The Interlude Series

The Interlude Series (4/4):

In Between an Interlude

The world will not crumble if you admit you love her. That's what he said to me. Where does he get the cheek? Like I need relationship advice from Draco Malfoy. The prince of ice. Like he knows. Has he ever been in a relationship? Has he ever loved someone? Has he ever even cared for someone? I sincerely doubt it. He has never shown any sort of concern for anything, except saving his own skin. He's the only one he cares about. He'd sell his father to the devil to save himself. Of course, his father is already owned by the devil. And was that whole thing about his loving someone who wouldn't or couldn't love him supposed to make me sorry for him? Compassionate? What was going on there? It was truly one of the most bizarre things that has ever happened to me. And that's saying something.

And he's completely wrong. Totally off-base. I have not the faintest clue why he would think something like that. Hermione and I have never been anything more than friends. Certainly not. Plus, I like Cho. I mean, I did like Cho. Okay, if I'm completely honest, I still do fancy Cho, but she evidently doesn't feel the same. We're just friends apparently, plus every time she sees me she's reminded of Cedric. Though, I can't blame her for not being able to date me. If I saw my dead girlfriend, one whom I thought I loved, every time I saw someone, I don't think I'd be too keen on being around them either. So it's not her fault, plus she was really nice about it; it still stings a bit though. She's the only person I've ever looked at that way. That tingly, nervous, tongue-tied, almost catatonic way. That way that you can hardly speak, when you just want to scream "I swear I have more than four brain-cells, but whenever you're around they go on holiday!" way. The way it is to have a crush on someone. Though I do have the vague feeling that I'm not going to be that nervous around the person I love.

Either way, I've never felt that way around Hermione. And even if I did, or even thought I could or might, Ron would kill us. I can't even begin to imagine how he would react. We've all obviously matured since the whole Krum debacle back in fourth year, but not when it comes to Hermione. Not Ron anyway. When it comes to her, he still acts like he's eleven. Honestly though, it's starting to bother me. I know I shouldn't care, that I'm probably the one who's being childish, but whenever he starts on one of his little tirades, I just want to slap him. And, really, what is he hoping to accomplish? Does he think yelling and being a completely jealous prat is going to win her over? It's like he has no sense when he's near her. I know I shouldn't care, but watching it for the past three years has really started to get to me.

However, he's put up with more than enough from me over the years. My nightmares, having to rescue me from my relations every year, getting shunted to the side because of me...

I'll be eternally grateful to Hermione for pointing that out. Boys, especially fourteen year-old boys, rarely have any sense to that sort of thing. I was no exception. I had no idea what Ron was on about; why he was so mad at me for something I had had nothing to do with. Now it's so obvious I can't believe I didn't recognize what was going on. Not the first time having Hermione as a friend has come in handy, I can tell you. I know I wouldn't have made it through this place, and hopefully make it through the places I'm going to have to go, without her. People seem to, and always have, looked at me as this block to all the evils in the world, but the truth is, I'm just a kid. I don't know what I'm doing. Not like Hermione does.

Which is part of the reason I get so upset with Ron when he gets angry and yells at her. She, above all of us, knows what she's doing. If she wants to go to the Yule Ball with Victor Krum, let her. It's not making her any less our friend, is it? It's not like keeping up a correspondence with him is going to take her away from us, is it? If the years have shown anything, it's that, no matter what, we'll go through it together. Even if we're not physically with each other, we'll share everything. I've been, and am, insecure about a great many things. My place in the magical world, my non-place in the Muggle world, my power, my supposed power, my hair, whether I am, or someday can be, what everyone wants, needs me to be, whether someday I'll have to go back to Privet Dr., the list goes on.

There are two things, however, that I am certain of. One is Quidditch. I love flying and I feel more myself up there than anywhere. Two is my relationship with Hermione. No matter what, or who, happens along the way, we'll always have each other. Known that since I was eleven. She's the only place besides the Quidditch pitch I feel completely myself and comfortable. Ron's my first friend, but I could never let him see me the way Hermione has. You just don't break down in front of teenage boys, not even if you are one yourself. I can get upset and cry or not say anything and she'll just sit there with me. Or I can act like a prat, dancing around celebrating Sirius's release, and she'll just laugh with me and dance right along. She can tell me that it took bottles of Sleakeazy hair potion to get her hair straight. Or yell and jump around, so relieved that she was made prefect. Gods, that was funny. She acted so nonchalant when she got the letter and, to be honest, it didn't seem strange she wasn't more excited as it was no great surprise. But that night when we were walking round (Mrs. Weasley was after Ron about his dress robes, "I swear, Mum! I didn't do anything! They just disappeared!"), she started shrieking and hopping around. She was so relieved and excited.

That's the kind of thing we can do around each other. We're completely ourselves, honest and comfortable, around each other. Our lives are tangled together, they always will be. At the end of the day, we'll be together.

As friends.

That is was I meant.

Right.

Right?

Oh, holy fuck...

"Harry?"

"Oh, bugger..."

"Harry?"

"Oh no...he can't be right..." Gods, this is not happening.

"Harry? Are you alright?"

No, Hermione, I'm not. The world is suddenly off-balance.

"Harry? Oh, say something...are you going to be sick? You're so pale."

"What? No, I'm..." Oh, Gods, I don't know what I am; I just made the mistake of looking at you. Please, please don't look at me like that. I can't deal with that right now.

Oh, yes, thank you. Just ignore me-

"Professor?"

Hermione, don't...

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"Umm, I know this isn't normally acceptable, but...can we hop out of class for a bit?"

"We?"

Yeah, who's we?

"Harry and I."

Oh, no, that's what I thought...

"Miss Granger, you know I don't allow that."

Thank you, Professor. I never thought I'd see the day I'd be thanking McGonagall for never letting us out of class.

"I do know, Professor, it's just...well, I think Harry's sick. He just got really pale and he keeps moaning."

"Oh, my...certainly Miss Granger. You may take him to Madam Pomfrey."

"Thank you, Professor."

No, no, no...this is not happening...

"Harry. Harry...come on!"

No, no, no...

"Yeah, Harry, I reckon you better go, you do look pretty pale."

No, I shouldn't Ron...Oh, bad idea. I think I am going to be sick now, seeing him sitting there, concerned for me...

I can't do this, I mustn't do this, Ron will never forgive me...but now Hermione has her hand intertwined with mine and I'm stumbling along...

How could this have happened? When the fuck did this happen? Why did I never notice this before? Oh my Gods...Malfoy. He was totally spot-on. Everything he said was true, plus some more besides. I do always want to be around her...she's the only person I can, and do, go to...the way we're totally comfortable around each other...but the way we never touch, like we're afraid what will happen if we do...the way every time we do hug or hold hands, it's perfect, like we fit together...the way we're never jealous of anyone else in the other's life...the way we're so certain of each other...the way we are always looking at each other...the way she feels like home...

Suddenly I realise we've stopped moving and I look up, still repeating my new mantra...

Ican'tdothisImustn'tdothisIcan'tdothisImustn'tdothis...

Oh, Gods, I think I am going to do this...

She's looking at me and I can see our life flashing before my eyes...

...bushy hair whirling as she stalked off...

...huge teeth grinning at me...

...running at me in the infirmary...

...looking at me through rising steam in a bathroom stall...

...with yellow eyes and ears...

...vacant eyes, staring at nothing, completely still...

...brown, waving at me in Diagon Alley...

...red eyes, so tired and weary...

...bleeding, fighting with Sirius...

...huddled together in a closet...

...grinning, still with huge teeth, in the Weasley kitchen...

...tired, anxious eyes, desperately trying to help me...

...rolling her eyes, apparently talking to thin air...

...grinning, gorgeously, across a table...

...staring at me in the infirmary...

...her lips on my cheek...

...running at me again...

...in the moonlight, dancing...

...anxious again...

...beaming at me during the ceremony...

...narrowed eyes, duelling...

...hair, still bushy, whirling again as she stalked from Ron...

...brown again, waving and grinning...

...in the library, ink all over her hands...

...eyes, tired once more, trying to stay open to find just one more thing...

...dancing, laughing, when we got word...

...hands, perfectly intertwined with mine...

...eyes, brown, looking at me...

Oh Gods, yes, I am going to do this. I have to do this. This is my life. How could I have never seen it before?

"Harry? What's..."

I'm inching closer to her now, she looks uncertain, but she's not pulling away. Please, don't pull away...

"Harry?"

Still closer...

"Stop."

Oh, no...

"Harry...what are you doing? Are you quite sure you're alright?"

"Actually, I'm not sure of much right now, Hermione. Except for one thing."

"And that is?"

"Have you ever suddenly realised something? Something so huge it can alter your life? Something you never expected, but it's so obvious you can't believe you ever missed it?"

"Yes."

What? "What?"

Now she's the one coming closer.

"You asked me a question, Harry. I simply answered it."

Now it's my turn to stammer. "But I didn't think..."

"What? That'd I'd answer? Yes, Harry, that has happened to me before. But I had the good sense to realise it in the Common Room one night...not in the middle of class."

Now we're both coming closer.

"So...yes?"

Closer still...

"Yes."

And I realise several things at once...

I've always been, and will always be, in love with her...

Malfoy, great prat though he is, isn't all that imperceptive...

I'm the one that owes him a "big fucking thank you"...

That the gasping second years in the hall can do whatever they like, tell whomever they like...

Ron can go bugger himself...

The world probably won't crumble, but if it does, I'm exactly where I want to be...

She tastes better than anyone ever should...

That I've finally found home.

"Harry?" Gasping now...

"Yeah?" Breathing her in...her fingers brushing the hair away from my temples...

A brief kiss.

"Welcome home."