stepping toward the drawing room again--toward the darkness herself. I will wait for him...