Now & Then

He stood by the window of his small cottage. It was open, letting in the warm, summer breeze into the room. He inhaled deeply, before turning back to the interior of the room. It wasn't much. A normal bedroom. On the bed lay an open briefcase. He had magiced it to be deeper than the human eye could notice. He didn't have a suitcase.

He didn't have much, in fact. His home was small, and sparsely filled. His kitchen housed little to nothing. His only possession was a bookcase, filled with books. But he shook his head at that thought.

"That's not my only possession," he said aloud, walking over to his bedside table.

He picked up a wizard photograph and looked at it, smiling. The picture depicted happier times for him. It was a picture of his love, and their son. He remembered the exact moment that picture was taken. Two months after the baby boy had been born. Outside at a friends home.

The companion picture lay across the room. He walked over to it, picking that picture up too. It was a group photo. He traced his finger over the faces of the one couple. A man with black, untidy hair and glasses, with his arm around a woman with vivid red hair and bright green eyes.

"Why? Why them?" he muttered, watching as the figures in the picture waved at him enthusiastically.

His eyes swept over to a man with black hair and bright blue eyes. That man was standing beside him, his love, and their baby. And next to them was a short man, with brown hair and beady black eyes. Everyone looked so happy. And it had been a happy day.

"James proposed to Lily that day," he said softly to himself.

He placed the photos in his briefcase. He walked to his closet and opened it. Hanging up inside, were three sets of shabby looking wizard robes. He sighed, but packed them in his briefcase too. Just as he was about to shut the briefcase, he heard a whoosh of wings and an owl landed on his bed in front of him. There was a letter in its mouth. He took the letter.

"Thank you."

The owl hooted before flying off, out the open window. The man turned the letter over in his hands and looked at the front of the envelope.

"Moony?" he said, allowing his fingers to trace the words.

He breath hitched in his throat as he noticed the penmanship. It could only be one person. He tore into the letter with abandon and unfolded the parchment. He sat on the bed as he read the letter. He closed his eyes at reading one line in particular.

"Forever Yours," he whispered aloud, "She hasn't forgotten me. She still loves me."

He read and re-read the letter. He would be teaching his own son. His son that he hadn't seen since the days of those pictures, now packed in his briefcase. He sat on his bed, frozen.

"He's all grown up. And I missed it all."

He shook his head and threw the letter into his briefcase before slamming it shut.

"It couldn't be helped, I would have been there if I could. It just wasn't safe," he said.

He left his room. Leaving the letter and the pictures behind him. He walked into his small study and sat down at a weathered desk. He opened a drawer and pulled out a piece of parchment. He stared down at it as he laid it on his desk. What would he write?

He hadn't talked to his love in so many years. Not since Lily and James had been killed. Times were rough then, and he had had to kiss his family goodbye before going into hiding. He had wanted to stay, to protect his family. As it was, his son would be in danger if anyone ever found out he even existed. It was, and still was, illegal for a werewolf to have offspring. As was it for a werewolf to marry.

He sighed at that thought. He would have married Lorelei if it would have been allowed. But his kind were given enough trouble as it was, without him going and breaking the law. He shook his head, a smile crossing his face. How different his life would have been if he had. He grabbed his quill, dipped it into the open inkwell on his desk and began to write.

Dearest Lorelei,

Thank you for your letter, I greatly appreciate it.

I honestly don't know where to begin. Your letter was straight to the point, while I have no point. Thank you is all I planned on saying. With so many years gone by, I really don't know what to say.

Although I can say that not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you and Jonathon. I tried to come visit some years ago, but my nerves got the best of me. I don't pride myself in telling you of this cowards act, but I thought you should know that I did try. I never forgot you.

As for Sirius, I don't believe he betrayed Lily and James, nor do I know who did. But what about Peter? He was our friend.

But, never you mind. I promise I will guise my surprise at seeing Jonathon after all these years. The last picture I have of him is when he was two months old. At that party at James' parents house. When he proposed to Lily.

Thank you, by the way, for telling Jonathon about me. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help raise him. But I know you did a good job. I mean to say, he's a Prefect. I'm sure you're proud.

I hope to hear from you again, but if not, I wish you all the best.

All my love,

Remus Lupin

He folded the parchment and placed it in an envelope, scrawling My Dearest Lore on the front. He then Apparated to a small wizarding village he had visited once, to use their Owl Post Office. After sending the letter off and paying the kind wizard at the counter, he Apparated back to him home and walked back into his bedroom. Staring at his briefcase, he sighed. He would be teaching his son as well as James' son. The anxiety of seeing both of those children- No, he corrected himself, young adults, was enough to cause the migraine now seating itself behind his temples. He took his wand and muttered a spell to get rid of the headache. It didn't work, and he mused that it never had. But that hadn't stopped him from trying.

Sighing, he sat his briefcase on a chair across the room. He would be leaving in three days time. Looking around the room, and feeling restless, he walked from it and back into his makeshift study to read before the inevitable. After getting caught up in Lorelei's letter, he'd nearly forgotten about the full moon that night.

After an hour of reading, he stood and began to pace. He hated the days before a full moon. 'I hate the days after too,' he mused. He was always on edge and overly anxious. After pacing for a half hour, he walked to the kitchen. Rummaging through the shelves, he found that he had little to choose from. Picking out a can of soup, he used his wand to open and heat the soup. He poured it into a bowl, grabbed a spoon from a nearby drawer and sat down at his beaten kitchen table.

He sat and thought about Lorelei. He'd loved her more than life, and hadn't even realized it for so long. For two years, to be accurate. He thought Jonathon, his child, and how he'd never been able to see some of his firsts. He'd been five when Remus had left. He'd never had the chance to teach him how to ride a broom. To see is first day of Primary School. To be there when he got his letter from Hogwarts.

He thought about all those things as he locked himself in his basement that night. The wolf would definitely be in a feral mood tonight.