Love Shack

"I got me a Chrysler, it seats about twenty, so hurry up and bring your jukebox money!"

Fred and George are driving, er, flying, along, heading home from work, belting out the tune at the top of their lungs. They are dancing around as much as possible inside a car.

"Bang! Bang! On the door baby! Bang! Bang! On the door baby! Bang! Bang! You're what?!"

George throws his head back. "TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN ROOF! RUSTED!"

Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts...

Hermione waves her wand, and a shiny pole appears, going from floor to ceiling. She smiles at Ron. "Now don't move a muscle, I'll be right back."

Ron nods eagerly, and moments later, Hermione returns, wearing tight leather short-shorts, and a short leather top, that exposed her cleavage. Ron's jaw drops as loud rock music starts playing. Hermione starts doing a pole dance as the music blares, "Pour some sugar on me, ooh in the name of love. Pour some sugar on me, come on fire me up. Pour some sugar on me, I can't get enough, I'm hot sticky sweet, from my head to my feet, yeah!"

Ron continues staring at Hermione, in a bit of a daze, and Hermione comes over and starts giving Ron a lap dance. She starts grinding on his hips and he bites his lip and stares at the ceiling. He shuts his eyes and begins muttering, "Dead puppies, dead puppies!"

Finally the song ends and Ron grins at Hermione. "That was awesome, but now it's my turn."

Hermione gives Ron a surprised look and he pushes her down on the bed, "Just sit there, I'll be right back!"

Hermione smiles excitedly but then loud, pop music starts playing. Ron reenters the room, with his little bit of hair pulled into pigtails, wearing nothing but a black man-thong. He starts doing a pole dance, singing with the music, "Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know, that something wasn't right here? Oh baby, baby, I shouldn't have let you go, and now you're out of sight, yeah. Show me, how you want it to be. Tell me, baby, 'cause I need to know now, oh because..."

Suddenly a voice interrupts the music. "Can I join in?"

Hermione and Ron turn to see Harry standing there, wearing a skin-tight, sequined, pink body suit. There were holes cut out as if fashioned for a woman's breasts, and Harry has pasties covering his nipples. The pasties are bright pink as well, and shaped like hearts. Latin music starts playing and Harry begins doing the Macarena. Hermione and Ron stare at Harry and then look at each other with nothing but shock on their faces. Ron's feeling pretty embarrassed about being caught in a man-thong but realizes he looks quite normal next to Harry.

The dormitory door slams open and everyone turns to see Cho standing there, wearing a blue tube top, and hip hugging jeans. She walks over to Harry and starts grinding on him singing, "I wanna be bad wit ya baby, I, I, I wanna be bad wit ya baby. Do you understand what I need from you?"

She reaches and rips off the pasties, exposing Harry's nipples. She runs her hands over his body, and his skin tight suit gets just a little bit tighter! Harry shoots a desperate look at Ron and Hermione but they just shrug helplessly. Fortunately enough, yet another person was entering the room. It was Millicent Bulstrode and Cho hurries over to Hermione as Millicent struts across the room.

Cho begins to talk to Hermione in a loud stage whisper, "Oh my God, 'Mione, look at her butt, it is SO big, she looks like one of those Hufflepuff guy's girlfriend or something. You know, but who understands those Hufflepuff guys anyways. They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute, okay? I mean her butt, it's just so...BIG."

Cho is cut off by hip hop music starting to play and everyone looks up to see who will be the next to join in the madness. Ginny dances her way into the room, wearing a white wife-beater with a short black skirt. Draco follows right after her, wearing a black wife-beater, baggy black pants, and a black bandanna tied around his head. He starts dancing behind Ginny, rubbing his hips into her, rapping, "I got a fetish with fucking you with the skirt on. On the backstreet, in the backseat of the Yukon. What's taking so long? I'm getting anxious, patiently waiting for you to--"

Draco is cut off by Ron punching him dead in the face. He falls over backwards, grabbing his nose. "Ow, damnit that hurt!!!"

But Ron doesn't notice, he is looking towards the door, his mouth hanging open. Draco turns to see Pansy standing there, wearing a white bra, and white panties, with a sheer teddy on over it. She pulls Draco up off the floor, pulling him close, singing to him, "What kind of girl you like, I know my looks can be deceiving. Tell me, am I your type? My main goal is to please ya. What's on the schedule tonight? Am I the reason you'll be treating? I hope you have an appetite so tell me will you come and spend the night?"

Ginny watches the scene, her face getting redder and redder. She waves her wand and faster hip hop music comes on. She walks towards Pansy, her wand in front of her. Pansy starts backing away from Draco and Ginny follows her, singing with malice, "It was hard to find a brother that was down for me, so I'm telling everybody let him be, 'cause he's mine, and I can't take no pigeons trying to take my baby. So I thought I had to let you know, find some boy you can call your own, 'cause now you're walking in the danger zone, and if I touch you I'll be wrong."

Pansy runs from the room and everyone eagerly watches the door to see who will be the next to enter. Neville appears at the door, a big grin on his face. "Hey guys!"

Draco snickers and then points his wand. Neville falls to his knees as reggae music comes on. "Who let the dogs out? Ruff ruff ruff ruff! Who let the dogs out? Ruff ruff ruff ruff!"

Everyone starts cracking up and finally Neville manages to get to his feet. "That's not funny!!!!"

He turns and runs from the room, bumping into Seamus who is entering the room wearing a leopard print loincloth. He starts dancing, swinging his hand back and forth in front of him, spanking an imaginary girl. "Sweat, baby sweat, baby, sex is a Texas drought, me and you do the kinda stuff that only Prince would sing about. So put your hands down my pants, and I'll bet you'll feel nuts."

Draco glances at his watch and points his wand at Seamus. "SILENCIO! It is time for my next performance!"

All the lights go out and then a single spotlight appears at the door. Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle are standing there in leather pants, wearing black sleeveless shirts. Draco has cast some kind of charm on them and their hair has grown to halfway down their backs. "Is this the real life, is this just fantasy, caught in a landslide, no escape from reality, open your eyes, look up to the skies and see."

Draco steps forward. "I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy because I'm easy come, easy go."

Crabbe, "Little high..."

Goyle, "Little low..."

Then the three of them sing, "Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me."

They stop singing as the door slams open yet again. Ron's jaw drops as a girl with long, flowing, blonde hair and blue eyes steps into the room. "Fleur!"

Fleur is wearing a mini-dress, made of red vinyl, and it was skin tight. Following Fleur is Roger Davies, wearing a red vinyl suit. "Hiya, Barbie."

Fleur smiles. "Hi, Ken!"

"You wanna go for a ride?"

"Sure, Ken!"

"Jump in."

Fleur starts dancing around. "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world, life in plastic, it's fantastic. You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere, imagination in fact it's your creation."

Roger steps forward. "Come on, Barbie, let's go party."

"I'm a blonde bimbo girl, in a fantasy world..."

Fleur and Roger are cut off by everyone screaming, "SILENCIO!"

Viktor Krum enters the room and walks over to Hermione and starts singing to her, "I'm going to hum this tune forever, come on, Hermy, oh I swear what he means, at this moment, you mean everything, you in that dress, my thoughts, I confess, verge on dirty. Oh, come on, Hermy."

Ron jumps up and punches Viktor in the face. "Keep off my girlfriend! Go back to Bulgaria, asshole!"

Viktor runs bleeding from the room, tripping over Dobby, who is dragging Winky in with him. She is of course clutching a liquor bottle and she slumps in the middle of the floor and begins to sing, "Red, red, wine stay close to me, don't let me be alone, it's tearing apart, my blue, blue heart."

Winky then passes out and Dobby steps into the spotlight, looking at Harry. "I know I'm kinda strange to you sometimes, don't always say what's on my mind, you know that I've been hurt by some guy, but I don't wanna mess up this time."

He starts slamming his head into the bedpost as Harry rolls his eyes and pulls him away. "Dobby, you really need a new habit!"

Harry looks up to see three hooded Death Eaters standing in front of them. The entire room falls silent and then hip hop music starts playing and the Death Eaters start nodding their heads to the beat. The lead Death Eater starts rapping, "Come on, the black robes coming, the black robes coming, I am the man in black, I'm back breaking the back of the random attacker so can the flak, yo I'm dangerous I've been trained to bust when a stranger fuss try to endanger us, praise me y'all, don't nothing faze me y'all--"

Hermione stands and curses the Death Eaters, blasting them out of the room. Everyone applauds her and she smiles, taking a small bow. Fred and George enter the room a moment later and look around at the huge crowd of people. "Have we missed something? A party perhaps?"

Everyone begins to laugh and Ron says, "Yeah, something like that."

George suddenly screams, "Ron! What are you wearing?!"

Ron starts blushing and grabs a towel to wrap around himself. Fred looks around at the crowd. "Well, let's get this party going!"

He waves his wand and music begins to play:

"If you see a faded sign at the side of the road that says
Fifteen miles to the... Love Shack! Love Shack yeah
I'm headin' down the Atlanta highway, lookin' for the love getaway
Heading for the love getaway, love getaway,
I got me a car, it's as big as a whale and we're headin' on down
To the Love Shack
I got me a Chrysler, it seats about twenty
So hurry up and bring your jukebox money

The Love Shack is a little old place where we can get together
Love Shack baby, Love Shack baby.
Love baby, that's where it's at, Ooo love baby, that's where it's at

Sign says.. Woo... stay away fools, 'cause love rules at the Love Shack!
Well it's set way back in the middle of a field
Just a funky old shack and I gotta get back

Glitter on the mattress
Glitter on the highway
Glitter on the front porch
Glitter on the hallway

The Love Shack is a little old place where we can get together
Love Shack baby! Love Shack, that's where it's at!
Huggin' and a kissin', dancin' and a lovin', wearin' next to nothing
Cause it's hot as an oven
The whole shack shimmies when everybody's
Movin' around and around and around!
Everybody's movin', everybody's groovin' baby!
Folks linin' up outside just to get down
Everybody's movin', everybody's groovin' baby
Funky little shack! Funky little shack!

Hop in my Chrysler, it's as big as a whale and it's about to set sail!
I got me a car, it seats about twenty
So come on and bring your jukebox money.

The Love Shack is a little old place where we can get together
Love Shack baby, Love Shack bay-bee.
Love baby, that's where it's at, Ooo love baby, that's where it's at

Bang bang bang on the door baby! Knock a little louder sugar!
Bang bang bang on the door baby! I can't hear you
You're what? Tin roof, rusted!

Love Shack, baby Love Shack!
Love baby, that's where it's at!"