Lucky Charms

Wrap myself in a bag

I'm all wrapped up in Prague.

I'm all wrapped up in you.

I'm all wrapped up in him too.

Prepare myself for a war

And I don't know what I'm doing this for

Trying to let it all go

But how can I when you still don't know?

I could wait for you

Like that hole in your boot

Waiting to be fixed

I could wait for you

What good would that do?

But to leave me bruised?

"Prague" by Damien Rice

The bed just felt so wrong. The mattress was too firm and the sheets were too starchy. Seamus couldn't get comfortable no matter how many times he repositioned his lumpy pillow underneath his head.

It's funny. He had slept in this bed for seven years and it had always been good enough before. However, after one brief taste of something better, he couldn't go back to this because he now knew what he had been missing.

Seamus could close his eyes and he could almost see Blaise's bed. He could remember the way it felt just laying there next to him, happy and scared at the same time.

I never should have woken up.

Seamus cried out in frustration and threw that poor excuse for a pillow as far away from him as possible. It flew through the darkness of the room until it impacted with something solid and fell to the floor.

"What the hell was that?" Dean shouted in surprise.

Shite. Dean. All this time, Seamus had been in his room agonizing over Blaise. He hadn't given a second thought to Dean or what he would say to him.

Seamus sat completely still and held his breath. It was dark. Maybe Dean will leave and I can avoid this whole mess for one more night, Seamus hoped silently.

"Seamus, is that you?" Dean asked loudly, but Seamus didn't answer back.

Several tense seconds passed as Seamus waited for Dean to leave or do something. He tried to keep holding his breath, but the effort was making him blue in the face. He knew that he couldn't hold out much longer.

Seamus heard the swish of a wand and the murmuring of a spell, before the candles flared with light. Seamus winced in pain and covered his eyes against the sudden brightness.

"Everyone's been looking for you, you know," Dean said hesitantly as he sat down in front of Seamus on Neville's bed.

Seamus had been up here hiding from everyone for the last five hours and he had no intention of leaving the safety of this room ever again. His professors and marks could just go straight to hell for all he cared.

"Most of them want to tell you how much they enjoyed your prank on Zabini," Dean stated carefully and then watched Seamus' reaction.

Seamus fell backwards onto the bed and covered his face in his tense hands. He didn't know what to do. Should he tell him it wasn't a prank or should he let him think what he liked? Did he really want to keep lying to his best friend?

"Was it a prank, Seamus?" Dean asked gently.

"No," Seamus said hoarsely. Was that really his voice?

Dean blinked once and exhaled the breath he was holding on. His shoulders slumped and he looked quite lost for a second. Then he inhaled a deep breath and kept going.

"Does this mean you're a-" Dean began, before he cut himself off. He didn't know which word to use. They all sounded so demeaning.

"Poof, faggot, nancy boy, shirt lifter, pillow biter. Go ahead and take your pick!" Seamus declared bitterly. He still wouldn't look directly at Dean.

"I get the point, Seamus!" Dean shouted angrily. Something in his voice made Seamus shut up and look at him. Dean was rubbing his forehead as if he had a headache and he was biting his lip so hard that it looked painful. Seamus couldn't remember the last time Dean had ever looked so unsure of himself.

"Are you sure? I mean, what about Imogen?" Dean asked with a frown marring his confused face.

Seamus closed his eyes and swallowed thickly. There was no point in holding anything back now. He might as well tell him everything. Seamus inhaled a deep breath and said, "She doesn't exist. I made her up. I'm so sorry, Dean."

Dean stood up from Neville's bed and began pacing in front of Seamus' bed. His head kept shaking from side to side, as he tried to figure out the math in his head. Finally, he stopped and whirled around to glare at Seamus.

"You've been lying to me, your best mate, for years. How could you? I could understand keeping a secret like this from me, but to lie to my face day in and day out? What kind of friend does that?" Dean asked angrily and pointed his finger at Seamus.

Seamus stood up from the bed and walked over to face Dean's anger head on. He knew that most of it was justified, but he wasn't about to lose his best mate without a fight.

"The kind of friend who didn't want to lose his best friend, that's who! You always went on and on about the girls you've had and you made fun of me because of my lack of experience. You don't know what it's like to hate yourself and wish that you could be something you're not! I tried for years to feel something for a girl, but it never happened! So I lied because I knew that if you found out about me, you would look at me the way you're looking at me now, and I didn't want that. Please understand, Dean, please," Seamus begged desperately.

"Was I such a bastard that you were afraid to tell me the truth?" Dean asked thickly and wiped his nose. Seamus didn't know what to say to that so he said nothing. Dean took his silence as assent.

Dean just shook his head looked away from Seamus. Dean cleared his throat of emotion and said, "I can't be in here with you right now."

Then he turned his back on Seamus and started walking towards the door at a brisk pace. Seamus, however, had other ideas. He followed Dean to the door and he tried to keep him from leaving by holding on to his arm tightly, but Dean jerked his arm out of Seamus' grip. The sudden movement sent Seamus sprawling onto the floor on his backside.

"Don't! I just need some time to think," Dean said tersely, but he didn't wait for a response from Seamus. He just walked out the door and left Seamus sitting on the floor.

The air rushed in and out of Seamus' lungs as his whole body began to shake. His mind ran through all the terrible things that happened today and his hands started to clench into fists.

Blaise wanted him so much for so long, but he still wasn't willing to fight for him. Slytherin was more important to Blaise than he was.

All the lying had finally caught up with Seamus and now his best friend hated him. He didn't want anything more to do with him. Dean couldn't even look at him.

He had outed himself and Blaise to the whole school and for what? All he did was tell the truth and look where it got him. Fuck the truth! No one really wants to hear it anyway.

It was all just too much!

Seamus could feel the tears coming forth and he hated himself for it. Tears were just another sign that showed how different he was from others boys.

Real boys don't cry! Real boys only cry when they're in pain!

Suddenly, everything just sort of came out in a rush of feeling. All of the anger, need, and disappointment just rose out of his heart and escaped through his mouth.

Seamus screamed, but he wouldn't let himself cry unless it was justified. He slammed his fists against the floor and the first drops of tears fell from his eyes. When he struck the floor again and heard his knuckles break, Seamus only felt relieved because that meant he could begin sobbing in earnest.

Seamus was about to go again when he heard a loud shout and felt arms wrap around him. He struggled against them and tried to pound the floor once more, but they wouldn't let him. They just held him in a vise like grip.

"Stop it, Seamus!" Harry shouted loudly. He had his arms underneath Seamus' armpits and wrapped around his shoulders. The boy couldn't move his arms, but that didn't stop him from twisting and turning his lower body.

"Let go," Seamus ordered in between sobs. He just wanted to get away. He needed to hurt so that he could cry. If he couldn't cry, he didn't think he could take it all.

Seamus kept struggling, but his strength was soon spent. He stopped moving altogether and just collapsed backwards onto Harry's chest.

Harry waited a few seconds just in case it was a trick and then he slowly released his grip on Seamus' shoulders. He wrapped one arm around Seamus' waist and used another to hold Seamus against him. Seamus was too weak to protest anything.

"It's alright. It's alright," Harry said softly. He kept saying words of comfort over and over again. Seamus didn't comprehend any of the words, but it was still oddly soothing. Seamus cried quietly and Harry held him.

"Harry?" Ron called out hesitantly from the doorway and Seamus' body tensed. Through the corner of his eye he could see a worried looking Hermione and Ron standing just outside the door.

Harry tightened his grip and said, "We're okay, Ron. Just give us a few minutes."

Seamus watched as Ron nodded and pulled Hermione away from the door. He supposed he should feel embarrassed, but he just couldn't muster up the energy to move, let alone care about what other people were thinking.

"Seamus, can you hear me?" Harry asked softly and then he gently shook Seamus. He didn't answer. Harry sighed deeply.

"I know you might not believe me, but I know how you feel. I know what it's like to be angry and I know how good it feels to take that anger out on yourself. But a good friend once told me that pain is not the answer to anything and that you can only work through the anger by talking about it. If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine, but please just don't hurt yourself anymore. Okay?" Harry asked softly.

When he didn't hear a reply, he slowly turned Seamus around in his arms so that the other boy was facing him directly. Something in the way Harry looked at him made it impossible for Seamus to ignore him. He nodded his head and said, "Okay."

Harry sighed in relief and released Seamus from his tight grip. He was no longer touching Seamus, but he was still sitting close to him on the floor.

Seamus shivered. He already missed that comforting warmth. Seamus rubbed his hand against his cold arms and winced. He looked down and rather disinterestedly said, "I'm bleeding."

Harry winced and said, "I know. You really did a number on your hands, but don't worry. I've seen worse. Let me just go get Hermione. She's better at healing charms than I am."

Harry stood up and took a step in the direction of the door when an idea popped into Seamus' head that Harry was leaving and he wasn't going to come back.

"Dean hates me, Blaise doesn't think I'm worth it, and I'm a poof," Seamus blurted out in a mad rush. Then he waited for Harry to get disgusted and leave just like Dean. This way, Seamus was pushing Harry away instead of just letting Harry leave him.

Harry was silent for a whole minute as he considered what was the right thing to say. Finally, he smiled faintly at Seamus and said, "Dean doesn't hate you. He's just surprised. That's all. Now, I don't know much about Zabini, but if he thinks you're not worth it then he's fool. As for being a poof, well, it's not the end of the world, Seamus."

Seamus blinked in surprise as Harry walked out the door. He was speechless. Harry acted as if being gay was no big deal. His lack of reaction was a pleasant surprise and brought a slight curve into Seamus' lips. It wasn't quite a smile, but it wasn't for lack of trying.

If only Dean could have acted like Harry. Sigh. That little curve fell away and the frown on Seamus' face returned. Sighing deeply, Seamus brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. For the longest time, the only sound in the room was the steady dripping of blood from Seamus' hands onto the floor.

Eventually, Harry came back with Hermione and Ron in tow. Harry walked in without stopping, but as soon as Hermione got a look at Seamus, she stopped abruptly in the middle of the room and brought her hand up to cover her mouth in shock. Ron didn't watch where he was going and collided into her back. They both blushed and stumbled. It would have been funny in normal circumstances.

"Damn, Seamus! Remind me to never get on your bad side. Ouch, Hermione! What was that for?" Ron asked angrily as he rubbed the spot where she elbowed him.

Hermione ignored him and walked over to where Seamus and Harry were sitting. Frowning in consternation, she squatted down, looked over Seamus' injuries briefly, and said, "This looks awfully bad, Seamus. Why don't we just take you to Madame Pomfrey?"

Seamus jerked away from her and said, "No! I don't want to go see Pomfrey! She'll ask me what happened. I'll get in trouble. They'll owl me mam and-"

Realizing that Seamus was working himself up to a hyperventilating fit, Harry put his hand on Seamus' shoulder, squeezed it firmly, and said, "You don't have to go to Pomfrey if you don't want to, Seamus. No one's going to force you. Just do what you can, Hermione."

Hermione frowned deeply and gave Harry an assessing look. Her eyes took in the hand on Seamus' shoulder in mild surprise, but she didn't protest. She merely closed her eyes, concentrated, and uttered the healing spell on Seamus' hands. She managed to stop the bleeding and heal the cuts, but she couldn't replace the broken knuckles or get rid of the scars.

Obviously dissatisfied with her performance, Hermione glared at Seamus' hands as if they were refusing to completely heal just to insult her skills as a witch. Sighing discontentedly, Hermione sat down on the floor in front of Harry and Seamus, and then she pulled Ron down to sit beside her.

No one spoke for several minutes, but the silence wasn't exactly uncomfortable. Seamus wasn't looking, but he could practically sense the worried looks that were passing between the trio. He wondered which one break the silence first and how long they were all going to put up with him and his problems. Seamus wasn't exactly a member of their little clique.

"Hey, Hermione, have you ever snogged a girl?" Ron asked abruptly. He raised an eyebrow at her and smiled licentiously.

"Ron Weasley!" Hermione hissed in shocked mortification. Hermione's eyes widened and she nearly choked on her own tongue.

That's Ron for you. When things get uncomfortable, he always tries to change the subject with something he thinks is funny. Seamus looked over at Hermione. She was turning red and her left eye was twitching. These were all signs of an imminent apocalypse.

Seamus sighed and looked back down at his hands in his lap. Hermione must be disgusted at the very idea of engaging in a lesbian act. I'm surprised she can stay in the room as me.

If Seamus had been looking at Ron, he would have seen the obvious way Ron was nodding his head in his direction. He would have also noticed the way Hermione caught on instantly and calmed down.

He hadn't been paying attention, so it obviously came as a shock when Hermione said, "Yes, I've snogged a girl."

Seamus' head shot up and he stared at a blushing Hermione. She didn't look like she was lying, but Seamus was still suspicious that it was some kind of trick.

"What was it like?" Seamus asked croakily. His voice was still hoarse from all the shouting and crying.

"Well, I didn't know what to expect at first or what to do with my lips. However, once we began, I realized that it wasn't bad, just different," Hermione explained calmly with a small smile.

Ron was now the one turning red and twitching. He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat and said, "Go on, Hermione. Then what happened?"

"I remember how her lips were so soft, much softer than a boy's, and the way they tasted like cherry lip gloss. It wasn't a bad experience in the least," Hermione declared emphatically as her blush deepened to crimson.

Ron was now frowning and holding himself very still. He narrowed his eyes at Hermione and asked, "You mean you really snogged a girl?"

Hermione huffed indignantly and said, "Yes, Ron! What do you think I am? A liar?"

Ron spluttered and his jaw dropped to the floor. His head was turning from side to side and he was waving his hands wildly. Seamus and Harry began to inch away from him and closer to each other for protection.

"You were supposed to make something up! I didn't know you were going to relive a real past homosexual experience in front of me," Ron stated hotly as he brushed his hands through his hair in agitation.

Harry and Seamus were trying unsuccessfully to stifle their laughter. They could practically see the wheels turn in Ron's head and then abruptly stop as if a light went off in his brain.

"Is that the reason why you broke up with me and said we'd never work? Were you too busy fantasizing about women?" Ron asked hotly and pointed his finger at Hermione.

Hermione put her hands on her hips and said, "Calm down, Ron!"

"I am calm! Why wouldn't I be calm? I just found out that my ex-girlfriend is a lesbian! Why wouldn't I be calm?" Ron shouted and waved his hands in the air in front of him. It's a good thing Harry and Seamus had moved away.

Hermione rolled her eyes towards heaven as if she was appealing to a higher power for patience. Then she turned to Ron and said rationally, "Ron, I am not a lesbian. So what if I experimented a couple of times last summer? Every teenager questions their sexuality at some point in adolescence. It's perfectly normal."

It was way past the point where Ron was willing to listen to reason. He couldn't get past the thought that Hermione was lost to him forever because she had somehow been converted to the dark side by another girl.

"Who was she? Do I know her? She's a girl, so I can't pound her face in, but I can find another girl to do it for me! I'll ask Ginny and she-"

Ron stopped speaking abruptly. A terrible thought entered his brain. Hermione spent the whole summer with him and Harry at Grimmauld Place. There weren't any girls there, except his sister.

"You snogged my sister?" Ron asked incredulously. He couldn't believe it. His mouth kept opening and closing like a suffocating fish until finally his limbs turned to jelly and he collapsed on to the floor in shock.

"My Ginny? My baby sister? Oh, Merlin, what will I tell mum?" Ron mumbled to himself. Everyone ignored him.

Hermione just shrugged at Ron and said, "So you see, Seamus, homosexuality is not as rare as you think and you are not an isolated case at Hogwarts. I'm sure there are a few single gay men in Hufflepuff and quite a few bisexuals in Ravenclaw. Oh, that gives me an idea! We could start a gay and straight alliance here at Hogwarts! I could make badges. We'll call it BGLAD! What do you think?" Hermione energetically asked a horrified looking Seamus.

Seamus didn't answer her. He was too busy silently begging Harry to help him and stop his insane best friend. The last thing he wanted was to start a club, especially since he was still committed to never leaving his room again.

"Hermione, it might be a little too soon to think about starting clubs. Why don't we hold off on all that and go get some dinner? I'm starving," Harry said and stood up from the floor.

As soon as Harry mentioned dinner, Ron sat up and looked around as if food would magically appear right in front of him. Hermione sighed in disappointment, but didn't protest. She stood up and then she pulled Ron up next to her.

"Are you coming, Seamus?" Hermione asked gently. Seamus was the only one who was still sitting on the floor. Seamus shook his head from side to side and hunkered down into himself. He waited for Hermione to force him to go, but it never happened.

She just nodded once and started walking to the door with Ron. When she reached the doorway, she turned around and asked, "Harry?"

"Go ahead, Hermione. I'll catch up with you guys later," Harry said

Hermione nodded again and walked out the door with Ron. Seamus heard Ron say, "Wait till I get a hold of Ginny!"

The voices were getting fainter, but Seamus could have sworn he heard Hermione say, "Don't make me gag you."

Seamus looked up at Harry and said, "I thought you were hungry."

"Don't worry about it," Harry said casually and sat down on the edge of Seamus' bed.

Seamus looked at Harry and then at the door as he bit his lip and rubbed his already itching hands nervously. He licked his lips and said, "I want to go to dinner. Really, I do. I just can't face Blaise or Dean right now. I'm sorry."

"Hey, I said it was alright. We don't have to go to the Great Hall to get dinner. We'll go down to the kitchens later and get some food from the house elves when they're not so busy. You've never been there before and everyone should go at least once before they leave Hogwarts," Harry said with his characteristically small smile.

Harry's generosity and strength only made Seamus feel worse about it himself. Harry had seen him at his very lowest and yet he was still here with him. How could Seamus ever measure up to someone like Harry Potter?

Seamus stared down at those scarred hands and whispered, "You must think I'm a coward.'

Harry groaned loudly and jumped off of the bed. Then he stood beside Seamus and pulled him up by the arms, so that he was standing right in front of him.

"Listen to me, Seamus. What you did today was probably one of the bravest things I've ever seen. I don't think I could ever do something like that. Give me a Dark Lord or a Death Eater and I'm your man, but I could never tell anyone that I liked them. Just thinking about it makes me shake in my trainers," Harry declared honestly with an exaggerated shudder.

"Really? You thought I was brave?" Seamus asked in disbelief and took another step closer to him. Harry Potter was standing in front of him and telling him that he was brave. No one had ever done that before.

"Hell, yes! I've had some experience with cowards and I know for a fact that you aren't one. You might be a bit of a prat sometimes, but that's just a part of your charm," Harry said with a slightly wider grin.

Seamus snorted and said, "Gee, thanks."

Harry smiled at him and for the first time it actually seemed to reach his eyes. At that moment, Seamus couldn't help but think how much Harry physically reminded him of Blaise.

The traitorous thought made Seamus wince and take a step back from Harry. A frown formed on his face and he avoided Harry's gaze.

"Is something wrong, Seamus?" Harry asked worriedly.

Seamus just shook his head, sighed, and said, "Nothing, Harry, nothing."