Before the Moon Rises

BEFORE THE MOON RISES

New Adjustments

Chapter Five

"Well, I hope that I don't fall in love with you

Falling in love just makes me blue

Well, the music plays and you display

Your heart for me to see

Add a beer and now I hear you calling out for me

And I hope that I don't fall in love you."--Tom Waits

January 1978

Hermione opened her eyes and squinted in the bright sunlight. She had somehow managed to climb into bed fully dressed and neglected to close the deep red curtains around her bed.

"Good morning," said a soft female voice near her.

Hermione looked up slowly, a scream erupting in her mind. It was Harry's mother--Lily Evans. She looked so beautiful with her long red hair and emerald green eyes.

"I suppose you're a transfer, although it does seem awfully late in the year for that," Lily said, sitting down on the bed across from Hermione.

"I-uh, yeah I'm a transfer, you could say."

"Did you get in late last night?" Lily wondered, looking over Hermione's clothes and noticing the fact that she didn't appear to be wearing pyjamas.

Hermione laughed in embarrassment as she sat up in bed. "Yes. I was worn out last night when I arrived," she said honestly. "I suppose I should get a shower before breakfast."

"I think that would be a good idea," Lily said, smiling genuinely. "I'm Lily Evans, by the way." Lily put her hand out and Hermione reached out slowly, secretly wishing Harry were there to see her.

"Jane...Jane Doe," Hermione said stupidly, shaking Lily's hand.

"Jane Doe?" Lily asked, crinkling up her nose. "That's kind of--"
"Oh, it's short for something--longer. Yes, my father was German and it's an awfully long name so Doe just rolls off the tongue easier," she babbled quickly, feeling increasingly stupid.

"Oh," Lily said, nodding her head. "I see. Well, that makes perfect sense. Nice to meet you, Jane Doe." Lily smiled and Hermione relaxed immediately. "It's good to have another Gryffindor. I think you'll fit in quite nicely here." Hermione smiled up at Lily before gathering up her things and heading for the showers.

* * * *

After her long hot shower, Hermione dressed and made her way down to the common room. It had hardly changed in twenty years--that gave her some comfort. The common room was full of students preparing to go down to the great hall for breakfast, but when she saw the Marauders, she still wasn't prepared for the dreamlike feeling that overcame her again.

Lily, standing beside James, lifted up her arm and waved. "Jane, over here!"

Hermione glanced away and wondered if she dared. Sucking it up--she was a Gryffindor after all--she approached the group. "Good morning," she said as she stood awkwardly next to Lily, feeling all their gazes on her.

"Jane, I wanted to introduce you to my friends," Lily said, grabbing Hermione's arm in a friendly manner. Hermione's eyes widened.

This is going to be classic. Pretend like it's the first time you've met.

"This is Sirius Black," she began, pointing at him.

Sirius nodded at Hermione and winked. Lord, he was handsome. She tried not to blush as she said hello. He had a smile that could charm a hag.

"This is James Potter," she said, then leaning closer to Hermione, "he's my boyfriend."

"Nice to meet you," Hermione said, feeling like she was shaking Harry's hand.

"This is Peter Pettigrew."

Hermione clenched her teeth together. Peter looked insecure and nervous. What turns you Peter? She wondered if she would find out.

"And this is Remus Lupin," Lily said, motioning towards him.

Hermione smiled and Remus blushed. Is he actually blushing? I never would have thought Remus was the shy type.

"Good morning," he said, reaching his hand out hesitantly toward hers. He wasn't sure he should touch her at all. There was something traveling between them--he could sense it a mile away, and it was unsettling. Hermione shook his hand and allowed her eyes to look at his a moment longer than necessary before looking back at Lily.

"And this is Jane Doe," Lily replied, smiling at Hermione.

"Jane Doe?" James asked, trying not to laugh. "That sounds so...generic."

"That's exactly what I said," Lily admitted, "but it's short for something, right Jane?"

"Yeah..." and remembering her lie from earlier, "it's short for something. My father was German so it's a long German name--hard to say and all," she said, nodding like an idiot.

"What's it short for?" Remus asked.

Damn it. Think Hermione, think.

"Uh--Doechenbacher--hauf," she splurted. "Yes, that's it, Doechenbacherhauf."

"Woh, that is long," Sirius said, raising an eyebrow. "I'll just stick to calling you Jane Doe, if you don't mind," he said, walking over to her and slipping his arm around her shoulders. "Welcome, to Hogwarts. Allow me," Remus cleared his throat somewhere behind them, "allow us to give you a tour. We know this place better than anyone."

"Is that so?" Hermione asked, enjoying this playful version of Sirius.

"Just wait," he said, winking again at her and looking over his shoulder at Remus.

* * * *

The Marauders plus Hermione walked into the Transfiguration classroom for their first lesson; she only felt slightly nervous, after all, Transfiguration had always been one of her best subjects.

The classroom was a bit different in her day. There were no desks; in their places tables that held three students had been placed. She looked expectantly at Lily.

"We always sit back here," she said, pointing to two tables near the back of the room. "Sirius thought it would keep Professor McGonagall from noticing what he was doing, but now she watches him twice as much," Lily laughed.

James and Peter had already taken a seat in front of the table Sirius had chosen. Lily took the chair beside James. So that left her sitting at the table with Sirius and Remus--who was hanging back as if deciding he wanted to sit elsewhere.

And that was exactly what he was thinking. He looked from the two empty chairs to Jane and then across the room. Would the others wonder what he was doing if he sat somewhere different? Of course, they would; they weren't stupid. They'd see right through his strange behavior--he was half afraid Sirius already had, and that was why he'd been flirting with Jane so openly--just to get under his skin for kicks.

Hermione shrugged her shoulders and dropped into the chair beside Sirius.

"Good choice," he said teasingly.

She looked up at Remus; he was still standing, gazing off across the room.

"Come on, Prof--Remus," she quickly corrected herself, feeling odd for calling him by his first name, "You can sit here; I won't bite."

Remus winced slightly. Too late for that, he thought. He sighed and sat down beside Jane. It couldn't be that bad, could it--she smiled widely at him as he sat down--or maybe it could. He immediately felt uncomfortable. Just looking at Jane made his insides move around uneasily. When she looked at him he felt like she knew things; he felt exposed and he wasn't used to that. Only his closest friends knew his secrets, and even they didn't know them all. He preferred it that way--his life demanded secrecy, which left little room for any kind of intimacy. And he had no more empty rooms in his life for Jane...so why did he feel as if he were sweeping out a spot just for her?

Hermione, on the other hand, felt right at home beside Remus. He was the only thing from her future she felt like she'd brought with her on this crazy adventure--even if he was only seventeen. He was still Remus Lupin, and he was sexy in his own way. He wasn't dashingly handsome like Sirius or roguishly attractive like James; he had rugged good looks...and those eyes...whoever knew they were so blue? In the future, she had never noticed his eyes other than the sad expression that seemed permanently fixed there. But as a seventeen year old he exuded traits that would make any romantic take notice. You could tell he was honest without even talking to him, and Hermione knew he was kind, gentle and take a look at those hands...

Stop that, she thought immediately. She grinned sheepishly at Remus before turning away to hear what Sirius was going on about.

"...no James, not tonight...there's Quidditch practice..."

Hermione rolled her eyes. Even in the past she couldn't escape Quidditch. Life was truly unfair. She turned back to Remus.

"So..." she couldn't think of anything to say, and was relieved to be saved by McGonagall entering the classroom.

"Good morning, class. If you would take our your books and turn to page 374. We will be learning how to transfigure candles into canaries. Evans could you please come up here and pass candles out to everyone?" Professor McGonagall said.

"Oh, I remember this," Hermione said absentmindedly.

"You've already done this lesson?" Sirius asked quickly.

"Oh-well, yes."

"At your other school then?" Remus questioned, flipping through his book to the proper page.

"Uh huh," Hermione said as she watched Lily walk through the classroom passing out candles.

"Where did you go to school? Was it like Hogwarts?" Sirius wondered.

"Oh-well, it was very much like Hogwarts, only a bit older," she answered honestly.

Lily stopped in front of their table and they each took a candle. "Good luck," she whispered to Jane.

"Okay, everyone, quiet please. Thank you Miss Evans," she said, taking the empty box from Lily. "Read through the section and when you're done you should be able to make the transfiguration. I'll be walking around."

"Could I borrow your book...read it with you?" Hermione asked Remus, unaware that Sirius had been stealthily sliding his book closer to her.

"Uh--"

"Well, if you don't want to share that's quite all right," she said, sensing his discomfort.

"No, no. It's-uh-fine," he said, forcing a smile. Sirius watched Remus and smirked, fighting off the urge to laugh. He hadn't seen that look on Remus' face in a long time.

"Thanks," she said, leaning over to take a look at the section. Her arm pressed against his and while she didn't notice, he did. He found her presence so distracting he couldn't even focus on his reading. He kept thinking about the way she smelled--he couldn't quite figure out what it reminded him of. His arm was tingling where hers was touching it; he kept glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, but she was too busy reading to notice. Even though he was not in his werewolf state, he still held the senses of one. He could hear her slow and even breathing, lulling him into a trance of some sort, and it took her calling his name twice to draw him out of it.

"Remus?" she asked. Hermione looked at him closely; there was an odd look in his eyes. "Remus?"

"W-what?" he shook his head and looked up.

"Sorry to bother you, but Sirius wants you," she said smiling.

"What is it?" he asked, looking over at Sirius, who had his hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter. Sirius pointed at James, who was holding his transfigured candle in his hands, only he hadn't transfigured it into a canary but an exact replica of Severus Snape hanging upside down with his robes bunched around his chest.

Remus finally smiled and Hermione sighed slightly to see it. Remus heard her soft exhalation of breath and looked at her quickly.

"What?"

"It's good to see you smile," she said, thinking about how long it had actually been since she'd seen his weary face smile.

"Thanks," he said hesitantly.

"You should all be transfiguring your candles by now," Professor McGonagall said loudly from the front of the classroom. "James Potter, I see that." She looked warily at James, but there was a slight twinkle in her eye.

Hermione held out her wand, pointed it at her candle and muttered, "Candelanthis." Her black candle transfigured beautifully into a bright yellow canary that chirped happily before flying off of their table. She pointed her wand directly at the canary again. "Candelanthis." The canary vanished and a black candle fell back into Hermione's outstretched hand.

"Wow," Sirius said slowly. "Potter, you've got competition for best Transfiguration student."

Hermione's cheeks tinged pink with embarrassed, but she was still proud of her abilities.

Beside her Remus swallowed. Couldn't she have been a horrible student? Did she really have to be attractive and smart? He frowned at his candle; it had just sprouted a pair of dull yellow wings and was trying vigorously to lift itself off of the table.

* * * *

The rest of the day was practically uneventful for Hermione. She traipsed through her daily lessons at Hogwarts, content to find she was neither behind nor terribly far ahead of the other seventh years.

After dinner, she had crawled into one of the big squishy armchairs inside Gryffindor common room. A large fire burned in the hearth and while she began reading her book, she realized she was finally starting to get adjusted to her new life--even if it was only temporary.

"Look who's got your seat, Moony," James said, walking over and standing behind the chair Hermione was sitting in. Lily plopped down on the couch while Peter and Sirius chose to sit on the floor closer to the fire.

"What? I'm in your chair?" she asked, looking directly up at Remus, who was standing behind the couch.

"How did you know he was Moony?" Peter asked curiously.

Damn observant little bugger, aren't you? She thought to herself while glaring at Peter fleetingly. The others watched her, wondering the very same thing, although not having realized it until Peter had asked.

"Oh-I-uh, I heard one of you call him that earlier," she lied.

A murmur of approval floated around through each of them. They called each other by their nicknames so casually that they wouldn't have even known it to be a lie at all. She relaxed in her chair and glanced back up at Remus.

"Is this your chair? I can get up," she said, closing her book gently and sliding out of the big chair.

"No, it's not my chair," he said, shifting his feet.

"Yes it is," Sirius chimed in, reveling in the look of complete uneasiness on his friend's face.

"Well, sometimes it is, but you can sit there," he said, braving a look at her.

"No, it's fine. I'll probably head on up to bed. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Jane. I'll be up in a minute," Lily said before standing up and planting a kiss on James' cheek. "Stay out of trouble."

"You know me," he said, reaching for her hand.

"Yes, I do. And like I said, stay out of trouble. Goodnight James. Goodnight," she said, turning and looking at the others.

When both girls were gone, James stretched out on the couch and Remus took the chair that had been just vacated by Hermione.

"So Moony, want to tell us anything?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow and poking Peter in the side with his elbow.

"No," Remus replied quietly.

"Come on, Remus. You can't lie to us," James said, following Sirius' lead. Remus had always been too closed off; they constantly had to pry information out of him.

"Something about the new girl?" Sirius continued.

"No," Remus said again, turning slightly red and fidgeting in his chair.

"Moony," Sirius said, leaning back on his hands and laughing. "If I didn't know you better, I'd say you've got a thing for the new girl." James and Peter snickered.

"That's absurd. I don't even know her," he said, not daring to look at their faces and afraid the word liar was written on his forehead.

"Such a small thing really," James said, winking at Sirius and Peter playfully.

"I saw you looking at her and I haven't seen you look at a girl like that since Patricia Harden back in third year," Sirius said, watching Remus closely. He was averting all eye contact--a tell tale sign of dishonesty.

"Patricia Harden?" Peter said, snickering loudly.

"So?" Remus said defensively. "She was the hottest girl in school and you all know it!"

"She was," James nodded. "But she was seventeen and you were thirteen." He laughed quietly.

"When has age ever mattered?" Remus argued. "Sirius dated every seventh year girl when he was fifteen."

"True, Sirius, you did," James agreed.

"Well, I've always been lucky with the ladies," he said his best arrogant bastard voice. "But back to Jane," he said, drawing her name out slowly.

"What about her?" Remus asked, looking into the fire.

"What do you think of her?" James wondered.

"Yeah, what do you think of her?" Peter mimicked.

"I think she's clever," Remus said quietly.

"Yeah, and?"

"And...attractive..." he added even softer.

"So, are you going to make the first move?" Sirius wondered, leaning over and looking closely at Remus.

"No."

"Why not?" James asked in confusion.

"Because she'd never date me."
"Ah, Remus, you never give yourself enough credit. You're a handsome guy--"

"But if you haven't forgotten," he said darkly, leaning his elbows on his knees and whispering so only his friends could hear, "I'm a bloody werewolf."

And with that, Remus stood to his feet and walked away, sighing as he did so. He thought about Jane and just as quickly he pushed thoughts of her away. Life was different for him than for the others. Everything always ended the same way--he was a werewolf--end of story.

* * * *

A good while later, Sirius pushed open the door to the dormitory he shared with the other seventh year Gryffindor boys. No one had gone to bed yet, except for Remus.

Sirius walked over and sat on the edge of his bed, which was directly beside Remus'. The moon was barely a sliver and Sirius could see it out of the window. Remus hadn't closed the curtains around his bed but he was lying very still with his eyes closed. Sirius had the sneaking suspicion that he wasn't asleep.

"Moony? You asleep?"

"Yes."

Sirius grinned. "You know we were just messing with you about Jane, right?" Sirius said, his voice surprisingly gentle.

"I don't really want to talk about it," he replied and Sirius could hear the tiny flecks of sadness in his voice though Remus would like to think he was hiding it so well.

"It's okay with me if you don't like her," Sirius said honestly.

"I said I don't want to talk about it," Remus repeated, raising his voice but still not opening his eyes.

"Listen, Moony, what is it that's bothering you? I mean, you're a perfectly fetching guy, she's seems like a decent girl...what's the problem?" Sirius jumped back slightly when Remus shot up straight in bed, glaring at him.

"Sirius, I said I didn't want to talk about it," Remus practically growled through clenched teeth, "but since you're obviously not going to shut up about it, I'll tell you. I don't know if I like Jane or not, okay? And you want to know why? It's because I don't even know what it's supposed to feel like when you actually like a girl. And you want to know why that is? Because I'm a werewolf. I spend every moment of my life trying to hide that one simple fact--that one simple fact that complicates everything. I'll never be like you and James, always winning over the girls--"

"You've never tried to win over the girls, Remus," Sirius interrupted.

"Yeah, well, so what? They wouldn't have me and you know it," he said, flinging his legs over the side of the bed and walking over to stand by the window. He looked up at the barely visible moon. "How could a girl stay with me when she found out the horrible truth?"

"We didn't abandon you when we found out the truth, Moony. What makes you think the right girl would?"

"What makes you think Jane is the right girl?" he asked, looking back at Sirius.

"I'm not saying she's the one. I'm only saying that if you never let her in, or anyone for that matter, you'll never know."

Remus heard Sirius get up and leave the room. He stood at the window, replaying Sirius' words over and over again in his head. Perhaps he was right. How would he find out if a girl would bolt and run at finding out the truth if he never gave her the chance to learn it? The very idea frightened him because there was a part of him that didn't want to know what would happen--that way he could make up his own endings...endings that didn't include the girl always leaving.