Potions Assortment

Chapter 2: Intoxication Potion

Pansy woke up late the next day, her eyes hurting from crying all night. Looking around for her watch, Pansy found out that there was only fifteen minutes until double Potions began. She rushed around the dorm, mumbling four-letter words to herself for sleeping in so late and then ran straight to the dungeons.

"You're late, Miss Parkinson," Professor Snape drawled as she burst though the dungeon door ten minutes late. "Take a seat."

Pansy quietly took a seat next to Millicent and looked over the other girls' shoulder to see what page she was on. But much to her surprise, Millicent was drawing little love hearts and 'I love Gregory' all over her parchment.

"Now yesterday, unfortunately I was sick with food poisoning. Let me warn you to never eat any food that Professor Dumbledore says that he made himself," the professor said quietly. He still had a bit of a green tinge to his usually pale complexion.

"Too bad it didn't kill him," Ron could be heard saying.

But Professor Snape ignored him and continued, "I've also heard quite a lot of rumours about what happened in yesterday's class. Miss Granger, as I had placed you in charge, could you tell me exactly what happened?"

There was nervous tension in the air as Hermione stood up to give her report.

"Yesterday after you left..." Hermione began.

"I know that I left! I just want to know who drank what potion! Not your life story!" Snape yelled.

"Lavender drank the Soul Mate potion, Goyle drank the Secret Crush potion and both Parkinson and Malfoy drank the Perfect Kiss potion," Hermione said quickly and then sat back down in her seat, trying to hide from Snape's glare.

"And who did they kiss?" Snape prompted.

"Lavender kissed Seamus, Goyle kissed Millicent, Pansy tried to kiss Malfoy and Malfoy kissed..." Hermione trailed off.

"Who did Mr. Malfoy kiss?" Snape asked, raising his eyebrows.

Hermione only ducked her head further behind her hair.

"Mr. Malfoy, who did you kiss?" Snape asked the Slytherin, fearing the worst.

"Granger," Malfoy mumbled.

Professor Snape looked stunned for a moment and then went into his office. He came back a few moments later with a shot glass and a bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhisky. He poured himself a glass and sculled it. Then he decided to pour himself another three glasses of the potent alcohol before addressing the class again.

"I told Professor Dumbledore it was a bad idea to put this back into the course. But did he listen to me? Of course not! He's headmaster! He knows best of course!" Snape mumbled to himself, starting to become under serious influence of the Firewhisky.

"Mr. Malfoy, you drank the Perfect Kiss potion, correct?" Snape asked a few minutes later, hoping that he heard wrong the first time.

Malfoy nodded his head, looking miserably at his desk.

"Take notes from chapter thirty-two," Snape said and waked out of the classroom, leaving the students stunned with the abrupt exit.

After a minute, Neville's voice could be heard from the back of the dungeon, "But the book only goes up to chapter twenty-five."

"I don't care," Dean replied, "who wants some Firewhisky?"

* * *

Snape strode down the corridors and up stairways until he arrived at the gargoyle that guarded the headmaster's office.

"Mallow-miaow," Snape told the gargoyle and the statue stepped aside to let the professor through. Mallow-miaows were a new type of candy from Honeydukes. They were marshmallow cats that crawled around and behaved just like cats. Professor Dumbledore had taken quite a liking to these new forms of sugar-highs.

"Severus! What a surprise!" Dumbledore exclaimed from his desk as the potions teacher entered his office.

"No, not really, professor," Snape replied curtly, "I think you know why I'm here when I really should be teaching."

"Are you still mad at me for giving you food poisoning? I swear, I thought that the talcum powder really was plain flour! Minerva still seems fine from eating my cake."

"Minerva didn't eat the cake. She hid the cake in her sleeve. But that's not why I'm here."

"Oh, how did the Kissing Potions go? Did the students enjoy the class?" Dumbledore asked excitedly.

"Oh yeah, sure they did," Snape replied sarcastically, "Miss Brown found her soul mate and Mr. Goyle has a secret crush on Miss Bulstrode. But do you know what the highlight for the students really was?"

"No, but I am curious now, Severus," Dumbledore replied, his eyes shining with excitement.

Snape's eyes grew cold and a chilly wind blew through the room.

"The highlight," Snape said slowly, "was when Draco Malfoy drank the Perfect Kiss potion and kissed Hermione Granger."

Dumbledore stared at the potions teacher in disbelief.

"I told you from the very first day I started working here that the Kissing Potions part of the course was a bad idea! And now look at what's happened! What are the Malfoys going to say when they find out that their son kissed a...a...a...muggle-born witch! There would be absolute hell to pay!" Snape exploded.

"Now Severus, you're clearly overreacting. I'm sure if we carefully explain the situation clearly and rationally to them, they'll understand," Dumbledore said calmly.

"Yeah, and I wear fluffy pink bunny slippers to class," Snape mumbled sarcastically.

"Didn't James transfigure your shoes into fluffy pink bunny slippers in third year?"

"Second year," Snape grumbled in reply, painfully remembering the humiliation. "Third year he put dragonfly wings in my Dreamers Potion and it made me turn into a female, remember?"

"Oh yes!" Dumbledore laughed, remembering 'Serena'.

"Anyway, getting back to the point," Snape exaggerated, "the Malfoys are not going to like the idea that their son thought that a muggle-born witch was the most perfect in the room. Especially with Pansy Parkinson in the room at the time."

"Are you sure that Miss Parkinson was in fact in class that day?"

"Dumbledore, the class was on Kissing Potions. Of course she would have been there."

"Why are you so worried about Miss Parkinson?"

Snape sighed and sat down heavily on the chair opposite Dumbledore's desk.

"The Malfoys and the Parkinsons want their children to get married so they can continue a line of pure-bloods," Snape explained.

"And you're worried because..."

"Draco chose Hermione over Pansy while under the influence of a spell. What do you think the parents will think of that?"

"Then maybe we should let them find out about the news for themselves," Dumbledore suggested.

"No, that's not a good idea either," Snape sighed. He was growing a migraine from both the stress of the Malfoys and from the Firewhisky.