Rage Against the Dying of the Light

Lucius surveyed the ball. Everything was going wonderfully. Everyone who was anyone had come to his soiree. As a dutiful host, he had circulated throughout the room, making everyone feel welcome and important.

As he reviewed the scene spread out before him, he noticed that someone was missing. He could not find Narcissa. Moving to the side of the room, he called one of the house-elves, who informed him that she was upstairs.

Carefully slipping away from the guests, he made his way to their rooms. "Darling, is something wrong?"

She dabbed at her cheek. "I just--couldn't take it anymore. It's too much."

Sitting next to her on the bed, he asked, "What's too much? We've been to events like this many times before."

"It's not that. It's the families. They keep talking about their children, a-a-and mine is gone." She collapsed into tears against him.

He held her for a few minutes, stroking her hair gently. "It's all right."

"No, Lucius, it's not," she whispered.

"Darling, life must transcend death. We must go on."

"I know. I just don't know that I can go back down there."

"You must. Our guests will wonder where we are."

"Please, could you tell them I'm not feeling well? I just... I can't," she pleaded.

After kissing her softly on the lips, he replied, "I will. And I will return as soon as possible. Be assured of that." As he made his way back downstairs, he pondered this unexpected outcome. Obviously, this would be more difficult than he had anticipated. Then again, maybe this could be used to his advantage.

It took close to an hour for him to see his guests off. The ball had been a smashing success. Business deals had been arranged, but it still did not seem like enough. He was tired of burying himself in his work when he knew it was all for nothing.

When he returned upstairs, Narcissa had changed out of her costume and was standing on the balcony in her nightclothes. He wrapped his arms around her. "Darling, come inside. You'll catch your death."

"Maybe that would be for the best," she said softly.

He gently guided her inside near the fire. "Now, my love, why would you say that?"

"There's nothing worth living for anymore."

Looking into her tear-streaked face, he knew that he was losing her. "Darling, how can you possibly say that? We still have each other. You have always been my guiding star, and I would be lost without you." He had nearly had to beg his father to let him marry her. The elder Malfoy had wanted his son to marry the oldest of the Black sisters since there were no male Black heirs to that line, but Lucius had been relentless that Narcissa was the one for him. She would be the perfect mother for the Malfoy heir, not Bellatrix.

"You could go on without me. You'd be better off without me," she said morosely.

He held her tightly, frightened by what she was saying. "Nothing could be further from the truth." He had hoped that resuming their social life would help her climb out of the depression she had been in ever since Draco's death. Instead, it seemed to be having the opposite effect, and he feared that she would do something drastic. "Come, darling. Let's get some sleep. Everything will look different in the light of morning." He tucked her into bed before changing into his nightshirt and joining her.

He tried kissing and comforting her, but that didn't seem to help. He was somewhat relieved when she finally cried herself to sleep. Tomorrow, he would see about getting her some help. He couldn't stand seeing her like this any longer.

***********

The following morning, Lucius paced his study. Checking the clock, he saw it was ten after. He did not appreciate being kept waiting. Finally, the door opened. "Where have you been?" he snapped.

Severus arched an eyebrow. "For someone who claims to be so desperate for my assistance, that is a dangerously rude greeting."

Lucius scowled. Severus was the only person who could talk that way to him and expect to survive unscathed. "You saw Narcissa last night. She is not herself. She still has not recovered from Draco's death." Moving to the sidebar, he poured himself a measure of Scotch.

"A little early in the day, isn't it?" asked Severus reprovingly.

Lucius waved off the comment. "I need a potion that will balance her emotionally. Right now, I can't even discuss having another child with her. And time is running out."

"I could just give you a fertility potion to counteract her birth control."

Lucius frowned. "No. I want her to want this child, but it will be difficult to convince her..." ... after last time, he added silently. To stave off the guilt he could feel clawing to the surface, he drained his Scotch and poured another. Early in their marriage, he had only cared about having a male heir. She had miscarried four times because the first four children had been girls, and he had not been willing to wait years for a male heir. And this branch of the Malfoy line, and the Malfoy name itself, must go on. Now, he regretted that decision, but he could not change the past. It would be different now. He did not care whether he had a son or a daughter. He wanted his wife back, his family back.

"Lucius?" Severus asked.

"What?" he snapped. Clearly Severus had been talking to him, but he had heard nothing.

"I'll see about brewing a potion for her. It might not be completely effective without a detailed examination. Tell me what you can about her mental state.

It took half an hour, but Lucius provided Severus as many details about Narcissa's behavior as he could. Once he was left alone, he sat at his desk, considering the glass of Scotch in his hand. He knew that he shouldn't drink it, that alcohol never solved anyone's problems, but it did make the guilt go away... for a time.

This was his fault. If only he had been more patient, more understanding, Narcissa would not be in this state now. Setting down the glass, he decided to go for a walk, hoping the fresh air would clear his mind.

**********

Three days later, Severus returned. "This might help. Unless you allow me to examine Narcissa, this is the best I can offer."

Lucius gently took the small bottle. "Anything will be better than nothing. I have one of the house-elves keeping an eye on her. How should she take this?"

"You can put it in any juice, and she should not notice any unusual taste. Do not mix it with alcohol. One tablespoon a day should be sufficient. If it isn't, do not increase the dose, but inform me."

"And if I need more?"

"We'll address that problem later if we need to. For now, you must talk with her, get her to deal with her grief, her fears. This will allow her mind to become more lucid, but it is not a long-term cure. Especially if you want children."

"Understood. And, Severus, thank you."

Severus arched an eyebrow. It was rare that Lucius ever thanked anyone and meant it. "You're quite welcome."

Once Severus was gone, he summoned one of the house-elves. "One tablespoon of this is to be mixed with Mrs. Malfoy's juice every morning."

"Yes, sir. Ippy will see that it is done."

Tomorrow would be her first dose. He hoped that it would return his wife to him.

*********

A/N: Once again, thanks to nota for her assistance beta reading this. She finds the perfect word that has eluded me. :D The title of this chapter is taken from yet another Dylan Thomas poem. This one by the same name as the chapter.