And Suddenly

And Suddenly

Self-delusion is a beautiful thing. It's amazing what you can convince yourself of, even if all evidence points to the contrary. Say, for example, you had convinced yourself for the past three years that you loved one of your best friends. Everything was...perfect. You and your boyfriend were perfectly happy, you never had any major differences, and amazingly enough, your third best friend was not jealous, but perfectly happy for you. Everyone in school was envious of you, your best friend was one of the most amazing people on the planet and your boyfriend was handsome and funny and chivalrous and every other good thing.

But that was the problem. Your boyfriend was handsome and funny and every other good thing and...nothing. You never had any fights because, honestly, you just didn't care. Granted, you fight about dumb things like Snape and house elves and whether to visit Hagrid, but you have a little spat and then you kiss and make up. But there was never anything deeper than that. Your relationship hadn't changed since you were friends. The only difference was you kissed. Sometimes. That was it; no intense feelings that seem to come along with other people's relationships. Or nothing, like say...what you felt about your other best friend.

Oh, this is a bloody nightmare.

A bloody fucking nightmare.

Is that a double negative?

A sad attempt at humour, I admit. But some levity in these whirling thoughts is a bit of a reprieve. I'm sitting here with all of these thoughts and memories running around my head, trying to figure out how I could have missed this. I mean, this isn't exactly a small detail I missed. I'm at a bit of a loss as to how and what exactly has happened.

I suppose it started...well, I suppose it started the day that Ron and I got together. I could tell something was going on by the way he was acting at the end of fourth year. Bizarre, to say the least. But none of us saw each other that summer. Ron was at the Burrow with his family, all of them working to set up WARD (Wizards Against the Rise of the Dark). Harry was ensconced at Privet Drive, with his own personal nightmares, the Dursleys; nothing to keep him company except his memories of the Tournament and our letters. I know he was keeping up a regular correspondence with Snuffles, Dumbledore, occasionally Hagrid, and Ron and I. From the way his letters sounded, I wasn't sure what sort of state he was going to be in come September. I tried to help, but I couldn't do much as I was in Bulgaria with Viktor for much of that summer. So we all met at Platform 9 and 3/4 happy and ready to be back. I don't think I have ever been more excited and relieved to see anyone. By that time, the three of us were far more comfortable together than we were apart, so it was like homecoming for us all. Ron was glad to get away from the constant talk about Voldemort (which he still won't say, incidentally.) Harry, even with the weight of Voldemort, and the tournament and Cedric still on his shoulders, was happy to be back in his world. And I was ecstatic to be home and seeing that they were both fine, especially Harry, with my own eyes, was amazing. We were finally home. And it was enough.

Ron and I got together almost immediately. We were down here in the Common Room one night and he just kissed me. It was fairly awkward and childish, but also pretty sweet, so from then on we were "together." It was actually no big deal. The only difference from previously was that we held hands, kissed goodnight, sometimes went to Hogsmeade alone together and Ron blushed a lot more. At Hogwarts, there really isn't that much to do in the way of dating. There were no more balls, no dances...I mean, every time there is a holiday or reason to celebrate, there's a feast. The thing people do at Hogwarts with their significant others is run around after dark, snogging and running from Filch. But Ron and I never did any of that. We never really wanted to. I mean, it was nice kissing him. It was fun and felt alright, but it never inspired me to run around, possibly getting strung up by Filch. I had enough of it when we go to Hogsmeade, plus we had more important things to worry about.

By the beginning of fifth year, all the 'old crowd,' as Dumbledore had called them, were together, using Hogwarts as a headquarters of sorts - Snuffles, Lupin (whom we were so excited about), Arabella (I'll never forget Harry's expression when he found out that his old, cat-loving neighbour was her grandmother and one of Dumbledore's protections; I think she gave the Dursley's quite a shock as well), Mundugus, et all were there. There were regular meetings of our chapter of WARD, which were the most progressive and productive in the country, Harry's involvement with the Order of the Phoenix, and just the general atmosphere of darkness. Thinking back it's humorous in a dark, satirical way I suppose. The feeling of constantly running, of the executioner at your back, head on the block, guillotine overhead...well, that feeling was new at the beginning of fifth year. Before that, we had "faced" Voldemort. But it was shadows...ghosts of him, not the resurrected, bad-as-new Voldemort that we were suddenly faced with. And in that atmosphere of constant danger, a little thing with Ron didn't seem like that bad of an idea. We had fun bickering with each other, fighting was like our own little form of foreplay. It was fun.

And it was one of the only fun things in my life, what with worrying about everyone and myself but most especially Harry. I was sick. Watching him trying to pull away and constantly having to remind him that we were all in this. Yes, he was Voldemort's little obsession and yes, being friends with him might put us in more danger than others...Gods, I'll never forget that night. That night by the lake.

"Hermione, I told you to leave me."

"Since I suddenly take orders from you? It's the middle of the night, Harry. That Invisibility Cloak, wonder though it is, will not protect you from the badies or beasties or even the giant squid, should it decide it's had enough of you."

"Your little attempts to make me laugh are not going to work. Just go away."

"Harry, why are you being such a prat? I mean, I know you're not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, but you're being ridiculous."

"Ridiculous? I'm the one being ridiculous? That's great. I told you to leave me, yet here you are, making more of a nuisance of yourself than usual."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sick of you and your bloody concern and your over-bearing mother routine. I've gotten this far without a mother, I think it's abundantly clear I don't need one...certainly not you."

"What the hell are you trying to pull?"

"Excuse me, but I'm not trying to pull anything."

"Harry Potter, don't you walk away from me. From the way you're acting right now I'd say you DO need a mother, one to teach you some fucking manners."

"Fucking manners? Can we say oxymoron?"

"Yes, though I'm surprised you can, you stupid...I can see what you're doing here, Potter. I KNOW you and if you think for one single second that insulting me is going to get me to storm off, achieving your goal of getting me out of here, you've got another think coming."

"Well...damn. It was worth a try, right?"

"Yes, Harry, points for trying. Nice tactic too, for a moment I almost did storm off...So, are you going to tell me why you've been hell-bent on pushing us away?"

"No."

"Lovely. That's lovely. So I'm going to have to put up with this stupid behaviour for however long

you feel like pulling it? Oh...this doesn't have anything to do with Ron and I together, does it? Because that's NOT going to affect anything between the three of us. I mean, it' s not even a big deal-"

"Hermione? It has nothing to do with you and Ron together."

"Oh, well. But it's not that big of a thing though. It's just...fun. I guess. I don't know what the hell it is, but whatever it is, it won't split the three of us up. Nothing could do that. Nothing short of death...or you taking up with Cho, anyway."

"What? What's the problem with Cho? And who says I even like her anyway?"

"Please, Harry, I have eyes, you know. I'm not the smartest girl in school for nothing. You've been mooning over her since third year. And there's nothing wrong with her persay; she's nice enough, it's just...I don't know. She's not for you."

"Well, thank you for the advice, but I don't think there's much chance of us taking up together do you? So no need to worry."

"Don't look so glum about it. It's not like you even really knew her anyway, now she can be a lovely dream you once had, instead of getting to know her and realizing you didn't particularly like what was there anyway."

"Krum, huh?"

"Yeah. Well, it wasn't like it was a total disaster. I had a lovely time in Bulgaria, it was fascinating and Viktor is a fine person, just not...you know. Plus, he's like five years older than we are. In the grand scheme of things that's not much, but when you're still fourteen and looking for your first kiss, it's quite a lot."

"At least you got to meet the real Victor Krum, half the wizarding world would give one of their limbs to just talk with him."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, I mean, you did get to know only the best Quidditch player on the planet."

"Harry?"

"What?"

"First of all, you know I don't give two shakes about any of that - his fame, his Quidditch, his... Wonky-faint thing...any of it. And second, ALL of the wizarding world would give both their arms and legs to meet YOU, you prat."

"Yes, well. Expect they'd be disappointed. Not quite so much a hero, more of a geek, with clothes too big and not at all good-looking."

"I'd have to agree with you on that one."

"Shut up, Hermione."

"Though in all seriousness, Harry, you're better than most people could ever imagine."

"Herm... don't."

"No, Harry, I want to say this...I'd read all about you and your parents and everything I could get my hands on, you know me, and I thought you'd be this egotistical maniac with either a chip on his shoulder or a head so big it wouldn't even fit inside Hogwarts. Then I met you, and you were lost just like the rest of us, maybe even more so. Then I actually got to know you, and you're great. Best friend I could ever imagine. Even though you and Ron act like asses sometimes, I love you anyway. Always will do."

"Come here." Pause. "What? What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing...just, remember the first time I hugged you? I thought you had turned to stone for a moment and then that you would kill me if I ever touched you again. Anyway, now that the soul-baring is over for the evening, care to go in?"

"Not just yet. It's nice out here."

"It is."

"Who would have known that this lake would help so much? Sometimes I feel like these walks are the only thing keeping me sane. It looked so foreboding that first night. Do you remember that?"

"Of course I do. Sitting in that boat with you, Ron and Neville. Hogwarts looked so...big."

"Big? Now I see why they made you a prefect."

"Come on, you know what I mean. I felt so small and insignificant. Like I was never going to be able to learn it all. That I would get up there and they would throw me out, telling me that I was as Muggle as they came, that there had been some mistake."

"Wow. I never would have guessed, you were pretty...ahem...confident. Hey, don't look at me like that -- you were! Demanding Ron do that spell and then telling us to change? You were a nightmare. You're spot-on though. And then when she brought out the Sorting Hat? I was sure that it wasn't going to even put me in a house. Then I'd have to go back, tail between my legs, to Privet Drive. And then I get up there and it starts talking about Slytherin! Slytherin. Over my dead body."

"Slytherin? I never knew that. Seems hysterical to think of now. I'm sure it wasn't at the time, but can you imagine if you had been in Slytherin? Best friends with Malfoy. Of course, it started talking to me about Ravenclaw."

"Really? Makes sense I guess. Ravenclaws are pretty clever."

"I suppose, but I just couldn't imagine that. Not even when I was eleven and scared. I was pretty adamant. It wasn't too happy, called me insolent at one point I think."

"Excellent. It just sounded amused with me. Like it knew what was going to happen before I even sat down. Glad you were so insolent, though. With you in Ravenclaw and me in Slytherin, who knows what would be going on now."

"Well, we probably wouldn't be here. I certainly wouldn't -- Muggle and all? And you -- you'd probably be dead."

"Sometimes I think that might have been better for everyone."

"What?! What are you talking about Harry Potter? That might have been better for everyone? Are you crazy? How, exactly, would that be better?"

"First of all, none of you would be in danger because of me! I'm not that important. I'm just a fifteen year old, not some hero. I don't even remember this event that is so reality altering. I did NOTHING. My parents, my mum, she's the hero. She saved my life; I didn't do ANYTHING. And now, because of that, I've got a price on my head, the whole wizarding world is expecting me to save them, and you're in constant danger, simply because you're close to me!"

"And I wouldn't have it any other way! Harry...Harry, I'm in danger anyway. We all are. Fact is - we don't know if we're in any more danger than anyone else is because we're with you. That would be a very villain thing to do, wouldn't it? Use us to get to you, but nothing Voldemort has done has indicated his wanting to hurt you. He just wants you dead. So we might not be in any more danger than the next person. And I wouldn't care anyway. I already told you, you stupid prat, I love you. I'm not going anywhere. And neither is Ron or Hagrid or Dumbledore or Sirius or anyone else. You're not in this by yourself. We're here and we're going to be here. Consequences be damned."

"Still, though. If I wasn't here then you wouldn't be in danger."

"Yeah, you're right. Because we would all be dead! Harry, you're being completely illogical."

"Oh, well, I'm so sorry Hermione. Why don't I try to be logical about this? I'm being hunted, as are my friends, and everyone is expecting me to pull off another amazing defeat-the-Dark-Lord stunt! I can't anymore. I can't."

"You can and you will. Even if you don't feel it right now, you'll do it again. Because that's just who you are. Even though we don't know anything yet, there's something special about you. There's got to be a reason Voldemort came after you as a baby, why he keeps coming. And why you keep getting away. But that doesn't mean we can't help. Harry, we've helped you before. We're the reason you're alive just as you've saved us. I would have been gone first term of first year if not for you and Ron. And you'd both be gone if not for me. So, we're even, okay? All scores are settled. And the martyr act? It ends now."

"Thanks for your concern, Ms. Granger, but this isn't an ACT. Certainly not one of a martyr. I AM the reason all of you are in this."

"If by this you mean the world, then yes. You are. But you are not the reason we're in danger. Besides, it's worth it. All of it, it's worth it."

"Hermione, that's what I'm talking about! I'm NOT worth that. Not worth your life, not even close."

"Well, that's my decision to make, isn't it?"

"Herm..."

"Harry, I'm only going to say this once more. You are not to blame for any of this. You happen to be the fixation of Voldemort. You are not the reason he is evil or out to conquer the world. You simply got in his way. And you have been the only one who has ever come close to stopping him. But that's not why we're with you. We'd still be here even if you weren't the boy who lived. You're Harry Potter. Harry. Occasionally Har. My best friend. The person I would walk through hell for. So get used to it. I'm here. With you. With no plans to go anywhere without you."

"Hermione...I...don't...I mean...really...I...just...thank you. I really have nothing else to say. I see I'm not going to get around that prefect logic. Not tonight anyway."

"When are you and Ron going to give that up? So I'm a prefect. So what! This is not the end of the world. And it's not like it's a big whooping surprise."

"Alright, calm down."

"I am calm, thank you."

"Yes, I can see that. What with you waving your arms and poking me in the chest."

"Shut it, Harry. Are we ready?"

"I suppose."

"Thank the gods. It's getting cold out here."

<"Well, come here then."

"Hmm. Thanks, Harry."

"No problem. And Hermione? I'd walk through hell for you too. I know this is all worth it. Sometimes I just get a little overwhelmed is all."

"I know, why do you think I came out here? I already told you once, Potter, I know you. So get used to it."

"Ughh, lovely. Does that mean I'm going to have you as an appendage all year? You could get heavy."

"Shut it. You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do."

That was a night. The first of many spent walking around that lake. Harry was right, those walks are the only things keeping us sane at this point. Trying to deal with the fact that you're supposed to save the world is unbelievable. Trying to reassure him is a job in and of itself. But you know, it doesn't matter. I have to do it. Not because I want him to do this job or I feel like he's our only hope...it's nothing like that. I just have to because I can't stand the thought of not. Of not helping him in anyway that I can. Maybe that should have given me my first clue. That I would drop everything to take one of our walks.

And we can always tell when one of us needs one. Most of the time we just get up and leave the Common Room as if we have one brain, but sometimes we have to force the other one out. I remember when Harry had to bodily drag me out of the castle. I don't even remember what had happened, but something had me so angry and all the other things were piled up and I was ready to snap. I came down to dinner and Ron made some asinine comment, as Ron is wont to do, and I usually either laugh or roll my eyes but this time...I almost smacked him. I was looking at him, ready to tell him off and I felt this hand on my arm, pulling me away. And then he proceeded to march me out of the Great Hall, outside, across the grounds, and sat there staring at me until I started screaming at him. And he just sat there. Afterwards he looked at me and asked if I was better now. I meekly said yes and we went inside. It almost always goes like that. Except for the time Malfoy followed us out. What an obsessive jackass. He had noticed our habit, as he notices everything Harry does, and he thought we were having some sort of illicit snogging session. He was completely disappointed to find we were talking about homework. We had seen him following us and discussed Sprout's assignment until he was ready to snap. Serves him right. We were hysterical after that though, even the squid poked its head out of the water, trying to figure out what the commotion was.

That poor squid. I'm sure it's sick of us by now. I know Ron got sick of us. Wandering off, leaving him to wonder where we were. But that was no place for him. It was our little world, where we would freak out and cry and rant and scream and the other would be there, calming and trying to insert some logic into the chaos. Because when things get too much, there is no sense; it's complete illogic. Common nonsense. And Ron just didn't...he would have been out of place. Ron's not logical, especially not about Harry and I. He would have been the opposite of a calming influence. But he certainly noticed, how could you not when your two best friends disappear occasionally?

"A word, Hermione?"

"A word, Ron, or many words?"

"Just...I need to talk to you, honey."

"Alright, just let me put this awa - hey! No need to grab. I'm coming."

"Well? Is there some reason we're standing out in the hall instead of being inside? Ron, what -"

"What is going on with you and Harry?"

"Harry and I? Nothing I don't think. What do you mean?"

"Herm, don't patronize me. I'm not as stupid as you like to think I am."

"Ron, I have not a bloody clue as to what you're talking about. NOTHING is going on with Harry and I."

"Then why do you keep disappearing with him?"

"Disa...oh. Oh, that. Ron. We're just talking. Sometimes we need to talk to each other."

"Alone?"

"Yes, alone. Ron, don't be a prat. It's alright. I'm not kissing anyone but you, you great git. Hmm..."

>"Hmm. Well. Nice as that is, I still...I mean, why?"

"Why what? We go outside to TALK. You know, have a conversation. No snogging involved."

"Hermione, I believe you, it's just...well, why can't you talk to me? Why can't you both talk to me? I'm supposed to be your best friend, you know."

"And you are. But, Ron, what if I need to talk about you? You know that you and Harry are my only real friends. I mean, I can't talk to Parvati or Lavender about this stuff. And as you're my boyfriend, Harry's my girlfriend by default."

"Well, what about Ginny?"

"Ginny's your sister Ron. Do you really think your sister wants to know about us?"

"Ahh, good point. I guess you didn't have to pay off McGonagall to make you a prefect."

"Please, please stop with that. Yes, we all had our laugh and as of this moment, it's over."

"Fine. Take away all my fun, why don't you?"

Ron hasn't said anything about us disappearing since then; I still don't think he liked it but he knew he wouldn't be able to stop me. That should have been my first inkling that something was amiss. That was towards the end of fifth year, after our walks had become more frequent as pressure mounted. That was also the first time I lied to Ron. Outright lied to him. Nothing besides talking was going on, but none of it was about Ron. But what could I tell him? That I enjoy talking to Harry more? He's the only one that can calm me down? That those walks were like oxygen? That sometimes Harry and I just had to get away from everyone, Ron included, and just be? I couldn't have told him about any of that. This is Ron we're talking about. He blew up over Viktor, before we were together and without Viktor and I being any more than friends. I can't imagine what he would say to the statement that "Well, sometimes I just need to be with Harry." He would have loved that. He already has an inferiority complex about...well, everyone, but especially Harry. I don't think he would have taken to kindly to the fact that his girlfriend had to go to someone else to feel better.

Nor would I. This obviously isn't Ron's fault. But it is much easier to be upset with him than with dealing in reality. Realistically, Ron did nothing wrong. He wasn't a wonderful boyfriend, but it's not like I was in the running for best girlfriend of the year. Always running off with Harry, having to go to meetings, being a prefect, and of course my studying. So I was busy; with being a prefect, being perfect academically, and WARD's biweekly meetings. But Ron was too with his own O.W.L.'s, the WARD meetings, and being a founder and leader of WARD. Plus, on top of all this was the not insignificant pressure of dealing with the fact that the most evil...thing ever is back and after your best friend and possibly you as well.

But none of this excuses the fact that we grew apart. Worlds apart. Two people that were supposed to love each other, that I know others looked at and thought were perfect. We had fun together, we had one of those entertaining, bickering-like-we've-been-married-for-fifty-years relationships. I'm sure from the outside it looked wonderful. From the inside it looked pretty wonderful too. For a while. Until now, really.

I don't know if I should say now though, because I've felt for a bit now that something was not right. Ever since last summer really. But it was a feeling that was hard to put my finger on. Looking at everything, I assumed that my feelings of unease and unrest came from Voldemort. Trying to deal with having him in the world and trying to get him out of it at the same time. But looking back now, I knew it wasn't that, but I wouldn't let myself realise it.

Gods, Mum is going to have a nice laugh over this one. She was trying to tell me; I was trying to tell me. But I wouldn't listen. Sometimes I'm too damn stubborn for my own good.

"Hermione, what are you doing up at this time of the night?"

"Nothing, just writing a letter."

"To that boyfriend of yours, I assume?"

"Actually, you assumed wrong. I'm writing to Harry. I wrote to Ron earlier. His is right here."

"Hmm. Not much to say, huh?"

"Well, there hasn't been much going on, really. Nothing with WARD, nothing with Voldemort and we're still trying to find something or someone, a witness or something, for Sirius, since Wormtail is still out there."

"I still don't understand that. I know, I know, you've explained it to me numerous times, but...I don't know. It's just all so unbelievable."

"MUM. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it's true. I was there. Harry and I saw it. We helped Sirius escape. We watched that fuc-"

"HERMIONE!"

"Sorry, mum. That...traitor, Peter, get away. It still seems like a nightmare. I had to do what I did, we were messing with time for gods' sake but...I keep thinking that if...if I'd just let Harry run out after him...If we had only gotten him, Sirius would be free and Harry would have a home. He wouldn't have to spend his holidays with those assholes."

"HERMIONE GRANGER!"

"Sorry, mum. I just can't stand the thought of him stuck there."

"I see, is that why you're writing him a novel?"

"I'm not, I'm just writing him about what's going on."

"I thought you just said that nothing was going on."

"Well...nothing really is."

"Yet you're finding lots to write Harry about."

"Yes. And?"

"Nothing. Nothing."

"Fine. I've got to finish this up."

"Umm, mum?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Did you and Dad ever...I don't know...run out of things to talk about?"

"Run out of things to talk about?"

"Yeah, I mean, just...there's really nothing to say?"

"Well, we've certainly been in silence before. It's not as if we constantly talk and chatter."

"Mum, I know that. But...Gods, I can't explain it. Like you have NOTHING to say."

"Nothing? Well, no. I always wanted to talk to your father. Still do really. You know that he was in America for a bit during school and we spent hours on the phone. We wanted to talk all the time. Lord knows what we found to talk about but I still love talking to him. Why?"

"No reason."

"Hermione, you never do anything without a reason."

"Well, you saw the letter I wrote to Ron. I sat down and it felt like there was nothing to say. And I even have to make a note to write the letters, if I didn't I wouldn't think of it. I don't mind not talking to him. But evidently you did mind not talking to Dad."

"Honey, you're only sixteen. Not in the market for a partner for life. I should hope not anyway."

"I know, but sometimes I feel, I don't know. Like we have to be together, it's what everyone wants. Like this was predetermined. Like I had no choice. Ron and I together and Harry and Ginny together."

"Is Harry with Ginny?"

"No. We're all friends now and I think Ginny's given up her little obsession but Ron hasn't given up hope yet. Or their mum either. One big happy Weasley family."

"Honey?"

"Don't worry mum. I'm just tired."

"Hermione, I know you're a smart girl, but you've always also been obsessed with being perfect. The perfect daughter. The perfect student. The perfect friend. Now the perfect girlfriend. Don't let anyone tell you what to do."

"Mum, it's not like that. I don't know what I was talking about. Forget it. I love Ron and we're having fun together. So don't worry about it."

"If you're sure."

"Yeah, thanks mum."

"Hermione?"

"Hmm?"

"Well, fun is nice, especially since you're young. It should be fun to be with someone. But it should also be something you want. You should want to be with them and around them. Don't let the "but we're supposed to" argument get in the way of what you want. Or don't want."

Hindsight is twenty-twenty. My dad always says that. And he's so correct. I think about things now and everything makes total sense. It's amazing that I didn't see it before. It's amazing that no one else saw it before. Except maybe Lavender or Parvati, they always seem to have their noses in everything. There's going to have a field day with this, aren't they? That's going to be a nightmare. What do I mean, that's going to be a nightmare? This whole thing is going to be a nightmare. It's already begun. Actually, I think the worst is over, now it's just going to be dealing with the fallout. I still can't believe myself. The scene I just caused. I really try not to draw attention to myself, but this certainly did. They're both going to kill me. Honestly, I think I might just go throw myself off the Astronomy Tower.

Do you see what this has reduced me to? Talking like a thirteen year old with her first crush, the one that never pans out, the unrequited love of your life? Everyone has them, Harry's is Cho, Ron's is Lavender, and mine is Oliver. Wood. That really amuses me now. I was practically catatonic around him. And it was so unexpected, bookworm Hermione Granger being obsessed with Oliver Wood? I don't think anyone ever suspected it, except of course Lavender and Parvati. Even they didn't know it was Oliver, but it was kind of hard not to notice that I was blushing violently and continuously whenever the Quidditch team was mentioned.

"Hermione!"

"Yes, Lavender?"

"Why did you run up here so fast? The party's still going on downstairs."

"I know this. I just wanted to read some more."

"Hmm. Hogwarts, A History, I see. Haven't you read this before?"

"YES. But it's very interesting. Did you know in 1436, a goblin rebe-"

"Hermione! I don't want to hear anything about goblin rebellions outside of Professor Binn's classroom. He bores me with them enough for two hours a week."

"Well, I appreciate your not-so-subtle insinuation that I'm boring."

"Honestly, Hermione, you are. But I know a certain Quidditch player who could remedy that, I'm sure."

"And I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yes, I'm sure. That's why you're starting to turn that funny red color."

"I am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am-I refuse to do this with you. I don't have any idea what you're talking about, so leave me be."

"Okay."

"Hermione! Her-mi-o-neee!"

"WHAT? I told you to-oh, Parvati. Didn't Lavender tell you I didn't want to be disturbed?"

"Actually, I didn't. I just went to get reinforcements."

"Reinforcements? For what?"

"To get you to admit it."

"Admit what?"

"Do you not remember my little comment about a certain Quidditch player? See, I told you, Parvati, she does too like him. Look at her! She looks like a tomato!"

"I don't believe it, you're right. Look at her."

"I know, I can't help it -- I'm brilliant when it comes to these things."

"Who ever would have thought that this would happen? And my, my-what a controversy."

"I know. Almost too good to be believed, eh?"

"EXCUSE ME. I really don't appreciate you two talking about me as if I'm not here."

"Oh, we're sorry Hermione. So, tell us, what are you going to do? How are you going to tell him?"

"Tell who what?"

"Hermione...don't play dumb. We all know you're not."

"I'm not playing anything. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Right. That's why you're still red, and you're together ALL the time and ALWAYS talking to each other and ignore everyone else when you're together-"

"What? I've never even said more than three words to Oliver!"

"OLIVER!"

"Ummm...no?"

"What...Oliver Wood? As in seventh-year Quidditch captain Oliver Wood? As in maniacally driven, so obsessed with the sport that he hasn't time for anything else Oliver Wood? As in-"

"YES. Gods. That Oliver Wood...he's cute."

"I suppose."

"Lavender, he is. You know it."

"I know, but I just never thought she would think so."

"Again with the talking about me like I'm not here."

"Oh. Well. This is a rather amusing turn of events."

"Yes, well, I'm glad to have brightened your day. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a party still going on downstairs...wait. Umm, whom were you talking about?"

"Harry."

"HARRY!"

"Yes."

"HARRY?"

"YES. Gods, quiet down."

"Harry Potter? My best friend? The guy with the black hair and glasses, also known as the boy who lived?"

"YES."

"Are you completely insane? WHY would you think that? We're friends!"

"Yes, we know. Were you not listening? You're always with him, you two ignore everyone else when you're together...sound familiar?"

"Yeah. But so what?"

"Well, when normal people do these things, it means they like each other. Right, Parvati?"

"Spot-on, Lavender."

"I still don't understand why it's such a big deal if we spend lots of time together. We're friends."

"Forget it Hermione. You like Wood. Right."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

But she never answered me. They left, still mumbling to themselves. I don't think they ever really believed me, but that didn't stop them from teasing me for the rest of the year. I have never been so glad to see someone graduate.

Maybe if I'd paid a bit more attention to things like that I wouldn't be in the situation I am now. Yes, Parvati and Lavender gossiped, but they were usually spot-on. What with Blaise and Terry-that was a scandal. Though I'm sure my...ahem...thing tonight is going to be the number one topic of conversation for a bit to come. I am so ashamed of myself. I've always prided myself on keeping my cool and picking appropriate times and places for things. I very rarely loose it. I can only think of two times that I've done something without stopping to consider the consequences. And they were both on the same day in third year, when I slapped Malfoy and...dropped Divination. I guess that sort of went by the wayside tonight. Oi.

So maybe I should have listened to Parvati and Lavender. Maybe I should have listened to my mum. Maybe I should have listened to myself. And maybe it's not the grand things or gestures that really mean things, maybe it's the seemingly inconsequential things really make the difference. Things that you would never think about twice, but maybe you really should. Things like our walks, which don't seem quite so inconsequential anymore. Things like waiting up to make sure he gets back from Quidditch practice safely. Things like picking up someone's quill if they drop it. Or winking at them across a cauldron, just to cheer them up a bit in our weekly torture sessions. Or bringing you tea when you get sick. Or always knowing what they're thinking.

That's one of the other big problems with this situation. It's not just me. If it were, Ron would probably forgive me. He would forgive me, maybe not completely at first, but eventually he would and our relationship would be all the better for it. He may have even been happy for me, if I found someone else. But the fact that I...that it's Harry...I don't know when, or if, he'll ever get over that. I'm not over it yet; I can't imagine what Ron is feeling. A bolt from the blue if ever there was one.

Except it wasn't to Harry. I still can't believe him. I swear I'm going to kill him. I'm going to wring his neck. Really, he should have said something. What could he say, though? "Hey, Hermione, I know you're with Ron, but I love you and I have the sneaking suspicion you love me too?" That would have gone over really well. It's quite a delicate situation. I guess he did the best he could. Which isn't saying much, since he just tried to ignore it.

But was he going to ignore it forever? Was he going to stand up at that wedding Ron was planning and wish us a happy life together?

Gods...that wedding. What the hell was Ron thinking? Does he not know me at all? Even if I were going to get married, I would certainly want to discuss it first. Okay, to be fair, he hadn't exactly planned it yet. But apparently, he was certain we would get married. And then, bringing it up at dinner? In the Great Hall, with everyone there? Just what was going through his mind?

Probably that you would agree with him, dear. Ahem...well. True. We have been together for almost three years now. And his parents did get married right after school. Especially with all that's going on, I guess a little affirmation of life probably isn't a bad idea.

But...marriage?

"Ginny, could you pass the pumpkin juice? Thanks."

"Can you believe that essay Flitwick gave us?"

"I know."

"They could be a little nicer, we're almost out of here."

"And we've got our NEWTS coming up! I'm so behind! I'm only through our sixth-year textbooks!"

"Yeah, me too."

"Shut it, Harry. It's your own business if you want to fail."

"Hermione, do you not know us at all? Harry and I never do as much as you, and we still get by."

"Yes, 'get by' being the operative words. Don't you two even care?"

"Umm...do I really have to answer that? You'll just get mad."

"Besides honey, in like a month, we're out of here! And then we can start real life!"

"And this is what? Fake life? NEWTS are extremely important!"

"You know what I mean. Preparation for You-Know-Who, getting a flat, joining the Order, planning the wedding, fighting about which couch to get, that sort of thing." Pause. "Umm...right?"

"Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Ummm...real life, right?"

"Right-preparation, joining the Order, the three of us maybe getting a flat. What are you talking about?"

"Well that is what we're going to do, right? Get married...isn't it?

"When did we decide this?"

"Well, I just assumed..."

"You just...assumed? And planned my life?"

"Herm..."

"Yes?"

"What's the big deal? We are going to be together, right? We do love each other."

"Of course. But marriage?"

"YES. Gods. Marriage. I don't see what the big fucking deal is!"

"You don't see what the big deal is? Are you really that stupid? That's FOREVER, Ron. Forever. That's what the big deal is!"

"Okay. So it's forever. So what?"

"So what? I'm seventeen. So are you! Isn't that a bit young to be deciding on forever?"

"Not if you know. No, I don't think it is. And I know that you and I are meant to be together."

"But I don't!"

"What?"

"Ron...I don't know. Honestly, I've never really thought about it."

"You've never thought about it? What have we been doing for the past three years, then?"

"Dating? Having fun?"

"Yeah, but...Harry, didn't you think we would get married?"

"Haha... ahem. Don't even think about bringing me into this. This is between you two."

"Yes, Ron. It doesn't matter what Harry thinks, it matters what I think! And I don't think...well, I've never thought I'd marry you."

"Why...why not!?"

"Because I'm not in love with you!"

"Excuse me?"

"Ron...Gods...you heard me. I'm not in love with you."

"Hermione...I don't know if this is-"

"Harry. Stay out of this. And you. I can't fucking believe you! How fucking arrogant! And to just assume! That's a pretty shagging big assumption. Were you even planning on discussing this with me? What exactly was your thought process on this?"

"My thought process was that we loved each other! And I'm in love with you and stupid me, I thought you were in love with me too!"

"Ron, why would you think that?"

"Why would I THINK that!?!? Hermione, I think it's pretty obvious why I would think that!"

"Just because we've been together for so long? That doesn't mean anything."

"THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING? Have you lost the plot? We've been together for almost three years, Hermione!"

"Yeah. And we got together when we were like fifteen!"

"So what have you been doing with me for this long?"

"Having fun until recently. Not looking for a husband! I don't...I could never marry you, Ron."

"I can't fucking believe this."

"Why not? Did you honestly think we would be together forever and ever, amen?"

"YES."

"Well, I'm sorry. But I...just...I don't feel that way about you. I mean..."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't care enough for you. Ron, I love you. But..."

"But what?"

"But I'm not it for you."

"How do you know that?"

"How do I know that?!? Ron, I'm in this relationship too. And I know that we don't feel that way about each other! Have you ever looked around Ron? Like maybe...Gods. Terry and Blaise, for example? Just the way they look at each other? We're not like that!"

"I don't care!"

"BUT I DO! Ron! I'm not marrying anyone until I am absolutely sure! And I am sure that you're not it! Certainly not when I feel the way I do about Harry!"

"About...who?"

"About...oh, my...did...is...oh...about Harry."

"Oh...fuck..."

"Oh my Gods...did I just...what...Harry?"

"Hermione, are you okay? You look...sit down..."

"Harry, you better explain to me what's going on. Quickly. Before I get upset."

"Umm, I really don't know. Hermione...are you going to be alright?"

"HARRY. What the FUCK is going on?"

"Umm..."

"Did you know this? Have you two been..?"

"Ron. No. I don't..."

"Ron. Don't...Harry had no idea. I didn't have any idea. How did I not know this? Harry, how did we not...you bastard, you KNEW. You fucking knew, didn't you?"

"Hermione. Don't...what was I supposed to say?"

"I don't...Harry-"

"HEY! If you two would stop your little staring contest, you might notice my brother is about to kill you."

"Oh, shit. Ron..."

"Oh, no. Don't you fucking Ron me. Hermione, I can't believe you, you were my girlfriend for this long and now you announce...And you. Harry, I will never forgive you."

"Ron, don't start on Harry. This is my fault. Mine. Okay. Blame me. I'm apparently just as blind as I accuse you of being...I...ughh. And before you two start the pissing contest that I know is coming, I'm leaving."

And with those brilliant words I fled the Great Hall. Leaving the two most important people in my life staring after me. You could have heard a pin drop in that room. Everyone was watching. Everyone. I don't know how much they heard, but I'm sure they heard my last little announcement. I was honestly so shocked that I had to grip the edge of the table to keep standing. Harry actually looked ill but relief was unmistakable in his eyes. And Ron...at first he looked devastated. But by the time I left, he looked murderous. I'm sure Malfoy was smirking. Gods...everyone was there. Even the professors were staring at us.

But I didn't know. That's what I want to scream. I know no one is ever going to believe me, but it's the truth. I had no idea. I certainly had no idea that I would scream it in the middle of the Great Hall, during dinner. Oi. I know for the rest of my life that that will be the one moment I will want to take back. To listen to Harry when he tried to stop me.

There is the other side, though. Maybe it's good that it happened this way. Now we all know. I wonder how long it would have taken me otherwise? Ron and I would have broken up and then...how long would it have been before this? Maybe it's easier to get it all over with at once? Maybe not. Gods, I don't know. I've certainly never been in a situation like this.

And the worst part? I didn't leave because I was afraid of Ron. I left because if I had sat looking into Harry's eyes any longer I would have started grinning like a fool. Just thinking about it is making me smile. It's like being hit with a sledgehammer, but instead of being confused, everything becomes miraculously clear. It all finally makes sense now. Everything I was feeling. Everything has fallen into place.

I know that things will get bad. I know that Harry is going to have to face Voldemort. I know that I am going to make myself sick worrying and trying to help. I know that Ron might never be able to look us in the faces again. I know that Mrs. Weasley might come after me for daring to hurt her baby boy. She got vexed at me when she thought I was leading Harry on fourth year. Her reaction to this may be a bit more violent. I will probably never get back the closeness I had with Ginny. I know all this. I know it's not always going to be perfect, but it doesn't matter. What I feel for Harry is more important than any of that. It's-

Knock, knock.

KNOCK, KNOCK.

"Miss Granger! Miss Granger, open this door at once."

Oh, shit. McGonagall. I knew that was a bad idea -- fixing the Common Room door so it couldn't be opened. The Fat Lady wasn't very happy but she finally agreed.

"I told you, Professor, she doesn't want-" I hear the Fat Lady begin.

"MISS GRANGER. Open this door immediately or I WILL-"

"Yes, Professor?" I say as I swing the portrait open. Maybe playing dumb will help.

"Yes, Professor? That's what you have to say for yourself?" McGonagall is looking at me with total disbelief.

"What would you like me to say?" I question.

Okay. Sarcasm may not be the best idea right now. She now looks furious.

"Actually, Miss Granger, I think you've said quite enough this evening, don't you?" she says scathingly. "I simply want the rest of my House to be able to get into their Tower."

Oh, Gods. They're all standing there. Every single Gryffindor is standing there, staring at me. From the first years who know me as Head Girl, Ron's girlfriend and Harry's best friend to the seventh years, who know me. And just to say, they don't look all that shocked. Lavender and Parvati are giving me "I told you so" looks. Dean, Seamus, and Neville are actually looking sympathetic.

But where are they?

"Where are-" I start to ask.

McGonagall interrupts me. "Miss Granger, why don't you come with me?"

Oh, that can't be good. "Okay, Professor."

"All right the rest of you, get in."

And I have to stand here as my entire House goes filing past. Is humiliation part of some sort of cosmic punishment? If so, it's working.

"Come along, Miss Granger." She doesn't look quite as angry now.

She's leading me to her office. She's not looking at me either. She's staring straight ahead, looking mildly unsettled. What is going on? Oh, gods, what did they do after I left? Maybe I should have stayed and fought it out. Or at least made them come with me. Then they wouldn't have done whatever they did. What did they do? More to the point, what did Ron do to Harry?

"Come in. Have a seat."

This is driving me crazy. Worse and worse scenarios keep floating through my head. "Is he okay, Professor?" I ask, the words tumbling out of my mouth before I can stop them.

McGonagall has just raised her eyebrow at me. I have never seen her like this.

"We'll get to that in a moment. First, what exactly happened tonight?"

Good question.

"Umm...well. We were talking about after graduation and Ron said something about getting a flat and getting married. And, you know, we had never discussed this before. So we got into a bit of a fight about it," I answer, not really looking at her.

"A bit of a fight?" she sounds astonished. "Miss Granger, don't be daft. You humiliated Mr. Weasley...did you have to do that right then?"

It's like my conscience actually having a voice.

"...No. I don't know what happened! One minute we were just discussing Ron saying we were getting married and the next thing I knew we were standing up, yelling at each other and then..." I trail off.

"And then?" she prods me to continue.

To her credit, McGonagall looks like she would rather be showering with Snape than doing this.

"And then...I don't know. I honestly did not know!" I cry. "Suddenly I was screaming that I couldn't be with Ron because of the way I felt about Harry. I didn't know!"

"Miss Granger. I believe you," she tells me. "Though I don't see how you couldn't have known."

What? "What are you talking about? You knew?" I gasp, totally floored.

"Certainly I knew." She's glaring at me now, probably wishing she could be anywhere else on Earth. Yes, well, so do I. "How did this escape your attention?"

"I don't know. I thought that Harry was my friend; my best friend. We know everything about each other and...And Ron was my boyfriend. And I knew I felt more for Harry but that's because he's got all this stuff going on. I need to help him. I need to figure out if and how I can help him. I need to figure out if there is anything else we can do. And I need to be in a position that I can figure it out. To be objective, so that I can help...Okay. This is the thing. I've obviously thought about what I would do if I lost either of them. And if Ron died...I would be devastated. But I would get out of bed and keep breathing and vow revenge. But if Harry...if I lost Harry? I honestly don't know what I would do. He's part of me. And if I...if he...I just don't know. I wouldn't ever be the same; I know that. A part of me would be gone and I don't think I'd ever recover. And that's now! With him as my best friend! What would happen if I let myself feel...I mean, if I allowed myself to..."

"There you are, Miss Granger," McGonagall says, looking not quite as angry as she was.

"Oh," I say in a small voice -- and I accuse them of being blind?

"Yes. Oh," McGonagall imitates me.

A small sigh escapes me. "Where are they? What did Ron do? Are they okay?"

"They are both fine. After your hasty departure, Mr. Potter left also. I think he headed outside."

Oh. "Yeah, he's probably at the lake. That's where-"

She interrupts me, "I don't need to know, Miss Granger."

Now she looks really uncomfortable. "Ron didn't try to curse him or anything?" I question. "He looked like he was capable of murder."

"I don't know, Miss Granger. They stared at each other, Potter mumbled something and left. And Mr. Weasley simply sat there. I wouldn't be surprised if he was still there."

This is the part I'm dreading. "Should I go talk to him?"

Oh, the eyebrow's back. "Should you go talk to him? What do you think?"

"Yes?" I mumble.

"YES, Miss Granger. Stop acting incompetent. We both know you're a sight more intelligent than you've shown tonight."

Ouch.

"Okay. And I'm really sorry, Professor."

"I don't think I'm the one you need to be telling."

Score two for McGonagall.

"Thank you, Professor," I try to recover. "I'll see you in class."

"Yes, I'll see you next week. And Miss Granger?"

Oh, not another zinger. I have a feeling plenty will be headed my way in a few moments' time courtesy of Ron. And I was almost out the door.

"Congratulations."

Well.

Huh.

At least someone's happy for us.

Almost against my will, my feet are headed in the direction of the Great Hall. I feel like I'm moving underwater. I don't know how I'm ever going to face him. I'm not going to be able to look him in the eye again. That was the worst thing I've ever done to another being. As much as I'm dreading this, I can't help but look out towards the lake. I can vaguely make out a spot near the shore darker than the others. He's waiting for me. I don't know how I know this, but I do. As soon as I talk to Ron...

Oh, Gods. I'm here. Oh. Okay, deep breath...open door. Oh, he's still sitting there. He's just staring at the table.

Oh, he looks even worse than I thought. Maybe it's just the red hair making him look paler. I'm sitting down and I don't think he's noticed me yet.

"Ahem," I clear my throat. "...Ron?"

No one has ever looked at me the way he is right now.

"Come back to dish out some more? Maybe not, there's not an audience anymore."

"Ron..." I whisper.

"Ron what? What could you possibly have left to say to me? I mean, you made it perfectly clear how you feel, or I guess I should say don't feel, about me. I can't see what we have left to say to each other."

He looks like he's about to vomit. Or throttle me. Maybe both.

"You know that's not true. Ron, I-"

"No, you know what Hermione? I apparently know nothing. At all. About anything. Because the one thing in my life that I thought I had a good handle on was my relationship with you. And my relationship with Harry. But I guess I really didn't, eh? Speaking of the bastard, where is he? Isn't he coming to try to make peace too? Did you two detach yourself from each other long enough to say, "Oh, that poor, sad wanker. Let's go try to make him feel better before we roll into bed?" Huh?"

"No, actually," I tell him. "I haven't seen Harry."

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. He's now towering over me, looking even more menacing. "Oh, I'm so sorry. How have you been able to get by? I can't believe you two. You-"I didn't know." Right. Like I'm that daft. And him-"Ron, I'm really sorry." I'm sure you're both just devastated. You looked so devastated at dinner, staring at each other. Glad the cat's out of the bag, huh? Don't have to sneak around anymore. Poor, poor Ron's finally out of the fucking dark. Now that I think back, I can't remember a reason we were together. What did I ever see in you? I should have listened to Rita Skeeter in fourth year. Even she saw what was going on. Though, I'll admit, you two have been good. Harry acting like he wanted Cho. You with Krum. Then me. Very nice. No one would ever guess if you're with the best friend right? Looks like Lavender and Parvati were right. They'll be ecstatic. I guess you do have a thing for famous wizards, don't you? First Krum, international Quidditch champion. Then me, friend of the boy who lived and brother to the founders of WWW. Now Harry, the most famous of us all. Don't have anywhere to go from there, do you? What is poor Harry going to do when someone more well known comes along? Maybe I should warn him. Tell him to watch his back; you'll stab him if he's turned it. And I can't believe I ever considered marrying you. Bringing a Muggle into the Weasley family."

Oh my Gods.

Now I'm the one left staring at the table. Maybe I deserved that. I guess I did. I did humiliate him in front of the entire school. But I didn't...I mean...that...

What a fucking bastard.

Now I'm running out of the Hall again; instead this time, I'm not running away from Ron. I'm running after him. If he thinks he can treat me like that he's sorely mistaken.

I really am sorry, but that does not give him the right to take potshots at me. I can hear his footfalls and they sound like they're going towards the Common Room. Lovely. Hopefully everyone's already in bed.

Almost there, almost there...

"Let me in."

The Fat Lady's looking at me as if she's never seen me before. "Password?"

She has got to be kidding. "LET ME IN."

"Password?" she asks again.

Ooh, I would love to wipe that grin off her face.

"Champagne truffles," I grit out. Sometimes I really wonder about her and her passwords.

"Thank you. And you go get him, dear."

Oh, good...the Common Room's full. However, Ron's nowhere in sight. Everyone is looking at me like I'm going to start throwing hexes if they look at me wrong. I might. I'm pretty pissed.

"Where'd he go?" I ask the room at large.

If I weren't so mad, I would really enjoy this. As one, they all point up the staircase to the boys' dorms.

Of course, their dorm would have to be at the top. I'm panting as I slam open the door. There is complete silence as I slide into the room. And there he is, looks like he's holding fucking court.

"Back again so soon?" He raises an eyebrow. "I thought you'd have found Harry by now."

He's really asking for it. Dean, Seamus, and Neville are looking at us, not quite sure what to do.

"Guys, could you leave us alone for awhile?" I ask politely, Ron and I glaring at each other.

"No, that's not really necessary. We have nothing more to say to one another."

I'm going to kill him. Truly.

"Ron. Do you want to do this with an audience? Because I will."

I must look pretty menacing. Now they're edging for the door.

"Thanks. It won't be long," I say sweetly, all the while glaring at Ron.

We're alone again.

"I'm serious, Hermione, I-"

"Sit down and shut the fuck up," I snap.

He's listening now as I've got my wand trained on him. I can't ever remember being this mad at another person. Not even Malfoy or Snape. I can even excuse them a bit; they're just prejudiced and jealous. Ron though? He's just being an asshole.

I'm pacing back and forth in front of him, not sure where to start.

"Okay. I'm going to try to forget what you said just then. You're angry. I probably can't imagine how mad you are. So that's one. One. That's it," I say, deadly serious. "If you say anything like that again, I'll hex you into next year."

He looks scared. Good. Now for the hard part.

"Now that that's done...I really am sorry, Ron. I know you don't believe me right now, you'll probably never believe me about anything again, but I am. Truly. I didn't know. I don't know how but I didn't. Again, you don't believe me. But I have to say this. I didn't know, but that doesn't excuse the way things happened tonight. I wish I could take back the way I said everything, where I said it, when I said it...everything. Everything about the situation I would take back if I could. But the words? I'm not taking them back. Everything I said was true. I regret the way it happened, but I don't regret telling you. Or figuring it out. That said; I don't want this to come between you and Harry. You two need each other. You always have. Since we were eleven, through all of your stupid fights fourth and fifth year...you two need each other. I would never forgive myself if I caused the two of you to end your friendship. And we're too important to let something like this tear it apart. But that doesn't mean I'm going to give up whatever it is I have with Harry. Whatever it is. I don't even know yet. We don't know yet. But I'm going to make damn sure I find out. I still hope that you can be friends. I hope that someday we can be close again. That seems like a lot right now, but I sincerely hope so. I...I just hope that one day you'll be able to look at us again," I finish, with a whimper, not a bang.

I'm slumped on Harry's bed, staring at his feet across from me. As I look up, he's looking at me. No longer murderous or devastated, simply resigned.

"You sure are hoping for a lot there."

A bark of laughter escapes me. Maybe it'll be okay.

"Yeah. You know me, the eternal optimist."

"Yeah." He looks so sad. I want to throw my arms around him and make it better, but I can't. Not yet. "Listen, Hermione. I'm not promising anything. I know what you're saying and it makes sense in my head...but in my heart? That's going to be a whole different story. Especially once I see the two of you together."

He's getting a little ahead of himself. I haven't even talked to Harry since dinner. "Ron," I stammer. "I don't even know if we're-"

"Herm, don't patronize me." His eyes are full of tears. "I...I saw it. Tonight. Even through the red haze of homicidal rage that was coursing through me...I saw it. The way you were looking at each other. You know how you were talking about the way Terry and Blaise look at each other? They've got nothing on you two."

"Ron..." I don't even know where to start.

"Don't start crying. I won't be able to handle it."

"I'm so sorry," I whisper, unable to keep a quiver out of my voice.

"I know. I know that neither of you would intentionally do this. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to be a jealous, wisecracking prat for a while."

"It's okay. Crack away. You deserve it," I say, sniffling.

"Thanks."

Now we're both crying.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Tonight?" he asks. "Probably not. Seamus has already volunteered to make a run to Hogsmeade to get some butterbeer. Eventually? Yeah. I think I always sort of knew this would happen."

"What?" I gasp, completely amazed.

"Not really, but...you know the expression "Ignore it and it'll go away?""

He's got to be kidding me. "Yeah, I think I do."

I think he's just realized what he said. "Yes, I guess you do. But...I don't think I ever specifically saw it, just...I knew there was something about the two of you. The way you two are together...I knew there was something that we didn't have. I hoped that it didn't mean anything...but...I saw it nonetheless."

"Oh." I'm not hearing this; Ron is not saying these amazing things.

"Plus, everyone kept trying to warn me," he mumbles.

"Excuse me?"

"Again...not specifically...just...like Dad. He always used to watch the two of you and look at me. I didn't know what he was doing at the time, I think I get it now."

"Ron..." What do I say to this?

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Why am I being so wonderful?" He rolls his eyes. "I don't know. I feel awful for the things I said to you. And I could tell that Harry felt terrible. Some part of my brain is telling me that I probably want to salvage my relationship with you two. Even though the rest of me is just wanting to curse you both."

I'm just staring at him, completely astonished. He's being amazing. I think I feel worse now, I didn't think that would be possible. It was much easier when he was mad.

"I really am sorry."

"I know. Don't keep apologizing. Get out of here. Before the better part of myself goes on holiday."

"Okay, okay. Just..." I feel the need to say something.

He's starting to look a bit put out with me. "Just go," he grits out. "I know you want to."

I don't think he realises how much that meant to me. "Thank you, Ron."

Now he looks like he wants to push me out the door. "Hermione, just go. And if you two hurt each other, I'll kill you both."

As I close the door, I can hear a sob escape him. I know he's not going to be that understanding all the time; maybe not even most of the time, but at least it's there. He knows it's there. It's going to be hell for a while, but for the first time since dinner, I feel like it'll be okay.

Everyone's still down here. Still looking at me.

"Seamus?" I call him over.

He looks a bit afraid. I must look a fright. Crazed, red eyes; my hair probably incredible, I've run my hands through it so much. At the moment though, I could care.

"You might need to get that butterbeer," I tell him.

Now that that's over, I'm frantic to get outside.

"Oh. Okay."

"Yeah," I say with a grimaced smile. "Take Harry's Cloak...and take care of him, alright?"

Seamus is actually chuckling. "Yeah, alright. Go take care of you, okay?"

Gods, he has the best grin. I can't help grinning back. "Yeah. Okay. Don't wait up."

Now he's really laughing. "See you tomorrow."

With that, ignoring the shocked and scandalised looks the first years are giving me to the amused and scandalised looks Lavender, Parvati, Dean and Neville are giving me, I am running out of the Common Room.

"Have fun dear!" Sometimes I wonder about the Fat Lady. Sometimes I love her.

I must be making so much noise. I'm flying through hallways and passages and jumping down staircases, disregarding any rule that flies through my head about being out at this time of night. If Filch tried to stop me, I swear I'd use the Full Body Bind. Nothing is keeping me from him now.

And I'm out. Across the grounds...

I can see him...

"HARRY!"

He's turned around, waiting for me. Almost there...

"Harry!"

And then I'm there. Finally. Where I've wanted to be since dinner. My arms around his neck; my legs wrapped around his waist.

"Ooff."

"Are you okay?" I ask him.

And he's laughing...we're laughing...grinning at each other. I have never seen anything that looks better.

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm definitely okay," he tells me. "I've never been better, actually."

I've knocked the poor boy over. I'm on him, hands holding his face. His hands have settled on my hips.

"Yeah. Me neither."

We can't stop grinning at each other.

"I was wondering when you would get here."

Oh, what a...

"Yes, well, thank you for leaving me to deal with it ALL BY MYSELF."

"I knew you could handle it, dear. You are the best," he says, looking completely serious but with the most mischievous twinkle in his eye. "It's no wonder I fell in love with you." And here he is completely serious.

Now I'm crying as well as grinning.

"Really?"

So is he.

"Really. I've been waiting for you to figure it out for a while now."

And we're off.

"Brings up a good point, that," I say.

"And what's that?" he questions.

"Just how long have you been waiting?"

He's managing to look sheepish through that insane grin and the tears.

"Well...ahem..." he stalls. "About a year and a half now."

WHAT?!?

"Harry Potter! And you never said anything."

"Hermione Granger! I thought you'd figure it out. You're the smartest person I know, you're smarter than anyone ought to be. I didn't think it would take you this long. It's been hell, I don't mind telling you."

I can't imagine. But..."Well, I had my share of hell tonight," I tell him. "That should make up for at least a few months."

Now his hands are in my hair, framing my face.

"More than. I really am sorry about deserting you tonight," he tells me.

"It's really okay. I needed to deal with Ron. And if you were there, I would have just wanted to jump on you. Would have been a distraction."

The grins are back.

"I can imagine. As much as I was a bit...ummm...horrified by the scene tonight, there was only one thought kept running through my brain," he says.

"And what was that?" I question, leaning down, already knowing his answer.

"Well, really, it was three," he murmurs, his lips so close to mine I can feel his breath.

"Yeah," I breathe, eyes closed.

"Well, the first was hallelujah."

"Hmm-mmm."

"Two was 'did she really have to have this revelation in front of the entire school, Ron included?'"

"Hmm."

"And the third?"

If he doesn't kiss me soon, I'm going to die.

"You really want to know?"

"Harry?" I murmur, lips brushing his.

"Yeah," he breathes back.

"Shut up."

I can feel him start to grin before we finally kiss.

And it's completion. Everything I was waiting for or wanting or needing or wondering about is right here. This is what I've been waiting for. Not only since dinner. This is what I have been waiting for my entire life. It's all right here. Harry and this feeling in the pit of my stomach and his mouth and his hands and our bodies and...him. Just us. Any question about us was just answered. Any lingering doubts have been silenced. I thought so before...now I know.

And that's all I know. That's the only thing I can think when Harry's mouth is on mine. With mine. Sharing oxygen and life. Tasting better than anything ever has; tasting like Harry. I will never get enough of this. I can feel tears on my face; I have no idea if they're mine or his or both of ours.

Suddenly we're rolling and then I'm the one under him, his body settled perfectly on mine, his mouth on my neck, my hands in his hair.

And nothing...nothing has ever felt so good in all my life. My head tilts back, my eyes blinking open, staring at the stars wonderingly. I can hear gasps and moans, but I'm not sure who's doing what and it doesn't matter as I drag his mouth back up to mine.

I have never felt this way before; I've never even imagined feeling this way before. I wouldn't have believed it was possible to feel this comfortable, excited, at home, tightened, at ease, turned on, in love, ecstatic, helpless, gorgeous, giddy, content, powerful, perfect...this right. This is right. Then I'm laughing.

Harry's smiling down at me, elbows propping him up, eyes half-closed, his face so close I can still feel his breath.

"Hermione?"

He looks exactly like I'm feeling.

Catching another brief kiss, I tell him, "I'm so happy."

Such a simple word. Five letters, two syllables, one word. But it sums up everything I'm feeling.

From my curling toes, to the tightening of my torso, the shivers running down my spine and that one thought left in my head. I'm happy.

"So am I."

And then we're kissing again and even that thought gets lost. I'm on top again and his hands are running up my sides and his shoulders and arms feel wonderful and I really hope he keeps doing that to my neck and whatever I needed to ask him can wait until tomorrow and maybe Ron's right about not being too young to decide on forever and who ever would have thought these robes would come off so easily and my study schedule is going to be pushed back a night and our hands fit perfectly together and his skin feels like heaven to mine...

And suddenly I'm glad it's summer.