Within Death Comes Life

Within Death Comes Life


****

I hate you, or at least I had tried to. I want to, need to even...but I can't, for it would betray everything I believe in to do so. As the war rages on round us, curses and hexes flying overhead, I alone see you fall, and I alone pull you away from the battlefield. You have been hit by a curse meant for me, though I didn't know it right away. As my hands become red I know it is your blood that marks me and I want to run. How can I though, how can I leave you here to die alone?

I hold you in my arms now, taking you deeper into the forest to a clearing, praying that we will not be seen, and grateful that we aren't being followed. I want you to myself, because I know you are dying for sure now, I can feel your pulse beneath my fingers as it slowly started to ebb. I know then for all my experience and mastery, even I cannot save you. I want to scream, to shake you, blame you for taking the curse instead of letting it hit me as it should have. I want to decry your name to the heavens for doing something so foolish as to sacrifice yourself for me. I wasn't deserving of it, I never was nor would be.

Yet you did, you put yourself on the line for me, for what reason I couldn't begin to fathom. I thought you hated me, how could you not have. I never had the bravery and courage you did, how could I ever let you know I didn't hate you in return? I tried everything I could to get you out of my thoughts, my life, driving you away from me for stupid reasons, when all I wanted to do was hold you close and never let you go. Because I could not bear to see you, knowing how much I loved you and thinking that it could never be returned I drove you away. It pained me more than you could have possibly known, knowing how often I hurt you.

Yet now you are here, dying in my arms, your once beautiful skin covered in red, irony as it was your beloved house colour. Your hair is now all grey instead of the light brown with the grey mixed in. The past year of stress and war have made you thinner than ever, though you lied to everyone and said it was just the effects of what you were. They say your kind usually doesn't live even as long as a normal Muggle, but I always thought you would defy that. I thought you were the youthful, immortal soul that would always defy the odds, it seems now I was so very wrong.

I feel you stir now in my arms, and your eyes, those golden honey-brown eyes, gaze up at me in wonder and amusement, as well as an emotion that I dare not even think is real. I can only stare back at you in agony, trying to wordlessly say what I should have so long ago. You shake your head slightly and put a blood soaked hand to my lips, shushing me, telling me you already know. For the first time in my life I am afraid, I am going to lose you when I finally see that you feel the same way. That you love me in return.

As I feel the last of your life ebb away I want to cry out at the injustice. Instead I lean over and gently place a soft, tender kiss upon your still warmed lips. You body is growing colder now so I hold you tighter, thinking stupidly that maybe I can still keep you there with me, even if it's only for a few more moments. I feel the response to my kiss though, despite the fact you are almost gone, and in your eyes I do not see regret, only happiness. Like me you too had been afraid, but now in death are you finally free to tell me of your love.

Moments later you are gone and I am left alone in the forest. In the distance I see the flashes of green, I hear the cries of the fallen not knowing nor caring if they are friend or foe any longer. I feel a wetness on my cheeks, and I know they are my salted tears, tears because of you, because I can't believe you have left me. I have always been know to be cold, cruel, even heartless, yet to see me now I am nothing more than a lost lamb, for my shepherd has left me and I am now aware of how lonely life really is.

Then I realize I am not going to be lonely again, and as I hold your thin body beneath my hands I know what I must do. I whisper to you wondering if you'll hear me, I whisper of my thoughts, my dreams, my love. I know you can no longer respond, but that is all right, because I need to say these things anyway before I do this. The cries of war now lessen, and suddenly a cheer of victory flows to my ears. The war is over, we have won. No, I take that back, they have won, I however have lost, for without you I cannot go on.

****

The three people trying to locate those who had disappeared during the war found a small clearing in the forest, and with a cry of pain realised who it was lying in the middle of that clearing. Surprisingly there had only been casualties on the side of light, no deaths....until now. Three pairs of eyes gazed across the clearing in pain, hoping they wouldn't find the worst. They were only to be stopped short as they realised the truth, and a cry would be heard as one of the three knelt down in agony, howling in torment at the loss of his friend.

The two men had been found together, one wrapped in the others arms, a ghost of a smile on both their faces. It was clear that one had died from horrible wounds, however it was a mystery as to how the other had died. Some eventually came up with theories, a broken heart perhaps, though few would really believe that of the dark-haired man. He had been known to be hateful towards the other, although the rumours would spread none the less. Only the man with the blue eyes knew the truth, but he would never betray a trust.

They were buried side by side, in the same clearing they had been found in. Only a few close friends came to mourn and say their final respects, that was how those left behind wanted it. In life neither of the two fallen had wanted attention, and in death they would be left in peace as well. A magical barrier was erected round the graves afterwards, so that neither snow nor rain would ever dare disturb these two. Not even the wind could enter, nor would a leaf ever desecrate this place.

In the passing years the graves would be forgotten, and even the location would be only a distant memory. Those that looked hard enough however on a particular night would swear that they would see the ghostly images of a young, handsome brown-haired boy and a young black-haired boy. If you watched for a moment you would see them laughing and dancing together under the light of the full moon. If you were brave enough to watch them you for a while, you would also swear that you could see a love between them that surpassed even death, and a tenderness and a bond that time could never erase.

****

It's funny how you and I truly became free in our deaths. Free to admit our love, our fears, and just be ourselves. Not the masks we wore as children, even as adults, no, we are no longer bound to those horrible facets we had to bear, we were freed from those restrictions on our deaths. You are no longer fearful of the moon, and I am no longer afraid to love you. We are young again here in this place of death, cantering round like teenagers, finding out what life should have been like had we had the courage to admit what we had felt for each other all those years ago. We are happy here in this ghostly world, and I would not change that for all the life I could have remained in long ago.

I will never regret what I did that day. I will never regret that while a new world would begin in the defeat of evil, I would never enjoy it. I ended my life at my own hands, how I still remember that day well. I didn't even hesitate after you slipped away from me, instead I raised my own wand to my chest and whispered those fateful words of the killing curse to end my life. I was not afraid, because I hoped I would see you again. If not, than at least I was not living without you, for that I could not have done.

The pain I had when you first wrapped your pale, ghostly arms round me was more than I could bear however. I knelt at your feet, begging forgiveness for what I'd done to you. You wouldn't hear of it though, no, not you. Your nature was forgiving, and I shed tears as I felt your lips once again on my own. What we could not have in life, we would now share in death, youth, happiness and freedom was now ours for the taking. I vowed then I would never let you forget how much I needed you, and I never will. In our deaths we have found a new life, one that I will always cherish. We are no longer afraid to love, and that is the greatest gift of all.