Now & Then

****

The first day of classes, Jon was filled with anxiety. Upon receiving his schedule, he cursed under his breath. He had Defense Against the Dark Arts first thing.

"All right, mate?" Oliver said casting a confused look in his friends direction.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. We've got Defense first. Might as well head up," Jon said shoving his schedule into his book bag.

"Right behind you," Oliver said taking one last bite of his breakfast before following Jon's lead.

They walked up to the third floor, meeting Percy Weasley on the way. They took their place at the back of the queue and waited. Jon realized how fast his heart was beating. It felt as if it would spring right out of his chest if he didn't calm down. Ever since he had seen his father at the Welcoming Feast, his heart plummeted to his stomach every time he thought about him, and he hid when he saw him in the halls. What if he didn't live up to Remus' expectations? What if he disappointed his father? What if they had nothing in common? What if Remus didn't even want to get to know him? He shook his head and concentrated on calming his heartbeat. But when the door to the classroom opened, his attempts went out the window. Seeing his father up close, halted his heart in mid beat. It was like looking in a mirror.

*

Remus tried not to gasp when he spotted Jonathon in line. It was like looking in a mirror. He looked exactly like him in every way. Even down to the shape of eyes and nose. 'His hair is lighter,' he mused, 'Lore's hair.' Remus finally remembered, after so many years, how he had looked while at Hogwarts. He shook himself from his reverie.

"Everyone in," he said in a kind voice, beaming at the students as they filed in.

When Jonathon passed though, Remus noted that he averted his gaze. Fears built up as he closed the door. 'He hates me. Lore was just being nice,' he though making his way to his desk, 'He hates me for not being there and barging back into his life. This is a disaster.' He sifted through the papers on his desk mournfully, but when he spoke, he kept his voice light.

"Going through the papers the Headmaster gave me, I saw that you had Gilderoy Lockheart as a teacher last year. So, I believe I am safe to assume that you are more than a little behind?"

Several students laughed, and the student Remus noted must have been Percy Weasley (can't miss that hair), snorted and rolled his eyes.

"Well, we can't have that," Remus said walking around to the front of his desk. "This year, I'm going to be teaching to how to deal with dark creatures for the most part. And I will try to procure as many live specimens as possible."

A hand shot up.

"Yes, Miss...." he trailed off awkwardly.

"Clearwater. Penelope Clearwater."

Remus smiled. "Of course. Continue, Miss Clearwater."

"What kinds of dark creatures will we be dealing with?"

"Well, since you are seventh years, they will be slightly more advanced than my other classes. I hardly think you need anymore knowledge of kappas and grindylows," he said smiling, "But I won't be bringing anything into this classroom that would be too dangerous."

'The most dangerous creature is standing right in front of you,' he thought as Penelope thanked him.

"Now, onto the first lesson. Open your books to page 535, and read the section on Vampires. We'll discuss it in fifteen minutes," Remus said retreating behind is desk again, feeling his heart ache slightly.

****

After a week's worth of classes, Remus was losing hope on Jonathon. He never talked in class, never volunteered answers, but he excelled on his quizzes and essays. As the boy's - no, young man's - father, he didn't want to lose this year completely. He wanted to get to know his son. But how?

A tentative knock sounded at his office door. Confused, he stood and walked to the door. Opening it, he was met with a shock. Jonathon was standing there.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Professor, I just had a question about this one section of our homework."

"You're no bother," Remus said kindly, opening the door wide to allow Jonathon entrance, "Come in."

"Thanks."

Remus watched as Jonathon entered and stood awkwardly in the room.

"Well, I'll help you as much as I can," Remus said conjuring a chair and pulling his closer to it, "Sit down."

Remus sat down and waited for the question, but Jonathon sighed.

"I had a question, but I figured it out on the way here," he said not meeting Remus' eye, "I just....came anyway. I guess I wanted to talk to you."

Remus smiled easily. "Alright. What do you want to talk about?"

Jonathon looked at him seriously. "Why did you leave me and mum? She said that you had to, but she never said why."

Remus ran a hand through his hair. "It's a rather complicated story. Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes," Jonathon said defiantly, "I think I have a right to."

"You have every right to," Remus said quickly, "It just may not be what you want to hear."

Jonathon looked to be contemplating this, but he looked at Remus once more, his face decided. "I want to know everything."

Remus nodded. "Then I'll start at the beginning. Your mother and I, and some of our friends graduated from Hogwarts in 1975. Lorelei and I bought a small apartment in London. You were born a year later. Soon after that, James Potter proposed to Lily Evans," Remus said reaching in his desk drawer and taking out a picture frame, "This was taken that day."

He handed Jonathon the picture and watched for his son's reaction. Jonathon smiled and looked up from the picture.

"Is that James?" he asked pointing to James' picture self as it waved enthusiastically.

"Yes, Lily is next to him."

"Harry looks just like him," Jonathon said in awe before taking a look at the picture again.

His brows furrowed, and he looked to Remus again, this time pointing at a different picture. "Who's that?"

Remus stiffened as he looked down at the figure. "Sirius Black."

Jonathon nodded. "I take it you believe all that stuff that the Ministry cooked up, eh? Mum doesn't believe a lick of it," he said handing back the picture.

Remus nodded. "She said so in her letter," he said, pausing as he returned the picture to its place in the drawer, "After that day, things started to take a turn for the worse in the wizarding world. Voldemort was gaining power and paranoia ran rampant. I suspected Sirius as being a spy, and he suspected me."

"Why?" Jonathon asked.

Remus paused and looked contemplative. "I'm not ready to tell you that."

"Mum wouldn't tell me either."

Remus felt a swell of love for Lorelei. "Well, it's only right," he said sighing, "As I was saying, Voldemort tore us all apart. The only thing that brought us back together was Lily and James' wedding. Two years later, Harry was born. Voldemort was after the Potter's, so a Fidelius Charm was performed on the house. Black was their Secret-Keeper. A week later, Lily, James, and Peter were dead, and Black was in Azkaban. To this day I don't understand it. I was hauled in for questioning, but Dumbledore vouched for me, and got me back to you and your mother. But after Lily, James, and Peter's funerals, I knew I had to leave. Voldemort's supporters were still active and still killing people. I was the only one left out of our groups of friends. Lorelei agreed that I could become a target, and I wasn't risking your lives," he said purposefully, "I waited until we had put you in bed and Lorelei helped me pack my things. We were both upset and neither of us wanted me to go, but it had to be done. If anything would have happened to you or Lorelei, I would never have forgiven myself."

Jonathon sat there, twisting his hands in a nervous fashion. "So you left to protect us," he said quietly.

"Of course," Remus said softly, "It killed me to leave, but I had to."

Jonathon nodded before meeting Remus' eye. "So, how come you and mum never got married?"

Remus sat rigidly in his chair. "Circumstances being what they were, it wasn't wise for us to marry."

"What circumstances!" Jonathon said standing, "I said I wanted to know everything. You're my dad for Merlin's sake, and I don't even know you! You don't know me!" he said taking a deep breath, "Please, just- I'm not one to judge."

Remus smiled and motioned for him to sit. "Well, let me start by saying that it has everything to do with me, and nothing to do with Lorelei," he said honestly, "I am a lycanthrope. Do you know what that means?"

Jonathon sat thinking. Suddenly his eyes widened. "You're a-a- werewolf?"

Remus nodded. "And as such, I am not permitted to marry or have children."

It was Jonathon's turn to turn rigid in his chair. "Then, why was I born? Why didn't the Ministry order an abortion or something?"

Remus smiled. "Well, that was partially Dumbledore, and partially your mother. You see, Lorelei wouldn't allow it, and Dumbledore convinced the Ministry that I was responsible enough to control my illness and raise a family. It wasn't planned, but when Lorelei figured out that she was pregnant....I'd never seen her happier. She'd always wanted a family, and I felt guilty about not being able to give that to her. I'd thought about adoption," Remus said evenly, "because I wanted children myself. And as long as the Ministry monitors it, a werewolf can adopt a child."

He paused to look at Jonathon seriously. "You may not have been planned, but Lorelei was ready to kill if anyone told her that she had to give you up," he said pausing, "And so was I."

Remus looked down at his hands. "You were our bright spot. We thought that it was a sign for better things. Lorelei took multiple odd jobs, since no one would hire a werewolf, and I stayed home with you. On the night of the full moon, there was an abandoned shack down the street that I could lock myself in and wait for morning. Lorelei would come after the moon set and heal me the best she could and everything would go back to normal until the next month," he said looking up at Jonathon, "Don't ever think that I didn't love you and your mother. Because I did. More than life," he said looking at is hands again, "And even though we've grown up, and grown apart, I still do."

Silence enveloped them for several moments before Jonathon spoke.

"She misses you," he said softly, "She used to cry at night. She doesn't know I heard her," he said not looking at Remus, "I always thought, no matter how many times mum told me it wasn't true, that it was my fault. That somehow, I'd done something wrong and made you leave us," he said laughing shortly, "But that's stupid, now that I've heard what really happened."

Remus reached out and patted Jonathon's hand. "Anyone would have thought the same in that situation."

A sharp knock sounded on the door and Remus sat back before answering.

"Come in," he said loudly enough for the person outside to hear.

The door opened and Dumbledore stood on the other side of it. "Ah, just the two people I wanted to see," he said turning and magically locking the door behind him, "So, how are we?"

"Just fine, Albus," Remus said kindly, "What did you need to see us for?"

Dumbledore looked to Jonathon, who nodded to the Headmaster. "Can I assume that he has told you everything, Mr. Lupin?"

"Yes, Professor, he has."

"Good, good. I'm glad," he said, eyes twinkling, "Well, I've just had a letter from Lorelei asking about a Christmas gathering?" he said, looking at Remus, whose cheeks flushed slightly.

"Ah, forgot about that," he said turning to Jonathon, "I saw your mother when she dropped you off at Platform 9 ¾ and suggested a proper family Christmas here if she could get away from work. Would that be alright with you?"

Jonathon's eyes lit up and a smile graced his face. "Yeah, that would be great!"

Dumbledore lapped his hands together. "It may be a ways off, but I'm glad that's settled. It will be good to see this family reunited."

He nodded at Remus. "Well, I'll make my leave. Good day, you two."

"So long, Professor," Jonathon said, as the door clicked behind Dumbledore, "Well, I better be going to. Oliver's going to wonder where I got off to, seeing as he's expecting an answer," Jonathon said rolling his eyes and smiling.

"Yeah," Remus said standing, "Well, don't hesitate to stop be if you ever want to talk."

Jonathon nodded, smiling. "I will."

They both stood looking at each other for a few moments. Remus wasn't sure what to do now, and it seemed that Jonathon was having a similar dilemma. But before Remus could say anything, he was embraced by Jonathon. Tears came to his eyes as he hugged him back.

"Love you, dad," Jonathon said pulling out of the embrace.

Remus didn't trust his voice, so he nodded, smiling kindly. Jonathon mimicked the action before leaving the room. When the door clicked shut, Remus collapsed into his chair, and his head immediately went to his hands. For the first time since his son had been born, Remus Lupin cried out of joy, not sadness or loneliness. His son didn't hate him. In fact, he loved him, and wanted to spend time with him. He was elated.

*

Jon smiled as he walked back to Gryffindor Tower. His dad was disappointed in him, he hadn't done anything wrong. Remus cared about him and his mother, so much so that he would risk his life. Jon felt a swell of happiness in his heart. They had certainly gotten off to a good start. He didn't care that Remus was a werewolf, in fact, it made Jon proud. There was so much injustice in the wizarding world against werewolves, and his father had survived it all, and still cared about humanity. He finally had a dad. He finally had a family, and while it wasn't exactly normal, it was absolutely perfect.