An Interview with Minister Granger

Hermione Granger, the youngest and first Muggle-born Minister of Magic, sent shockwaves through the magical community last week with her announcement that she was resigning from the Ministry to take up a new post: Headmistress of Hogwarts. She spoke yesterday to the Daily Prophet's Rebecca Creevey.

Daily Prophet: Thank you very much for sparing some time to give us an interview, Minister Granger. Or is it Professor Granger now?

Hermione Granger: (Laughs.) Not yet. I only start next week.

DP: Surely you need some practice, Professor Granger. There, how does that sound?

HG: Don't worry about practice - my husband's been calling me that ever since I made my decision last month. He thinks Christmas came early this year.

DP: Knowing Mr Weasley's reputation, doesn't he think that every year?

HG: (Laughs.) Yes.

DP: I know you've explained this several times, but our readers still want to know why you are leaving the Ministry for Hogwarts. Isn't that a step backwards?

HG: Good grief, no! Remember Dumbledore? He turned down the Ministership several times to stay at Hogwarts. If Hogwarts was good enough for him, it's more than good enough for me.

DP: We're told you'll be teaching as well as doing all the things Heads do. What will you be teaching?

HG: Arithmancy and Muggle Studies.

DP: Interesting choice. And... three jobs?

HG: Yes, my husband tells me I'm a glutton for punishment.

DP: I suspect he's not the only one who's told you that.

HG: You're right.

DP: How do you balance all these tasks?

HG: Fred -- my brother-in-law -- has been giving me juggling lessons.

DP: No, seriously.

HG: It's true! I can keep four beanbags in the air now --- for about two seconds.

DP: How about if I write down that you are very organized and have good time management skills?

HG: (Smiles) Since when did the Daily Prophet start asking people for permission to put words in their mouths?

DP: Hmmm. Time to move on. Let's go back five years, to when we hosted the Quidditch World Cup. Several people noticed that you were very - er - chummy with the Bulgarian Minister of Magic.

HG: That's because Victor Krum and I are chums. We go back several years. Just before the England vs Bulgaria match, he and his wife were at our place for dinner.

DP: The tabloids brought up several photographs of you dancing with him during a school dance several years ago.

HG: Why not? He's a very good dancer. Incidentally, the Prophet printed those pictures too. Are you a tabloid now?

DP: You know what I mean.

HG: We were teenagers when those pictures were taken. That doesn't count!

DP: In his memoirs, he says that he took a long time to get over you.

HG: Well, yes, but I had a boyfriend at the time, and it wasn't Krum.

DP: You mean Harry Potter?

HG: (Rolls eyes.) How many times... heavens no. Harry... Harry Senior and I were best friends. My boyfriend was Ron Weasley.

DP: Another of your husband's brothers?

HG: Yes. I suppose you're going to mention now that he died in Azkaban?

DP: The thought had come to mind. But if you don't wish to talk about it...

HG: That's alright. I got over it a long time ago.

DP: I realize his case has been well documented, especially with the Dementor Removal Act. But for the sake of our younger readers, I'll describe it again. Ronald Bilius Weasley was wrongly convicted of killing Harry Potter a decade after the Great Battle, and sent to Azkaban. You and his brothers and several other people put together a massive investigation and proved his innocence after several months.

HG: By which time the Dementor guards had killed him. Yes... that's right.

DP: He isn't actually dead, though.

HG: Yes and no. His body is alive. At St Mungo's, actually. But his soul, everything that made him Ron, was gone. He was a shell. He was, and is, for all intents and purposes, dead. It's very sad. Even his sister Ginny never got him to say anything while he's awake. And the screams he makes while he's sleeping... many of us are still trying to find a solution.

DP: I'm sorry.

HG: Thank you. Life isn't always fair, but in Ron's case, it was ... (sigh) ... I think calling it unfair would be an understatement. If only there was a cure, a kind of reverse dementor.

DP: Em...

HG: Sorry, you have an interview to do. Please, continue.

DP: Okay then... you entered politics soon afterwards. Did you intend to get to the top, at the time?

HG: Yes. I had to. I had to get rid of the Dementors. Ron was not the first innocent person to go to Azkaban --- remember Sirius Black? -- and he will not be the last. The legal system will never be perfect, and the least we can do is avoid killing innocent people.

DP: That was your first decision when you became Minister, right?

HG: Actually, it was the second. The first was banning Boomslang skin from Britain. Ron was framed by Death Eaters using Polyjuice Potion.

DP: Doesn't the Auror secret service still use Polyjuice Potion?

HG: They are not above the law.

DP: You didn't answer my question.

HG: I only stop being a politician next week.

DP: I take that to mean that they do use it.

HG: To quote a Muggle poet, "take it in what sense thou wilt."

DP: There are rumors that you illegally made Polyjuice Potion yourself when you were at Hogwarts. And very early too, a couple of years before your O.W.L.s.

HG: Good grief. Wherever did you hear that from? Making Polyjuice Potion in third form? Merlin, we never did that. Next thing you know, I'll be rumored to have played Seeker.

DP: There is another rumor that all the men you've been close to have been Quidditch players.

HG: Coincidence.

DP: So it's true?

HG: Yes, but it's a coincidence, brought about as a result of the Weasley family, and wizard society in general, being mad about the game. I've never understood that... how come there are so few other physical games? Exploding Snap doesn't count...

DP: Let's change the subject. You are the youngest ever Minister of Magic, by several decades. How on earth did you achieve that?

HG: I work at it.

DP: Yes, but politics is not just a matter of work.

HG: I think people saw me as a breath of fresh air. Ron's case had attracted a lot of sympathy as well. And there was a portrait campaign.

DP: A portrait campaign?

HG: Yes, organized by Dumbledore. He was, and still is, alive in a portrait that hangs in the office of the Head teacher at Hogwarts. He'd never been a fan of the Ministry's use of dementors, as well as many other things, and organized a campaign of portraits around the country to tell people to press for my appointment.

DP: And now that you've been in the job for a decade - nearly two decades in the Ministry as a whole - do you see yourself as a Dumbledorian or as your own woman?

HG: Both. If I could have a fraction of his ability and philosophy, I will be more than satisfied.

DP: You are also the first Muggle-born Minister of Magic. How did you overcome the prejudice that comes with this?

HG: I think that the magical community has lost a lot of the inherent prejudice it had against Muggles, mainly since the most prejudiced ones became Death Eaters and hence ended up on the losing side. You have to remember that wizards and witches are special types of Muggles. In Muggle terms, we are a genetic mutation that keeps cropping up in their population. There are no true magical pure-bloods. Take the purest family and go back a hundred generations and you'll find Muggles.

DP: Would you say that Muggle-borns are treated equally in the Magical community?

HG: It's a lot better than it used to be, but we'll never be treated the same. An average pure-blood can rise far more in the Ministry and other magicultural institutions and social circles than an average muggle-born. I had to learn a lot of basic knowledge -- the kind that children in wizarding households learn automatically -- the hard way. But this means I know how both worlds work, and that has proved to be a very useful skill to have, especially as the ties between our two worlds have grown stronger.

DP: You're certainly not average.

HG: I believe I work somewhat harder than average. (Smiles.)

DP: Your personal secretaries confirm that. All six of them. Did you know that your predecessor had only three?

HG: And she was married to one of them. Yes, I remember that. (Laughs.) The thought of George being my secretary is rather amusing. It only took me ten years to train him to bring breakfast to me in bed. Now he can do it while he's still in bed himself.

DP: Let's talk about your family. You've been married to George Weasley for how long now?

HG: About fifteen years. Fifteen marvellous years. Never a boring moment. He and Fred have pushed the boundaries of applied magic far more than anyone else I know, especially with the institute they set up.

DP: You mean Dub3 Research, where you used to work?

HG: Yes. We have the research boffins over to our house once every few months, and have a whale of a time. The stuff they come up with is amazing. The magical gaming industry is really pushing boundaries.

DP: You and George also have three children. Triplets, I believe?

HG: Yes. Harry, Athena, and Minerva.

DP: Is Minerva is named after your predecessor at Hogwarts?

HG: Yes. I greatly admire Professor McGonagall. She's awesome.

DP: Sorry, what was that word again?

HG: It was a slang word when I was your age --- don't worry about it. Suffice to say that it's a compliment.

DP: And Athena is named after a Muggle goddess of wisdom?

HG: Yes, but we call her Ate, after the same Muggles' goddess of mischief.

DP: Really? What does she do?

HG: Well, if you must know, this morning she joined her siblings in threatening their mother with dire consequences if she talked too much about them, which she probably already has.

DP: Alright, let's go to our final stage. We had a competition for people to ask you questions to which you could give a short reply that told the world something it didn't know before. We're giving a hundred galleons to St Mungo's for each question that you choose to answer. We've selected ten questions from the thousands we received. Ready?

HG: Fire away. I'll try to answer everything.

DP: Have you any brothers and sisters? That's from Robin Durren in East Anglia.

HG: No. Other than Harry, of course, since he's the closest thing I ever had to a brother.

DP: Good start - the rumour-mongerers are going to love that. Question Two : have you ever played Quidditch in your life? That's from Karen Nott in Norwich.

HG: Only if you include backyard Quidditch, and call the discombobulated moves that I make, playing.

DP: Did you ever get detention at Hogwarts? That's from... a future student of yours ... who wishes to remain anonymous.

HG: (Laughs.) No.

DP: How many rules did you ...

HG: Actually, hold on. I remember now. I did get detention once, when I was in first year. We were trying to return a dragon to the wild, and got caught.

DP: Really?

HG: More or less.

DP: Who's we, and what happened to the dragon?

HG: Does this count to money going to St Mungo's total?

DP: Er... no.

HG: Let's move on to the next question then.

DP: I'll talk to my editor.

HG: You do that! I will say for now that we included Ron Weasley and Harry Potter, and that the dragon got away before we got caught. For more details, see my autobiography.

DP: Your auto ... wait, you don't have one yet!

HG: Nothing wrong with advertising it a few decades early, is there? Anyway, what's question - what is it, four?

DP: Um, yes, that's right. It's actually a related question. How many rules did you break while there?

HG: That's from ... another anonymous student, right? Well, the answer is lots -- I didn't keep count. It was always in a good cause.

DP: Like freeing dragons?

HG: Let's say yes.

DP: You do realize that you're sending a message to your future students that it's okay to break rules as long as they aren't caught, right?

HG: (winces) No, I am not saying that, and I see where you're going with this. First of all, school rules are different from Ministry rules. There are rules, and there are circumstances in which those rules need to be applied. Circumstances are different. Not all rules are always applicable in certain circumstances. Whether a rule is to be enforced in a certain situation depends on the enforcers.

DP: I think your rear end has now been covered enough for us to move on to the next question. Did you help Arthur Weasley invent the Pocket Fireplace? That's from ... says she's an old friend of a friend of yours... Katie Bell, in Hemel-Hempstead.

HG: No. I once told him about muggle cellphones, and he did the hard work from there. And hello, Katie! She was on Potter's Gryffindor Quidditch team, though I am afraid I can't remember which position.

DP: Is it true you once tried to free all elves at Hogwarts? That's from 9-year old Jake Takatsu in Lincoln.

HG: Yes. And we've managed to eradicate some of the worst cases of elf abuse since, and provide jobs and social support for family-less house elves.

DP: And the S.P.C.H.E. was once called ... S.P.I.T. or something?

HG: S.P.E.W. The Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare. That was an ... unfortunate choice of words. And I'm pretty sure I've answered this question before at some press conference.

DP: Yes, I just threw that in to embarass you. Anyway, do you think you will return to the Ministry of Magic? That's from another anonymous reader... it says "Soon-to-be-a-former-lackey-of-yours".

HG: We'll see. I'm not ruling it out. There will be other Dumbledorians though.

DP: Is it true Harry Potter was made to live in a closet? From Niamh O'Riordan in Dublin.

HG: He didn't tell me about that. The people he stayed with are a disgrace to Muggles -- and you know I know what I'm talking about -- but I hope they were never that bad.

DP: What's your favorite meal? From Catherine Tinavapi in Cardiff.

HG: Whatever George has left in the fridge when I'm hungry.

DP: Let's get a real answer to that one!

HG: Fried calamari.

DP: Do you believe in Divination? From Karen Trelawney in Warwick.

HG: Err...

DP: Hm?

HG: This is a hard question... brings back memories ... the answer is yes, I believe that there is such a thing. It's just that it's very hard to study or analyze as it does not lead to reproducible experiments like potions or charms do. I find that really annoying. So I believe in Divination as a phenomenon, not a subject.

DP: Finally, the last question. Do you think Harry Potter is really dead? That's from too many people to name.

HG: Yes. I saw the Death Eater kill him. I saw his Phoenix cry out and leave. I felt my world become a much sadder place. He is dead. I wish it were not so, but it is. And I do know that if he were here, he would say something about how important friends are, and how you should always remember your friends, and stand by them, and be there for them, even when you have fights with them.

DP: Good luck in your return to Hogwarts, Minister Granger.

HG: Thank you.