Rage Against the Dying of the Light

Return to the Land of the Living

Six months. It was hard for Narcissa to believe that it had been six months since her sister had killed her dear, sweet boy. That was almost as shocking to her as the fact that Draco was never coming back. Glancing out the window, she saw that the weather mirrored her mood: grey, cheerless and rainy. Shifting her gaze to the man seated across from her, she wondered how he could go on as though nothing had happened.

Following the funeral and then the awards ceremony, he had thrown himself back into business and politics, making arrangements to rebuild the industries that had been destroyed, finding a way to make a profit out of the rubble. He didn't seem to give Draco's death a second thought, and it disgusted her.

She had been devastated, barely able to function for weeks. Eventually, she had realized that she still had duties to perform, and so she had reluctantly gone about them, putting on a brave face to the wizarding world, being the dutiful wife of an important wizard. But her heart was no longer in it. She derived no joy from the soirées and gossip that had once been her lifeblood. All she wanted was to be able to retreat from the world and mourn her son.

"Darling? Were you listening to me?" Lucius asked as he reached across the table and placed his hand on hers.

"No. I'm sorry. My thoughts were elsewhere," she apologized.

He had a pained look in his eyes as he seemingly forced her by sheer willpower not to turn away for once. "My love, I'm worried about you. You have not been yourself..."

"How can I be myself?" she snapped. "I've lost my son. Or had you forgotten that?" She would have run away, except that he did not release her hand.

"I could never forget that," he replied softly as he rose from the table and tried to wrap his arms around her trembling body.

She fought against his embrace. "You certainly don't act that way. You've gone on with life as though nothing has happened. Let go of me, you monster!" She beat against his chest.

"Darling, I mourn his loss every day. I wish that he were still with us, but I am unable to change the past. We must move on and face the present. We must build ourselves a new future. Life is for the living."

"For the living? What is there worth living for?" She abandoned her struggle and collapsed into his embrace, no longer even trying to hold back her tears. "Everyone else is going on about their lives, talking about the future, talking about their children," she sobbed.

Softly he said, "We could try again..."

"No! I won't go through that again. It was too difficult last time." She knew she was being unreasonable, but it had taken years and there had been several miscarriages. That was part of why she had cherished Draco so much: she had known that she never wanted to go through such pain and loss again."

He wouldn't let her pull away. "Darling, there have been many advances since then, potions that can help..."

"No! I can't do it again. You don't know how hard it was emotionally. I just can't do it again." She looked up at him, expecting him to continue arguing with her, demanding that she do his bidding. She knew that he would want an heir, and a part of her feared how he would react to her refusal. But there was no anger in his eyes as he looked at her.

He gently brushed a tear from her cheek. "I know how hard it was for you, and I would not want to see you suffer like that again. Perhaps you could see a Healer, hear his opinion on your chances before you completely rule it out."

She knew that he was just trying to convince her. Still, his tenderness surprised her. He normally did not react well to people refusing to do his bidding. She had been an exception at times, but when something was truly important, he did not back down easily.

"Or if not a Healer, I could speak with Severus about providing you suitable potions."

"No, Lucius. I cannot do this again. Please, don't ask it of me." She knew that her words were not at all what he wanted to hear.

"As you wish," he replied and released her.

As she left the breakfast room, she knew that would not be the last she heard of the subject.

**********

Narcissa observed Lucius carefully over the next several weeks. She knew that he would not let the subject drop for long. He would pursue it relentlessly. Oh, he was never overt, but she could tell that he was still very interested, hoping to wear her down. She waited for him to once again make the request, but he never did. A part of her wondered what would happen if she refused the next time he asked. Would he be so determined to get a new heir that he would demand a divorce... or worse?

Once again, she pretended to be engrossed in her needlework when he returned home from work.

"What would you think of having a ball here? Something to celebrate All Hallow's Eve?"

"Are you serious?"

"Of course I am, my dear. I have been working to make it the social event of the year. Everyone who is anyone will be invited." He leaned close as though he were telling her a secret, "Though I suspect some will attend purely to determine how far we have fallen. This will be the perfect opportunity to show them that the Malfoys remain strong."

"I don't know, darling. Is it really right for us to host something like that so soon..."

He placed his fingers on her lips. "Darling, enough time has passed. The mourning period expired weeks ago. We must publicize this soon in order to retain our place at the head of wizarding society. Our party will be the event of the season, but our guests must be informed of it now, so that they can plan to celebrate the day with us, instead of making other plans. Please, we must go on with our lives, show the wizarding world that we remain strong."

She tried to put on a brave face. "Of course. I think it would be good to host something here. It will give me something to focus on." She knew these were the words he wanted to hear.

He smiled broadly. "There's my Narcissa. I will see to the invitations, and I will, as always, trust you with the particulars of the affair. I could never come close to matching your expertise in social matters."

************

The month and a half leading up to All Hallow's Eve, she was quite busy. Decorations needed to be procured, food and beverages ordered, the ballroom needed to be cleaned, and she had devoted much more time than she had expected focusing on a charm to ensure the garden would be in full bloom. During these last six weeks, she found that she did not think of Draco nearly as much as she had before.

Finally, the evening of the ball arrived and she found she was very glad she would be masked.

Lucius entered as she was making the final adjustments to her costume. "Ah, my darling, you look absolutely devastating." He gently wrapped his arms around her.

She replied playfully, "Stop. You'll ruin my hairstyle. It took Etta forever to get this right."

Softly, he kissed her neck. "Now, you know that isn't true. I have learned to be very careful over the years. You will be the most gorgeous witch in attendance."

Turning to face him, she replied. "And I must say that you are quite handsome this evening. You don't think that our costumes are too presumptuous, do you?" She had looked at him incredulously when he had suggested they go as Louis and Marie Antoinette.

"Not at all." He picked up her mask and held it out to her. "Now, my love, we need to prepare to receive our guests."

For the first part of the evening, she felt that she was back in her element. Greeting guests and mingling through the ballroom reminded her of the life she had once had. Unfortunately, as the evening drew on, she couldn't help but notice that several of the women were pregnant and that several others were talking about their children.

Finally, Narcissa could take it no longer, and quietly slipped upstairs.

*********

A/N: Well, I apologize for the long delay in posting chapters. Real life intervened, and what can you do about that? I am working on the next chapter already and have a very good idea of where it is going, so hopefully, it won't be long before I post that one. Thank you for your patience and your reviews.