Lord Voldemort and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

Lord Voldemort and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

I went to bed with my contacts in and now one of them is gone! I can't go out of the house with one blue eye and one red eye! Right then I knew this was the start of a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

"PETIGREW!" I screamed upon discovering myself in the mirror, "I'M HAVING A TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY!"

I went down to breakfast to see the cook had quit so I had to settle for cereal. All we had was Fruit Loops. I hate Fruit Loops! There's always that stupid bird on the front that looks EXACTLY like a phoenix! Stupid bird... I could tell this was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day!

So I turned on the TV to watch the Academy Awards and who should I see but Harry Potter! What was he doing? WINNING AN AWARD! Why? Because of that stupid scar I had to give him! Argh! I could tell this was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

For lunch I went to McDonalds. Nobody goes there on Saturdays.... or so I thought. As soon as I entered the building everyone evacuated! Angry, I screamed, "IT'S BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE ONE RED CONTACT LENSE IN, ISN'T IT!" After an hour, I finally got my order of a Happy Meal. I could tell this was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

After lunch, I decided I needed a vacation. It's tough being an evil overlord. So I selected a place in Rural Siberia. *Sigh* skiing.... sledding... snow-muggles... So I got out my nimbus 1999 only too see that it was far from the newest edition. I could tell this was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

So I got to Rural Siberia only to find that the entire place was deserted and my broom won't operate when it's below -27 degrees! So I went to see what Wormtail had packed. Sunglasses, a sombrero, a ham sandwich, and a note saying, "If you change your mind, I'll be in the Bahamas." And I knew this was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

The first half hour or so of my vacation was going pretty well! After a few minutes of skiing I found a lodge! I was having a wonderful time chatting with the communists when I got an owl. This intrigued the muggles who had never seen a trained owl before. They read the letter and now the entire muggle community of Rural Siberia knows of my plans to kill them. I knew this was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At that point I though I'd join Peter in the Bahamas and..... ummm.... trade luggage. Somewhere around the Sahara Desert temperatures reached 127 degrees and my broom broke down! I managed to land gracefully on a cactus and find that I was far from any river or Oasis. And I knew this was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

After wandering around aimlessly through the sand dunes with sunglasses (I knew they would come in handy!) a sombrero, and half of a ham sandwich, I ran into an old acquaintance: Sirius Black!

"What are YOU doing here?" I asked. Wasn't he supposed to be in Azkaban?

"Hiding," he said calmly. "After all, what kind of idiot would go, of all places, here?"

To this I could not respond. I knew this was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

"Hey!" he asked, "are you having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day?"

"Yes!" I said irritably.

"Good!" he answered, smiling.

Finally, I found a road! What luck! I followed it and rented one of those strange aluminum muggle transportation devices. The guy behind the counter told me it was a car and asked for my license. He looked at me funny when I showed it to him, but that's no surprise.

Later I was driving down the road when I found that I needed to turn right. I turned the steering wheel a bit, but apparently that was too much because I ran into a stop sign. If only I'd been wearing my seat belt... I shot through the windshield and landed none too lightly on the pavement. As I tripped over a headlight, I guessed the car wasn't the in greatest shape either. I knew this was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Finally, I decided I'd simply stop at the next pyramid and fly home. Evidently, Bill Weasley was thinking the same thing! So, Bill and I chatted about the Sahara over tea and became good friends. NOT! Our discussions were much like that of Sirius's. And I knew this was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

When I finally got home, I ran into my study and slammed the door. Then I sat in front of the fire with my favorite Harry Potter book. *Sigh* Maybe today wasn't so bad after all...