Harry Potter and the Mysterious Scooby Gang

It was a typical day for Harry Potter. Ron was frolicking about, picking flowers on the ground of Hogwarts, and he himself was studying hard for a potions test, trying to recall whether you added the Eye of Death to the healing potion or the death potion. They would be examined on this on Friday, and seeing as how it was Thursday afternoon, he figured he better learn it.

Ron, flushed and smelling of tulips, came rushing in the Great Hall where Harry sat reading his potions book and sat down next to him.

"Hi there Ron," said Harry. "Did you have fun frolicking?"

"Yep, you know me, 'frolic, frolic, frolic!' It was loads of fun. Is Hermione back yet?"

"No."

"Oh," he said, sounding disappointed, "then I should probably get back to frolicking." He walked out of the Great Hall, and started "frolicking" when he got to the Entrance Hall.

"Hi there Harry," said Lavender, using the same wording as Harry had, possibly because the writer couldn't think of another greeting, as she sat in Ron's empty seat.

"Go away Lavender," he said dryly. "I never really liked you."

"Fine, be that way," she said stiffly. "So, did you hear what happened to Pavarti?"

"No, and oddly enough, I don't care," he said, squeezing his mind to remember the ingredients of the death potion.

"Well, I suppose I could tell someone else then," she said slowly, as if trying to process this all through her mind, "because...you...don't...care...oh, you don't care! I'll go then." She finally walked away. Then, suddenly, Hermione appeared in the Great Hall's doors. She spotted Harry, waved, and walked over.

"Hey," she said, sitting down next to him and pulling the dish of pudding over toward her.

"Hi," he said, pushing his potions book away. "Are you feeling better?"

"Umm, yea, I guess," she said, stuffing a huge spoonful of pudding in her mouth. "Why 'ouldn't I 'e?"

"Well, I thought you went home because you were deathly ill. A muggle disease that wizards and witches warded off centuries ago, or something like that," he reminded her. Ron, came frolicking in again, saw Hermione, ran over, pushed Dean Thomas out off his seat, and sat next to her.

"Hi, are you better?" he asked, starting in on Dean's food.

"Oh, yea, I lied," she said simply. "I just wanted to visit Mum and Dad for awhile, seeing as how we've got new neighbors and all, and I wanted to meet him, because they said he was really interesting. You smell like tulips."

"Oh yea, I've been frolicking," Ron said. "So, you faked sick so you could meet your new neighbor? How weird. I'll mention it to Fred and George."

"So, what's your new neighbor like anyway?" said Harry as Ron devoured Dean's pork-chops.

"Interesting enough. At first I thought he was another wizard, because we helped him unpack and he had all these old books on spells, and the end of the world, and demons. But the demons were all weird looking, and his pictures weren't moving, so I guessed he wasn't a wizard."

"Oh, great," said Ron, now on Dean's mash potatoes.

"But, we invited him over for dinner and everything. That was awkward. We sat down, and he told us he'd lived in California for about 6 years on business, and Mum asked what line of business, and he said he was a librarian type of person, but then opened a magic shop, and sold a lot of interesting books and such after his school library was burned down."

"Aha! A librarian," said Ron without sarcasm, "you can never be too careful with those types."

"Right, whatever," Hermione continued. "So, anyway, he said that his job had called him back home, and he was almost happy to be back, but he missed his friends so much. Then, he asked me how my boarding school was, and if I liked it, and I told him I quite enjoyed it, and he said good. Then, I told him I liked the people there, like my friends 'Ron and Har-Ow!,' I said, because Mum kicked me here, and he gave us I'm-very-suspicious-but-I'll-pretend-like-I'm-not look. Then, he complimented Mum on the Yorkshire pudding and they all had coffee while I went upstairs to catch up on my work."

"Oh," said Harry flatly. "Err, I watered my Munching Madelia too much in herbiology, and it exploded."

"That's great Harry," Hermione replied as she finished her pudding. "I think I'll go to the dormitory and unpack."

"Hmm," said Ron as she left, "do you think she's angry with us?"

"No," Harry said, with the same emptiness of sarcasm as Ron, "she must just want to go and gossip with Lavender and Pavarti. You know Hermione."

It was not such an ordinary day for Buffy Summers, who happened to be the chosen Slayer of vampires. She and the rest of the Scooby Gang were sitting on a plane, flying across the Atlantic Ocean to see Giles about some urgent investigation.

Giles had called them yesterday morning, or the evening to him, saying that he'd just moved closer to the watcher's council, but his neighbor's were all weird and he thought he'd found some demon or something. Basically the same as any old vampire or demon they'd fought, except for that one that tried to ascend, and that one that had made them sing and dance. But none of them, excepting Spike, had ever been to England, so they were all quite excited.

"Buff," Xander said from out of nowhere, "should I go and comfort Anya. I decided I really do love her and I'm going to shoot for another wedding, but first I think I better talk to her. I mean, it's been about a week, and she's still wearing the wedding dress."

"Most obviously," Buffy replied, "she still wants to get married. I think I'll date Spike again. Where is he?"

"In the coffin," Willow piped up. "Oh, and guess what? They said I could use magic again, because I got out of being addicted, they just sort of put me on restriction spells, like so I couldn't go overboard again if I tried. Isn't that great?" Everybody nodded and clapped lightly.

"Ooh, and I'm completely over Riley, and I hate him," Buffy chimed in. More clapping.

"Anya and I are going to marry again!" Xander cried, as Anya looked overjoyed.

"And I'm jumping out the window so no one will have to see me again!" shouted Tara as she jumped out the plane window.

"Tara!" yelled Willow. "Oh well, she's gone. I think I'll check on Oz when we land."

And so the plane ride continued, with loose ends gone. Finally, that night, they arrived on Giles' new doorstep, Spike now out of the coffin.

"Buffy! Xander! Willow!" Giles said, hugging everyone, "and Anya and Spike! I thought you two would be mad and everything about those two dumping you. But look, here you are!"

"Oh, Xander and I are going to marry again," said Anya. "Can we come inside? It's cold."

"Right, sure, one second," he said. He ran back inside, picked up something white and furry and tossed it out the front door, trying not to look suspicious.

"Was that a-"

"No."

"Umm, it looked like a bunny," said Anya, terrified. "You had a bunny?"

"Well, I've always wanted one. It was the reason I accepted coming back here. So I could get a bunny. I named him Snuggles."

"Ahhh!" Anya screamed as the furry creature came hopping back up. She was scared of bunnies. "It's attacking me!"

"Shoo Snuggles!" The obedient bunny hopped into the garden. "Come in!"

"So, what's up former watcher?" asked Buffy once everyone had settled. Giles' new house looked ironically like his old house.

"Well, I was having dinner with my new neighbors two nights ago..." The author added the "dot, dot, dot" because she did not feel the need to go over this again. Finally... "and I think that our demon's name is Harrow, but I'm not sure."

"Well, I've never heard of him," said Anya, still shaken from Snuggles, even after a twenty-minute speech on this mystery demon.

"Neither have I," Giles said, glancing at his large collection of books. "Oh, I wanted to give you something. All of you." he walked over to his bookshelf and pulled out a scrapbook. "It's just some pictures and things of all our fights."

They looked through. What fond memories. Here was a picture from graduation, when the mayor tried to ascend. How happy. Ooh, here they were all singing that big number when that dancing demon came to town. There were a lot of those. Oh, here's some from that time when Willow cast a spell and everybody did what she said. Spike and Buffy looked fondly at each other when they saw a picture of him proposing to her.

"Wait a minute," Spike said, pulling them off Memory Lane, "how did you get these? You were pretty busy helping us fight, and some of these you weren't even there for."

"I know some people," he sniffed. "Now get sleep, because we're rising early tomorrow."

Back at Hogwarts, now three days later, Harry and Ron were skipping stones at the lake, while Hermione sat in the sun.

"Remind me the point of skipping stones when they sink every time?" she said, rubbing her neck, which was strained from lying down and having to look up at the mindless boys throwing rock that immediately sank.

"We've been over this," said Harry, getting impatient. "They help us create the image of peaceful, boyhood surroundings, so we may clear our inner-eye."

"And you started to care about your inner-eye when exactly?" she said dully.

"When I wanted to know whether Voldemort would kill me or not. I mean, if the woman's going to carry on about it that much, you have to wonder.

"You're a loon," she said, twisting her hair. "I should have brought a book or something out. Is Lavender around? Maybe she can lend me a copy of Witch Weekly."

"I had no idea you and Lavender were such great friends," Ron said. "I don't see her, but if you want to frolic about with me, I was just going."

"Sure," she said excitedly. "Bye Harry. Have fun sinking rocks!" They frolicked off, whistling merrily.

"Hello," he called after them, "I am skipping rocks, as in, they don't sink!" He watched his last rock sunk down into the lake. "Oh foot! I need more rocks!"

"How was frolicking?" Harry asked his tulip-smelling friends at dinner.

"Great!" Hermione said enthusiastically. "You should come next time!"

"I'll pass," he said, thinking that the idea was loony.

"Well, it's better than sinking rocks!"

"How'd that go anyway?" Ron asked Harry as he helped himself to some chowder. "Did you clear up your inner-eye and everything?"

"No," he said, sounding disappointed. "But tomorrow I'm going to fly a kite!"

"It won't fly," Hermione said dryly. "Tomorrow isn't going to be windy at all. A perfect day for frolicking!"

"Well, you two can frolic and all, but I, thank you very much, will be flying a kite."

Just then, a slayer, a watcher, a vampire, an ex-demon, a witch, and a guy whose name starts with an "x" stumbled onto Hogwarts grounds.

"So, is this like Dracula's new castle or something?" asked the guy whose name started with an "x" as he tossed a squirrel off his head.

"No," said Giles', repeating where they were for the sixth time, "this would be where my neighbor, Hermione, came.

"Oh," Xander (the guy whose name starts with an "x" in case you haven't noticed) said. "Good. I didn't like Dracula. He showed up when Riley was here. Nobody liked him."

"Ohmigosh!" Buffy yelled, stopping dead in her tracks. "We left Dawn at home!" Everybody just stood there for awhile. "Oh well. I'm pretty sure she can drive by now. How old is she? Is anybody really keeping up with that?"

"No, nobody liked her either," Xander said.

"Oh," Buffy said flatly. "Let's go then." They walked on, until they came to a big lake.

"Oh that's just dandy," said Spike dryly. "Now, how to you propose we get across this big, huge, deep-" Before he could finish, Willow, having just received her powers as a practicing witch, conjured up a boat and they floated off. "Oh. We could do it this way."

The Scooby Gang, as they were called, came in sight with Hogwarts Castle.

"Ooh, Ah," they said, dazed.

"This place is big," Anya chimed as the magic boat stopped and the walked on. "Ooh, maybe they have a chapel and we can get married."

"Woopee!" Xander cried.

Now, as it happens, the exact traces of their path could be seen by Professor Trelawney from her tower window. But, at the moment, she happened to be throwing a party, with the host Madam Rosemerta. Seeing as how they were actually the same people, this was a private shindig, but only her closest Three Broomsticks friends knew that, so the whole lot of her customers had showed up, mainly because she'd gotten drunk two nights ago and spilled everything to everyone.

"Oh!" she cried. "Oh, these are not students, nor teachers! But a perfect time to, err, do some, err, divination studies. Out, out everyone! I'll see you all later."

With that, she pulled her professor clothes back on and rushed down stairs to the Great Hall. It was some rush, seeing as how it seemed an eight-mile run, or much more she supposed.

"Professor Dumbledore!" she gasped in her hazy voice. "I was eyeing the crystal ball tonight, and I saw"

"-death and terror and such?" Dumbledore said, rather bored with her stupid predictions that Harry would be killed, and the world would come to an end, and boo-hoo-hoo.

"No, I saw trespassers that would arrive," she said, hands on her hips and quite annoyed.

"Oh, right," he said. "If you have nightmares, I'm sure Professor Snape would be happy to concoct a potion for you..."

"Oh, forget it!" she turned on her heels and stomped off, rather un-divination-like.

"Gee, that wasn't very nice of Professor Dumbledore," said Lavender, very dismayed, to Pavarti. "Let's go follow Prof. Trelawney and see what she saw!"

They rushed into the Entrance Hall after the ruffled divination teacher.

"Professor, Professor!" they squealed. "Professor, we came to help you get people to take this prediction seriously!"

"Who are you two? And why are you bothering me?" she said, with the mystery gone. "Oh, you're students, right? Hmm. Go away please. You two are annoying." They turned around and walked off, very discouraged. However, seeing how the story is about Harry Potter and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, not Lavender Something-or-the-Other, the author thought she should get back to depicting one of the main groups.

So, here we are, back on Hogwarts Grounds with our favorite Scooby Gang...

Having just been attacked by squirrels, Xander fled into the woods, chased forcefully by his companions. Finally, they caught up to him.

"Xander!" Spike cried. "Xander, it's alright if you didn't find the Magic Stone of Crabapples! Those squirrel guards are tough, but, if we stick together, we can defeat them!"

"Gee, thanks Spike," Xander replied, "you always were there for me buddy! What are we waiting for? We got a magic Crabapple Stone-"

The author would like to apologize again and again for mistaking her creative writing assignment ("write a story about a Magic Stone of Crabapples and squirrel guards, using your favorite television show characters") with her fan fiction. Back to the real fan fiction...

"Ooh, what big doors!" Anya said, dazed. "Let's go in!"

"Wait!" Giles cried. "You can't just go in! There are demons, and other Hell-mouth type creatures and stuff in there."

"So?" she said.

"Well, they could kill you or something," he said.

"Oh," she replied. "I see. Well, so could your bunny, but you went right into getting that!" With that, she got a very fierce look and Xander had to take her firmly by the hand.

"Calm down, the bunny is far, far away," Xander said smoothing her over.

"Well, actually, he's right here," Giles said, revealing the furry thing that had been in his pocket.

"Ahhh!" Anya shrieked, and she ducked behind Xander.

"Giles!" Xander cried.

"Well, he was so sad," he said, timidly petting the little thing. "I didn't want him to feel abandoned. Oh, come on Anya. He's cute. Look at him. Hi Anya. Come play with me," he said in a little pet voice, as if the bunny were speaking.

"You taught your evil bunny to talk?" she said, terrified. Everyone groaned.

"Giles, can you just put it in a cage or something?" Xander said.

"Oh, but Snuggles wanted to fight the evil Harrow too! Didn't you Snuggles? Didn't you boy? Aww, there's a cute one...yes he is..."

"Alright, that's something I never wanted to see my old watcher do," said Buffy in disgust. "Just put it up, so we can move."

"Oh phooey!" Giles slipped the bunny in his pocket.

"So, basically, according to bunny-man over there, we just sit here until the demons attack?" Spike said as the rest of living gang calmed Anya down.

"I didn't say that, you half-witted Britt. I said- okay, so I did say something a little like that, but I technically, I meant to say, well, let's see...I said 'We can't just walk in, there are Hell-mouth type-"

"Ahhh!!" Everyone, except Giles who was still trying to figure out what he meant, screamed. Rubeous Hagrid came walking up to the Hogwarts doors. "Run away, run away!"

And, alas, they all ran. Hagrid walked up to the doors, and opened them. Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked out.

"Oh, hello Hagrid," said Ron. "We were just going frolicking."

"No, we were walking, not frolicking," said Harry in disgust.

"Right," replied Hagrid. "I was just going inside. Bye now!"

"Okay," said Buffy from behind a bush, "I'm going to walk up, and see what they are. I'll be back. They look pretty harmless."

"Your insane, but, alright," said Giles. "Have fun."

Buffy approached the three, who were arguing of which manner of footwork they should use to get to the lake.

"Umm, hello there," she said. "My name's Buffy, and I'm chosen Vampire Slayer from a Hell-mouth over in California."

"Harry Potter, Boy Who Lived," said Harry. "Nice to meet you. We are walking you half-witted gits!"

"Right, anyway, I was kind of wondering, err, you wouldn't happen to be like, evil demons plotting to take over the world, would you?"

"Err, no," said Hermione. "You've got the wrong place. See, Harry here is an orphan who's parents were murdered by this curse, and he wasn't because of some power he possesses, so he's famous for being good and brave and junk, and we're his companions, Hermione and Ron, and we go on all sorts of adventures and battle the Dark Lord who killed his mum and dad."

"Oh, sorry," she said. "Umm, Hermiky, you didn't happen to visit your home the other day, did you? There was an old librarian guy who moved in next to you...you know what I'm talking about?"

"First of all, it's Hermione, and second, yes. Rubert Giles was his name."

"Right, well, he's my watcher," she said. "Come on out guys, it's cool. Alright, this is Giles, my watcher, Anya, an ex-demon, Xander, and his name starts with 'x,' Spike, he's a vampire, and Willow, she's a witch."

"No kidding!" said Ron. "This is Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry!"

"Whoa, but aren't vampires dangerous and stuff?"

"Oh, he's got a chip in his head, no he won't hurt you," said Buffy calmly. "So, you're the Boy Who Lived, eh? What's that like?"

"Nothing special," said Harry. "Except, there was this time when I was chosen to be in the Triwizard Competition, and Ron was all 'Ooh, there's goes Harry, the Boy Who is Probably Going to Win the Cup and Rid the World of Evil, big deal.' Oh, and then, Hermione went with this famous Quidditch star to the Yule Ball, and Ron..."

"So, how's life on the other side?" said Ron quickly, turning a shade dark shade of red. "You kill evil vampires and such for a living?"

"Yea," she said. "But sometimes they kill me. Yep, I've died twice. The second time I came back was a lot more fun, though, because we sang about it."

"I can just see it," said Ron. "I died..."

"Many years ago," sang Spike. "But you can make me feel, like it isn't so." Buffy joined him. "Why you come to be with me, I think I finally know..." They skipped to the chorus and everybody joined in. "Let me rest in peace, let me get some sleep. Let me take my love and bury it, in a hole six foot deep. I can lay my body down, but I can't find my sweet relief..." Spike sang the last line as the others played invisible guitars. (Giles made a mean set of drums.) "So let me rest in peace, why don't you, let me rest in peace!"

"And so on," said Giles after giving the "rock on" sign to their audience. "I actually had a rather nice song, interrupted by this annoying witch whom nobody liked. I can sing it for you if you like..."

"Err, that's ok," said Hermione. "Anyway, if was nice chatting with you. We're going to Hogsmeade tomorrow, and if you want to come..."

"Sure," said Willow. "We can discuss our spells and potions, and see if we know any of the same."

"Umm, how about not," said Xander. "I'm more of a 'try the other side's food' kind of guy."

"Great, we're all made for each other," said Buffy. "Oh, wait Giles..."

"You know what I'd like to do?" said Giles. "Spend the day with Snuggles."

"Giles!" shrieked Anya.

"Oh, I mean, look at your books, in a library, without bunnies."

"Right, but I want to see the inside of your castle," said Spike.

"Well," said Hermione, "I don't know if Dumbledore wants these freaks walking around..."

"Oh come on Hermione," said Ron, "Dumbledore's always likes new, friendly people."

"Ok."

So they strolled in, and the Scooby Gang oohed and ahhed, as Dumbledore strolled through.

"Mr. Potter," he said, "tell your friends to get out of my school."

"So much for that," said Ron. "Come on, we'll go into the Great Hall and grab some food. Stay here with Hermione."

So, as they left, Draco Malfoy happened to pass through, and of course, saw the gang at once. He waltzed over and started to inspect them all.

"Nice hair," he said to Spike.

"Back at you," said Spike, and Malfoy walked off as Harry and Ron came back.

"Alright, we're going to frolic to bed, and you guys can sleep outside in the bushes. Too-duh-loo!"

The Next Evening, Ron, came frolicking down to find the Scooby Gang.

"Hi guys," he said. "Sleep well?"

"Yea, I did alright in the coffin," said Spike.

"Well, those little pointy things on the tree kind of made us scream in agony every so often, but other than that..." Xander mentioned.

"Oh my Gosh!" screamed Ron.

"Well, it wasn't that bad..."

"You crushed our Stingy Tlants! We're supposed to study them this Monday!"

"Excuse me?"

"Professor Sprout will kill you!"

"Great! That's one more death for my record," proclaimed Buffy. "Yea, I'm going down in history. Woo hoo!"

"Freak," said Ron. "Ok, here come Harry and Hermione, so we can head to Hogsmeade. Get up already!"

So, everybody walked (or frolicked) to Hogsmeade. There, a large party was being held at the Shrieking Shrack for WATD.

"What the heck is WATD?" said Ron. "Sounds like spew. Hermione, is this yours?"

"Uh, no, I don't save house-elves anymore. That's so fourth year."

"Let's have a look," said Anya. "It might have a connection to Harrow."

"Anya, there is no Harrow," said Spike. "It was all a big mix-up. That's why we're here, with these wizards and everything."

"Oh," said Anya. "I see. This is peer pressure. Yea. As soon as you get me to believe this, you can make me take drugs and smoke. Well not today buddy! I've broken your code! I am my own person!"

"Right," Spike said dully. "Then let's go in to fight the evil Harrow. Be careful everyone."

So they all walked in, and who should be there but, you guessed it, Lupin! And, seeing as how this is a Buffy story too, let's think of who else might be with Lupin, you know, Lupin, the werewolf. Now think hard. Werewolf. Think werewolf.

"Oz!" yelped Willow. "Oh my Gosh! You're here! With a bunch of people who I've never met. What's going on?

"Oh. Hey. Willow," said the monosyllabic Oz. "Remember in season 4-"

"Season what?" said Buffy automatically.

"I mean, the fourth season of the month," said Oz suspiciously. "Anyway, when I left? Well, I came here."

"To WATD?" said Willow in disgust. "Why on Earth would you want to go to WATD?"

"Um, it does have a meaning," said Lupin after reuniting with the Harry and co. "It stands for Werewolf Association for Therapy and Discussion. Duh!"

"Oh, excuse me!' said Willow.

"Lupin," said Hermione, "we didn't expect to see you until book 7-"

"Book what?" said Harry.

"I mean year 7," she said. "I'm reading this book and all, I must have gotten them mixed up. Haha, silly me."

"Right," said Ron. "Anyway, who are you?" He pointed toward Oz.

"Oh, I'm the werewolf in the plot of Buffy's life. I never show my emotions and talk the same way mostly. Because of my non-panic personality and cool band, everybody loves me and didn't like to see me go. But I had to go so I could fit into this plot and I've said too much."

"Hmm," said Anya. "I'm guessing your working with Harrow too!"

"Who?" he said.

"Oh, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about you scheming, evil person! I'm on to you!"

"Anya, sweetheart," said Xander gently, "why don't you go, err, solve the mystery of Harrow today, hmm?"

"Fine. But I won't give in to peer pressure!"

"Of course you won't," said Spike. "Have a dandy time."

"Well, I think I'll be off to Honeydukes," said Ron. "Anyone want to come?"

"Honeydukes," said Xander, "sounds interesting. Want to come along Spike?"

"They have bloodsuckers for vampires," said Ron.

"Good, I'm starving," he said, and they walked off.

"Oh, ok, so, umm, what else is there around her," Willow said.

"There's a bookshop that way," Hermione replied. "Want to come?"

"Sure."

"Well Buffy," said Harry. "Looks like it's you and me. Three Broomsticks has some good drinks. Want to get one?"

"Great," said Buffy. So they all walked off.

Meanwhile, Giles was lurking in the library, deep in the darkest shelves, no Madame Prince wouldn't see the bunny in his arms. Anya was "inspecting" the Shrieking Shack, so everything was ok. Buffy and Harry walked into the Three Broomsticks, and told each others stories.

"...and then my friends brought me back to life, and lots of stuff happened, and I don't really like it as much, so I've decided to become moody and more annoying than usual," Buffy completed.

"Your situation is some like mine," said Harry, on his third butterbeer. "Everyone expects me to be some great big hero, and some people don't take the time to really know me."

"Yea, it seems all they want is for you to 'save the day' and 'become heroes.' It's so aggravating," Buffy said in the heartfelt conversation.

"Yes," said Harry, downing another mug of butterbeer, Buffy on her third, "it just feels like they advantage of us. One more round of butterbeer?"

"Sure. Pile it on."

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Hermione and Willow were just leaving Professor Lupin and Oz to go to a bookstore, as Ron, Spike, and Xander trampled into Honeydukes. Hermione and Willow sighed, looked at each other, and walked off in conversation as well.

"So, what's it like being Wicca?" Hermione pried. "I've heard the spells are far more complicated than just witchcraft and wizardry and such."

"Well, yes, of course it's more difficult, because the plot of my life which is somehow twined into Buffy's requires long and complicated spells to do at the most inconvenient times," she replied. "What do you expect?"

"Well, our spells are shorter, don't take entire potions, and we have schools, so ha!"

"Oh shut up. It's not like you could conjure up a big demon that was dating your friend's fiancée awhile ago, or make everybody do what you say, resulting in humorous activities that concluded once the head of demons sent you back home!" Willow said fiercely.

"Well maybe not, but I can make a spider do what I say!" said Hermione rather loudly.

"It must have been a pretty stupid spider then!"

"Uh, it was, until I cursed it to read books and documents!"

"Well, can you make everyone's memory disappear?"

"Well, no actually, but I am top in my class! Your sissy spells are nothing compared to my action-packed charms!"

"Ooh, looks like somebody think they're too good for simple old spells! No, they use charms. Big whoop. I'm guessing your 'charms' don't result in either disastrous or humorous ways!"

"Um, no, why would I want them to?" Hermione looked puzzled.

"Oh. Let me rephrase that then.... Oh, I've got it: your spells are dull and boring!"

"No they aren't! They're fun, and adventurous!"

"Oh give it up!" said Will finally. "You know your spells won't do what mine do. Mine are longer, therefore they must be better."

"Oh, alright," said Hermione sadly, and they started reading.

Meanwhile, at Honeydukes, Spike was having a few bloodsuckers while Ron showed Xander the sugar quills.

"So, your position is like mine; always shadowed by the boy who lived and the vampire slayer, correct?"

"Well, no, I mean, I, err, do stuff..."

"Right Xander," said Ron. "I can tell you're as tired of it as I am."

"Tired of what?" asked Spike as he licked the bloodsuckers.

"You," said Xander.

"Hiss," said Spike as he vamped out.

"Shut up chip-head," Xander remarked, and turned to Ron. "Yea, your right. I mean, why not..."

"Ron, the Boy Who Lived?"

" Yea, Xander, the Vampire Slayer!"

"Well one because you're a guy," Spike taunted.

"We can overlook small details," replied Xander. "Come on Ron! We're off to save the world- by ourselves!"

So, they walked off, leaving Spike wondering what his purpose what.

If they're heroes, what does that make me? He thought to himself. Am I a villain with a chip in my head? What's my purpose! Ahhh, I don't know myself anymore!

"I need to talk to someone," he said to himself as he wandered outside, facing the Shrieking Shack, where WATD was still having an international gathering. "I wonder if they'll listen to a poor old vampire's problems."

Well, there he was, walking right in to the get-together, right as they were having mingling time. It seemed they were all walking up, telling about their life from being a werewolf. Up first was Harold Bob.

"Hello," said Harold Bob in a slow, boring voice, "my name is Harold Bob, and I've been a werewolf for 17 years." ::applause:: "I think the way I've learned to deal is to tell myself 'Hey, look at yourself! You're no werewolf! You're Harold Bob, now let's go put those lids on the mustard jars at work!' But then I usually see myself change into the wolf and look outside to see that it's a full moon. Funny how life is..." ::applause:: "Thank you."

"Ok, I feel better," said Spike, realizing they were all idiots. "Let's go kill a demon."

"Hey! Spike!" said Lupin. "It's Spike, right? Of course it is!"

"Get the bloody away from me."

"Oh come on, just wait for the guest speaker; it's the famous American Werewolf in Paris, coming all the way to here just to speak! Doesn't that sound like loads of fun? Ooh, and then we get to have full-moon pies!"

"Sounds like a blast, but I'm going to kill something strange and wriggly," he said as he pushed Lupin's welcome hand off his shoulder. "Too-duh-loo."

"Fine, but your missing out!" Lupin shouted to him as he ran away.

"Hey, where's Spike going?" asked Oz as he handed Lupin a glass of punch."

"He said he was killing something strange and wriggly," said Lupin. "But that's not on the agenda, and doesn't sound happy. And remember: what doesn't sound happy..."

"...Doesn't sound WATD-y," said Oz as they both smiled broadly. "Let's go listen to the happy speeches!"

So, everyone met up, Anya have solved the "mystery" (he can disappear, so I left), and decided to play a spirited game of golf.

"No we didn't," said Harry. "I never agreed to that at all."

"Yea," Buffy stated. "Where did ::hiccup:: we come up with this?"

"You belong to me," said a disembodied voice.

"NO!" screamed Anya. "I am my own person!"

"I am controlling you all," the annoying voice called again.

"Alright, alright," she replied, "I'll give in to your peer pressure."

"No you fool! I'm saying I'm controlling you, as in you're doing what I'm commanding you too."

"Say gang," said Spike sarcastically. "I think something's up!"

"Gee Spike, I think your right!" Willow cried.

"Hey," said Buffy, still quite drunk from butterbeer, "have you ever had the urge to do something really stupid?"

"Lord yes," said the drunken Harry. "Let's go jump off a seven-story boat!

"No fools! I still control you!"

"Let's ::hiccup:: go Buffy!"

"Cool," Buffy said excitedly, and they left.

"Hmmm," said Spike. "Anyone for a session of Ghostwriter? I've got popcorn!"

"Party at Spike's crypt!"

"Dude, it's in California!"

"Oh. Party at Dumbledore's crypt!"

"Fine."

So they all left. (Except for the "do-something-stupid Harry and Buffy.) They had a party, which involved donkeys and tails and furry bunnies and perky watchers and drunken divination teachers, thus composing a poem:

The time has come

The drunk lads said

To talk of many things

Of donkeys, tails, and bunny noses

Of watchers and of perk

Of drunken divination teachers

And of Dumbledore's new crypt

Proud of their hidden poetic skills, they all had pudding. Suddenly, Spike caught sight of himself in the spoon and said "Hey, I'm ridiculously good-looking. Maybe I could do that for a living!"

"But your dead," Ron reminded him.

"Fine, I'll be really really ridiculously good-looking while I'm dead."

"Right," Willow said. "By the way Hermione, this stuff is good! What is it again?"

"Sugar'n'Rum," she replied as she tossed an umbrella in her drink. "Secret family recipe. I can never, ever tell the ingredients to sugar'n'rum."

"So it's just sugar and rum mixed together?"

"No you fool!" Hermione shrieked. "Of course not!"

"No Snuggles, no more of that drink for you," Giles was saying to his twirling bunny, who was walking, or stumbling, around mindlessly. "Let him have a few cups. He rather likes it. So do I."

"Good for you!" Willow said, dazed. "Let's all have a party! Oh wait, we are. Haha, silly me. La dee da dee da..."

"So, have we saved the world yet?" Ron asked Xander.

"Well, at least the Liberty Bell is safe for another day," Xander said all sly-like. "Let's have some of that sugar'n'rum."

"Dudeuler!"

Meanwhile, at the seven-story boat, Harry and Buffy were having a grand time stupidly flinging themselves off it. Just thought I'd let you know where they were. Now back to the party at Dumbledore's crypt.

"Hey everybody," Anya cried. "Dumbledore isn't a vampire! So this isn't his crypt!"

"How would you know?" asked Hermione.

"I'm special."

"Anyway, he got this for a Christmas present," Ron said. "It's what he's always wanted."

"Oh, ok. Continue."

"Well," Giles said, holding his drunk bunny, "I guess we should all head back for wherever we came from. I hated meeting you all really, but I'll say it was fun."
"Same here," Ron said. "By the way, where's Harry? We need him to kill Voldemort so we can have a party as his place. I heard he has blue koolade!"

"Yea, and Buffy's gotta stop all the apocalypses and stuff."

"Oh well, we'll manage. Later guys!"

"Goodbye, goodbye!"

*************

Epilogue: Alas, Buffy and Harry returned, very wet and very stupid, but with a newfound appreciation for butterbeer. (However, they later found out that Madame Rosemerta/Trewlawnley was drunk at the time when she mixed the drinks, accidentally giving them butterbeer extras. Oops.) Nobody kept in touch, but soon, someone got a hold of their poem and sold it for lots and lots of money. They would have sued, but since they were all drunk, they didn't remember writing it, so they couldn't prove anything. Ron and Hermione got married when they got out of Hogwarts, and Harry jumped off lots of boats, while Draco became a male model, meeting Spike in the profession, they were a hit sensation in the modeling world, killing annoying pop stars and blaming it on brain-washing fashion designers. Willow and Oz got together, as well as Xander and Anya. (Anya gave up detective work) Lupin became head of WATD, and Oz came to the ceremony. However, the organization took a downhill path when he accidentally got a Metallica c.d. confused with a "Happy Sing-a-Long Songs" c.d. Oh well.... Buffy's final record of deaths ( if anyone cares) was 6, but it's rumored she faked many of them. (what a dork) Dawn was gladly handed over to whichever demon or Hellgod wanted her so she wouldn't bug them, while Giles lived peacefully with his occasionally drunk bunny. However, the author got expelled from her idiotic Catholic school for using the word "Wicca" and fled to a remote island of the coast of Lepidjkabjci.