Lucky Charms

History of Magic just had to be the very best class in the history of the Hogwarts curriculum. Where else could you catch up on your sleep or finish up that Potions assignment at the last minute? Ron even said that one of his brothers knew a guy, who had a friend, who had gotten a little action during class, but Seamus didn't really believe that.

Professor Binns the ghost was just so enamored of his own voice that he didn't care if anyone paid attention to him or not. If Seamus actually listened to the lecture, he might have to ask Binns a question or two and who was he to steal poor Binns' thunder?

Nope. It was better for everyone involved if Seamus didn't pay attention to anything Binns said.

With this selfless thought in mind, Seamus poured over the latest sex quiz in this month's Witch Weekly, which Lavender and Parvati had lent him after Charms class. He had concealed the girly magazine (and not the good kind!) inside a Quidditch magazine. He didn't want the guys to think that he was unmanly, because then he would have to pummel them purely out of principle.

After Seamus made sure that no one was watching him, he pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill, and wrote down the questions and answers that would soon destroy all his confidence and self respect!

Well, there was this one time in primary school where I offered a girl some of my chocolate. Hey. Don't knock it. I was 8 and giving away candy. If that's not love, I don't know what is!

Fine, be picky. No.

Hmmm. Think, damn it, think! There has to be someone... God, I'm pathetic. Wait! I remember! I was a ring bearer at a wedding and a damn flower girl practically violated me. Her tongue was really wet and it scared me so I ran away from her screaming for my mum! Oh, Shut. Up. Girls are scary. Look at Hermione!

Man, who writes these questions? Hundred year old spinsters? Seriously, when was the last time you said genitals?

Anyways, back to the answer. YES. Absolutely. What? One time Ron and I had a row and we were wrestling on the floor and I definitely felt something poking against my leg and if that wasn't his wand, then I feel so sorry for Hermione! Wait a minute. Oh, hell. I've confused myself. Next question.

4. Have you ever participated in oral sex? (Add 2 if you were the receiver, and 4 if you were the giver.)

Well, there was this one time when I got out of the shower and my dog, Bob, got a little over eager with all the licking...

Oh, God, I'm going to hell.

For the love of Mary, next bloody question!

5. Have you ever shagged anyone? (Add 5 if yes, but add 10 if you and your partner both achieved orgasm.)

Sigh. Only in my dreams. At the rate I'm going, I'll be lucky if I ever get shagged, and when I do, I'll be terrible at it!

This is sad. I'm a 16 year old male living in the morally bankrupt 90s and I've never been kissed, let alone shagged. What's wrong with me? I look alright. I've got muscles and white teeth. Then why is no one interested in me? Sigh. Let's just get this torture over with. Next question.

6. Last question: If you've never had sex, who would you want to lose your virginity to?

Um. Gulp....

Almost as if there was some unseen force manipulating his body, Seamus turned around in his seat and stared at the tall drink of water sitting barely two seats behind and to the left of him.

He had black hair that was short in the back and very long in the front. It almost completely covered his eyes and made him look mysterious and just a little bit dangerous. Still, Seamus knew that his eyes were obsidian and narrow as they stared at the book in his hand. They gave off the illusion of severe coldness, but there was nothing cold about his lips. They were full and dark, as if they had just been snogged senseless.

Blaise Zabini.

"God," Seamus whispered raggedly. He knew that he was staring and that he should turn away. He was about to, really! That is, until Zabini put down his book and ran a hand slowly through his hair, sweeping back his bangs and exposing his black eyes, which were curiously staring right at him!

Fuck me!

Seamus swore and turned around quickly. He prayed that he hadn't said that last bit out loud!

Seamus inhaled deeply and struggled to keep his breathing even and to kill the blush that was molesting his face. He sagged his shoulders, slumped further into his chair, and stared dismally at his parchment.

I don't have a chance in hell with Blaise Zabini. He's a Pureblood, a Slytherin, and even if he was into guys, he would still be way out of my league.

Sigh.

I can't write Blaise Zabini. What if someone saw this besides Lavender and Parvati? Shite. No, I'll just put Hannah Abbot. She's safe and she has large chesticles.

Wait a minute. There's something written on the margin of the magazine in neon pink ink.

Gasp.

Lavender, you slag!

~Seamus, give yourself 25 points if you want to shag a bloke! You definitely need them!~

Cheers, Lavender.

Seamus smiled and shook his head from side to side. That Lavender, she's the best. She's definitely a lot smarter than she lets on.

Oh what the hell, I'll do it!

Seamus leaned forward and furiously wrote, 'Blaise Zabini' on his parchment. Then he added up his score. With the added 25 point bonus from the ever so gracious Lavender Brown, Seamus' score soared from a zero to 25.

Feeling slightly better, Seamus sat up straighter and read the analysis of his score on the bottom page of the magazine.

"For those of you who scored 23 to 26, what are you doing writing this quiz? You obviously don't need our help. You're an experienced sex god and everyone wants you. You should take pity on other less fortunate individuals who aren't blessed with your smoldering good looks, and go grab yourself a willing virgin!"

Hell yes!

Now if only Blaise would take this bloody sex quiz...

Just before his mood dropped once again, the school bell rang, announcing that class was over and that lunch was about to start.

Sighing, and yet slightly looking forward to a good lunch, Seamus stood up quickly and picked up his bag. Refusing to indulge himself with another Zabini ogling, Seamus kept his eyes upward and averted.

He didn't see his parchment fall out of the magazine.

And he especially didn't notice someone with a perfectly sculpted hand gently pick it up and read it with growing surprise.

Draco Malfoy smirked.

Ooh, this was going to be good. No, great.