The Things We Never Say

THE THINGS WE NEVER SAY

The Subtle Changes

Chapter One

Hermione leans back in her chair in the common room and smiles. Harry and Ron are playfully bantering over a chess board. Of course, Ron is winning. Harry never has a chance to win.

"Crush him! Don't be a pansy," Ron says to his knight.

"Run little pawn, run!" Harry says, laughing and looking up at Hermione. "All done with next week's Charms essay?" he asks.

Hermione nods and stretches her arms over her head. "I don't suppose you've finished yours?" she asks and Ron laughs under his breath as his queen stabs Harry's nearby knight.

"Do you even have to ask?" Harry wonders.

"I suppose not. Don't wait until the last minute to work on it. You know it has to be at least ten inches and--"

"And it's very difficult. We know, Hermione," Ron says, looking up at her. Hermione glares at him in annoyance but as soon as Ron smiles, she can't help but smile in return.

"Okay. I won't say anything else about it," she replies, closing her book and slipping her essay into her nearby bag. She turns around in her seat and prepares to leave, but she absentmindedly glances out the window. The moon is barely a sliver of light, and for some strange reason she thinks back to the last time she noticed the moon. It had been full, and she had been in an east tower.

Her thoughts drift from the full moon, to a spiral staircase, to an almost empty east tower...and lastly ending on Malfoy. Soon, her mind is replaying what happened to her that night in slow motion, and she doesn't know how to turn the images off.

She closes her eyes unconsciously and takes in slow deep breaths, remembering the smell of his cologne. Then, she remembers the feel of his lips against hers, and she forgets to shudder in disgust. She doesn't know how long she is lost in the confusing knot of her memories before Ron's voice pulls her away.

"Hermione!" he says and she finally hears the impatient tone he is using.

"What?" she asks, turning back around and looking at him. He and Harry are watching her, both of their faces full of confusion.

"What are you doing?" he asks, frowning. "I've been calling your name for the past five minutes."

"Five minutes?" she asks disbelieving.

"Okay, well not that long, but I wanted to ask you if Harry and I could take a look at your essay? So, we can get a better idea of how to write it correctly?" he asks and she shrugs.

"Sure," she says, long ago overcoming her conflicting ideas of cheating.

Harry watches her and smiles as Hermione passes her essay to him. "Are you okay? Something on your mind?" he asks.

Hermione looks at him and tries to smile. She wants to say, I kissed Draco Malfoy, and I don't know how it happened or why it happened. I hate him, Harry, I do, but for some reason, I don't hate that it happened, but she says nothing. She shakes her head and stands to her feet.

"Goodnight. I'll see you both in the morning," she says, and Harry and Ron wish her goodnight. Her thoughts of Draco are momentarily forgotten as she climbs the stairs to her dorm.

* * * *

Hermione has been sitting through a particularly difficult Potions lesson when she finally leans back in her chair to take a deep breath. Ron and Harry are leaning seriously over their respective cauldrons, saying nothing. Ron frowns as his mixture bubbles more than necessary, and Harry is too involved on matching his liquid color to Hermione's to notice his troubled mate.

She rubs the back of her neck and closes her eyes briefly. Her moment of leisure is interrupted by the feeling that someone is watching her. It's a strange feeling difficult to place. She turns her head slightly, pretending to watch Harry's movements, but out of the corner of her eye she can see someone looking at her. A shiver runs down her body; Draco is watching her.

She quickly turns back around, and for the rest of the lesson she swears she can feel his eyes on her. Perhaps he is cursing her silently. She makes a mental note to ask Harry and Ron if there is anything noticeably wrong with her after lessons--she knows she can never be too careful. As she wonders about all of the things he could be thinking, the last thing she imagines is that he is thinking of the kiss they shared. And then she wonders why it seems to be right in the front of her mind.

After lessons, while Harry and Ron are looking at her curiously for asking, "Is there anything wrong with me? I think Malfoy may have cursed me during Potions," Pansy bumps into her and says the most insulting thing her tiny Slytherin brain can put together--something about apples and her mother being a whore, and Hermione not being far from the tree.

Hermione is caught off guard and finds herself unable to say anything in response. When Pansy asks Draco for his opinion, he takes one look at Hermione, narrows his eyes then looks away. When he glances back at her, although briefly, she sees something different behind his glare. He looks as if he wants to argue with Pansy, but he says nothing, and the expression leaves his face.

Harry and Ron pull her away from the two Slytherins, Ron mumbling curses and Harry keeping his anger in check. Hermione glances once over her shoulder and Draco is still looking at her, almost daring her to yell something in hatred, but she doesn't. She allows Harry and Ron to pull her around the corner, and Draco's face disappears from view.

* * * *

One afternoon when Hermione is sitting beneath a shady tree on the Hogwarts grounds, she is disturbed. Harry and Ron drop down near her, both complaining loudly. Soon she finds herself in the middle of a conversation she wants no part of. Ginny joins the group and in a matter of minutes her tiny study group of one has changed into a roaring mass of angry voices.

"I hate Malfoy," Ron says, his face and neck red with apparent anger.

"You always let him bait you into losing house points," Ginny says, her lips turning down into a pout.

"Did you hear what he said about our Mum?" Ron argues in return.

Hermione wonders if they will become angry with her if she gets up and leaves. While she can understand their hatred for Malfoy, there is a part of her that understands he is only human--and all humans have flaws...

"That's no reason for Harry to hit him in the stomach," Ginny says, glaring at Harry.

Dean and Seamus sit down and both congratulate Harry for his punching skills. Hermione fights off the urge to roll her eyes.

"Did you see the way his face turned almost green!" Seamus says, laughing loudly. "I thought he was going to vomit on Parkinson. Would have definitely been an improvement!"

Hermione tries to focus her attentions back on her studies, but it becomes more difficult with each comment. The Gryffindors surrounding her carry on this conversation for longer than she can stand. Just as she is closing her book, and preparing to leave, Ginny pulls her into the conversation.

"Let's get Hermione's opinion!" Ginny responds to an argument she is sharing with the others.

Hermione looks up at the group; they are all watching her expectantly. She sighs inwardly and shrugs her shoulders.

"You have to have some opinion, Hermione," Ginny begins. "What do you think of Malfoy?" They all seem to smile as they wait for her opinion; everyone knows that Hermione despises Draco with something akin to black hatred--but no one knows about the east tower.

I think he's a good kisser, she thinks immediately. I think he smells quite nice. But she says none of these things, lest her fellow mates hex her back to her senses.

"I've got work to do," she says instead as she stands to her feet and walks away from their confused faces.

On her quiet walk back toward the castle, she stops as she stands in front of the steps leading up to the front door because Malfoy is walking down the stairs in front of her. He looks especially pale and furious. He glares at her as if she had something to do with his current state of being. He opens his mouth to say something she is sure will offend her, but he clenches his jaw and says nothing, walking past her quickly. She wants to turn and look at him, to see where he is going, but she doesn't. She wonders if it's possible for a single kiss to rearrange entire ideas and theories in one's brain, because not only does she no longer curse his name, he has evidently changed...in small ways, yes, but he has still changed.