The Golden Snitch

At 4:00 PM, the final droplet of sand had fled the top chamber. "Time has expired!" shouted an obviously stressed Professor Snape. He began to collect the completed potion vials from the students in his Advanced Potions class. Snape liked this particular group of students, especially the subservient Draco. As the rest of the students were excused with a wave of the hand and a very slight bow, Snape recalled Malfoy, a sudden smirk spreading across his face.

Draco bowed at the professor, who recognized it with a smaller bow of his own. "Mister Malfoy, excellent job. You made this potion perfectly. This is clearly an O," said Snape. Draco smiled and replied with a quick "thank you, Professor Snape;" he could tell something was very strange about Snape that afternoon. Snape nodded, lowered his head, and whispered for about 20 seconds in Draco's ear. Draco grinned widely, nodded quickly (five times, in fact!), and walked out of the classroom.

Snape snickered to himself and began to clean up his classroom for the last time before winter vacation. He seemed more excited than usual; laughter and maniacal cackles would've been heard, had anyone actually been in the vicinity of the classroom. You might have even seen him SKIPPING a bit; but, of course, that is hearsay.

It was 6:00 PM when Snape finally finished cleaning his classroom. He quickly strode out of it and into the Slytherin common room. He entered, took two steps, and shouted, "Mister Malfoy, get in the shower, it's 6 o'clock! We have to leave in an hour!" Draco perked up, looked in the direction of the common room entrance, and nodded to Snape (who then quickly ran out of the common room, assumedly for the staff bathroom to take a shower himself).

7:00 PM came quickly, but for an excited Snape and Malfoy, it wasn't quickly enough. They both met at the entryway to the Slytherin Common Room, and, as if best friends of the same age, began walking to Hogsmeade... together. After a long walk, they came upon the two giant double-doors of their destination. Draco opened them, and both Slytherins walked inside. . .

* * * * *

At 4:00 PM, the final droplet of sand had fled the top chamber. "Time has expired!" shouted an overworked McGonagall. As her students got up from their tables, clearly exhausted after spending the last two hours performing menial transfiguration activities (like turning grains of sand into grains of sugar), McGonagall recalled the almost-gone Harry.

"Harry," rasped McGonagall, "you're mature, right?" Harry nodded. She continued, "I've got something to tell you, but you've got to promise me that you won't tell a soul. Can you promise me that?" Harry looked into Minerva's eyes; a curious gaze shot across the space between them. Harry slowly nodded, again. Minerva grinned, patted Harry on the back, and told him to "meet Remus at the path to Hogsmeade at 7:00 PM." She did not elaborate any further.

*flickers in*

Hello, it's Glitch again. From the time McGonagall left him, to the time he was supposed to meet Remus, Harry had hardcore sex with Ron, Draco, Hermione, Sirius, Lucius (although, personally, I'm still unsure how), Tonks, Luna, Parvati, Angelina, Katie, Alicia, Lavender, and the giant squid. It was very elaborate and arousing. However, since I'm sure the explicit details of all these affairs already exists elsewhere on the internet, I'll abstain from dwelling into territory I'm not specialized in =)

*flickers out*

At 7:00 PM, Harry met Remus at the head of the pathway to Hogsmeade. "Harry!" shouted Remus. "You look... physically exhausted..." he continued. Harry offered a wry smile, coughed a bit, and told Remus not to worry about it. Mister Lupin shook his head, grabbed Harry's arm, and began to pull Harry with him. Harry argued, "OKAY, OKAY, I'll come quickly, let me go!" as he pulled his hand away from Lupin's. Remus shook his head again, snickered a bit, and told Harry, in no uncertain terms, where they were going that night.

Harry explained to Remus why McGonagall's brilliant idea wasn't that appealing to Harry. Remus stopped walking for a moment, nodded at Harry, and told him to "go right back to your dorm," because he "already had enough fun for one night." Harry laughed. Remus laughed. Harry began the trek back to his warm, Hogwarts bed while Remus decided he still wouldn't mind going by himself.

About a half an hour later, Remus reached his destination. "The Golden Snitch," he said, under his breath. "Nice name."

He went inside.

* * * * *

At 4:00 PM, the final droplet of sand had fled the top chamber. "Time has expired!" croaked Sprout. Each student got out of his or her seat, and ran out of the greenhouse, back to the Hufflepuff common room. Upon noticing that her students made an expedient exodus, Professor Sprout chuckled softly and began to converse with a painting of the Giant Squid: "I wonder if I should go to the grand opening of The Golden Snitch. I hear there's going to be quite the party tonight! 5 knut butterbeers on draft!" The squid snapped back, "LADY, WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID? DO YOU REALLY THINK I SPEAK ENGLISH? DO YOU REALLY THINK I UNDERSTAND A WORD YOU'RE SAYING?!?" After a full minute of head scratching, Sprout promised herself she'd give up the LSD.

Upon a final observation of her student's exams, Sprout resolved to head down to the Hufflepuff common room, to pay a student a visit. Upon reaching the entrance, she shouted "Dragonsong!" and stepped through the newly opened passageway. Sprout didn't want to go to the grand opening by herself; she was willing to "bend the rules" by taking a fellow Hufflepuff student with her... even if it was ... well. Amidst the inevitable cacophony of sound that's made by a few hundred students recently freed from exams, Sprout found just who she was looking for.

"Cedric! CEDRIC!" shouted Sprout, just barely over the noise. "Cedric! What in the hell are you doing?"

He was playing a particularly lascivious version of "Badger Pride" -- a perverted game invented by Hufflepuffs years ago. Sprout clearly forgot the first time she was forced to show off her vagina to a group of perverted Hufflepuffs, as this game has been around for centuries, and no girl was ever safe from this fate in that house. Sprout attributed her memory lapse to the LSD, of course...

"Cedric, go take a shower in an hour or so, I'm taking you to The Golden Snitch. It opens at 7:30. Oh, and... don't tell anybody, alright?"

"Sure thing, Professor."

"Great! Meet me at Hogsmeade pathway #5 at 7 o'clock. That way, it should only take us all of five minutes to get there."

"Will do!"

As Cedric went back to petting unsuspecting Hufflepuff badgers, Sprout got up, left the common room, and wasn't 2 steps out of the pathway when Professor Flitwick bumped into her. "Filius!" exclaimed Sprout. "Yes, Professor, it is I," he retorted, "and I want to take you somewhere tonight. That is, if you're done with your exam schedule, of course." Grinning widely, Professor Sprout groped Professor Flitwick, and said, "Only if you're going to The Golden Snitch as well!" Flitwick laughed as his hands retaliated by wandering into places of Sprout's body many Hogwarts students would never even consider considering. He riposted, "you know, I used to be quite the sex machine in my day!" This comment was apparently very funny to Professor Sprout, as she burst out in laughter right then and there. Flitwick was taken aback. Sprout replied, still laughing, "I KNOW YOU WERE, FILIUS! WE'VE ONLY DONE IT HUNDREDS OF TIMES!" to which Flitwick said, "my dear... I think it's time you quit the LSD..."

* * * * *

At 5:30 P.M., Professors Sprout and Flitwick found themselves "playing Quidditch" in the staff showers, completely oblivious of the time. Besides the loud moaning, a list of things heard from that shower sex session was:

"Do you know what they call a Royale with cheese in America?" "No..." "A Quarter-Pounder with cheese..."

"And then he said, THAT'S BECAUSE THIS IS NOT WHERE YOU STORE DEAD MUGGLES!"

"So, he was like, 'THAT'S A GOOD MOTHERFUCKIN' BUTTERBEER! I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S WORTH 5 GALLEONS, BUT IT'S PRETTY FUCKIN' GOOD!"

Apparently, Sprout got off when people quoted her favorite movie. Remember, it's never nice to judge on strange fetishes...

* * * * *

7:00 P.M. quickly came... and quickly went. Cedric had been waiting at the pathway for 20 minutes now, no sign of the professor anywhere. Finally, she strode in, hand-in-hand with Ravenclaw's Head of House. "Professors!" said Cedric, bowing. "Where have you been? It's 7:20!"

"Oh, we were-"

"...Grading our exams. We lost track of time," said Flitwick, saving face.

"Ahh, I see. Well, let's get going, then, shall we? I always make it a point to be on time, because you never know what will happen; You-Know-Who might be setting up booby-trapped portkeys as we speak!" said Cedric. 30 seconds into the journey, Flitwick nudged Sprout. "I never knew he was a seer...,” he said.

At the strike of 7:30 (yes, in Hogsmeade, the clocks strike on the half-hour too; strange, really...), the party of three made it past city limits of the last remaining bastion of European wizardry. "The Golden Snitch!" shouted the two professors, in unison. Upon seeing the half-naked witches dancing at the entryway of the new establishment, Cedric slowly began to figure out what the hell was going on that night.

Sprout and Flitwick left Cedric to himself for a few minutes, asking him to "stay outside until we say it's okay to go in." The two professors walked inside.

- - - - -

A horny Ravenclaw witch approached Hufflepuff's star seeker. She was of Asian persuasion. She had one of the most beautiful bodies to ever grace Hogwarts castle.

"Hello, there, hot-stuff," said the girl.

"Err... He… hello, there..." stuttered Cedric.

"My name's Cho. And you must be sexy." she replied.

...The rest is history.

- - - - -

After being fondled for almost a full minute by Cho, Cedric decided against listening to his professors, and began to walk inside. Cho recalled him, "don't you want to wait for me!" she shouted, tears of confusion ready to erupt from her eyes at any moment. The Hufflepuff seeker replied, "Okay, Cho, we can go in together. No problem." Cho sighed happily, "accidentally" showed Cedric some cleavage, and took his hand. They both ventured indoors.

* * * * *

"Snivellus?!" said Remus.

"Professor Lupin?!" spat Draco.

"Filius??!" hissed Snape.

"Professor Snape?? Mister Malfoy?!?" said Flitwick and Sprout, respectively, simultaneously.

"PROFESSORS?!" shouted Cedric and Cho, in unison.

"WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?!" yelled them all.

Snape replied, "What am I doing here? A man can't go to a strip club on his free time? What are YOU doing here, Diggory?"

Cedric came back quickly with "same thing Draco's doing here, professor." Snape sighed, unable to come up with a reasonable argument against Cedric. Cedric riposted, "I don't see why anyone shouldn't be allowed to have some fun on their vacation..."

"...AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I BELIEVE IN! HAVING FUN!" shouted an extremely sexy naked woman, about 24 years old, dancing on a tabletop behind the group.

"...NYMPHADORA?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! NAKED?!” exclaimed Severus, drawing agreeing “yeah!“s Flitwick, Sprout, and Malfoy.

Tonks simply replied with a wink and a smile, "Oh... I own this place!"

- - - - -

In less than four months, The Golden Snitch became the most successful business in all of Hogsmeade.