The Harry Potter Book Where Everyone Gets Braces

The Harry Potter Book Where Everyone Gets Braces

Harry glanced out the window of the car. He, Dudley, Vernon, and Petunia were driving to the dentist/orthodontist. They had just switched, so they all needed to go in for a check-up.

"What dentist are we getting?" asked Harry, much to Vernon's annoyance.

"Mr. Granger," he answered as they pulled into the parking lot, "And no funny-business, boy!"

He and Dudley hopped into the large dentist chairs. Mr. Granger looked into both of their mouths and poked around with pointy instruments while asking questions and expecting them to respond.

"So, Dudley, have you been flossing lately?" he would say.

"Nmmph rmmn phno cumph," Dudley answered.

And so it went on with such questions "Have you lost that tooth?" "What kind of toothpaste do you use?" "Are you using an orthodontic toothbrush?" and "Have you been brushing after meals?" Finally, it was over.

"Dudley is the worst case I've had yet!" he began, "I'm afraid to assign him to anybody. They might resign! You think that wouldn't happen? I almost did!" Uncle Vernon looked like he was about to explode, but that wasn't all, "Harry, on the other hand, has perfectly white teeth. You should be very proud! If I could take a picture, I would like to nominate him for the Perfect Smile of the Year award. He might make it to Nationals! Both, however, will be needing braces."

And so, that August, Dudley, Harry, Petunia, Vernon, Marge, and Ripper got braces. As they entered the waiting room, Harry felt his scar rage with pain while Dudley complained that he didn't want to sit by the ugly person. Harry, naturally, got that seat until he realized it was next to none other than Lord Voldemort!

"Harry," he said, "If I wasn't getting braces today, I'd kill you!" And that was that.

Next, nine people walked in with flaming red hair.

"Ron!" said Harry, in shock. Ron, however, was concentrating more on the person to Harry's left than Harry.

"HARRY!" he said, "RUN FOR IT!" But Harry didn't have to run! Just then, Hermione came out from behind the counter.

"Mr. Voldemort? You're next," she said and led him to the back to a chair between Albus Dumbledore and the Minister of Magic.

"I hear you're getting braces, Harry!" said Malfoy; "I'll have you know that braces aren't exactly the style for a wizard. I could have gotten them AGES ago, but we used magic instead. I don't need braces."

"Malfoy. You're next," said Hermione who also had braces, "I'm sorry to say that there has been a mistake in the spell you used to straighten your teeth. Because of that you will also be needing head gear." Malfoy went pale as he was lead to a chair near his father who was also getting braces.

Harry, Ron, and Dudley were next. It wasn't that bad. They just put some metal things over your teeth and strung wires through them. Dudley screamed throughout the entire process.

"Want to go the Dairy Queen?" asked Hermione when they were finished. "As soon as Crookshanks is done my mom will drive us over."

"Sure!" answered Ron, "but we might want to wait until Neville and Trevor are finished..."

"Good idea," said Harry. "Ummm... did you schedule Lupin at midnight for a reason?"

"Sorry," said Hermione, "but that was the only time I could get Sirius and Peter in."

So Harry, Ron, Hermione, Crookshanks, Trevor, and Neville all went to Dairy Queen with braces. They also brought their owls that were quite glad that they didn't have teeth. Many other people had been thinking the same thing! Nearly Headless Nick was there with transparent braces, though he couldn't eat anything. Mrs. Figg was there with all of her cats. Each of them had braces with rubber bands to match their eyes. Ron bands with the colors for his quidditch team while Harry and Hermione had Gryffindor colors. By the time Mr. Granger had gotten to Malfoy, he had run out of most of the colors so Malfoy had to settle for magenta. Voldy had black and red rubber bands.

Everyone was talking about his or her corrections. Neville had crowding in the front. Ron's canines weren't straight. Malfoy's teeth were too far apart. Voldy didn't have any teeth.

"Hermione," Ron asked, "why did you get braces?"

"No reason," she answered. "I just thought they looked cool." Everything went still as everyone turned and stared at Hermione as if she were insane.

The next day, Ron received a copy of The Daily Prophet. Hermione had made the front page!

HERMIONE GETS BRACES FOR NO REASON!

As you may already know, most witches, wizards, and muggles had to get braces this summer for a variety of reasons. Among these was Hermione Granger, a student attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Her father and mother are both dentists. When asked by her friend, Ronald Weasley, why she got braces, she replied, "Because they look cool!" Needless to say, she is a straight A student. She is also a friend of Harry Potter, the boy who survived a curse from He Who Must Not Be Named. This, apparently, had a minor effect on his teeth, which requires him to wear braces.

"Well," Hermione said at breakfast at Hogwarts, "The Daily Prophet seems to be conscious of everyone's dental status. That's good."

"We should have them off by the end of the school year!" said Ron, excitedly.

"Yeah, I don't like the food we're getting this year," said Harry, remembering the Jell-o, pudding, and soup feast the night before.

"Looks like it's going to be a long year," concluded Ron on their way to Care of Magical Creatures. They were going to be studying basilisks. "I bet the dentist had some fun putting braces on that!"