Rage Against the Dying of the Light

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that, the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

***********

Narcissa shoved the last few bites of her breakfast around her plate. It was still hard for her to accept that Draco was gone, but it didn't hurt as much as it once had. Lucius had been wonderful towards her, spending time in the evenings with her, taking her to the theater.

"Darling, I thought you might like a trip to the shore next week."

She looked up at him. "What? In the winter?"

"I thought the change of scenery might be good for us. After all, with the Winter Solstice coming, the Muggles will be swarming all over the area."

Solstice. Her heart sank as she realized what came after Solstice. "Christmas. This will be our first Christmas without Draco."

He moved around the table to kneel at her feet. "I know, darling. That's why I thought the change of scenery might help. There are so many memories here."

"Are you saying we should forget him?" she asked defensively.

"Not at all. We would still celebrate his life, but I thought it would be easier away from here, away from all those memories."

She sighed. "I suppose you are right. I'll send a couple of house-elves ahead to make sure the cottage is aired out."

***********

When they arrived at the cottage, she had to admit there was something refreshing about the sea air. "Would you like to go for a walk?" she asked.

He wrapped his arm around her. "I would love to." He didn't say anything else as they started walking along the path.

"I'm glad you suggested this. This is what we needed. Though, I'm surprised you didn't suggest going to France."

"I would have loved to have taken you to France. Unfortunately, it will be another two and a half years before I can leave the country."

She froze in shock. He had never told her about the conditions of his release, and she had never asked. "So long?"

"It's a small price to pay to be with you." He looked into her eyes, a look of longing on his face. "I think it's time to head in. You must be getting chilled to the bone."

She leaned against him. "Not with you holding me. Let's walk a little longer."

When they finally returned to the cottage, a small meal was ready and waiting for them in front of the roaring fire. After they ate, she snuggled against him on the sofa. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He leaned down to kiss the top of her head, but she lifted her head and met his lips with hers.

She crawled on top of him, eager to feel her husband's hands caressing her skin. She was already, feeling more like herself than she had since that horrible night.

Eventually they moved to the bedroom, where they could be more comfortable. "You are still the most beautiful witch I have ever laid eyes on," Lucius said as he slowly undressed her.

"And you are my handsome wizard," she replied playfully.

************

After a long evening of lovemaking, she lay snuggled against him, running her fingers through the coarse hair on his chest.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked lazily.

"How lucky I am to have you. To have someone who has been so patient with me."

He softly rubbed her shoulder. "Have you given any thought to having more children?"

She tried to pull away from him, but they were too entwined. "Lucius, you know how I feel about that..." It had been so long since he had brought the issue up, that she had finally begun to hope that he had accepted her feelings.

"Cissy, love, things have changed in the last twenty years."

"I know, but I'm older now. It would be even more difficult."

"Darling, you are in perfect health. Don't you long to hear the laughter of children in our house again?"

"I do, but I had thought that it would be our grandchildren." She leaned back against him, seeking comfort.

"As had I, but that has changed." After a few minutes, he added, "What do you say?"

"I don't know..." she said reluctantly.

He rolled over so she was lying on her back, and he propped himself on his arm. "We always dreamed of having a large family, and we have been given another chance to consider that." His hand drifted down so it rested on her stomach. "If there are... difficulties, Severus has offered his discreet assistance."

"Severus?"

Tracing his finger along her bare skin, he said, "You know that he can be absolutely discreet. And then we wouldn't have to go to St. Mungo's... I swear to you that I will make this as easy for you as I possibly can."

She did love him and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. So far, he had been very patient with her, but deep down she knew that if she did not at least try to have more children, he would leave her... "Please, Lucius, ask me again in the morning."

***********

They spent nearly two weeks at the cottage. It was invigorating and she did find it healing being away from the Manor. This was the first time since... since Draco's death that she had spent an extended time away. And contrary to what she had expected, she was finding that she was no longer hiding from the memories.

Some evenings they would sit by the fire and remember happier days, days between the wars, when life had been normal. Lucius's only concerns had been his vast financial empire and raising Draco to be a suitable heir. While he had sometimes been harsh, he had also been loving.

Narcissa remembered days of the two of them sitting on the floor and Lucius enchanting toys to entertain his young son. Those days were so simple and joyous, and a part of her longed to experience those days again. Much had changed in the last eighteen years. Perhaps the time was ready to try again.

***********

After their vacation at the cottage, she almost felt like a newlywed again. Lucius was doting on her with simple gestures such as coming home and giving her a single rose, just as he had when they had first been married. She felt more like herself, recovering from the horrible incidents of the previous year. Finally, she decided that she was ready to try again.

With the dawning of spring, she became somewhat discouraged that she still was not pregnant. She had known that it might take time, but the longer it took, the more discouraged she became.

"Darling, is something bothering you?" Lucius asked that evening at dinner.

"I'm just frustrated. I'm not sure this is going to happen."

"I could talk to Severus."

"I don't want him to know about this. Not yet."

"When?"

"I... don't know. Later." Even though she knew that Severus could help, she was still reluctant to involve a third party. A part of her still feared that no pregnancy could possibly succeed; another part of her was secretly happy that she was still not pregnant.

As spring turned into summer, the depression started to return. She could tell that Lucius was growing more and more irritated. Severus's name came up in conversation more and more often. He also made offers of bringing in a private Healer, but she was still reluctant to accept his offer.

One day she returned home from a shopping trip and found Lucius and Severus together in the study. She could feel her heart sink even though she tried to greet him pleasantly. "Severus, what an unexpected surprise to see you here."

"Narcissa, a pleasure as always. I needed a break from the students and Lucius was kind enough to extend an invitation."

"Will you be joining us for dinner?"

"Unfortunately, no. I am expected back shortly. Perhaps some other time."

"Of course. I look forward to it." She walked away from the study and waited for Severus to leave. Once he was gone, she returned to confront Lucius. "What was he really doing here?"

"Exactly what he said. It was a purely social call."

"I don't believe you."

He tried to wrap his arms around her, but she pushed him away. "Darling, I would never do that."

"Oh, no? I know you. Better than you might think you do. When you want something, you don't let anything stand in your way. Are you planning to drug my food or drink?"

"No. In fact, I have not even broached the subject with him. I have done my utmost to respect your wishes. Please, believe me."

She searched his face for any sign of deceit, but could not find any. Not that she completely trusted him. She would discuss this with the house-elves later. Several of them were descendents of Black house-elves and were more loyal to her than to Lucius. They would let her know if he was tampering with anything she ate.

Rather than remain upset with him, she knew that she should be discussing with him ways to make their dream of starting a new family a reality. But she still had the fear dwelling within her.