Hogwarts/Middle Earth

Hogwarts/Middle Earth

Chapter 1: Havoc in the Library

Harry stood in the library running his finger casually across the titles. Something strange had been going on lately. Suddenly, something caught his eye! One of the books, a large gray volume, had a small yellow sticker on it. It read RESTRICTED! Could it be? Could someone have put this book away in the wrong place by mistake? Books don't just hop off shelves and start walking around.... or do they? Either way, this intrigued Harry and he picked it up and set it on the table. Curious, he opened the first page.

A blinding light shot out of the pages! Harry fell off his chair, but when he got up, the book wasn't there! Instead, a rather short person stood on the table!

"Excuse me!" he said, "But I don't rightly know where I am."

"Er.... Hi?" Harry began, not knowing who or what this person was, "I'm Harry. Who and what are you?"

"I'm a Hobbit, Mr. Harry sir, if you don't mind me callin' you that." said the rather chattery hobbit, "My name's Samwise Gamgee of the Shire. I should be gettin' back there, if you follow me, sir it's past second breakfast!"

"Second breakfast? Um.... welcome to Hogwarts."

And if things couldn't get any stranger, three more of them appeared!

"Why it's Mr. Frodo!" exclaimed Sam, jumping for joy.

"And what welcome do we get?" said Pippin irritably, "I'm Pippin and this is Merry. And you are..."

"Harry," said Harry, "Harry Potte---" but he couldn't finish he sentence. In front of him stood none other than Saruman!

"Oh!" said Harry in mild surprise, "Good morning Headmaster!"

"I don't want to talk to you!" said Saruman and Harry knew this DEFINATELY wasn't Dumbledore, "I need to settle something with HIM!" As he said this he pointed a long bony finger at Dumbledore who had just entered the library and was standing next to the checkout counter. Saruman charged!

"Excuse me," Dumbledore said, neatly side-stepping the attack, "But I believe you've been mistaken. Gandalf is over there." Realizing his mistake, Saruman charged quite recklessly into a bookshelf that happened to appear in front of yet another tall old person who looked exactly like Dumbledore. Just then, who should arrive but Prof. McGonagall! Standing at the entrance she observed the rather unusual occurrences. She then turned around and left muttering something about he glasses.

Meanwhile, Neville came in chasing Trevor. He caught him and then realized he was standing next to a rather tall person with pointy ears. Then he looked from Gandalf to Dumbledore to Saruman thinking he was looking from Dumbledore to Dumbledore to Dumbledore...

"Neville," said Hermione who had been behind one of the bookcases researching fire-slugs, "Maybe you should sit down."

When Neville had sat down, Ron entered the Library looking for his quill or ink or something completely irrelevant to the story and somehow ran into Legolas. Legolas then strung his bow aiming at Ron.

"Excuse me," Ron said, "Do I know you?"

"How polite these.... er.... short-red-haired-creatures are!" Legolas exclaimed as he put away his bow.

"I'm a human, thank you." said Ron, rather confused, "Would you care to inform me on what, exactly, is going on?"

"I would if I knew." Legolas replied, motioning to Hermione. "By any chance, might you know what that one's doing?"

"Oh, yes!" said Ron, "I know perfectly well what she's doing. I don't really know why, but I never do. She's throwing large rocks at the ceiling. Where she got the rocks I don't know." Soon, everyone was watching Hermione throw rocks at the ceiling, though Harry didn't notice until one hit him on the head (don't worry. It was only as big as his fist.)

"RONALD WEASLY!" she screamed, "GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME!" But it was too late. Peeves had gotten in.

"Good job, Hermione!" said Ron, "I see you've managed to pop some of his water balloons!"

"Little does that matter. RUN!" said Harry, pushing them behind the bookcase and a large red water balloon hit Pippin. Soon all the Lord Of the Rings characters were with them safe and dry. A little while later, Neville hurried in looking very wet. Legolas was making battle plans.

Gandalf was growing impatient.

"Excuse me," he said as Peeves turned to face him.

"Oh!" he said and, in great surprise, dropping all his water balloons, "I 'pologize for gettin' the books wet, Mr. Dumbledore, sir. It won't happen again!" And so he left.

"I bet it won't," muttered the real Dumbledore as everyone came out from behind the bookcase. "It seems we have some unexpected visitors! Care to join us for tea?" Everyone agreed to this. Who would refuse tea? And left for the Great Hall.

The library was empty and still. Suddenly from behind the checkout counter emerged none other than the librarian!

"Who's going to clean all this up!" she said irritably and went to get Filch.

Chapter 2: At Tea

Tea was going quite well considering nobody had been killed. Saruman was under control and Gimli had been sent to the hospital wing. Everything was going smoothly until Gollum arrived. He silently crept into the Great Hall and faster than you could say precious Sam was on top of him. Dumbledore sighed.

"Can't we all just GET ALONG?"

The answer was shouted in unison: "NO!"

This allowed Sam enough time to tie Gollum to an empty chair next to his. Before he could do any harm, Gandalf pushed him into his own chair, restrained him, and headed for his seat. Gollum and Sam couldn't bother each other, though Sam was desperately trying to do so. Gollum, on the other hand, was trying to run away. Why? He was sitting by Legolas. Meanwhile, Gandalf hadn't sat down.

"Gandalf," said Dumbledore, "Would you care to have a seat?"

"What!" he cried in outrage, "And loose the staring contest? NEVER!" but at that precise moment, Saruman blinked. But he wasn't finished. After some serious debating, Saruman traded seats with the ever- complaining Gollum (to get him to shut up). This way, he and Gandalf could have a rather brutal game of Chinese checkers. (Of course, this was the only sensible way to solve things.) This naturally lead to a discussion amongst the hobbits and Hogwarts people on where and what each side was/lived. In the end, they had succeeded in discovering everything needed about each other while Gandalf had won against Saruman in Chinese checkers, Go Fish, Risk, Chess, Candyland, Memory, Charades, and Jeopardy. They were about to organize a Spelling Bee when something shot through the window. The mail had just arrived!

Harry's owl swooped down and gave him a letter and Ron a copy of the Daily Prophet.

"It's from the Dursleys!" Harry said in surprise. He tore off the seal and started to read: "Ha ha ha. You are really in for it this time, Potter! Your friend Moldevort passed by this evening. Didn't I tell you not to tell freaks like you where we live? See you next summer --- Uncle Vernon"

"That sounds bad," said Ron.

"Who's Moldevort?" asked Gandalf.

"Oh, he's an evil sorcerer of death," replied Dumbledore, casually as he turned to Saruman. "You and him would get along quite well together!"

"I see." said Saruman quietly, "And does this Moldevort have a long gray beard and look exactly like me?"

"No," answered Harry, "His name is Voldemort and he's not supposed to be at my house, of all places."

"We gathered that," said Frodo, "By any chance, is there a Ring involved?"

"Not that I know of" said Hermione as the author suffers from writers block.

The hobbits then noticed that they too had gotten letters from the Dursleys. They all said the same thing and were addressed to "The short people of the Shire" Frodo read his aloud.

"Hobbits of Hobbiton, a great task awaits you: getting back to your own world. Some type of magic Harry's friend Moldevort has performed has brought you here. We don't need any more freaks in this world, so I suggest you leave quick like now before the fuzzles, as your wizard friends call us, get angry! The consequences for your existence will most likely be death. Have a nice day!

-The Dursleys."

"Wow, Harry!" said Pippin, "You have some mighty kind relatives!"

"What's a fuzzle?" asked Merry.

"Non-magic folk," answered Ron, "Me dad works with 'em. They're actually called muggles."

"If you don't mind me sayin' so, Mr. Harry, sir," said Sam, "How do we go about gettin back?"

"That," said Dumbledore, "Remains to be seen. Ah! Look! It's Professor Trelawney! Good evening!"

"Good evening, Dumbledore." she said in her usual misty voice as she glided across the room, "I have been crystal gazing and to my surprise I saw myself abandoning my solitary luncheon and joining a rather curious group of creatures. I do hope I am not late!"

"Not at all, Prof.!" replied Dumbledore, "Please, sit down!"

"I also saw something most distressful!" she went on, "Pippin, you are to die, Merry, so are you, and Harry, and Gandalf, and Sam, and Dumbledore, all of the same cause! And there are more to follow."

"You're quite right, Professor!" said Hermione, "We will all eventually die of old age. Honestly! Does that rock ever show you any COMMON SENSE?"

Trelawney glanced at Hermione in mild surprise. "My crystal ball, mind you, shows all!"

At this Ron had to say something, "Have you seen your brain?"

"My brain?" replied Trelawney in shock, "No! Why would I want to see my br----"

"Hence," said Ron, triumphantly, "You don't have a brain!"

"Well," said Dumbledore while considering whether or not to hire a new Divination teacher, "It's about time we bring the Hobbits home to Middle Earth. Any suggestions?"

"We could find that Voldemort person and get the counter curse," suggested Gandalf.

"Why don't we check the library again?" said Harry, "That's where you came, isn't it?"

"That would work," said Ron, but Hermione had other ideas.

"Honestly!" she said, "Have any of you ever bothered to read Hogwarts a History?"

"No," said Ron lazily.

"You can't apparate or---"

"But Hermione," interrupted Neville, to everyone's surprise, "They came from a book inside Hogwarts! I think it would work." So they all headed to the library to give it a try. The book, however, was wet.

"Ok." said Legolas, "Now what?"

"Now," said Dumbledore, "You hop into the book and return to Middle Earth."

And after a rather tearful goodbye, the people of Middle Earth left and the book disappeared.

Then who should arrive but Madam Pomfrey!

"Dumbledore!" she said, "The patient you sent me is just fine. Saruman hadn't done much damage. Speaking of which, where is Saruman?"