Of All the Things to Make a Horcrux With...

Of All the Things To Make a Horcrux With...

"Finally!" Ron exclaimed as he stepped into the room.

"Er... Hermione, are you sure you want to come in here-?" Harry began but Hermione hurried past him at the doorway.

"Of course, I'm sure, Harry," she said, "this is very important, and it might be dangerous."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Hermione, we're in the toilet room. What's the least that could happen?"

Harry glanced back at the main room from the toilet doorway. The Order members hadn't arrived yet and Harry was beginning to wonder whether they would turn up at all. The 'Horcrux Tracking Device', as the Weasley Twins had proudly called the glowing red arrow, had led the trio on a four hour journey from Grimmauld Place to said pub in Hogsmeade. Why it had led them to a room full of toilets Harry didn't know, but he hoped he would soon find out.

"Where is it pointing to, Ron?" Hermione demanded impatiently.

"Hold on," Ron muttered as he slowly made his way down the line of cubicles.

Hermione tapped her feet with annoyance.

"Here," Ron said suddenly and turned to the only closed cubicle in the room.

Both Harry and Hermione hurried up to the cubicle.

"Um, excuse-" Harry began but Hermione interrupted him.

"Hello? Excuse me, is anyone in there? Hello?!"

Ron and Harry shared exasperated looks as she began to bang on the door.

"Hello?" Hermione asked loudly, before they heard a low moan of, "go away..."

"Who's that?" Ron asked.

"I said, go away," the voice replied. "What does it take to get a bit of privacy around here?" This was followed by a low groan.

Hermione frowned. "Are you all right?" she asked, concerned.

"Of course not! I've been in here for three hours!" The groan came again. "Just go away!"

Hermione shook it off. "No, we have something very important to do," she said significantly.

"You've been in there for three hours?" Ron asked, aghast. "Merlin, you must be having problems."

"It's none of your-" groan "-business!"

"You two, maybe we should leave it for a while..." Harry trailed off suggestively, but was ignored.

"I'm sorry but you have to come out!" Hermione ordered. "This is extremely important!"

"Piss off! Women aren't allowed in here anyway!" came the pained voice.

"Look," Ron began. "We really need to-"

"Merlin's balls, what are these people's problems! There are twenty five cubicles in this room and you all want to use the one I'm in!"

"We don't want to use the toilet!" Harry exclaimed.

"Then what do you want?!" the voice answered, exasperated.

"The horcrux!" Ron said loudly.

"Ron!" Both Hermione and Harry shouted simultaneously.

"Are you trying to get us in trouble?" Hermione hissed.

"What's a horcrux?" the person inside the cubicle asked noisily. "In fact, I don't care. You can go and find your horcruxes somewhere else, whatever a horcrux is."

"Sh!" the trio urged.

"No, now go away!"

Hermione sighed, frustrated. "Right," she said. "If you don't get out here on the count of three, I'll blow the door down!"

"Hermione!" Harry exclaimed.

"Eugh, what's that smell?" Ron asked suddenly to no one in particular, wrinkling his nose.

The other two stared at him confusedly before -

"Yuk!"

"Now, if you had gone away, I wouldn't have done that!" The voice said from behind the door.

"Liar!" Ron exclaimed as he attempted to pull his shirt up over his nose. "You weren't trying to do it!"

Hermione frowned, disgusted. Pulling out her wand, she cast a quick charm around them and instantly the hideous smell vanished. "Now, where was I?" she said. "Oh, yes. One," she began threateningly.

"Leave me alone!"

"Two..."

"Hermione-" Harry began.

"Three! Inpendi-"

"Don't!" Ron yelled, grabbing Hermione's wand before the word had completely left her mouth. "Are you mad? He's on the toilet!"

"What's going on here?" A deep voice suddenly demanded.

"Shacklebolt!" Harry exclaimed. "Is everyone coming?"

"They'll get here eventually," Shacklebolt said gravely. "What is the problem? Why have you chosen this place to call a meeting?"

Harry shook his head. "I wasn't calling a meeting! We've found-"

"The horcrux tracking device Fred and George gave us has led us to this cubicle," Hermione said shortly, glaring at the cubicle door.

Kingsley looked slightly surprised. "Then why haven't you opened it?" he asked.

"Well, -" Ron started, but once again he was interrupted.

"Will you people just go away?! I'm kind of busy here!" the man in the cubicle voiced irritably.

"Look, why don't you just come out so that-"

"Impedimenta!" Hermione yelled in the middle of Ron's sentence, blasting the door to hundreds of pieces.

The four males in the room yelled as bits of plastic flew at them, whilst Hermione straightened herself.

"What the-" the man in the cubicle began, before quickly looking around, yelling, grabbing a role of tissue, pulling up his trousers and running from the room.

"Well, that was strange," Harry stated as he watched the man leave. Aurors began to apparate into the room.

"You think?" Ron asked incredulously.

Soon enough, they all turned to the glowing red light in Ron's hand. It still pointed to the toilet. Ron's face screwed up in disgust at the smell wafting from the toilet. "That's disgusting," he said. "I'm not going in there!"

Hermione rolled her eyes impatiently and cast a cleaning spell on the whole cubicle, before moving inside. "Well?" she asked. "I can't see anything!"

"What are we here for?" one of the Aurors asked irritably. "I didn't come here to stand around a blasted cubicle."

Harry absently explained what they were doing, while staring at the toilet. It just looked like a completely normal toilet with plain cubicle walls and a tissue roll lying on the floor.

Hermione began to pace back and forth in front of the cubicle, frustrated. "What could it be? What on earth could it be?" she began muttering to herself.

"Maybe it's the toilet," Ron suggested simply.

Everyone turned to stare at him. "What?!" he asked. "If it's not the toilet, what else could it be?"

Harry sighed. "Ron, who in their right mind would make a toilet into a horcrux?" he said.

"Why, I would, of course," a snide voice answered.

"It's you-know-who!" an Auror yelled, pointing towards the door. He was right. Voldemort stood looking ugly as ever in the doorway, with a twisted smirk set in his face.

"Now," he began, as numerous Death Eaters apparated into the room, wands raised. "I think it is time I rid of you, Potter!"

"Wait! - Voldemort!" Harry exclaimed as the snake-like man raised his wand.

"What is it, boy?" the Dark Lord asked impatiently. "I haven't got all day, you know."

"Erm, I just want to ask you something," Harry replied nervously.

Voldemort stared at him, waiting.

"Erm, well, um, er-"

"Get on with it, you fool!"

"Erm, I just wanted to know why you chose a toilet to make a horcrux out of," Harry finished, exhausted.

Voldemort scowled at him. "That is definitely none of your business, Potter! Now, prepare to-"

"I'll tell you, Harry!" a voice squeaked from behind Voldemort.

"What-" Voldemort started just as Wormtail stepped nervously round him, glancing at all the aurors. "I-it's b-because he was, well, he was, um, stuck on the toilet for hours and accidentallymadethetoiletahorcruxthroughhisanger!" Wormtail finished quickly, before - "See? I'm innocent! Please don't put me in Azkaban, Plea-"

"Avada Kedavra!" Voldemort screamed, fuming. Everyone in the room, even the death eaters, were laughing.

Suddenly, Harry choked on his laughter and died anyway.