I Only Wanted

A/N : Ok. Explanation time for Lupin. I thought that was an excellent place to stop the last chapter, seeing as I wanted an entire chapter devoted to Lupin's departure. Did you like CluelessButSupportive!Oliver at the end there? LOL. I thought he was cute.

I'm not sure how this will all work out. I know what I want to say in this chapter, but I'm not sure if I can spread it over 5 pages. Oh! I just thought of an idea. Ok, let me write this out and have it done with. Check for a note at the end.

****

Katie noticed that Lupin shifted nervously on the stairs before approaching her.

"My carriage is waiting, Miss. Bell. If you'll excuse me," he said, moving to walk around Katie.

He lost grip slightly on the grindylow tank. Almost dropping the it, Katie snatched it up from its fate of smashing to the ground. Years of Quidditch training had given her quick reflexes.

"Well, let me carry this for you," Katie said, controlling her voice.

Lupin looked her over and nodded, walking toward the door. "I'll tell you the same thing I told Mr. Potter. I had to resign. What happened last night should never be allowed to happen again. A werewolf loose on the grounds," he said shaking his head miserably, "It was far too dangerous," he said as they stepped out onto the grounds.

Katie tripped slightly on a stair, but regained her balance and jogged up to catch up with Lupin. She stopped dead though, and waited for Lupin to turn. He did, not hearing her footsteps behind him.

"What is it, Miss. Bell?" he said, trying to keep his expression neutral.

Katie felt her heart breaking. He was shutting her out to avoid being hurt. In a way, she knew she should be doing the same, but she couldn't. After several moments of thinking, she finally found her voice. "You can't leave," is what came out, all the while thinking that she should have added "me" to the end of that statement.

"Please understand," Lupin said, his expression softening as he took a step toward Katie, "it has to be done. It's not safe, nor reasonable for me to stay."

Katie flinched back away from him, holding the grindylow tank in front of her like a shield. "No, I won't understand," she said, her emotions getting the best of her, "First, my parents abandon me. In a week or so, Percy and Oliver will too. And now you. You're asking me to be rational. When you know that is something I cannot do."

Lupin bowed his head in resignation. "Walk with me, Katie."

Katie followed, tilting her head curiously. Lupin seemed to be lost in thought when he looked down at her next.

"Perhaps, if I tell you the events that occurred last night, you will be more agreeable to my leaving," he said stoically.

Katie looked up at him, unconcerned that anything he said would sway her. "If you must," she said sadly, knowing this may well be the last time she ever talked her him.

"As Dumbledore said, Sirius was on the grounds last night. I'm not sure of the events that happened before I got there. What I do know is that Ron's leg was roughly broken, Harry looked ready to kill Sirius, and Hermione was standing far away from the both of them. But she heard me entering the Shack, and shouted out their location."

"The Shack?"

"Let me pick up those pieces at the end," Lupin said, a smile on his face, "As I was saying. I found them and immediately interrogated Sirius. Turns out he didn't turn over the Potter's to Voldemort. It was Peter Pettigrew. Of course, he was also in the Shack last night. In the form of his Animagus, a rat. He'd been living with the Weasley's all these years, just waiting for Voldemort to regain power, so he could hand Harry over to him and be redeemed," he said, anger flashing across his features and slowly disappearing, "You see, Sirius had gotten wind that someone knew that he was the Potter's Secret Keeper, hiding their whereabouts. So, he persuaded them to switch to Peter. They kept it from me in case....well, in case I had been a spy. It was a common knowledge that werewolves were being recruited to help Voldemort. I don't resent being suspected. I myself suspected Sirius. It tore us all apart. And when Lily and James were killed, I vowed that I would never forgive Sirius. But now I know the truth. After all, he is Harry's godfather. I don't know why I ever believed he was capable of doing such a thing."

Katie just stared up at him, taking in all this information. Only few knew about Harry's parents and their friends, and Katie knew that even Harry himself knew very little. "So, where is Sirius now? And Peter? Sirius could get his name cleared. He could take care of Harry," she said, when a realization dawned on her, "Peter's gone, isn't he?"

Lupin nodded sadly. "When we reached the grounds, I transformed, and somehow Peter got away. In rat form, I'm assuming."

"Professor, why did Snape say what he did this morning?"

"Well, he was there last night too. He came to my office to give me my Wolfsbane potion, and found I wasn't there. And I had left a map on my desk, revealing my whereabouts, as well as Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Peter's as well."

"The Marauder's Map?" Katie asked thoughtfully, "I overheard Harry say you nicked it. How do you know how to use it?"

"How do you know about it?" Lupin countered, arching an eyebrow.

"You forget that I'm friends with the infamous Weasley Twins."

"Right, of course. That must be where Harry got it from," Lupin said seemingly putting pieces together, "Well, if you must know, Sirius, James, Peter, and myself made that map while here at Hogwarts."

"Ingenious! I'm impressed, Professor," Katie said teasingly, enjoying the blush rising on Lupin's cheeks.

"As I was saying!" he said laughing, "Severus found Harry's Invisibility Cloak that he had left behind, and used it to sneak into the Shack undetected. He attacked Sirius and myself, before the kids attacked him," he said a broad smile crossing his face, "I've never been more proud of a group of students."

Katie bit her lip, trying not to laugh. "So, they knocked out Snape?"

"Right. Sirius and I revealed Peter to Ron, so he'd believe us. Understandably, Sirius wanted to kill Peter, and I would have helped him to it, but Harry saw fit to turn him over to the Dementors instead. And that's where I left off before."

"Right, now about this Shack?"

"Ah, it was the Shrieking Shack," he pointed to across the grounds at the Whomping Willow, "That was planted the year I arrived at Hogwarts. The purpose of it is this, plain and simple. There is a tunnel beneath it that leads to the Shrieking Shack. I would go there to transform. The noises people heard was me....well, tearing at myself, for lack of a better word. There is only one way to gain access to the tunnel. That, which I won't tell you."

Katie nodded and looked at Lupin sadly. "I'm glad you told me all of that. But that doesn't make your leaving hurt any less."

Lupin stopped walking and looked down at Katie, her sad look reflected in his eyes. "But you see that there is no other option? That I'm not abandoning you," he said, and Katie realized why he had told her everything.

She nodded weakly as they approached the carriage, waiting at the gates of the school. Lupin took the grindylow tank from her, and placed inside the carriage, his briefcase following. He turned around and smiled at her.

"Again, I'll tell you something I told Mr. Potter. We will see each other again. I'm sure of it. Come here, Miss. Bell," he said, holding out his arms as a tear fell from Katie's watery eyes.

Katie hugged him tightly around his chest, and Lupin wrapped his arms around her now shaking shoulders.

"It's alright, Katie," he said, backing out of the embrace reluctantly and smiling down at her tear stained cheeks, "I'll have none of that."

Katie forced a smile, and wiped at her cheeks. "I'm going to miss you, Professor."

"You can write to me, if you ever feel the need. And please, Katie. I'm not your Professor anymore. Call me Remus," he said, a comforting smile gracing his face.

"Thank you....uh. Remus," Katie said uncomfortably, but Lupin just smiled.

"Until we meet again, Katie Bell," he said climbing into the carriage and waving.

Katie waved back, but her vocal cords were constricted due to the tears coursing down her cheeks. Once the carriage was out of sight, she turned on her heel and walked up to the school. A light wind whipped up around her, seemingly drying her tears. About twenty feet from the doors, Katie took her eyes off the ground and leveled them at the doors, only to see a tall figure standing there. She stopped dead in her tracks and just stared at the person.

"Are you spying on me now? I can't even say goodbye to him without you there? He told me everything," she said now standing toe to toe with the tall figure.

The figure's eyes widened before it spoke. "Did he tell you about Black, and how he was helping him?" the figure said in a tone only he possessed.

"You don't even know what you're talking about! He's gone, alright. They both are. You saw to that. Just be happy, you bitter, disappointed man!" Katie said, pushing the figure out of her way and ascending the stairs, her sobs echoing in the entrance hall.

*

Severus watched her, once again, storm away from him. But this time, he felt only guilt. He made his way once again to Albus' office. His stubborn side making his journey longer than it should have been. But when he lifted his hand to knock on Albus' door, the door opened before him. He looked at the man who had, in every respect, been his savior all those years ago.

"Headmaster, I just wanted to apologize for being disrespectful earlier," he forced himself to say.

It wasn't that he didn't mean it, but his nature kept him from admitting any of his faults. Albus just looked at him, a smile on his face.

"That girl has changed you, Severus. You've guilt coming off you in waves," he said smiling, "Something must have happened, or you wouldn't be here. Come in."

Severus walked in and sat in his usual chair. He snorted, resenting the fact that he had a usual chair in the Headmaster's office. He watched as Albus sat behind his desk, and gave him an expression that told him to explain.

"I saw her say goodbye to Lupin. I know, it was wrong to watch them. It was a private moment, but it was as if I was drawn to it. And before I could move away from the door, she saw me and pushed me away. Literally. She said I should be happy for what I've done. And that I'm a 'bitter, disappointed man', if I'm quoting her correctly."

Albus just stared at him over his half-moon spectacles and seemed to be studying him. "Well, do you think that you deserved it?" he said, and thoroughly enjoyed the internal battle going on in his companion's eyes.

"Yes, I deserved it," Severus said, running a hand over his face, "Headmaster, she said that Lupin told her everything."

"Did he know? Well, that does sound like Remus. Loyal to a fault. At least she know the truth now too."

Severus slouched in his chair, hearing Katie's voice repeat those vicious, yet well deserved, words on a loop in his head. "I am a bitter, disappointed man," he said quietly, almost to himself.

Albus sat up straight behind his desk. "Severus, you have had things happen in your life that anyone would keep a grudge on. I'm sure you have memories that haunt you. But eventually, you have to let go and start over. I gave you this job and entrusted my students to you for that very reason. Now, one has ended up in your care. Something has to change, Severus. Let go of your grudges, and live life."

Severus looked up at Albus as if he'd gone mental at his last statement. "You do realize, Albus, that that is something I cannot do overnight."

"Of course not, Severus, and I would not ask you to. I just think that you need to reevaluate your anger towards....certain people. You may find that some things seem rather ridiculous now."

Severus nodded, thinking this over. He would try, if not only for the Headmaster, but for himself also.

*

Katie laid on her bed, covers pulled up to her neck, crying. 'Snape doesn't know and he never will know,' she thought, burying her head in her pillow. She knew this wasn't going to be an easy summer. She had this resentment towards Snape now. He had taken the one thing that had made sense in her life and forced it away.

A knock on the door startled her out of her thoughts. The door opened, and she heard them shut the door and approach her bed. She had he bed hangings drawn, so she couldn't see who it was.

"Kate?"

'Percy,' she thought, wiping at her cheeks.

The red-head poked his head through her bed hangings and immediately sat down on her bed. "Come here, Kate," he said, opening his arms to her, "Harry told us about Professor Lupin."

Katie sat up and wrapped her arms around Percy. "Why does everything have to happen to me?" she murmured against him.

Percy busied himself with rubbing small circles on her back, not being able to think of a proper answer for her. When he felt her breathing somewhat even out, he placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Things will be alright, Kate. I promise."

Katie pulled back from him and wiped at her cheeks again. She looked up at him, smiling sadly down at her, and voiced the one thing weighing on her mind.

"Perce, how can I stay here with him?"

Percy sighed and looked down at his hands. "I don't know, Kate. I'm a little uncomfortable with that thought too," he said looking back up at her, "I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Hey," Katie said, reaching out and touching Percy's cheek, "What's wrong? How's Ron?"

"Broken leg. In three different places. Kept mumbling all this stuff about Sirius Black only trying to get to Peter Pettigrew. Completely mad. I mean, Peter Pettigrew has been dead for 12 years."

Katie bit her lip, deciding whether or not to tell Percy what Remus had told her. She decided against it. Percy didn't need to know. "I'm sure he'll be fine," she said instead, giving Percy a small smile.

Percy hugged her again, startling her. "Don't hide from us, ok? If you feel upset, tell someone. I don't like that you were up her by yourself."

Katie read between the lines and knew exactly why Percy was up here with her. He didn't want her to go back to hurting herself.

"Perce, I'm not going to do that again. I promise. I'm past that now," she said, hugging Percy back.

****

Katie fell asleep that night, clutching Mikey tightly to her. Her heart still ached, just knowing that Remus was gone, and wasn't coming back. The next week was going to be the hardest week of her life. She idly wondered how she was going to make it through as she drifted off to sleep.

A/N : Ok, admittedly not my best work, but I think I did ok. I'm thinking two more chapters. One covering the next week and then one that day everyone leaves. Then it's on to the summer sequel, which still has no title. Although I am partial to "My Vietnam" by P!nk, which has the line "Mama was a lunatic", which I think definitely goes with this story. LOL. Ok, thanks to all my readers and reviewers. We're almost to the end!