The Things We Never Say

THE THINGS WE NEVER SAY

As Time Slips By

Chapter Five

Days pass by and Hermione cannot bring herself to go back out to the Quidditch pitch again. It's not that she's going to bed earlier--on the contrary, she stays up well past midnight...only now she's afraid to see him again. Of course, she sees him during regular school hours, but it's different. During school, she is surrounded by many people, and she cannot hear the sound of her heart thumping loudly in her ears like when she's alone with Draco. She feels much safer in a large group of people. When she's alone with him, things happen that she cannot control and cannot understand. She knows she can't possibly be acquiring feelings other than hate for Draco--yet she doubts this very idea at times.

Hermione is walking down the Charms corridor when she hears a familiar voice drawling words that make her stomach drop.

"I don't know what you mean," he says, and she can hear the husky tone in his voice.

"I've heard such wonderful things about your nighttime endeavors, and I wanted just a little taste," purrs a female voice.

"Is that right?" he asks, and Hermione can hear the shuffling of robes.

She can't stop walking, and she knows she is nearing them. She should turn around and find an alternate route, but there is something pulling her forward, not allowing her to turn away. It's a sick curiosity to see the conversation unfolding with her own eyes, lifting each foot up and placing it down in front of the other as it brings her closer and closer.

Without realizing it soon enough, she is upon them, and her wide eyes take in every last detail, even the position of his hands on the unknown female's body--one is gripping her hip; the other is slipping slowly up her stomach to areas above. He is kissing the girl heatedly, and her hands are buried in his robes.

She stops suddenly, unable to move her feet or turn her eyes away. She stands there, watching like a lost child who's only just discovered her world is built of lies and nothing more. Her stomach tightens, and nausea assaults her unexpectedly. She takes a step back, and her shoe makes a quiet noise against the stones, but Draco pulls his face away.

He looks up at her, and his eyes widen. Hermione takes another step back. They hold eye contact for a few brief seconds before Hermione turns and hurries away. She is most certain she will vomit, so she searches for the nearest lavatory. Her fears are validated--she feels too much for Draco Malfoy.

* * * *

Hermione tries desperately to forget what she has seen, forget what has happened, and forget her feelings, but it is harder than she initially imagined. She sits alone in a study room; the door is cracked because Harry will be meeting her for extra help on a Transfiguration essay.

She is tapping her quill against page 316, but she is not thinking of changing stones into birds. She is thinking of Draco. Thankfully, Ginny pokes her head into the room, pushing the door open a bit farther.

"Hermione?" she calls.

She looks up. "Yeah? Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Harry wanted me to let you know that Quidditch practice ran later than he thought, and he's exhausted. And could you please help him in the morning before breakfast?"

"Oh, sure. Tell him that would be fine," she answers, tapping her quill again.

"Are you coming up then?" Ginny wonders.

"No, I'll be up there in a little bit. Got a bit more studying to do." She isn't quite ready for bed yet.

"Okay, see you later."

"Thanks for the giving me the message."

"No problem. Should I close the door?" Ginny asks.

"That's okay. Leave it cracked. I'll be done shortly," Hermione replies.

"Bye then."

"Bye."

Hermione looks down at her Transfiguration book. A beautiful green bird is emerging from a rock and flapping its wings. She watches this transition repeat itself over and over again, letting her thoughts float away. She knows she will get no more studying done tonight, so she finally closes the book and sighs.

A noise at the door pulls her attention away from gathering her things. Long slender fingers grip the edge of the door and push it open further. A familiar but unwelcome face appears. Her stomach plummets; she has nowhere to run.

Draco steps inside the room and stands before her. She looks up at him and waits for him to speak. He is twirling his wand in his hand, and it appears to be a nervous habit. The silence drags on and becomes uncomfortably suffocating.

"What do you want?" Hermione finally asks, realizing he has no intentions of speaking first.

He looks at her, and she sees something in his eyes. It looks like guilt, and she wishes it wasn't there. She wishes she could still only see hate in his eyes--but nothing is the same.

"It didn't mean anything," he says after another long silence has passed.

"What?" she asks, slightly confused.

"In the hallway, with that girl," he replies, closing the door behind him. It clicks gently, but the room is quiet and the sound echoes around them.

Hermione begins to pack her things into her bag. She needs to keep her hands busy because she feels nervous and jittery inside.

"Okay," Hermione says, unable to think of anything else. She can't understand why he is telling her this, and why it matters to him that she knows the truth.

"It was nothing," he says again, and she feels as if he is trying to convince her. Again, she wonders why he cares what she thinks.

She slings her bag over her shoulder and stands up. "Okay," she says, looking into his eyes hastily before looking away. She can't look into his eyes for very long because she loses herself too quickly. She walks past him and reaches for the doorknob. While she is opening the door, he speaks again.

"Do you come here every night?" he asks to her back, because she does not turn to look at him.

She briefly has the desire to lie, but doesn't. "Usually."

She stands at the door with her hand on the knob for a few more seconds, and when she realizes there is nothing more to say, she walks out. She doesn't turn around to see what he is doing; she knows she has to keep walking. Turning around would be showing a weakness, and he knows too many of hers already.

* * * *

The following night as Hermione enters her usual study room, she makes a move to close the door, but she doesn't. She leaves it cracked. She knows why she is doing this; she wants him to understand that if the door is open, then he is welcome. Only she can't even begin to understand why she would want him in there--or perhaps she doesn't want to admit the truth just yet.

After she's been studying for an hour, she starts to think he isn't coming back, but Draco, if anything, is predictable. She's writing down a footnote to her Arithmancy essay when the sound of rustling fabric pulls her attention up.

Draco is standing in the doorway and her pulse quickens. She wishes she could contain her erratic emotions better, but she knows Draco's mere presence affects her greatly. She continues to watch him in silence; he speaks first.

"What are you studying?" he asks, and she has the urge to laugh. When have they ever had small talk? But then again, when has Draco ever cared about her? Or kissed her? Or come to see her? Nothing is as it once was.

"I'm finishing my Arithmancy essay. Then I suppose I should look over my homework for Ancient Runes," she replies quietly, watching Draco carefully as he walks around the table and sits next to her. She is surprised to see he has a book under one arm.

"I thought you'd be studying that, so I brought my book. I have a...few questions," he says and he looks at her face, seeing the shock registering in her eyes. "You don't have to look so surprised," he says defensively, and she immediately wipes the look from her face.

"I'm sorry. It's just...I didn't think you ever had any trouble with Ancient Runes. Your marks are always high," she tries to explain.

"But always lower than yours," he says, and she hears the bitterness in his voice.

"Perhaps you don't study enough," she offers.

"Perhaps it wouldn't change anything."

She looks at the angry line between his brows and decides to say nothing more. They sit in the silence for a few uncomfortable minutes and Hermione tries to focus on her homework.

Draco slides his parchment over to her without saying anything and when she looks up, she catches his eye. He looks slightly vulnerable, but she pretends she doesn't see it.

She looks over his homework and circles a few mistakes before speaking. "This here," she points down at the parchment, "this Rune looks very similar to this," she says as she draws a triangular symbol with squiggly lines running through it. "But this Rune means covered in water, and the one you're drawing means surrounded by water. It's actually a common mistake and very easy to fix."

When she looks up at him, he is watching her intently. The rippling emotion in his grey eyes makes her mouth dry.

"Thanks," he whispers before reaching out and rubbing his fingertip down her cheek. She closes her eyes and inhales slowly. "Do you ever tire of being right all the time?" he asks and she feels his body shifting closer to hers.

She opens her eyes. "I'm not right all the time."

"You aren't?" he asks in surprise, moving his finger down the side of her neck.

"No," she whispers in response, trying to stop the trembling in her body.

"What have you been wrong about?" he asks, leaning near enough so she feels his lips barely touching hers.

"You," she breathes out in a whisper.

It takes Draco half a second to begin kissing her. He slides their homework parchments and books across the table and rests his arm there for support.

She immediately feels lightheaded as Draco's kisses steal away all thoughts but the ones involving him. His kisses tonight are not forceful or demanding. They feel different, and she wonders if her heart can take the change.

Before their kisses progress into something more, Draco pulls away and looks into her eyes. She is startled by what she sees there--he looks like a man in love. She quickly looks away. She begins gathering her things even though she knows she probably looks ridiculous or worse...frightened.

"Thanks for the help," he says, catching her arm and causing her to look down at him.

"You're welcome."

Draco stands up and she stops her movements to see what he does. He lifts his book and homework, slips them under his arm and walks around the table. As he stands at the door he turns and smiles; Hermione's mouth drops open a little. His smile makes her thoughts shift to a place she is most certain they should not dwell.

"Thanks for leaving the door open," he says before disappearing.

She releases a pent-up breath and sits back down in her chair, holding her hands out in front of her to see their shaking. She knows what she is doing is wrong, and she is sure it will only bring her pain, but she closes her eyes and can almost feel his lips against hers. Then, she frowns and wonders--does he make every girl feel the very same way? Is she just another name on a list he keeps beneath his pillow?

Then, she remembers his smile and somehow she feels confident that perhaps she means something different. She only hopes she's right.